CHAPTER 2 : THE SECRETS I HELD SO DESPERATELY

 

My eyes trailed  up at the wide smile on his lips and I still cannot fathomed the reason behind my reddening, burning cheeks every time I tried to look at him. I decided to put the blame on my lack of experience interacting with with human beings for almost eleven months. Maybe seeing someone after so long , unexpectedly, obviously, and unprepared, obviously stirred different kind of emotions accumulating inside of me. Is it possible to feel nervous and excited at the same time?

 

Am I happy? A little because when you are talkative and the only mean of communication you had was via phone and email, to finally having someone to talk to made me feel giddy inside.

 

Am I scared? Yes. This boy in the mirror, he could be a ghost or only fragment of my wild imagination. Am I slowly losing my grip on the reality? Is my sanity was something needed to be questioned now?

 

Then again, there was something about this boy perked up my interest, so much that I was willing to throw away the doubts that still clung onto my heart.

 

“ You’re thinking too much .” I raised my head and I saw the frown marring his pale face. Deep inside I wondered why. He will never understood what I had gone through and I refused to tell him anything.

 

“ Maybe.” I replied short, not up for conversation. The feelings of someone trying to evade my private space was making me uncomfortable and to be honest, a little …scared. “ But none of that is your concern.”

 

The boy chuckled lightly. “ It must hurt , isn't it? But I understand. It was not easy and it will be never be easy.”

 

My eyes narrowed  and I clenched my fists rather tight. I hated this. Human’s heinous effort trying to evade into my life-  interrogation. I will not spilled anymore of my past and not that I intended to do so at this very moment. Especially with this deeply disturbing stranger that magically appeared in the mirror. “ I know what are you trying to do. The answer is no.”

 

“ Oh, really? I don’t think I blurted out a question on you. Accidentally or not.”

 

“ I can tell.”

 

“ How?”

 

“It’s seriously none of your concern and now I do appreciate it if you stop throwing silly questions at me and begone.”

 

“ That is quite harsh , don’t you think so?”

 

“ I’m a human and it’s in our nature to be harsh and merciless. Either to hidden identities or to weak animals. Even to the same kind, we are well known for our cruelty so I don’t think asking you to leave my house is a harsh thing compare what other stupid humans do.”

 

Another laugh filled the air and I started to get annoyed. My eyes twitched slightly when he tilted his head, looking at me with eyes glinting in amusement. “ I see. You loathed yourself for being one of them. You think you are better than them?”

 

“ I never said so and neither I have the intention to fill your curiosity.”

 

“ So you think I’m curious?”

 

“ I don’t think. I know so.”

 

“ And why is that?”

 

I opened my mouth to try to say something to defend myself and later I realized this was the part I always failed to answer. The same question was thrown to me years ago by the man I once thought will be the man who will changed me and suffocated me with the love that scared me so much but even him failed to earn my trust. I turned my head to the side, refused for him to see the doubt on my face. “ I shouldn't be talking to an imagination like you.”

 

“ Yet you did. Why is that?”

 

I heaved out a sigh. “ Maybe it is because I’m starting to lose my mind. “

 

The boy grinned and later placed his right hand on the surface of the mirror. “ When you first touched my hand, what did you felt?” he asked, this time his eyes looking at me intently but more inviting that before. The way my mother used to look at me when I was younger.

 

I tore my eyes away from him, something I always did when I felt uncomfortable or just feeling well… shy. I will never admitted to anyone about this. What am I supposed to say? The truth? That I laid my hand against his and I was glad?

 

“ Stop thinking too much.” He flashed a smile but this time, instead of looking annoyingly happy , his smile looked different. I frowned. I knew that look. My hands clenched painfully tight. How dare him…

 

“ Don’t worry. I will not judge you. Just be honest with yourself and answer me with the first thing that come across your mind.”

 

I was surprised when he interrupted me in the middle of train of thoughts.  It had been so long since I had heard that or rather, no one ever mentioned that to me. Not even my parents. I hated when I had to talk to people because I was afraid. I had to admit that maturity was clearly something that I lacked and in this age when people were expecting you be mature, I felt burdened instead.

 

I tried everything so everyone will not be disappointed with me. So I can made people that I loved proud but instead of feeling happy that people started to look up at for me, I was feeling more and more distressed. It almost like I was someone else and when I thought about it, I hated myself even more.

 

“ What did you felt?” he asked again and placing my hands on the mirror and I felt the warm that made me blurted out the answer voluntarily.

 

“ I felt like I was not going to alone anymore.”

 

The boy grinned triumphantly.“ Good answer.”

 

He was smiling at me and my lips unconsciously curved up, mimicking his action. This warm sensation in the pit of my stomach was creeping into my veins and flowing all over my body. My eyes shut close and I tried to savour this overwhelming feelings. I secretly wished for everything to last.

 

“ You never tell me you name.” the boy asked again. The last hesitation that clung to be finally shattered to pieces and I opened my mouth to finally tell him my name.

 

“ Sunggyu, Kim Sunggyu.” My name sounded so foreign as it rolled out from the tip of my tongue. Somehow I glad that I still had the chance to speak of my name again.

 

Myungsoo smiled again. That was his name. He surely liked to smile a lot but he didn't faked it like everyone else.  Just like how Dad used to smile at me before he left the house. The way Mom would pat me in the back , telling me how good I am but that was before. It will never come back again.

 

“ It’s not healthy, you know.” My ears caught Myungsoo’s words and I snapped back to reality.

 

Confused, I raised my head to stare at his face. “ What?”

 

“ You’re spacing out again. “ he stated as it was a matter of fact, light brown eyes staring at me with concern.

 

I can felt the corner of my mouth started to curved. Could it be possible that someone was concerned about me? I shook my head. I should stopped expecting. I will only be hurt in the end.  My eyes were on the cold, dirty floor once again and I put on a weak smile.  “ Every other humans are doing the same.”

 

Myungsoo laughed.  His laughs stirred something inside of me but still, I refused to rip my eyes away from the dusty floor. I mentally reminded myself that I should cleaned the attic every once in awhile. “ But your eyes…  something is missing.” He said before He sat down on the floor.

 

“ What?”

 

“ The glint of happiness and wistfulness.. they were not there anymore.” He tapped the mirror with his index finger.  “ Something is bothering you.”

 

I bit down on my lips nervously. I never really liked to be put in the spotlight and being questioned about my wretched life by a complete stranger was not in my mind when I approached this boy in the mirror. I can only deduced that he was the same age as mine or maybe even younger.  Tall and lean body.  Dressed in white dress shirt, and black cloak.

 

“ Earth to Sunggyu.” He flicked his fingers in front of me.  I blinked my eyes, embarrassed that I was staring at him. “ You don’t smile very often, aren't you?”

 

“ What is the point? I don’t feel anything anymore.” I told him the truth and he reached out his hand to the mirror. His fingers traced all over the surface in front of me and sang something weird as his finger continued to draw something on his side of the mirror.  I narrowed my eyes when my eyes detected the faint yellowish spark flashed over the surface of the mirror. It traveled down and up, creating something and later I realized what it was.

 

“ How do you know that?” I looked up at him.

 

He smiled. “ I can see it in your eyes. “ My fingers traced the beautiful lines that Myungsoo that created. It was the picture of the hill I always went with my parents, our secret place where we always sat down for hours to see the beautiful scarlet sky .“ You miss them.” He said.

 

“ Who?”

 

“ Your parents.”  He placed his hands against mine and I didn't know why but the warm from his palm rejoiced me from my sorrows.  “ Deep inside, you wish for them to be with you again.”

 

I lowered my head, eyes staring into nothing.  Why this boy, someone I just met knew the secret I locked in the deepest corner of my heart?

 Yes, I miss them and I want them to get back together. No more hurting each other’s feelings . I missed the way they smiled happily, staring into each other’s eyes while laughing at something foolish with their heads thrown back.

 

I put on a weak smile, hand back at my side but I can’t seem to raise my head. “ Maybe I am.” I said.

 

“ It’s okay. You’ll be fine.” I looked up and his smile greeted my eyes. “ You’ll get through it and I’m gonna help you. Every steps of the way.”

 

Why was he the one who said the words I wanted to hear the most?

 

I scratched the back of my head awkwardly, another thing I always  did when I was lost in words, not knowing how should I replied to his words so I only said “ Thank you.” I muttered sheepishly, feeling my cheeks started to burn.

 

He laughed again and it surprised me even more that instead of hating him and his never ending laughter, I found myself drawn to him even more.

 

“ It suits you more.” He said.

 

I looked up at him. “ Pardon?”

 

“ Smile.” He tapped on his thin lips and I titled my head slightly, getting more confused.  “ You look better with a smile. Such a handsome boy should always put on his beautiful smile.”

 

I knew I practically turned into a tomato. I was never used of people giving me compliments. I buried my face on my knees. “ I’m no such.” I retorted weakly.  “ I’m just a pathetic recluse who is so scared to go outside.”

 

The boy pouted before stripping from his black cloak and loosen the bow tie around his neck. “ You are. “ he laughed when I pouted. “ but you know, just because you can’t see how special you are, it doesn't mean others don’t.”

 

I opened my mouth to retort back but Woohyun’s face flashed over my eyes.  I took in a deep sigh. “ You really think so?”

 

“ I know so.”

 

I closed my eyes shut. Woohyun, I’m.. sorry.