New Beginnings

❋

"GET OUT!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!"

His voice rings in my head again and again. My senses numb entirely with only his voice following me. A dufflebag at my side and the cold wind as my companion, this is how I begin life as a discharged man of duty, with the echo of my father's voice to stab me in the heart.

I sometimes wake up in the morning with the sound of his voice. The voice of my father who once dropped me off at school and told me to do my best. A man particular with education and image-making. If there is one thing he always asked from us, it was to not embarrass him. As a man of high status at the city Mayor's office, he had to have a clean image in order to climb the political ladder. Having a gay son wasn't going to help him win whatever chance he had.

I remember the moment I was cast aside.

One year ago...

❋

"~~~"

I hear muffled noises over my blanket. I can't hear the words but someone's talking to me. Am I still dreaming? Someone swiftly removes the blanket covering me from the bright sunlight that has engulfed my room.

"Junmyeon-ah, mom said to wake up. Ya. YAH--"

My older brother continues to shake me until my eyes open and I sit upright on my bed. He raises his hand, knowing he's about to slap me silly, I block him and he laughs. He locks my head in between his arms and starts squeezing tightly. 

"Man, I can't believe my kid bro's graduating! Damn, how can you discharge from military and graduate before I do? You're not being fair!"

"Not my fault you're as dumb as a jellyfish! Now let go of me, hyung!"

He finally unlocks his arms and gives me a pat on the back. He doesn't say anything else but he looks both proud and jealous of me. He may be four years older, having finished military earlier than I have, but he wasn't able to get admitted to University until two years after. So he and I were admitted at the same time. I ended up serving military in-between but having finished more units, I get to graduate on time. While my brother slacked off, he's staying one more semester, making me his 'senior' by graduation. He knows this and will definitely not let me live to tomorrow if I mention this fact at dad's gathering tonight.

"I heard the Mayor and his daughter are coming later. Dad said the Mayor's setting her up with one of us. And by one of us, he's saying it's me!"

"Uh-huh..."

"I know you're jealous. I heard she's really pretty and y, too!"

While my brother continues to talk enthusiastically about meeting Kim Jimin, the Mayor's prettiest daughter, I decide to get up from my bed and walk to the bathroom while he rambles on. He doesn't notice but once he did, he follows me to the bathroom to bother me some more.

"Yah... I noticed something," he starts off.

I have a toothbrush in hand and inside my mouth, brushing along I reply with him with my eyes, telling him to continue.

"Whenever I talk about girls you walk away. It's become a habit, y'know."

I shrug off his comment. Does it matter? He can be annoying. That can be a reason why I don't want to keep listening to him, right?

"You sure you ain't gay, little bro?"

I spit out the bubbles foaming in my mouth and the mirror is almost covered in it. I'm surprised by his comment and look at him, irritated to say the least.

"I'm not gay. What the heck are you saying?!?"

"Dude, chill. If you're not gay, then you're not. Actually, I'd be glad you're not gay. It's disgusting!"

"Y-Yeah... disgusting..."

Avoiding eye contact with my brother challenged me. I pushed him out of the bathroom with an excuse that I'm going to shower but honestly it was to be able to get some freedom. Freedom away from this act that I've been doing for twenty-five years. I wipe the foam off the mirror and look at myself. This is who I am--I'm gay.

❋

"Aigoo! My precious son! Junmyeon-ah!"

I hear my mom scream my name from the first floor as I walk down the staircase in my best semi-formal outfit. My hair styled up neatly and a smile on my face. Walking down the stairs, a bunch of guests have arrived. Some of our neighbors, family members and government officials. I bow down in respect to the elders that are gathered around my mom. They all start complimenting my looks and congratulating me on my graduation and military discharge.

"Omo... Junmyeon has grown up so much! Military did you well, son!" says one Aunt.

"A tall, handsome man. A University graduate. A man that served our country. All that's left is a job and wife!" says another.

"Junmyeonie Umma^[1], you should introduce my daughter to your son! She's working as a Nurse at S-Hospital."

"Should I? Hoho!" 

I force a smile on my face so I don't make the situation more awkward that it already has become. My mom continues to entertain her friends and their invitations to introduce me to their daughters. As beautiful as some of the daughters are, I just am not interested--period. But I can't tell mom this. She'll definitely feel embarrassed. For mom's sake, I'll pretend to be interested.

"What do you say, dear?" mom looks at me with eyes glistening.

"Sure, mom. Just... set it up for me? I'll go to the kitchen."

Mom claps her hand and smiles ear-to-ear. That's all I needed to see. She giggles and chats with her friends as they take out their phones to match their calendars. I guess I'll be going on a blind date soon. I want to at least avoid any other matchmaking so I sneakily exit the group and make my way to the kitchen and luckily no one is around. I put my hands on the counter top and lean forward with my head down, chin resting on my chest. A sigh relief escapes my lips and the kitchen turns into my sanctuary. As long as there is no one, I'm free to be myself. No expectations... no hiding. At least this is what I thought until I hear footsteps and the door opening. I turn around and I see my father. 

"Son, why are you here? The party's outside."

"Ah... I'm just... taking a breather."

"Why? Did your mother set you up again on a blind date? Haha."

"Heh... you guessed it."

My father walks towards the fridge and takes out two bottles of beer. I hear the 'click' sound and he opens up both bottles and hands me one. 

"Cheers."

"Cheers."

I take a small sip and dad gulps down a third of the bottle. 

"Dad, slow down. The party's just starting."

"I know, son. This bottle's for you. I'm proud of you."

"Y-You... are..."

"Of course! My youngest son's a graduate. You're about to set foot in the real world. All the top CEOs will be here and I'll surely give a good word so you can begin your career."

He pats me a few more times on the back as encouragement. I only smile awkwardly as the pressure looms over my shoulders. The burden increasigly heavier. My mom peeps her head through the crack of the open kitchen door and signals my dad to go outside to greet other guests. My dad places his bottle on the table and tells me to follow after. I instinctively nod and say I'll be out shortly. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. When will this party even end? I know it's only the beginning but I wish I could just leave.

"You must be thinking hard about something," an unfamiliar voice suddenly speaks.

I open my eyes to see the Mayor's son, Kim Jihoon, appear before me. The tall, handsome son of the Mayor is dashing in his suit and looking more attractive than the last time I saw him. There were rumors about him rejecting women from prestigious families because of his... ual orientation. I never could confirm them and he's never denied it, at least not publicly. 

"Kim Jihoon-ssi, it's good to see you again," I greet him as I bow.

"Hey, stop being so polite. I told you to call me hyung before, right?"

"Ah... sorry..."

"You're still cute as ever."

Kim Jihoon walks slowly towards me, step by step, cautiously ensuring that I won't walk away.

"Your parents always hosted such great parties. And yet, you don't join them much," he comments.

"Yeah... well... it's because I was busy studying."

Four feet...

"You're good-looking and intelligent. No wonder so many people like you."

"No, no..."

Three feet...

"Another thing. So many people like you and yet you're still single. Never had a girlfriend?"

"N-No... I-I am just too busy to date."

Two feet...

"Too busy to date girls or... not interested in girls?"

One foot away...

"Jihoon-hyung... uhm.." I try to step back but Kim Jihoon cornerns me. I can feel the sink's counter top on the bottom of my back. While Kim Jihoon's hands are on either side of my body, blocking my way out.

"Don't run away from me now. I know you've always been curious about me. Also the rumors, what do you think?"

"I... I don't have the right to say--"

"Nonsense. We're family friends. Tell me the truth. Are the rumors true?"

I bite my lip to resist answering his question. I try my best to avoid his eyes but even my efforts are useless as he leans in and kisses me. His lips are soft, as I expected them. His body feels hot. I suddenly remember we're in the kitchen and someone might see so I try to push him off but his height and strength give him an advantage and he stops me. 

"Jihoon-hyung, stop!"

I hear a scream at the door and finally Kim Jihoon stops. We both look at the direction of the kitchen door and there my mom is standing. agape and covered by her hands. She had just witnessed her son kiss another man. A situation she was not expecting.

❋

"Everything turned into a blur. I could only hear my father shout angrily at me. And his final words to me..."

"GET OUT!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!"

"...and that was it. That's how I ended up here."

Oh Sehun brings out a tissue and wipes the tear from his eye. This kid is really over-exaggerating. Was my story that sad?

"Hyuuuung!!!! You're welcome to be my roommate until you find a job!!!!"

Sehun squeezes me and I just laugh. 

"Thanks for the kind gesture, Sehun-ah. But I'm able to afford the room next door. Thanks for inviting over for beer though."

"Seriously, Hyung, I'll help you find a job! I'll search for you!"

Could I have stopped the situation that happened at my father's house? Maybe. Do I have any regrets? Some. But I know for sure that being kicked out will be good for me. I know I have a bright future ahead of me. I don't need my father to become successful. This is only the beginning of my first chapter. 

❋

The story of Kim Junmyeon

.n.e.x.t.

Author's Notes

NOTES:

[1] Sometimes parents become friendly with other parents and don't actually call the parent by their names. They call the parent by the child and say "Umma/Appa". So the parent's friends addressing Kim Junmyeon's mom can sometimes say "Junmyeon Umma". It's common practice and not out of the ordinary.

This story has taken a dramatic turn, hasn't it? This is basically a flashback chapter. You can already guess the reaction of Junmyeon's father and mother. It's quite obvious how scandalous it is for the parents to catch their son kissing the Mayor's son, especially with the rumor about the Mayor's son. By Junmyeon's memory, he wanted to forget the ordeal and says that everything became a blur. That's how traumatic it was for him. But in all honestly, he remembers the pain.

I'm sorry to everyone that you had to wait for an update. I hope you enjoy this special chapter! <3 Subscribe or Leave comments. It will make my day <3