Infatuation

❋

Sunday morning. The air is sharp and clouds cover up the blue sky like a blanket. It's supposed to be the start of spring but the skin under my blanket argues that the winter breeze is still creeping up on us all. I stare at my alarm clock as every minute passes. 10:41... 10:42... 10:43... there's not a second goes by that the face of my boss doesn't appear in my mind like it's imprinted. It's probably the alcohol from last friday...  I mean... there's no way I can find his lips tasty and worth trying... no! No! Kim Junmyeon, you're a straight man. Yes, that's right. You are. There's no way you have a crush on your boss. 

My train of thought is interrupted by the sound of knocking on my apartment door. I get up from my bad, wrapping my blanket around my entire body. 

"What do you want, Sehun?"

"Oh? How'd you know it's me?"

"Even by the smell of your bad deoderant I know it's you."

"Hyuuung!" he displays his signature aegyo and I just want to slap him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him again.

"Do you want to go out to the park to play jokgu¹ with me and Tao?"

I raise my eyebrow at him and find his invitation suspicious. Why would he want to invite me? I'm probably just going to become a third wheel... and I tell him.

"No! Hyuuung, just go out with us! You've been staying in your apartment eating nothing but take-out since friday! Please?"

I try to shake off the annoying college student that's latched on my arm but to no avail. I put on a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved polo and a sweater on top. I grab an extra jacket that matches and we head out. My hunch was correct and I definitely became the third wheel. I stand behind Tao and Sehun who are happily chatting and ignoring my entire existence as we walk to the nearby park. They only acknowledge my presence once we've reached the park and joined a group of college students that need three extra players for their jokgu match.

I guess going to the park wasn't so bad. I'm able to temporarily forget about the whatever feelings I was having for my boss. I kick the ball that bounces to our side and as I pass it to Sehun it goes out of bounds. I yell out my frustration and he laughs it off. The ball bounces to my side so I run after it. When I pick it up, from the distance I see a man and a woman--a couple--walking with hands laced together. I roll my eyes out of annoyance but notice a familiar stride and tall stature... that's no one else but... my boss?

I hide my face behind the soccer ball, hoping they didn't see me. Did they see me? By the looks of it, they only see each other. How annoying...

"Hyung! Are you gonna play or what?"

I hear Sehun and the other guys shout at me. I throw the ball at the opposing team and tell them that I'll be skipping this round of the game because I have something important to do. They whine and tell me I'm being a jerk but I ignore their childish words. What I'm about to do is more important!

❋

I'm trailing the couple like a moth to a flame. It's not difficult to see who is leading them where because whenever there is a store on sale or even with new arrivals, his wife wants to stop and take a look. She pulls him inside every make-up, clothing and accessory shop she thinks is cute or in style. I follow them like this even until the evening sets in. 

My stomach grumbles and I want to grab a bite to eat. I see a hotdog stand nearby and I hurriedly purchase a warm corndog. I take a bite into it and thank the heavens for whoever invented this soft and moist hotdog on a stick. My eyes wander and my boss and his wife exit one of the stores with a couple of paper bags in hand. Oh ! They'll see me! I run and hide behind the hotdog cart and the ahjumma[2] starts shouting.

"Yah! Young man! What are you doing?!"

"Ssh!" I place my finger on my lips, "I need to hide!" 

I beg her to act like I'm not here. I plead as I rub my palms together, with one hand still holding onto the hotdog stick. She sighs and just waves her hand, telling me to do what I want since I paid for my food. I thank her and bow my head countless times. As I do this I can hear my boss and his wife.

"Honey, buy me one please!"

"Are you sure? We're going to eat after the movie!"

"Nnnggg... I want one! Shopping makes me hungry!"

I hear my boss laugh. I don't know what he's doing next but I assume he took out his wallet because I see the ahjumma take a couple of bills from him and give him two hotdog sticks. After a while, I look over at the ahjumma and ask her if they left. She nods her head and I take a peak above the stall. They're gone! I quickly stand on my two feet and search for the couple. 

"Ahjumma, which direction did they go?"

"Aigoo, young man... I don't know."

I think quickly. I remember... he mentioned going to eat after the movie. Aha! They'll be at the cinema! I thank the ahjumma again and run towards the direction where the cineplex is. Hopefully, my memory is still working for me... and after a few minutes of swiftly walking, the cineplex is within my vision. I enter the building and I search for the two. I spot them at the ticket counter and they finished buying their tickets. I wait for them to go up the escelators to go to the cinema before I walk up to the counter to buy my own.

"Hello, sir." the teller greets me.

"Uhm... excuse me but... what movie did the couple just now buy tickets for?"

She looks at me like I asked a strange question--I admit, it was strange. But I don't care! I'm here to... I'm here to... follow them. Why am I even following them? I'm questioning my sense of judgement while I pay for the ticket as it's handed to me. Do I like my boss, that's why I'm following them? Do I dislike his wife, that's why I'm following them? Do I want to know more about my boss, that's why I'm following them? It's true I know very little about my boss except for the fact that he's married... and a self-proclaimed gay man. But why would he tell me that? Why would it matter to me?

A bunch of questions enter my mind but I can't find an answer immediately. The matter of fact is I'm now seated at the middle aisle while my boss and his wife are seated two rows in front of me and as he feeds her popcorn and puts his arm around her shoulders, I feel a burning sensation in my chest.

He looks at her like she's the only one in the cinema. He shows how much... he loves her. Of course, they're married. He only shows affection now that they're in the dark. It must mean he's more of a private person. Maybe him being gay is a lie. It's all a lie. I fell for it. I can't stand this. I leave the theatre with my head held low and a hand on my chest. My heart can't calm down. I validate one thing as I think about this day.

I am jealous.

❋

I can't say that this week has been a breeze. Although I didn't see my boss much because of his many meetings it doesn't mean I didn't feel uneasy whenever I saw him. Just looking at him when I brief him of his appointments makes me feel flushed. It's a good thing he's been inside his office all day going through client profiles. My mind is about to explode just trying to reason out of my jealousy when I saw him with his wife. It doesn't make sense! I'm a man. He's a man. If I feel jealous, what does this mean?

"Hey, Junmyeon-sshi, you're spacing out!"

I snap back to reality not knowing I was staring at a blank word document having written nothing for the minutes of meeting my boss had earlier today.

"Oh, right... thanks, Jongdae-sshi..."

"Say, you've been out of it these past few days. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. A lot's been on my mind lately."

"Ah, I see. You don't have to worry for long since it's almost time to go home!"

Because all of my attention has been on what happened last Sunday I didn't realize that time flew by. Jongdae and Kyungsoo invite me out to drink but I decline. I tell them that I'll join them on a different day and they grumble until they give up. I spend some hours finishing the minutes of meetings and client report before deciding to call it a night. It's 8 in the evening and even my boss hasn't left his office. Although I don't want to enter, I can't just leave without telling him. I take in a deep breath before knocking on his office door and step inside to pop my head in.

"Uhm... Sir... I'll be leaving now."

"Hm? Oh. Ok. Get home safe."

"Thank you. You too..."

There's a sense of relief that dawns on me as I pop my head back out but I hear him call my name.

"Junmyeon-sshi!"

I clench my teeth and my shoulders tense up. He's not calling me to tell me about last Sunday, is he? Oh dear God... I hope he didn't catch me following them. I swallow the saliva that's filling up my mouth before I go back inside his office. He motions his hand telling me to come close to his desk. I'm standing right in front of him and gather up any words that can form a concrete sentence before I look like a fool in front of him.

"Y-Yes? You called for me?"

"I have something to ask you."

I clear my throat before asking, "What is it?"

"Is the minutes of meeting done?"

"Yes."

"Great. Now take this envelope. We'll need reports on this before the client meeting in Busan next week. You think you can do that?"

"Yes, sir"

"Good. That's all."

I take the envelope he's holding and bow before I take my leave. I take in a deep breath as I assume this is all he needed from me. 

"Junmyeon-sshi, wait!"

I turn around and my boss stands up from his black leather chair and walks towards me with an agenda written all over his face. He stands too excrutiantingly close that I take a step back. I nearly fall but with his fast reflexes, he grabs my waist and we're inches away from each other. He helps me stand up right but doesn't let go of my waist.

"You okay?"

"Uh... yeah... you.. you can let go..."

He purposely does the opposite and pulls me in closer. 

"What did you do last Sunday?"

"Su...sunday? Uhm..."

"Did you happen to be at the cinema?"

My face can't hide my obvious reaction to his question which proves I was also there. My words are jumbled and my eyes try to avoid looking into his own. 

"I told you before... I think you're cute."

"S-Sir..."

"Do you have a crush on me?"

"What?! Boss, I--"

He slides his left hand on my cheek to the back of my neck. His slender fingers brush the strands and his touch is electrifying. I'm in shock. I can't seem to move. He's leaning forward and aiming for my lips. A part of me wants to push him away but another part of me wants him to move in closer. I'm conflicted. I can't decide if I want this or not. His lips are just centimeters from mine now.

He stops to speak.

"If you let me kiss you... it means you do have a crush on me."

I can't form a reply. He takes this as it is and moves in for a kiss. His lips are soft against mine and I can smell his aftershave. I can sense his other hand on my other cheek and he deepens the kiss. As he pulls away, I slowly open my eyes and catch my breath. 

"I know you were following me, Junmyeon-sshi."

"I... I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It helped me realize something."

"...wh-what?"

He leans forward again but not to my lips but to my ear. His hot breath touches me and he whispers softly.

"I'm infatuated by you."

After he says that, I hear the click of a lock. I turn around and his hand is covering the door's lock.

"I won't do anything you don't want, Junmyeon-sshi. If you want me to stop, I'll stop."

He gives me a chance to rethink. My mind says no but my body says yes. I can't deny I'm attracted to him now. This... the way my body is reacting to him. It's familiar but it's a new sensation altogether. I want his skin on my skin. I want his lips on mine again. His hot breath, his sweet scent, his soft hair... it's all tempting.

This is wrong. I know this is wrong. He's my boss, he's a man. But I throw these thoughts away. He takes off his necktie and s his shirt. He reveals underneath his clothing his chest and abdomen and my eyes focus on his exposed skin. He holds my bag and removes it and s my own clothes. He smiles and I'm hypnotized. I can't reason anymore. My body wants his body. I definitely know where this is headed. 

There is no turning back now.

❋

To be continued...

.n.e.x.t.

Author's Notes

[1] Jokgu 족구 - A combination of football and volleyball

[2] Ahjumma 아줌마 -  'Auntie' or a middle-aged woman.

Okay so this is not the original Chapter 4. Chapter 4 is something like this but anyways... long story short, AFF deleted my original Chapter 4. I didn't save the original and so I had to retype this chapter. Because of that, the story changes a little bit. But this is a good thing. CH6 is finished. I will be writing CH5 soon. CH5 will be kind of short... or maybe the same length as this chapter. CH6 is mature so if you're 12 or 13 years old... OMG. WHY? lol. Anyways. I hope you like this NEW chapter 4. It's still the same plot as the original but just a bit different. 

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