I remember the day you told me you were leaving

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them

Like every single wish we ever made

I remember walking to school. It was a normal Monday of November, the weather networks were expecting the first snow of the year that day. It was mid cold outside, I remember not wearing my gloves and cursing on the way to school. Mom had thrown in my bag the ugliest of hats — since apparently, I “have short hair and will catch a cold”. My hair was not that short anymore… It was almost hitting my shoulders. I remember being late, the cold wind cutting my skin like the tip of a knife. 

The school gates were almost closing. I had managed to convince Teacher not to close the “heavy door on me, I have a test to finish”. I ran to class, prepared to see everyone grossed into their papers, and I wasn’t wrong. Except one particular desk was missing. Jongdae was not there.

I remember thinking, “this is weird”, he would never miss a test. He would have come even if his right hand was broken. He would have come even if the world was shattering. Something was wrong. I could feel it in the deepest of my bones. 

“Where’s Jongdae?” My voice echoed in the silent room, and the teacher just raised her eyes at me.

“He is not coming. He already completed the test” Teacher said matter-of-factly.

“The class just started, how did he..?”

“Jongdae didn’t tell you?” 

I wanted to say “We are not on speaking terms. He doesn’t want to be friends anymore. We haven’t spoke in 6 months.”

However, the teacher took my silence as an answer. 

“He is leaving, Sora.”

➳ Jongdae

I don’t really know what I was expecting when we got out of the plane. One thing was undeniable though — all around was English people. I could barely hear my manager speaking.

“Understood? You guys walk fast, wave a bit, keep together so we can’t loose you. Try not to take too many pictures. We don’t have time for these.”

We all nodded and followed our security to the exit. As expected by our company, there were lines of fans at each side of the airport. they were all behind the bars holding posters and cameras.

I was finally living my dream, I was not going to ruin it.

I waved at them and so did my other members. Then followed a series of cheers and waving and screaming, and I could not help but smile. This is what I always wanted — what I trained for, what I’ve waited for all those years. Finally, someone could see my potential, my talent. 

Our security pushed us through our fans, so fast that we could only flash a smile and a glance at them. We were in the car as fast as we left the crowd behind. We all removed our caps and sunglasses and sighed together. Sehun was the first one to speak.

“I wish we could visit more” He pouted

“We told you, Sehun, we don’t have time for that.” Kris rolled his eyes but as one of the leaders and the oldest, patted the shoulder of the youngest. 

Behind us, we could hear the screams of the fans. They were running towards our car and tapping the windows, trying to see behind the darks frames. I was almost positive that they could see us when the car started to drive away.

“We did not expect that kind of greeting from your fans” Our manager said, his voice carrying throughout the car. “Nonetheless, we are prepared. Each group of 3 will have security. I want you, at all times, to wear your caps and sunglasses. I know that your fans follow you everywhere, so refrain from going on SNS until you are well rested in your hotel rooms. Always stay together, unless your security tell you to separate. Always have your phones on you. If you are lost, call the security assigned to you or me.”

Everyone nodded and agreed. Hyung did not need to make lectures on security as we already know them by heart, but he especially wanted to specify the rules today as we were in a entirely different country.

“You guys know a few English words; if you don’t, “Help” or “I am lost” is a good thing to remember.” He added. Then he clapped his hands and announced that would be walking to our hotel, since our fans would not expect us to walk and will continue to follow our car, which will go around the city for a few hours until the fans are too tired to follow.

As soon as he said it, the car stopped and we hurried out of it.

The streets of London were wet. It was still march, and you could see traces of snow everywhere. Ice ran the city like water in a creek. 

“Woah!” Sehun and Kyungsoo whispered

The other members were also mesmerized by the buildings, the boutiques and the bakeries. Everything looked different from what we were used to see in Korea and China — even Asia as a whole. 

Luhan and Lay were whispering in mandarin and laughing, Kris was nudging Chanyeol while the other members were laughing and joking in low voices. The security guards were watching us, eyeing every street passers. Everyone seemed oblivious as to who we were

Just as I was about to remove my sunglasses, Minseok taps my shoulder and guiltily says “I think that I’m hungry”.

I chuckled and was about to say “Me too”, when I was shoved by a stranger passing. The security guards automatically ran to me.

“Sorry” The long-haired girl said in English

I nodded and the girl continued to walk, as if nothing happened. The security guard asked me if I was okay, but I was still staring at the girl.

This is what I wanted. This is my dream.

➳ Sora

I was running, I did not even think. My feet were flying off the ground, I could not even see the pavement under me. I could not even see the houses besides me, nor the person muttering curse words at me. All I could think was that red house, his house. I needed to get there as soon as possible. Everything was black and white.

My feet nearly slipped on his front porch as I knocked severely on the door. The was this big truck in front of his house. Curtains were removed from the windows. The stars stickers we put on his window, removed. Everything looked clean. No one was answering and I screamed and screamed and was answered by silence.

“What are you doing here?”

I spun around, and there he was. He was wearing his red coat, and I could see under that, a yellow sweater and jeans. I was about to run to him but he took step back. I must have looked dumbfounded because he asked what I was doing here, again.

“Are you leaving?”

He did not look on the ground or at anything else, he wasn’t even trying to avoid my eyes. He just nodded and said “Yes”.

“Where?” 

“Seoul.” He said

I frowned. “Why?”

“I am going to audition for companies”

I knew he’d always wanted to be a singer. It was something we talked about every since we were friends. I just never thought he wanted to be an idol. I thought he wanted something bigger than that — Jondae always saw the bigger picture.

“Now?” I asked

Now, you want to be an idol? Now, you want to go to Seoul? Now, you want to leave?

Now, you don’t want to be my friend, ever again?

“Yes” He said, and I know he was answering all of these questions clouding my head.

It was so silent between us that he just turned, and started walking towards the car. I ran off to him.

“What about us?” My voice cracked

“I don’t know” His back was to me, I could not see his face or his expression or anything that would hint that he was regretting this — regretting leaving me behind.

I was struggling not to cry.

“What about our dreams?”

He didn’t say anything.

“What about your apartment in Seoul? You’re grand piano in the living room, our dinners? Teaching me Marriage of Figaro and Symphony No.9?”

I could see his feet moving, but all I could see was his shoulders and the back of his coat.

“What about being a composer? And about my animal clinic and Sundays, spaghettis and pizzas?”

“I don’t need them anymore” He said, finally turning to me. “I don’t need you anymore.”

And just like that, Jongdae was out of my life. The truck drove off, and so did our friendship. All was left of him, was his dreams and wishes — that stayed and followed me just until now. 

I find this song really fitting with this chapter! 
I was really inspired to write and I'm sorry it took me a long time to to do.
School is killing me and my head is simply to crowded to form sentences.
I have so many ideas, I just need to put them together.

Thank you for reading and supportive comments really enrourage me to update faster!

- lili xx

Follow me: minhood.tumblr.com