It took another two days for Luhan’s fever to stop, and a week later he still wasn’t feeling like himself. After the first day of his illness, Sehun had been studiously bland in his interactions with Luhan, and the older boy was a little displeased. In a way, it hurt his feelings for Sehun to not ask how he was feeling and if he had taken his medicine like everyone else, but really, it wasn’t like Sehun had any reason to worry. It was just the flu, and Luhan was already almost better. At least, that’s what Luhan kept trying to tell himself

“Okay to keep going, Luhan?” The choreographer asked in passing. Luhan nodded and turned his attention back to the dance they were learning. Exo-K had already finished rehearsing, and were all lounging on the other side of the studio, chatting with some of the trainees they had become friends with over their time in SM. Exo-M, however, was still learning, sweating, and straining through the dance. A sudden peal of laughter caught Luhan’s attention. It was Sehun’s laugh, he knew as it hit his ears, and he immediately felt a little jealous at anyone else making him laugh that loudly and freely. As his eyes searched for the tall, handsome, maknae, it became obvious that the source of his mirth was a pretty girl named Hwa Young, a nineteen year old trainee who specialized in dance. Her dark eyes twinkled up at Sehun, and she caught her smiling bottom lip between her teeth. Luhan stumbled and almost fell over.

“Luhan-hyung? Are you alright?” Lay caught his elbow, stabilizing him, an expression of concern twisting his mouth.

“Fine. I’m fine.” Luhan shook him off with a smile. Lay’s eyes flicked over Luhan’s shoulder to Sehun and he understood.

“Be careful.” Lay said kindly, and Luhan’s heart twinged. Lay was so good to him. So good to everyone. Luhan felt tears threatening to form and desperately tried to refocus.

Why am I so emotional right now? Nothing’s wrong.

As the minutes ticked by, Luhan rolled the thought of Sehun and Hwa Young around in his mind. It was obvious that she liked him and she was beautiful. A sweetheart with a dancer’s grace. Luhan liked her a lot, and so did everyone else. Maybe if she and Sehun started dating it would be a good thing. Luhan shuddered at the thought, but followed it anyway, ignoring his body’s revulsion.

If he’s seeing someone, maybe I could let him go and finally move on with my life. It would be good for me to finally know I have no hope with him.

“Good work everyone! Get some rest, I’ll see you on Sunday.” The choreographer told them, releasing the boys from the dance. They trudged over to where Exo-K and the trainees were relaxing and snatched for their bottles of water, almost completely drained of energy. Luhan flopped heavily to the floor and dumped half his water over his face and hair. He felt eyes on him, and looked up to see Sehun staring, a strange expression on his face. When their eyes met, the expresion quickly changed into a smirk.

“Showing off, Luhan?” Sehun asked him playfully.

“Sh-Shut up .” Luhan stuttered in surprise. This was the first normal thing Sehun had said to him in a long, long while. An involuntary smile twitched his lips.

“It’s not showing off if it’s worth looking at!” Chuckled Hwa Young, taking a long step over to Luhan and gently yanking a small chunk of his wet hair while also shooting Sehun a jokingly sultry wink. Luhan watched with dismay as a pink flush crept up Sehun’s neck and settled in his cheeks. The pretty girl laughed at Sehun’s embarrassment and skipped off to join some of the other female trainees, waving goodbye to Luhan and blowing a kiss to Sehun. Sehun only turned redder. It was obvious that he really liked this girl.

Good. Good for him. I should be happy for him. He ordered himself, staring at the lip of his water bottle with feigned interest. He studied the threaded plastic, turning the bottle to watch each of the ridges come to an end. He sighed and put the water to his lips, feeling the threads press against his lower lip. He was trying not to think about Sehun. Sehun, however, was finding it very hard to think about anyone other than Luhan.

Why does he have to be so damn y? Sehun whined to himself, watching Luhan out of the corner of his eye. Water formed drops at the ends of Luhan’s hair, shimmering briefly under the flourescent lights before dripping onto his smooth cheek, following the contours of his face to drip off his perfect chin onto his perfect collar bones. He watched in fascination the movements of Luhan’s throat as he sipped at his water, suddenly much warmer than he should have been.

It was now early evening and the boys were walking through the door of their dorm.

“We get tomorrow off!” Chen whooped for the twentieth time, making Kai, who was standing right next to him, flinch.

“We should go out drinking, then!” Baekhyun followed, also for the twentieth time.

“No. Please no.” Suho pleaded once again. A chorus of begging met this request. Luhan ignored the noise and sat heavily on the couch, yanking his phone out of his pocket to play a game. He needed a distraction.

“C’mon, Suho. It’s been a long time since we’ve gone out drinking and I think we can handle keeping everyone in check.” Kris finally said, breaking down the last of Suho’s protests and forcing him to heave a sigh and nod.

“Keep everyone in check my . Kris is a lightweight like no other.” D.O. muttered covertly to Kai, who chuckled calmly.

“Excellent! Then everyone meet back here in thirty minutes and we’ll go!” Chanyeol announced. “Xiumin says he already has reservations for a private room at a really good karaoke bar!” Everyone headed off to their rooms to change except for Luhan who stayed firmly planted on the couch for just a moment too long.

“Lulu-hyung!” Chen sang sweetly. “You have to come with us! No one’s being allowed to skip out!” Something about his tone suggested that Luhan would be changing his clothes and coming to the bar of his own volition, or with help. Luhan thought he would prefer not to be manhandled and so took a big breath and heaved himself to his feet.

A few minutes later, the boys were out of their sweaty practice clothes, clean, and dressed. Suho shepherded them out of the dorm with a stern, much-suffering, look in his eye and a stream of cautions pouring out of his mouth.

“Luhan, where’s your scarf? You’ll get sick again if you don’t wear one.”

“I couldn’t find it. I must have left it somewhere.” Sighed Luhan, tucking his hands into the pockets of his coat. He and Sehun were the last people in the room.

“Here. Take mine.” Sehun said gruffly, whipping a soft green scarf from around his own neck and wrapping it loosely around Luhan’s, his fingers lingering on the fabric for just a moment longer than they needed to. Feeling awkward, he coughed once and turned away, stalking out of the dorm and leaving Luhan and Suho to follow him.

Why does he have to do cute stuff like that to me? Why can’t he just date someone and stop making my heart jump with stupid stuff like that.  Luhan frowned, even as he adjusted the scarf, inhaling Sehun’s scent off the cashmere.

They ended up sneaking through the back entrance of the bar and up a narrow stairwell to get to the private room Xiumin had somehow reserved for them. Luhan was always impressed with Xiumin’s network of food contacts, and that amazement didn’t end when he finally got a good look around the bar. Everything was modern, sleek and elegant. This wasn’t the kind of place you could make last-minute reservations at. Unless, of course, you were Xiumin. The walls of the room were lined with cushioned benches, a large table filling up most of the center space, just enough room between the table and benches for people to squeeze in between knees and the table’s edge to reach the door. A glass ceiling revealed shimmering skyscrapers towering above them, replacing the stars in the sky. The group took seats, shuffling around and making enough noise to prove that they were still young. A waiter took their orders and quickly returned with beer and soju enough to keep everyone happy and tipsy, as well as some fruit and nuts for them to snack on. Luhan was tired of pouting, and was happy to lose himself in the positive spirit of the evening, laughing and playing drinking games with his friends.

“You lose again, Sehun!” Chanyeol laughed at the younger boy. Sehun really wasn’t very good at drinking games, and it was beginning to show in the feverish shimmer of his eyes and flushed cheeks. Luhan tried not to dwell on how attractive Sehun looked when he was drunk, and took another sip of his beer.

Two hours later, they were all taking turns doing karaoke to girl group and solo artist songs and dancing along. Everyone was a little too drunk, except for Lay (never drinks much), Chen (serious heavyweight), and Kai (thinks alcohol tastes nasty). At some point, after finishing a rendition of 24 Hours with Kris, Luhan had collapsed next to Sehun on the benches.

“Sehun, ya know Hwa Young?” Sehun nodded dumbly. “She likes you. You should ask her out.” Luhan forced out.

I’m such a masochist. He thought.

“What? Her? Why?” Sehun shot him a perplexed look.

“She’s cute, she likes you, she’s funny, she’s with the company so she won’t leak info on you...” Luhan listed off on his fingers. “She’s perfect for you.”

“But I don’t like her like that. She’s just a friend.” Sehun his bottom lip into his mouth and stared at the bottle of soju in his hand.

“Ask her out.”

“Why are you pushing this? I don’t think she likes me any more than she likes you! Why don’t you ask her out?” He snapped at the older boy. Luhan sighed.  His head was spinning and he thought he might start crying or trying to kiss Sehun. Not good.  He needed to separate himself from this situation, and fast.

He stood and stumbled out of the room, heading down the hall to the restroom. Splashing cold water on his face, he violently repressed the tangle of emotions he could feel slipping out of his control. Getting drunk with the boy he was in love with and trying to convince him to cleanly break his heart so that Luhan could move on was probably not the best idea. He patted his face dry with a paper towel and staggered out into the hallway. It took his brain a minute to catch up with the fact that he was now face-to-face with Sehun, who was leaning against the wall outside the bathroom.

“Luhan. Seriously. Why don’t you ask her out?” He asked tipsily.

“What’re you talking about, Sehun?” Luhan sighed slowly. Everything was too blurry for him to think too hard.

“You think she’s great, so why don’t you go out with Hwa Young!”

“Because I don’t like her that way!” Luhan shouted drunkenly.

“Well I don’t like her that way either, so why do you want me to go out with her?” Sehun shouted back.

“Because I like you and I need to get. Over. It!” Luhan yelled, hands balled into fists by his sides. There was a silence. Luhan’s eyes widened with realization and he felt his body begin to shake with fear.

I said it, I actually said it. Oh no, I said it. Damn it. Damn it! His vision went sideways. He was way too drunk. Sehun was staring at him, mouth open.

“Is that why...when you were sick...you kissed me?” Sehun asked seriously.

“Kissed...you...me?...” Luhan was getting dizzy. Sehun took a step towards him, and Luhan’s vision blinked out twice before everything went dark. The last thought that went through his head as he crashed to the ground was:

He knows.