|02| His Girlfriend

Soojung rested her head on the table. She felt so tired and sleepy because she didn't get much sleep lately. The Social Department's meeting and projects were really seized most of her time. She was not an active or diligent student from the beginning but the thought of having some extra time with Kim Jongdae every once in the week at school was so tempting for her. That was why she applied for the membership of Social Department at Student Council and was interviewed by Jongdae himself. She was so nervous but excited at the same time and she didn't expect to be accepted as a part of Social Department at first.

It was obvious of course. Everyone in the Student Council were aware about the fact that she fall in love with Kim Jongdae. She realized that it must be hard for him to choose her as a part of his team because most of his friends at Student Council must had teasing him. Soojung was not that ignorance. She knew that Jongdae was afraid and worried that she might not be able to work professionally because of her feeling for him. And she understood why. But what surprised her the most was despite on her feelings for him, he still accepted her to be a part of the team.

That was why Soojung promised that she would work professionally. Well, it turned out to be one of the hardest thing to do. There was a time when both of them had a fight because of Soojung got angry at how ignorance Jongdae about her feeling. Thanks to Jongdae's patience and kindness, she already reflected at her mistake. Since she became a part of Social Department, she felt closer and closer with Jongdae. It made her happy but truthfully, became a member of his department was so tiring.

Soojung was ducking her face above her folded arms when Jieun approaching her.

"Soojung-ah!"

"What?"

She lazily lifted up her head to see her bestfriend running up to her. Jieun took a seat in front of Soojung because her original seat was too far, in second row from the front. Soojung frowned because it was not usual for Jieun to wasting the lunch break in the class. She was supposed to be in the cafetaria, eating bunch of foods and desserts.

"Does Kim Jongdae has a girlfriend?" She asked bluntly.

Soojung was going to put her head on the table again but flinched and lifted it up again by the second she heard Jieun's question. What kind of question was that? It was like a lightning strike in the middle of a sunny day for her. She couldn't believe her ears either. Or Jieun must be joking. Or Soojung might hear it wrong. It couldn't possibly true.

"Nonsense. If you were going to tell me about some stupid rumour then go away, Jieun. I'm tired." She furrowed her brows.

"I'm just asking, Miss Sensitive. Go check his LINE's timeline then." Jieun rolled her eyes as she gestured her chin to Soojung's Galaxy Note 3.

She frowned and grabbed her phone in a flash, straightly went to her LINE application. It didn't take much time for her to open Jongdae's timeline because she used to stalking on his account before. But since Jongdae rejected her, she decided that barging into his private life was forbidden. She opened Jongdae's timeline and scrolled down till she found a few of his newest updates.

"Too tired to compromising it anymore."

"Cute!"

"Out of my logic."

"Ignored. Rejected."

"The Blue Rose."

"Sorry."

And etc.

Soojung's eyes widened as she was reading his updates. No way. Impossible. There must be something wrong. This updates might be intended to anyone. It could be anyone. It could be her. So many assumptions came across her mind and again, she couldn't think properly because she was confused and felt anxious. She thought that she might be the object of his updates but she knew it too well that their intensity of interaction was always the least, out of all members in Social Department. Since Soojung confessed to him and he rejected her, they only talked about works.

Then it was definitely not her.

By the time he rejected her feeling, Soojung was aware that something like this would happen eventually but not this fast. She just felt delighted because of some moments with Jongdae a few days ago. She just felt special because yesterday Jongdae talked his heart out with her. And she just felt happy when Jongdae gladly accepted her offer for taking a picture together. Then out of nowhere, this rumour came. She didn't have any idea who the girl was but he was not ready. Not yet.

She knew that she had nothing to lose because Jongdae already turned her dowb but she couldn't help to get jealous. Fine. He could fall in love with someone. He could be dating someone. Whatever it was, she determined to find who was the person and she would never give up until she found out the truth. Soojung was originally a type that could get jealous easily and also overprotective sometimes, but she always regretted her childish actions afterwards and felt sorry so she would try to understand in no time. So it meant that her jealousy can encourage her.

Jieun saw the determined look at Soojung and shook her head. She knew that Soojung would never give up over something like this. Even if Jongdae really had a girlfriend, Soojung might still love him just the way he is. She claimed that Kim Jongdae is her ultimate love no matter what happened. Jieun was kind of worry about this. It was not like she hate Jongdae or anything but since a year ago, Jieun felt that there was something wrong about him. But she didn't know what it was. She just had the feeling, that Soojung could've been hurt if she continue to struggling with her unrequited love.

"You're not going to give up?" Jieun asked.

"No. I'm not giving up." Soojung stated as she closed her LINE application and put her phone down.

She showed her bestfriend that she really mean it by putting her hands up and brought it down in a 'fighting' gesture. Jieun laughed. That was why she liked Jung Soojung as a friend. She was a bright, postive, and naive person. It might be negative in some way but for someone like Jieun, being around the naive Soojung was like giving her a view that even in the worst scenario there will always be a good thing. Soojung always believed that the scenario of her life was good when she got problems.

"Fine. Do as you please but don't get me wrong. I just don't want you to be hurt, Soojung." Jieun chuckled and stood up.

"I know. Thank you, Jieun, but Jongdae oppa is a kind person. I believe that he will never hurt me." Soojung smiled, reassuring her bestfriend that she was doing a right thing.

Jieun sighed and patted Soojung's shoulder, "If something went wrong, tell me."

"I will." She smiled.

***

It was Friday and the weather was so cold. It didn't matter though because Soojung already wrapped herself with a warm and soft blanket. She was lying lazily on her bed with her phone in hands. After a couple of days going through Jongdae's SNS history and stalking him, she found nothing and she felt more anxious. She was the best when it comes to stalking someone, especially her crush but how come she couldn't even find out about this particular girl.

Started from Monday until Thursday, Soojung was always following him quietly at school but she didn't find anything. He just talked and hang out with some of his female friends but Soojung was sure that none of those people were suspicious to be his girlfriend. Not even that Park Chorong who was always sticked to him. Then who was she?

Soojung opened her LINE application and quickly went to Jongdae's profile for the umpteenth time in a couple of weeks. She wanted to check if Jongdae already made some new updates. She was worrying about him lately because from his recent updates, he seemed so upset and depressed over something. Well, it might be because of his crush. That was why she need to find out who she was. But when she looked at his newest status, a frown appear on her forehead.

He made the status two hours ago and it was a very long status.

"Sometimes you have to realize that those who always trying to be with you, want their existence to be appreciated. Sometimes you have to realize that those who always trying to listen, want to be heard. Sometimes you have to realize that those who always trying to understand you, also want to be understood. Building a bond with some people you care about should be followed by a desire to keep their feelings, the desire to give, the desire to understand, the desire to listen, and the desire to appreciate. But, we humans, sometimes forget. It's okay, when you find yourself to be treated in a way that you do not expect, just be patient, and relents. As a sign that you still care about them."

He posted it along with a picture of two hands making a heart shape like what Woohyun oppa of Infinite always did. Soojung knew that one of the hand's owner was Jongdae and the other one, well, it was probably his girlfriend because the fingers were so slender and beautiful. But that was it. After looking at this picture and read his long updates, she was definitely sure that Kim Jongdae already had someone. And the moment she realized that, it was like a sharp torn stabbing straightly into her heart. The deepest part of her heart. Her heart was sinking and her vision suddenly blurred.

So, he really had a girlfirend.

Soojung read his status again and again even though she knew that it would hurt her more. She thought that Jongdae must had been suffered. They might had a fight or something and whatever that thing was obviously making him sad and upset. As a naive person, the fact that Jongdae was suffering from the fight he might had with his girlfriends was more hurting than the fact that he already had a girlfriend for Soojung. She didn't want Jongdae to feel sad and depressed. She wanted him to be happy. Soojung imagined how blissful it was to had a boyfriend like Kim Jongdae and she considered this girl was so lucky.

"I wish I were her." She whispered to herself.

A thought suddenly popped in her head. There were 15 people who gave stickers to Jongdae's newest updates. With her innocent mind, she thought that may be, just may be, the girl would be among them. She was quite nervous when she clicked the likers of Jongdae's status. And then she finally saw those 15 people icons along with their stickers. Soojung was scanning through the list when she suddenly felt that something was wrong. Something was weird.

Almost every one of them who liked Jongdae's status gave him a 'Like' sticker but there was one person who didn't. It was a guy. And he gave his status a 'Sad' sticker instead. Soojung furrowed her brows because from his picture, she didn't recognize who he was. It didn't seem like he was one of the male students at her school or Jongdae's middle school friends. She never saw this guy before for sure. She looked for his name and when she got it, she put her phone down. She went straightly to her notebook to do some browsing.

She didn't know why but suddenly she felt uneasy and tense. There was an impossible thought in her mind and she wanted to prove that it was wrong. To confirm that, she needed to find anything related to that guy, especially his SNS account. It wasn't hard for her to find it anyway. With just typing his name on the search engine, voila, the screen showed her all of his SNS accounts, including his Twitter nickname. Soojung quickly opened a new tab and typed her Twitter address. Then she typed that guy's nickname at the search column and pressed the 'Enter' button.

A record of all of his updates on Twitter showed up through Soojung's notebook screen and she scrolled down to see something that she could use to prove that what was in her mind was wrong. But she didn't find anything. Instead, she found something surprising. Very surprising. Really really surprising that it made her eyes glued on the screen as her jaw dropped to the floor. Her body was shaking hard and she gritted her teeth. Her fingers were trembling. The worst was that tears were suddenly formed in the corner of her eyes and it was multiplied rapidly by seconds. When she blinked her eyes, the tears couldn't stop forming and it started to falling down slowly through her cheeks, making them wet in process.

It was surely and definitely the most shocking thing that ever happened in her life.

Kim Jongdae was a homoual. He was a gay.

***