The
It started with the thigh problemOk so I had to completely cut out one scene cos I had no energy and it didn't fit and the last scene is shorter then I originally planned too but I'm FINALLY done.
The chapter is 14k btw if anyone is wondering.
Also in the story I used the word aegi instead of baby cos in english the meaning has broadened to 'hey baby wanna make out' and I wanted it to only mean baby in the sense of 'infant' or 'toddler' so I chose to use the korean word instead
Another thing: it's late and I gotta get up early tomorrow so there might be typos. I'll fix it when I have time but till then please bear with me
Taehyung couldn’t stop thinking about it and even though he smiled in front of his band members and acted like nothing was wrong, the truth was: he felt like crying. A lump was stuck in his throat and he repeatedly had to bite his bottom lip to stop it from wobbling, but being sad in front of others was not his thing so he put on a happy face and tried to move on.
He hasn’t seen his dad in two years and he missed him a lot. Taehyung knew that his family was watching their shows and that his dad would forever support him, no matter what he did, but he missed hugging him and laughing with him. When he was the weird boy in school and when he was a tired trainee, just hired by the company, his dad was always there for him, always supporting him and offering a shoulder to lean on.
Now he had Yoongi’s warm hands, Jimin’s heartfelt hugs, Hoseok’s constant teasing and Namjoon’s attentive ear, but he didn’t have his dad. He didn’t have that strong and protective presence that was only there for him whenever he needed it. Taehyung wasn’t one to wear his heart on his sleeve because he knew that his band members didn’t have it easy either, so the last thing he wanted was to bother them about petty things. Sure, the hyungs always took good care of him, but they took good care of Jimin and Jungkook too. He wanted to have some sort of affection that was just there for him.
When they were sitting in their new dorm’s living room that night Taehyung was unusually quiet. Jimin must have noticed right away because he kept glancing at him and pulled the younger’s tan legs into his lap, his small and calloused palm familiar against the skin of Taehyung’s thigh and ankle. Him and Jimin have always been quite close, especially physically; both of them were needy for affection and attention. For a few moments Taehyung felt like he felt less sad and lonely and he could breath effortlessly with Jimin’s bright presence next to him, but then Jungkook called out to the smaller boy to show him something and without glancing at Taehyung he slipped away to entertain the maknae. And all of a sudden there was a weight on his chest making it harder to breath and the place next to him felt cold again.
--
Sleep was not something they got a lot of during their stay in L.A. so when Yoongi questioned Taehyung about his well-being the next day, and the younger boy blamed exhaustion for his oddly quiet behaviour, Yoongi believed him. Hoseok acted more obnoxious then usual in the hope that it would make him crack a smile, but Taehyung’s expression stayed blank and he kept blinking and biting his quivering bottom lip. Jimin and Hoseok tried to cheer him up with jokes and Yoongi started massaging his neck whenever he could. It did help, for a few short minutes he felt happier because all their attention was on him and he almost felt at home, but then something else would grab their attention and he felt their lack of presence like a hole in his heart.
Practice for their comeback stage continued and they were exhausted and hungry and by the time they were done the whole day passed and a dark starry blanket had settled over the city. When they arrived at the dorm all of them were utterly exhausted and barely managed to take a quick shower before falling into their respective beds. Taehyung lay awake and struggled with the liquid that was pooling in the corners of his eyes as a feeling of loneliness and desolation took over his heart. He desperately tried not to cry, he didn’t feel like he had a reason to, but still the tears kept appearing and he constantly had to blink them away and clasp a hand over his lips to quieten his rapid intakes of breath.
Taehyung squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before sitting up. Everyone seemed to be fast asleep, next to him Yoongi was snoring softly and Taehyung cautiously took the step he needed to stand in front of the older boy’s bed. Yoongi was something like the maknae line’s dream catcher; whenever one of them had a nightmare or couldn’t sleep they would sneak into his bed. So when Taehyung slipped under the thin fabric of the duvet Yoongi only cracked his eyes open and scooted closer to the wall to make more room for him.
“Are you ok Taehyungie?” The older boy whispered in a raspy voice as Taehyung hid his face in the crook of his pale neck. He nodded and immediately relaxed as Yoongi’s nimble fingers started combing through his hair. Yoongi was warm and sweet and his scent familiar but in the back of his mind Taehyung knew that this wasn’t just for him, and had Jungkook or Jimin sneaked into his bed he would have reacted exactly the same.
--
Taehyung’s mind was still trying to cling to the last strands of sleep as a warm and large hand caressed his cheek, his name was whispered in a deep voice and he felt like fifteen again and like he did whenever his dad would wake him up at the weekend. He murmured something incoherent and cracked his eyes open only to find himself face to face with the leader. Slight disappointment settled in his stomach before he realised that there was no reason for that because who else did he expect?
Half of the day they spend holed up in their practice room, dripping with sweat and repeating their choreography, until their dance instructor let them go earlier then usual. Jimin, Hoseok and Jungkook showed their excitement by shouting and jumping around and Taehyung could see Namjoon give him worried glances from the corner of his eye.
There were of course days when Taehyung seemed very blank and quiet, but Namjoon didn’t miss the way his eyes turned misty from time to time and how his bottom lip kept trembling as if he was about to start crying. He knew that Taehyung isn’t someone who showed his weak side often so he thought about waiting it out, to see if the younger boy would approach any of them by himself, but he didn’t. When he found him curled up under Yoongi’s chin in the morning he decided that he would try and talk to him after practice. That was easier said then done; as soon as they arrived at their dorm Taehyung was nowhere to be found.
Said boy had slipped away into Nate’s room and hid in one of the closets there, the one where Namjoon’s clothes were. He moved aside a few pairs of jeans and settled down on the bottom of the closed, surrounded by the smell of American detergent and Namjoon. Taehyung blindly grasped for a sweater and threw it over his head, trying to focus on the feeling of the soft fabric against his skin and familiar scent in his nostrils. The whole day his heart seemed heavy, as if it was made of lead, his eyes were burning and fingers numb from squeezing his hands into fists. A broken sob escaped his trembling lips and before he could stop it or try to hold it in for longer the cries were wrecking his whole body. He clasped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sobs and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to end the trail of tears that wouldn’t stop slipping out the corners of his eyes. Taehyung wasn’t one to cry, so whenever he felt like he absolutely couldn’t hold it in anymore he would look for a secluded corner, cry for a bit and then move on as if nothing happened. Often he would feel relieved after crying for a few minutes, but this time the tears just wouldn’t stop and his wailing wouldn’t cease. He felt helpless and cold, leaning against the side of the closet, and he wanted nothing more then to be able to hug his dad again, but the sad truth was that none of them even knew when they’d be able to see their families again.
The auburn haired boy flinched and opened his eyes when he suddenly felt the sweater was pulled away and a large and warm palm settle over his nape. Not a moment later he was engulfed in the warmth and the musky scent of his leader.
“Taehyung-ah? What’s wrong?” Namjoon’s deep and patient voice was close to his ear, triggering another memory of his dad and it only made him sob louder. He tried to explain why he was crying, but as soon as he opened his mouth only sobs were escaping his quivering lips. His chest was heaving with the effort it took to support his lungs with air and Namjoon was rubbing circles on his back and shushing him softly. To get more comfortable in the small closet space Namjoon lifted the smaller boy and sat down in the closet with Taehyung straddling him. His face and eyes were red from crying and his bottom lip was trembling violently as wailing cries left his mouth and Namjoon had to bite the inside of his cheek to not smile.
“Taehyung-ah you look like a crying baby now.” The blond boy pointed out gently and wiped the new flood of tears away. Taehyung just looked at him, but still hasn’t said a word, instead his brows furrow and he looked like he desperately wanted to say something but no words left his mouth. The younger boy’s hands were fisted in the material of Namjoon’s shirts and the leader carefully pried them away and helped Taehyung wind his arms around his neck. Instantly Taehyung buried his face in Namjoon’s neck and tightened his hold as the older boy supported Taehyung’s weight with his hands under the smaller boy’s and slowly stood up.
Taehyung’s legs wrapped around his waist and Namjoon smiled into his hair as the younger boy continued to sob and spread snot against his skin.
“Taehyungie you’re eighteen, you shouldn’t cry like that.” He muttered against the auburn hair and it probably didn’t even reach the younger boy’s ears due to his loud cries. Namjoon sighed and sat down on Nate’s bed; his dongsaeng seated on his lap, he used the sheets to gently wipe at Taehyung’s face. It was still red and his eyes a bit swollen but the snot and tears were gone for the moment. “Now, tell me what’s wrong?” Taehyung’s breath came in hiccups as he tried to calm down enough to form words with his numb lips. The leader ran his fingers through the auburn hair with sympathy and amusement in his eyes; he didn’t expect Taehyung to look like a wailing two-year-old while he cried. Namjoon had never seen him like this and it was in equal amounts pitiable and endearing.
“Da-“ Taehyung tried but then hiccupped and gurgled around the rest of the sentence and try as he might Namjoon just couldn’t decode it. The arms around his neck released their hold and instead Taehyung’s fingers fisted in the sleeves of his sweater as he used them to rub at his eyes. The material wasn’t especially soft and the smaller boy’s eyes were already red so Namjoon took a hold of his wrists and pulled them away. Taehyung’s eyes were teary and his eyelashes moist, long and black and Namjoon would have called him beautiful if it wasn’t for his blotchy face and all the snot and drool. The corners of his lips were turned upward in a gentle smile and he reached for Taehyung’s smooth and warm cheek, trailing his fingers along the high of the flushed cheekbone to get him to calm down. But then a word suddenly slipped past those pink lips and Namjoon froze.
“Daddy.” Taehyung had said and even though his breath seemed to be stuck in his throat and he was stumbling over the word Namjoon had clearly heard it. It sounded as if Taehyung had called him daddy. A surge of emotions ran through his body; he shivered and his fingers twitched where they were still resting against the swell of Taehyung’s . He felt like scratching his skin off and running away, but also like pulling the boy in his lap closer and just feeling the warmth of his breath against his neck. But Taehyung was still blotchy and snotty and a few stray tears still keep running down his cheeks and he was just a boy so Namjoon swallowed all the emotions and willed his brain to focus for a moment.
Taehyung was in a state of confusion. For some reason he couldn’t calm down and by now it wasn’t because he was sad, it was because Namjoon was wiping his face with warm and large hands and giving him his undivided attention and Taehyung was bathing in it. He was enjoying it and he knew if he stopped crying the hands and warmth and musky scent would all go away. In that moment it just all came together; the memories of his dad, Namjoon engulfing all his senses and the tears clouding his vision and before he could stop it the word had slipped past his lips.
By the way the blond froze and his eyes widened Taehyung knew that he had heard it. He expected Namjoon to push him away or lecture him about how he shouldn’t say such things but instead he stayed completely still for a few moments before something in his eyes changed. Warm lips replaced the fingers trailing across his cheek, the hand instead rubbing circles all over his back and Taehyung’s breath hitched in confusion.
“My poor little Taehyungie crying all by himself. Do you want to tell daddy what’s wrong so he can make it better?” The smaller boy’s pulse was beating a mile a minute and Namjoon’s voice was like a soothing balm that settled over his aching heart. Taehyung’s tears finally stopped, small hiccups and sniffs were the only sounds coming from him, and his eyes were wide with disbelief and still locked on Namjoon’s face. “Why were you crying aegi?” The blond asked again, his tone low and patient. It didn’t reflect what he was feeling inside but the leader knew that after that word escaped Taehyung he only had three options: he could have acted angry or disgusted and dismissed his dongsaeng, which would have hurt him immensely, without a doubt. Or he could have ignored it and pretended like nothing happened, which also wouldn’t have been very helpful.
Taehyung calling him daddy made Namjoon think that the younger boy was desperately craving for that sort of attention. He knew that Taehyung was close to his father and all of them missed their families a lot but usually the affection they shared between each other was enough to sooth the pain. Seemingly that wasn’t the case for Taehyung and who was he to deny him that small piece of comfort when it was easy to give? So Namjoon decided to go for the third option and try to give him what he needed. He had watched over young kids and toddlers before, he knew how to deal with them and he figured it wouldn’t be very different with Taehyung (since the younger boy also cried like a toddler it would be a suitable way to treat him).
He trailed his hand down Taehyung’s back and petted his in a comforting manner. Taehyung buried his face in the crook of his neck but Namjoon could still see the blush that had spread across the smaller’s neck and ears and it made him frown. He didn’t want Taehyung to be embarrassed or ashamed about wanting this sort of affection, he wanted him to be comfortable to share his wishes and feelings with him. Namjoon was only a bit older but due to his position as leader he had to grow up faster then other kids his age and take on a huge load of responsibilities. There were some days when he wished that someone else could take that role, but most of the time he was happy about it.
The thrill he experienced when Taehyung called him daddy was quickly pushed to the back of his mind for the sake of making the boy that was sitting in his lap calm down and to make him feel comfortable with what had just happened. The truth was that not even Namjoon was sure exactly what he was doing or what exactly this thing that happened between them was, or if it would ever happen again, but he wanted to make sure if it did, Taehyung would know that he was ok with it. That Taehyung asking to be babied was something he should never be ashamed off and that it was ok to want to let someone else take control over your life for a bit and take care of things for you. No matter how playful they acted in front of the camera the truth was that all of them were doing this as a job and the pressure on all of them was getting more and more with each comeback. Even thought Taehyung was only the second youngest Jungkook seemed to be handling the situation better. Taehyung didn’t like to show it but Namjoon knew that he would crumble pretty often and hide somewhere only to come back with red and puffy eyes. He knew that the other members noticed too, but no one wanted to push the brunette into telling them what’s wrong in fear it might make the situation worse. So really Taehyung had been crumbling for ages and Namjoon took it upon himself now to stop it. He wanted Taehyung to keep that bright and innocent smile forever; he didn’t like seeing the dark circles under his eyes and downturned corners of his small mouth.
Now Taehyung’s tears had dried and he was blinking up at him with wet lashes and a lost look on his face. Somehow having the young boy’s smaller, warm body pressed down on his thighs while his eyes were so vulnerable and his lips still slightly quivering made Namjoon’s fingertips tingle and a pleasant warmth coil in his gut. What he was feeling now wasn’t like the thrill of lust that ran through his body before; it was a different kind of satisfaction and desire that awoke in him.
Namjoon cleared his throat and trailed his fingers along the velvety skin under Taehyung’s eyes.
“Now that my aegi has calmed down, won’t you tell daddy what’s wrong?” Taehyung’s brows furrowed as if he still couldn’t believe this was happening and his mouth opened and closed repeatedly before his gaze dropped to his hands holding onto Namjoon’s shirt.
“I just miss my daddy a lot.” A shiver ran down Namjoon’s spine at the sound of Taehyung’s voice. It was raspy but it sounded more boyish then the tone of voice he usually had, sweeter somehow, as if he was involuntarily pushing Namjoon deeper into the pit of confusing feelings he was experiencing.
He had to swallow more then once and his dry lips before any more words could leave his throat.
“Why did you miss me? I’m right here, you just need to come to me if you want my attention.” Namjoon hoped that his voice sounded reassuring and soft and that Taehyung got his hint.
For a moment Taehyung’s expression stayed blank, then he nodded his head a few times and muttered a quiet “yes daddy”. Relief settled over Namjoon’s heart and he pulled Taehyung closer by the back of his neck, quickly placing a kiss on his temple.
He could feel Taehyung’s heart race where his fingers touched the brunette’s pulse point and he was pretty sure his own heart was just as unsettled.
A stifled yawn brought his focus back to the boy in front of him as Taehyung snuggled closer to him, his legs and arms wound around him and nose cold where it was pressed against the skin of Namjoon’s neck.
“Are you a monkey aegi?” The amusement was clearly audible in his voice and for the first time he noticed Taehyung shiver at the pet name. The smaller boy only shook his head and his hold became tighter. Namjoon felt another puff of warm air hit his neck as Taehyung supressed another yawn and stood up with the smaller boy still tightly wrapped around him.
“I think it’s about time I tuck you in. Seems like the crying has worn you out quite a lot.” He could feel Taehyung nod, then warm and soft lips touched his neck and made him shiver pleasantly. Taehyung moved again and he could feel the small mouth trail along the shell of his ear.
“Thank you Joonie-hyung.” It’s a nickname his dongsaeng only used when he wanted to show his sincerity and it made Namjoon press another kiss against his temple.
“You’re welcome Taetae.”
--
Namjoon didn’t regret anything that happened between him and Taehyung. After the younger had cried in his lap that evening he was all rectangle smiles and cheeky eyes again. The only thing that had really changed was the knowledge that the incident ever happened and the slight shift in air that could be felt between them whenever they were standing close to each other or when they were left alone somewhere. He didn’t want to admit it but he wanted it to happen again. Namjoon had enjoyed the feeling of taking care of Taehyung like that and enjoyed the younger boy vulnerable, depended and trusting in his lap; his feelings laid bare and just waiting for the leader to pick up the puzzle pieces and solve it for him. Surprisingly enough things hadn’t turned awkward between them and Namjoon was very relieved about that and the fact that Taehyung had taken the words he had whispered to him when he was falling asleep to heart and wasn’t feeling embarrassed or humiliated about the whole thing. At least he hoped as much.
Unbeknown to him Taehyung had some similar thoughts. He was fighting the urge to tuck himself under the blonde’s arm or curl up on his lap and feel those warm fingers run over his cheeks tenderly and be surrounded by that familiar scent. On the other hand he felt reluctant to even touch Namjoon again. Despite Namjoon’s reassuring words and whispers of “Everything is ok. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” he was very well aware that something like that was not an everyday occurrence. Even if Namjoon didn’t want to say it, he knew that calling your hyung ‘daddy’ was weird, he knew that the thrill and excitement he felt in that moment were not something that should have happened. Especially not between boys.
In high school he once happened to walk in on two senior boys kissing. It happened a few years back but to this day Taehyung could remember it clearly. The soft sound of moist lips pressing against skin, the dim light of the summer evening entering through the window and the two boys looking utterly happy and in love. There were a lot of things fourteen-year-old Taehyung wanted to do back then. He wanted to enter the room and ask them why they were doing that, why they were kissing another boy instead of a girl, why they looked so happy and why it looked so right. Another part of him wanted to run away and ask an adult about what he saw, but something told him that wouldn’t be such a good idea. One part of him suddenly had to think of the lanky and tall boy in his class, with the full lips and smart eyes and he wondered what it would be like to kiss him.
Taehyung wanted to do all of these things but instead he stood rooted to the spot and watched them kiss through the small gap in the door, he watched them till it became dark and the boys finally parted with red cheeks and shy smiles.
As he got older he found out that some boys kissed boys and some girls kissed girls and he was fine with that. In his world love could happen between anyone, but still he would pray that that would not happen to him. Taehyung was fine with it, but he also noticed that a lot of people were not and his mind would often wander to those few seconds in which he wanted to kiss his tall classmate. Whenever that happened he would squeeze his eyes shut and try to erase the thought and memory from his mind once and for all, it didn’t work but Taehyung never gave up.
In the end his first kiss happened to be with a boy, and on national television as well, with his other hyungs leering at them like they couldn’t imagine a greater pleasure. He had Hoseok’s warm hands on his face and nape and Yoongi’s cold hands on the back of his head. Truthfully, kissing Hoseok had not been a very nice experience; he tasted of cheap lipstick and his lips were chapped. Not to mention that he was forced to do it and that his heart was threatening to jump out of his chest from nervousness. Still, in Taehyung’s opinion there was one good thing about that kiss; he had re-watched the episode many times and every time his eyes would be glued to Hoseok’s features and the way his face would completely relax just before he leant in.
Taehyung couldn’t tell for sure but in that moment the thought struck him that maybe he wasn’t the only one around who thought about kissing boys.
--
Days passed into weeks and neither Namjoon nor Taehyung mentioned anything about what happened between them. Somehow the younger boy managed to push the memory into the back of his mind, right next to the image of his lanky classmate and the two seniors kissing. To him, it almost felt like it never happened.
The leader on the other hand had become hyper aware of the second youngest. Of how sometimes when no one paid him attention his face would become completely blank and his eyes dull like he was in some far away place. For a second a sudden panic would fill his heart and his fingers would twitch with the intent to reach for the freshly died dark brown hair. He never did though because as fast as Taehyung’s expression came it also went. With a blink of his curved black lashes he was back with them again and smiling as bright as a thousand watt.
Namjoon would often wait for him to fall asleep and watch the way he would curl into a little ball, an extra pillow cuddled to his chest and between his legs. In those moments the blonde wanted nothing more then to curl up behind him and rest his nose against the soft and of shampoo smelling skin of Taehyung’s neck. A sleeping Taehyung seemed tiny and lonely and Namjoon wanted – but he knew he shouldn’t – and on some mornings he would find the boy in Yoongi’s bed with their hyung curled around him. In those moments a frown would settle between his brows and he would hurry to the bathroom to wash his face and try to wash the bitter expression off. It wasn’t jealousy per se, what he was feeling; it was something akin to it though. Namjoon had seen Taehyung at his most vulnerable and he was somehow worried the younger boy might show that side of him to someone else too. So it wasn’t really jealousy, it was more the unwillingness to share the image of a valuable and completely trusting Taehyung.
Their comeback was nearing and day-by-day Namjoon could feel himself getting more and more aware of Taehyung and also more and more bitter at their lack of proximity. Instead he saw a shift in Hoseok’s behaviour, how he would tease Taehyung less and instead spoil him just a bit more.
Namjoon would try not to think about it and not let his disappointment show at being replaced so easily.
--
Taehyung couldn’t handle loneliness well. Since he was little he always surrounded himself with people, he was loud and happy because he knew that would get their attention. Being in a group with six other people, however, taught him the important lesson that whether he wanted it or not he had to share the attention. Be it the attention of the fans, of the staff or of the other band members, it was never his alone.
The only time he genuinely felt like he was the centre of someone’s whole and undivided attentiveness was in L.A, in Nate’s room, with Namjoon’s dark eyes focused on him, his whole being taking in all of Taehyung’s little movements and noises. At that time something had changed in Taehyung, he started craving that sort of attention, but he knew he couldn’t go to Namjoon since the older boy had seen such a side of him.
So instead he took to cuddling with Yoongi during the night and enjoying Hoseok’s spoiling him during the day. Since the dancer had caught him stare at Namjoon’s back like a forlorn puppy he took it upon himself to cheer him up. Taehyung is thankful for that; it is easier with Hoseok then it would be with Namjoon now. Hoseok was perfectly oblivious to what Taehyung was missing and he would rather keep it that way. His hyung didn’t ask, instead he assumed that it was just a mood or maybe he had a fight with the leader and it wasn’t his place to in.
Weeks passed, their comeback was nearing; Namjoon’s thoughts circled around Taehyung, while the younger boy had completely repressed the memory of what had happened between them.
--
Two months had passed since that day in Nate’s room and the blond leader had finally managed to stop obsessing about it. He still kept an eye on Taehyung, but seeing as the younger seemed to be permanently glued to Hoseok, Jimin and Jungkook and he seemed to be happy Namjoon didn’t worry anymore. Or let’s say he worried less. He would still catch Taehyung looking lonely at times and each time he had to stop himself from approaching him. If the younger wanted his help he should ask for it (and maybe Namjoon also wanted to hear him say that he needed him).
It’s strange how that one little word, slipping past the younger’s pink lips without hesitance, but with so much meaning, could change things. He’s never been aware of how much he needs to be needed, how much he actually liked to take care of an airheaded and clumsy Taehyung. Namjoon never noticed how he liked to feel the warm and smooth skin of his wrists when he runs his fingers along his pulse point, or the prominent point of his hips digging into his own when they’re sitting close to each other. He likes the way Taehyung is small, but feels even smaller compared to him, delicate in a way that makes you want to hide him from all the bad things in the world and keep him from growing up. There was so much childlike wonder in him and he would sometimes give off this aura like a forlorn kitten and Namjoon knew he wasn’t the only one in the group affected by it. It’s the same aura that made Yoongi coo at him and even made Jungkook want to take care of him.
It wasn’t strange that Namjoon wanted to look after him, but it was strange that he wanted to feel the intimacy that word created between them, that he wanted to spoil him and favour him. It was even stranger that he wanted to feel the softness of those lips and that he wanted to bury his nose in that long neck and delicate collarbone. He wanted to run his hands along those tan thighs and along the curve of those cheeks. The guilt settled deep in his gut when he realised he wanted to hear that word that was uttered with so much vulnerability and innocence being uttered in another voice.
The guilt was there so Namjoon tried to concentrate on other things and stop thinking those thoughts about his not much younger but very much male band member. It was a first for him to have such thoughts about a boy and while Namjoon knew that it was ok he never expected it to happen to him and he was a little scared. He was frowning and biting his lip, his eyes unconsciously focused on the boy plaguing his mind, but then said boy would look up and Namjoon could see thousands of still unknown constellations in his eyes and his worries were forgotten.
Taehyung gave him a small and hesitant smile, something completely foreign on the other boy’s face, his smiles usually radiant like a hundred exploding suns, but it was a smile and nonetheless and Namjoon smiled back, worries forgotten for a moment.
--
The linen sheets of his bed felt cold, and his fingers were icy where he was pressing them into the bare skin of the back of his knees, right between tight and calf. His laptop was open and young teenagers were flying around trying to kill a titan and while the picture would usually make Taehyung happy he had no one to share it with, which in return put a pout on his lips and frown between his brows.
Jimin, Hoseok and Jungkook were having fun without him somewhere –most likely still holed up in the practice room, but at least they were together – while Taehyung was sitting all alone in their shared bedroom with only the sounds of the anime filling the silence. Yoongi and Namjoon were still in the studio and he didn’t know where Seokjin was.
A titan just killed one of the survey crops by squishing his head and Taehyung jumped slightly. A thin ray of light entered the otherwise dark bedroom when the door was suddenly opened and Taehyung pulled the blanked closer around himself, pausing the anime and watching the arm clad in a black fabric enter the room, followed by the body.
“Namjoon-hyung.” The brunette acknowledged with a relieved sign. “For a moment I thought maybe the titans have come for me.” Namjoon looks exhausted as he enters the room and throws his laptop onto his bed. His black-rimmed glasses were slipping off his nose and he barely spared Taehyung a glance. “Namjoon-hyung, are you done for today?” He tries again and finally the blonde was looking at him and walked over to his bunk with slow steps.
“Yeah I’m done, quite literally.” The blond leader heaved a sigh and flopped down on the mattress next to Taehyung, barely missing his knee that’s hidden under the thin linen. “What are you doing Taehyung-ah?” He asked while his eyes scanned the screen of Taehyung’s computer where an animated and bloody corpse was visible.
“Just watching anime, hyung.” Namjoon’s eyes left the screen and focused on his face instead, but Taehyung refused to turn and meet his gaze.
“I can see that I meant what are you doing alone in the dark? You’ve been attached to your Hobi-hyung, Jimin and Jungkook for the last few weeks, it’s weird to see you without them.” Taehyung shrugged and pressed the space bar on his laptop, continuing the episode.
But Namjoon’s eyes haven’t moved from his face and there are dark circles under his eyes and he seemed tired and actually Taehyung wanted to tell him to go to sleep, but he felt so lonely and his hyung was warm and his presence always like calm and cool waters, cooling off his heated mind and soul. Namjoon should sleep, but his eyes were looking at him like they’re trying to figure him out and before he knows it the blond sighed in resignation and moved the sheet aside so he could join Taehyung underneath it. It’s just a single bunk so the two of them were pressed against each other and the older boy throws his arm over his shoulder and those long fingers were cradling through his hair.
Maybe it was the familiar scent of Namjoon’s cologne or the way his body suddenly seemed to adopt a pleasant warmth or how his mind grew hazy with comfort, but Taehyung found himself curling closer to the leader, accidently elbowing him in the stomach, at which the older only let out a huff.
“Hobi-hyung, Jiminie and Kookie are in the practice room, dancing. I wanted to watch anime, but they didn’t want to and then I couldn’t ask you or Yoongi-hyung because you were busy and Seokjin-hyung was suddenly gone so I started watching by myself.” His voice barely carried over the sound of the Japanese words but Namjoon was close enough that he didn’t have any problems hearing it.
“Isn’t it a bit lonely to sit in the dark though? You’re not Yoongi-hyung I know you don’t like being alone.” He paused for a moment and the fingers combing through his hair dropped to his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. “You could have gone along with Hoseok-hyung and the kids, even if you don’t dance you could have watched them.” Taehyung sat quiet for a moment and Namjoon only saw his lip twitch and eyes water before teeth started to gnaw at it and the eyelids fluttered shut. The younger boy cleared his throat and raised the volume of the laptop. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. It’s true that he hated being alone, he would much rather have company around him, but since that day in Nate’s room he felt so much weaker and more sensitive to not having anyone’s attention on him. Suddenly he was much more aware of the dark hole that was left behind whenever he was sitting alone somewhere and he hadn’t felt like this since junior high school. It felt like Namjoon had shown him the cutest lion cub he could imagine only to hide it again and Taehyung desperately wanted to see the cub at least once more. In his head, he reasoned, that made absolute and perfect sense.
“I could have,” He spoke up and his voice only wavered a bit. “But whether I sit there and no one pays attention to me or I sit here and no one pays attention to me, it’s all the same. Here at least I have Mikasa.” The leader pulled back a bit as his eyes were scrutinizing the smaller boy’s face.
“Taehyung-ah,” Something in his voice made Taehyung look at him. Namjoon’s eyes seemed hesitant yet determined at the same time. “What do you want?”
What do I want? The question caught him off guard and for a moment he stood completely still, his eyes jumping left and right with confusing and nervousness. A half-hearted shrug was the answer he gave the leader, who scoffed in return.
“You do know, stop pretending like you don’t. Come on, say it. What do you want?” His voice was imploring, warm breath hitting the side of Taehyung’s face.
“I want someone to take care of me.” Taehyung muttered before he realised that he had even opened his mouth to speak. Maybe it was the authoritative tone in the older boy’s voice, but something suddenly made him want to share his thoughts.
“Don’t your hyung’s take care of you, Taehyung-ah?” The younger boy shook his head in denial. That was not what he meant.
“That’s not what I mean.” He said it out loud and his voice sounded desperate, pleading, for Namjoon to just drop it or understand him without him having to say anything. Hell, he barely understood his thoughts himself. It felt as if he was hunting lizards in his head and every time he thought he got one the tail would fall off and it would run away. That’s what his thoughts felt like to him since that day.
“What do you mean then?” Namjoon’s voice was gentle, it was patient and Taehyung thought back to their pre-debut days. When Namjoon was still a teenager and Taehyung even more lost. His patience had been as thin as a threat then. He would never blow up in Taehyung’s face, he would never shout at him, but his voice would adopt an impatience as if he was talking to a young child that didn’t understand the simplest things in life. Somehow over time – maybe because he got older, or maybe because he got more used to it – it had changed and while Namjoon still didn’t have patience for everything, he certainly had patience when it came to Taehyung.
Taehyung took a deep breath and tried to pick out his thoughts, which he could voice out loud.
“I want someone to take care of me in a special way, to give me special attention and give this attention only to me. I want someone to support me and make me feel like nothing can hurt me. I miss my dad; I miss his warm voice and his warmer hugs and how he was always there for me, to pick me up and make me feel protected. The hyung’s take care of me, but they take care of everyone and their attention wavers, it’s not only on me, and the care they give me is not exactly what I want.” He bit his lip in concentration. Finally he had caught a few of the lizards. “I want to completely let go of all the worries and just let myself go and relax. I want to trust someone completely and want them to be there and not disappoint me.” Yes, he thought as his teeth finally released his abused bottom lip, this is what I want.
“Is that why you called me daddy? That’s what you want?” Somehow hearing Namjoon say that out loud startled him and he flinched at the word daddy. It felt more like he was talking to himself out loud while he tried to figure out his thoughts instead of explaining them to someone else. A blush crept across his cheeks and over his ears. It took him months to figure out exactly what it was that he wanted and Namjoon put it so simply as if the whole thing wasn’t completely messed up. Still, he nodded his head in affirmation as his eyes watched his fingers play with the fabric of the linen sheets. The episode of Attack on Titan had ended some minutes ago and the melody of the menu was repeating itself in an endless loop.
“You can call me that, I don't mind.” A frown settled between Taehyung’s eyebrows and he turned his head towards the blond. “You can do it again, Taehyung-ah, I really don’t mind. I-“ Namjoon stops speaking for a moment and wets his suddenly dry lips. “I actually liked taking care of you like that and I’m ok with you calling me that, so when you need that attention again and if you feel like it’s something I can give you then you just need to say it.”
Taehyung was confused, utterly and completely confused.
“Hyung it’s weird thought. What I said and that whole thing it-“
“It’s not weird.” Namjoon interrupted, his voice sounded so sure Taehyung almost believed him. “I told you that same day, it’s not weird.” The brunette turns away again and tries to move away, physically closing himself off.
“You only said that because I was crying and confused.” Namjoon’s arm was around his shoulder in less then a second and it was pulling him back.
“No I was saying that because it’s what I think and I didn’t want you to feel ashamed because there was no need to.” He bent forward and tried catching the smaller boy’s eyes. “Taetae believe me I mean when I say that I don’t mind you calling me that.” Taehyung’s eyes still stayed doubtful and Namjoon took a few seconds, choosing his next words carefully. “Aegi, please believe me that I want you to call me daddy again.”
Taehyung’s eyes widened, a shiver went through his whole body and his breath seemed to be stuck somewhere between his throat and his lips. It was that word. That one word that made him want to melt against his hyung and just bury his nose in that collarbone, stay tucked under his arm safety for as long as he wished.
He couldn’t quite grasp yet what Namjoon was offering, nor that he was accepting and even supporting Taehyung’s wishes. The younger boy new that those wishes were out of the ordinary, they were unusual to put it nicely and weird if one didn’t try to find nice words. But Namjoon said he liked it and he called him aegi so maybe, just maybe, this whole thing would work. It worked once, so why not for a prolonged time?
He was quiet for another moment before his fingers curled into Namjoon’s shirt and his body curled around Namjoon’s bigger one. His throat was dry but a wave of courage washed over him and Taehyung managed to open his mouth before it was gone again.
“Daddy, do you want to watch Attack on Titan with me?” His voice was unsure, trembling, but Namjoon smiled in contentment because at last the word he had been yearning to hear washed over his senses like a balm. He buried his nose in the smooth brunette hair and inhaled the scent of nectarines.
“Of course I will, aegi.”
--
It had become a thing between them. Taehyung was needy for affection and attention, he was pliant and sweet to anyone who showed him love, so ready to accept even the smallest form of a caress, needy for that attention to stay and greedy for it to be only on him. Namjoon liked feeling needed. He wanted to spoil the younger boy, wanted him to feel save and be able to show his vulnerable side.
If the other members noticed the shift in their behaviour, and Namjoon was quite certain they did, they chose not to comment on it. Not commenting on it didn’t mean that Seokjin wouldn’t frown at him and give him pointed stares whenever Taehyung would curl against his side or put his head on his lap, pulling on his hand to get him to run his fingers through his hair. It made something in his stomach flip pleasantly and his chest feel warm but when his eyes met Seokjin’s he felt the older boy’s judging stare bore into his like a scotching blade.
The oldest member didn’t have the opportunity to approach him about the matter until the day of their MV shooting. Since the incident Taehyung has been glued to his side and the shooting was the first time in weeks they had been separated for a longer period of time. As soon as Taehyung left to film his scene Namjoon could already see Seokjin creep closer with cautions steps until he was standing next to him.
“I didn’t know a leader is supposed to have favourites.” Seokjin’s voice is quiet but there was a cutting edge to it and Namjoon knew that a lecture was coming. He didn’t answer but kept his eyes locked on his phone screen, from the corner of his eye he could see Seokjin turning to face him. “What are you doing Namjoon?” The cutting edge became softer and he had to turn and face his hyung. There was expectation and understanding in his eyes and for a split second Namjoon was reminded that he was only a child too, he was only a year older then Taehyung so what was he thinking?
Namjoon swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to sound casual.
“I don’t know what you mean hyung.” Immediately Seokjin’s expression changed – he crossed his arms, a sneer on his lips and his brows furrowed – and Namjoon was aware that there would be no gentle words exchanged now.
“I don’t know what exactly happened but I’m not blind. Taehyung is glued to you and instead of concentrating on the comeback your whole focus is on him. I know you feel responsible and grown up because you’re the leader but Namjoon you’re just a kid too.” Seokjin’s hand touched his shoulder in a comforting manner but it felt too heavy so he pushed it off with a scowl. “I know you think you know what you’re doing but you’re definitely helping neither Taehyung nor yourself with this. The boy is becoming too depended on you and you should be aware that you don’t really know how to help him.” The scowl deepened and before he realised it he had stood up from his sitting position on the floor, now standing over the older boy he felt a bit more in control.
“I think I know enough, hyung. And what do you suggest I do? Taehyung came to me for help and I know I can help him. Do you want me to just ignore him or push him away?” The dark haired boy sighed and stood up too.
“I didn’t say that I meant that maybe someone else could help him more. Don’t you agree that Yoongi or me would be of more help to him?” The images of Taehyung sleeping and curled against Yoongi’s chest and head pillowed on Seokjin’s lap and smiling up at him, while telling him about the latest episode of an anime he started watching, come to his mind. It created a tight feeling in his chest and made his fingers twitch. He was confused why the oldest suddenly felt like he needed to warn Namjoon. It wasn’t like the group was in danger because of their relationship and it wasn’t like he was completely ignoring his duties as leader. No matter what his hyung said Namjoon believed that he was doing the right thing.
“If Taehyung decided he’d rather get someone else’s help I won’t stop him.” A shout sounded through the empty halls of the abandoned building and Namjoon immediately recognised the voice it belonged to. For a moment there was silence then it was followed by two other voices joining in laughter.
Jimin’s head appeared in the doorway, a huge grin on his lips and mirth on his face.
“Taehyung cut his real hair when he was supposed to cut the wig.”
--
Jungkook’s usually comforting arms felt like they had a vice grip around his torso and the strong fingers gripping his wrist were actually hurting him but there was a camera so Taehyung smiled. The younger boy’s laughter was directly in his ear while Hoseok’s delighted snorting was a bit further away. Hands were grabbing him and turning him towards the camera and there is laughter and chuckling all around but Taehyung had tears in his eyed and he didn’t understand how they could laugh at him and find amusement in this when his life was practically over. They had a few weeks before their comeback and his hair was barely reaching the middle of his forehead. It would never he able to grow back quick enough and they all knew that so why were they laughing?
His skin was itching and he was trying to break free and just hide – the humiliation and shame deeply settled into his bone, he felt like an idiot for making this mistake. He barely heard Jimin’s high-pitched cackling and Yoongi’s deep chuckle and affectionate “idiot” because there is a whirring noise in his ears and a burning in the corner’s of his eyes so he squeezed them shut. He knows that they don’t mean any harm but in that moment he only wanted to hide in a hole and only come out when he hair grew back, but more importantly he wanted Namjoon. He wanted the elder’s warm and reassuring presence, he wanted to hear that everything would be fine and he wanted the laughter to stop.
Again Jungkook tried to turn him to the camera and he tried his hardest to keep his head out of its vision. From the corner of his eye he could see the cameraman turn away and wave his hand in a dismissive gesture, apparently he gave up on trying to film the short hair. He could see all of his band members except Seokjin and Namjoon stand around him trying to catch a glimpse of his new haircut. Jimin was almost lying on the floor from laughter and Jungkook’s snickering was ever present in his ear. He closed his eyes again and tried to fight against the grip around him. Suddenly a familiar voice was speaking and the laughter died down, the arms released him and there was a warm and gentle hand pushing his hair aside and another hand was tenderly griping his arm. He knew who it was without opening his eyes, the scent familiar in his nose as he Taehyung was pulled into a warm hug.
“They’ll fix it don’t worry Taetae.” The word ‘daddy’ was fighting to get past his lips, it was on the tip of his tongue, it was burning and creating a ache in his chest but they weren’t alone so Taehyung couldn’t do more then mouth it against the skin of Namjoon’s collarbone. From the way Namjoon shuddered he knew he had felt it.
“I cut my own hair.” He said out loud. His voice sounded whiny and way too nasal to be described as pleasant. Full lips pressed against the crown of his head and breathing became easier.
His heart rate seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time but the arms around him felt like home and comfort and like a lazy Sunday morning where they were allowed to sleep in and the only thing waking them were the rays of the sun peeking through the window. It was weird to feel so save and yet so vulnerable and Taehyung almost regretted dropping the walls he had build around himself in favour of letting someone in, but keeping them up was getting hard and he wasn’t sure if he would have been able to pull it off much longer anyway.
“Taehyung-ah, Namjoon has to film now so how about you come with me and we play games on your phone?” Seokjin’s voice made him freeze and realize anew that there were people around. Taehyung tried to pull away from the hug but Namjoon’s arms stayed firm so he only managed to turn his head in the direction of his oldest hyung. Seokjin’s eyes were fixed on Namjoon and they were full of disapproval, but when they fell onto Taehyung’s face the look in them became gentle again. He heard someone call Namjoon’s name and the hold around him loosened. Taehyung took a step back and watched the blond boy disappear inside the building. Then there was another hand gripping his wrist and he let his oldest hyung pulled him along.
--
“Don’t listen to Seokjin-hyung.” Taehyung’s eyes were still close and the fingers running through his hair were slowly lulling him to sleep, yet when he heard Namjoon speak up he managed to crack an eye open. They had finished the first day of filming, it was a hassle and they danced for two hours in wet shoes. The dorm was quiet and living room empty except for a snoring Jimin and the two of them.
“What?” His voice sounded drowsy and his eyelids where heavy but he could see Namjoon frown at him.
“He didn’t say anything to you?” Taehyung shook his head and rolled over so he was facing the older boy, his nose almost touching Namjoon’s hipbone. He took a deep breath and listened to Jimin’s even breath and soft snoring to make sure that he was really asleep before he opened his mouth to speak.
“Daddy,” the word left his mouth like a caress and Namjoon shuddered and felt warmth coil in his chest. “I’m sleepy. Can you carry me to bed please?”
“Of course aegi.” He made the smaller boy sit up and wind his arms around his neck before he took a hold of his thighs and lifted him up. The younger’s legs wrapped around his waist and in that moment he strongly reminded Namjoon of a koala. Warm puffs of air were hitting his neck and the shiny and dark hair felt incredibly smooth against his jaw and chin.
The bedroom was quiet; Yoongi and Seokjin had gone to sleep long ago and Hoseok and Jungkook were most likely still in the practice room. Namjoon carefully placed the smaller boy on his bed but the legs and arms would not release him.
“Daddy, tuck me in.” The command felt more like a question and Taehyung’s voice was even softer then before.
“I will but you have to let go.” The arms around his neck and waist slowly came to rest on the bed and he could finally sit up.
Taehyung’s eyes were closed, dark eyelashes fanning out against his smooth cheeks and lips slightly agape and that’s what Namjoon’s eyes stayed glued to because they looked so rosy and luscious. He raised hesitant fingers to touch along the creamy skin of the younger’s jaw then moved his along the bottom lip and only barely supressed a shudder when warm breath hit his finger. Taehyung’s eyes fluttered open again, but he didn’t move.
“Daddy?” his voice sounded so saccharine, like the word was melting from his lips and his thumbs still hasn’t moved away from the full bottom lip. He wanted to take care of Taehyung and he would never betray his trust and the younger boy never requested more from him then to be taken care of but the desire to press his lips against Taehyung's was overwhelming at times. And Taehyung sleepy, pliant and warm, cuddled up in his sweater and the pillows and plushies around him was one of those times.
Namjoon’s thumb moved from the bottom lip to his jaw again and he let out a questioning hum.
“You said you’d tuck me in, you have to do it properly.” Taehyung explained and kicked his feet against the blanket that was at the end of the bed and Namjoon took that as a sign to pull it over the boy’s smaller form, tucking the corners securely around him.
Taehyung closed his eyes again and let out a content sigh.
“Good night aegi, sleep well.” Taehyung managed to mumble out a reply that sounded slightly a lot like ‘Good night, daddy’ and Namjoon leant forward to place a kiss on his forehead. He smoothed down the blanket one more time before getting up and turning to leave. His heart almost jumped out of his chest when he saw the broad silhouette of Seokjin stand there and muster him with calm eyes.
Namjoon was pretty sure his face turned ashen and his heart was still hammering against his chest, as Seokjin pointed over his shoulder and to the door of the room. Without a word he turned and left, an unspoken invitation for him to join hung heavy in the air.
They went into the kitchen and Seokjin finally turned to look at him. His eyes seemed incredibly tired under the luminescent light and his posture was tense.
“Namjoon, what did I just hear in that room? Please tell me I’m mistaken, I’m begging you.” Namjoon could feel his ears and cheeks burn with embarrassment and shame and he found it quite ironic when only months prior he was telling Taehyung that no matter what he should never be ashamed of what happened between them. “You’re his hyung why are you calling him aegi and more importantly why are you making him call you daddy?” He could do nothing but hang his head low to not look into Seokjin’s wild and shocked eyes. Footsteps sounded around the otherwise quiet room and suddenly sock clad feet where standing in front of him. “Namjoon are you using Taehyung for some sick and erted game?” His head whipped up so quickly his neck hurt from the sudden movement and he was watching the slightly shorter man with wide eyes.
“What? No, of course now! How could you think that?”
“How could I think that? I don’t know Namjoon you tell me what to think. I wake up and I see you touching his lips while the boy seems to be half asleep and then I hear you say that. You’re supposed to be his hyung how can you act like that?” Seokjin’s voice was very much like a hiss and filled with venom.
“You have no idea what’s going on so stop jumping to conclusions. If you really think it’s me forcing Taehyung into anything then go ahead and ask him in the morning and see what he tells you.” The older boy heaved a sigh and the tension left his body, suddenly he seemed resigned.
“Please,” Seokjin started and ran a hand through his hair. “Just explain to me what’s going on.” Namjoon kept quiet for a few moments, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt in a nervous habit.
“It started a couple of months ago.” And the blond boy started to explain.
--
Taehyung’s arms were crossed and his bottom lip jutting out and Namjoon just wanted to kiss the pout away, but Seokjin was sitting there looking at them and the youngest boy was angry with him.
“So I did some research.” The oldest finally spoke up, breaking the overwhelming silence. Taehyung bit his bottom lip and turned back to Namjoon hitting his shoulder – it was with an open palm but with much force and it stung.
“I can’t believe you told him. I trusted you hyung!” The pout got more prominent, his bottom lip quivering now and his eyes became misty. Namjoon didn’t feel like kissing the pout away anymore; he felt guilty. He reached for the younger’s arm and to his surprise Taehyung let himself be pulled closer, although reluctantly.
“Don’t be angry with him Taehyung-ah. I heard what you called him yesterday and heard him call you aegi so I had to find out what was going on of course.” Namjoon let out a snort and rolled his eyes.
“He questioned me and asked if I was forcing you into anything.” Taehyung turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, than his gaze settled on Seokjin again.
“Joonie-hyung would never do that.”
“I said the same thing but he wouldn’t believe me.” Seokjin cleared his throat and righted his posture.
“As I said, I did some research,” The oldest started again. “And since the two of you seem to have this-“ he paused and gestured between the two of them and Namjoon was wondering how Seokjin could talk about this with them without looking the slightest bit embarrassed. “This thing I thought you should know all about safe words and of course and-“ Taehyung next to him groaned and buried his head in the pillow, which was in his lap, while Namjoon was shaking his head wildly, eyes wide and voice chocked up.
“Seokjin-hyung stop! Wait a second, who said anything about ? We don’t- we’re not- it’s not that kind of relationship.” The oldest eyebrows rose and he looked at them with curiosity.
“Oh. Well how far have you two gone then?” Next to him Taehyung mumbled something into the pillow that sounded a lot like ‘I wish Mikasa would come and save me’ and he was pretty sure his own cheeks resembled tomatoes.
“Hyung we haven’t done anything, it’s not that kind of relationship. It’s just me babying Taehyung and that’s it.” Seokjin’s shoulders seemed to fall and he pulled out a piece of paper out of his pants, unfolding it, eyes quickly scanning the content.
“Oh ok then. Well I actually also wanted to talk about the spanking because spanking usually is something that happens when a is played out and-“ A pillow hit him square in the face and Namjoon turned to see Taehyung sit there with a agitated expression and face even redder then his own.
“There’s no need to talk about that since Namjoon-hyung already said we don’t have that kind of relationship.” The youngest stated in a shaking voice and got up to leave the bedroom in a hurry.
Namjoon was still rooted to his spot, eyes fixed on his knees. Seokjin cleared his throat again and got up from his position on the opposite bed. He placed the pillow he was hit with back to its original place and gave Namjoon an awkward pet on the back.
“Well, Namjoon-ah if you ever decide you want to know something about or spanking or safe words after all just come talk to me. I only wanted to let you both know what you’re not alone and that I’ll be there if you need help.” The blond nodded but didn’t look up as Seokjin left the room. Even if he meant well his hyung hadn’t helped the situation at all, in Namjoon’s opinion he actually managed to make it even worse. One of the things he said kept repeating itself inside his head and his mind painted a picture of Taehyung sprawled out over his lap, his exposed, the skin red and burning hot, but smooth to the touch.
“.” Namjoon muttered to himself and buried his face in his hands. From the beginning this thing between him and Taehyung was creating feelings and thoughts he was not supposed to have and with how the younger reacted Namjoon was sure those feelings were not mutual. And how could they be? Taehyung only wanted comfort and to be showered with platonic love and affection and Namjoon wanted to give that to him but he also wanted to kiss that small but plum mouth and taste that sweet smelling skin. Whenever Taehyung would sit in his lap he had to think of those slim legs wrapped around his waist and creamy and bare skin exposed and there for him to touch. Taehyung was just a boy, he was inexperienced and cared more about games and mangas then anything else. Namjoon knew that the younger boy only wanted to play and have fun, like a puppy, and he also knew that he had his first kiss with Hoseok. He himself had taken interest in the other rather early and had a bit more chances to experience things before their debut. He had always been glad about those memories of heated kisses and needy fingers, but now he wished his mind was more childlike so it wouldn’t keep wandering off.
--
Taehyung was sprawled out on his stomach on Jimin’s bed. The owner’s hip-hop monster tucked under his chin and eyes glazed over in thought. The bedroom was empty except for him and for some reason he didn’t feel like laying down in his own bed. Seokjin’s words from a few hours prior had affected him, he felt like burying a hole in the ground and disappearing for a few years. The embarrassment was still visible in the red of his cheeks and ears and he wished he could have said something or done something to prevent the oldest from finding out and having that talk with them. Taehyung groaned and bit down on the arm of the plush doll underneath his chin. The hard smack on his that earned him was completely unexpected – albeit it sent a thrill along his spine – as was the hard and heavy body that suddenly settled over the swell of his .
“Why are you on my bed? And why are you eating my doll?” Jimin’s voice sounded from somewhere close to his ear and he let go of the doll’s arm.
“It looked like it might taste good. Why are you sitting on me?” The chocolate haired boy asked, turning his head slightly to look over his shoulder. Jimin was leaning over him, his arms on either side of Taehyung’s shoulders and a familiar grin on his face.
“You looked like you would be confortable.”
“Am I?” Jimin wiggled a bit, Taehyung’s bones digging into his thighs, and hummed thoughtfully.
“I’d say you’re a eight out of ten.” Taehyung huffed and Jimin snickered but got off him in favour of lying down next to him instead. He grabbed the blanket that was folded at their feet and pulled it over the both of them. Taehyung snuggled closer, pressing himself against Jimin’s side, his nose touching the warm skin of Jimin’s neck. The paler boy turned toward him, his lips against the crown of Taehyung’s head and his arms wound around his middle. It was not unusual for them to cuddle with each other; they were closest in age and quite touchy feely and it felt good, so why not?
“Jiminie do you think something that feels good to you, but other people find it weird even though it doesn’t hurt anyone, is bad?” Taehyung mumbled, lips brushing against the other’s skin and leaving goose bumps in their wake.
“Did you sniff at the glue again?”
“No.”
“Did you try to eat a sharpie again?”
“Jiminie I said something that doesn’t hurt anyone.” Taehyung huffed and Jimin chuckled and squirmed slightly as the warm breath tickled his neck.
“What did you mean then?” The older boy pressed again. Instead of answering right away Taehyung turned his back to the other boy and tried to move as far away as the small bunk and Jimin’s arms around him would allow it.
“Nothing.” He muttered and it was quiet for a moment. Jimin sighed and pulled him back so his back was flush against the smaller’s chest. He nosed at the fine hairs of Taehyung’s nape for a moment before pressing a chaste kiss against his skin.
“If it feels good it can’t be very wrong can it? Don’t worry so much Taehyungie.” Jimin’s voice was sweet and his warmth was lulling Taehyung to sleep and before he knew it the next morning had arrived and the clicking of Yoongi’s camera was waking him. Behind him Jimin mumbled something against his neck and when he cracked his eyes open he saw their hyung standing there with the camera pointed at them.
“Not even Jiminie’s ugly face could ruin this cute picture.” Taehyung giggled in the way he always did, all teeth and disappearing eyes and Yoongi’s camera clicked again.
--
It was not how Namjoon usually worked and the feeling of Taehyung’s thighs around his waist and the smaller boy’s hair tickling his jaw was terribly distracting. Although not as distracting as Taehyung making crashing and explosion noises with his mouth while playing a game on his phone.
“I agreed to this under the condition that you'd be quiet Taehyungie.”
“Sorry.” The younger boy said, but he didn’t sound sorry and only stayed quiet for a few minutes before the noise started up again. Namjoon should have never agreed to this and under normal circumstances he would never have agreed to it, but as it was, Taehyung had him wrapped around his little finger and he seemed to know it.
Namjoon had only been working for a couple of hours when the brunette entered the room and started complaining about being lonely. He tried to lean against Namjoon’s work chair and tried to hug him from behind but the taller boy brushed him off, explaining that he was busy and that he didn’t have time. Namjoon was a hundred per cent sure that Taehyung knew he would get his way when he came to stand in front of him, a pout on his face and voice boyish and sweet as he said: “But daddy I’m lonely. I just want to sit in daddy’s lap I promise I’ll be quiet.” The younger fluttered his long eyelashes a few times for good measure and Namjoon knew he would give in as soon as the words ‘but daddy’ slipped past his full lips.
So now he had a lap-full of teenage boy who wouldn’t stop squirming and smelled like Seokjin’s try at American pancakes and hair shampoo.
“Taehyung, sit still and be quiet.” His patience was wearing thin and the smaller boy still seemed too distracted by his game, only humming in answer. Namjoon sighed and tried to focus on the screen in front of him, but every twitch, every small movement of the other would make his fingertips tingle and warmth coil in his stomach. Taehyung released a shout of joy and the last string of patience snapped; he grabbed the smaller boy’s shoulders and pushed him away so they would sit face to face.
“Aegi you said you’d be quiet and sit still but you’re squirming around and being anything but quiet.” He tried to put as much authority in his voice as possible and when he saw the brunette pucker his lips and lock the phone screen he could tell he had achieved what he wanted.
“I’m sorry daddy. I promise I’ll be quiet and not move too much.”
Namjoon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Taehyung’s arms came to wind around his neck and the smaller boy pressed closer as the blond leaned toward his computer screen again.
“I’ll play with you when I’m done with work, but now I really need to finish this, ok Taehyungie?” His voice was gentler then before and he could Taehyung shiver against him, the younger’s nose brushing against his neck as he nodded in answer. He could feel Taehyung breath against his throat, could feel the movement of his chest with each breath he took and he could also feel his erratic heartbeat where their chests were pressed together. The brunette stayed true to his word; for the quarter of an hour he neither moved nor made a sound and Namjoon would have thought he had fallen asleep if not for the quick heartbeat he could feel that was telling him otherwise. A sudden thrill went through his body when he could feel teeth scratching along his throat.
“Daddy I’m bored. When will you be done?” The lips moving against his skin were warm and their touch as light as a feather.
“Taehyung I know you want my attention but I’m busy right now and you said you’ll be good so if you can’t sit still then go away. I really don’t have the patience for this right now.” He tried to pry the younger boy off, but he just wouldn’t budge.
“Taehyung, let go.”
“No.”
“Stop bothering me and sit on the couch.” Taehyung shook his head as answer and Namjoon stopped trying to push him away. “Taehyung stop it or I’ll have to try out this spanking thing on you.” It was a bluff. He only wanted to scare him off and make him let go, but when Taehyung froze he felt guilty, thinking he had taken it too far. Namjoon was about to open his mouth and apologize, but then Taehyung’s arms around his neck and the legs around his waist tightened.
“You wouldn’t dare.” There was quiver shaking the smaller boy’s body and his voice was shaking. Namjoon swallowed audibly.
“Let go.” His voice was noticeably deeper and he was wondering if Taehyung could tell that he started sweating.
“Make me.” This time Taehyung pulled away without Namjoon having to push him. His cheeks and the tips of his ears were red, his eyes, which were always expressive despite his blank face, showed his anxiousness and excitement. “I said make me.” The smaller boy muttered again and Namjoon’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.
“Seems like I’ll have to.” It should have been more awkward, Namjoon thinks as Taehyung slid off his lap and came to stand in front of him with shaking knees. It should have but there is only nervousness and anticipation in the air as he takes the younger’s wrist into his hand and just holds it for a moment. His eyes are still locked with Taehyung’s, both of them searching for a trace of uncertainty within the other but finding none. Namjoon runs his thumb along the other’s pulse point and slides forward on his chair so there would be more room on his lap. “Boys who don’t listen have to be punished.” He never heard his own voice sound quite as deep and by the way Taehyung shuddered neither had he.
He gently pulled on the wrist he was holding till Taehyung was laying across his lap, hands fisted in the material of Namjoon’s sweats and sticking up. The room had gotten warm and Namjoon could feel sweat run along the side of his face, but it was not the right moment to suddenly take his sweater off. Cautiously he reached for the hem of Taehyung’s shorts and pulled them down, revealing blue underwear with oranges on them and despite the situation Namjoon found himself barely supressing a lough. He placed his hand over the younger’s clothed and faltered for a moment when he noticed the size of his palm and how it was covering both of Taehyung’s cheeks. A shuddering breath escaped him and he could feel himself getting hard. There was only once piece of fabric between his palm and the smooth skin but he could clearly feel the heat radiating from Taehyung.
“When it get’s too much you tell me to stop right away, ok?” He asked in a rough voice and Taehyung nodded. Namjoon may not know anything about safe words – and now he regretted a little bit that they didn’t let Seokjin tell them about it – but he did know that no meant no and that if Taehyung said stop, or if he noticed that it was too much, he had to stop right away.
Softly Namjoon counted till three, then raised his palm and smacked Taehyung right across the swell of both cheeks. The younger boy gasped and pressed his face closer against Namjoon’s leg so only his red ears and neck were visible. He raised his hand and brought it back down again at the exact same spot as before. This time a low whine escaped Taehyung’s lips and Namjoon paused.
“Are you ok?” somehow he sounded out of breath. The brunette nodded and ran his hand over the place he just hit. “Just three more, is that ok? Let’s not do more right now, it might be too much.” Another nod before he aimed another well placed hit at the same place as before. This time he paused only for a second before spanking Taehyung again and ignored the uncomfortable pressure in his pants as the younger released a soft moan.
“Last one.” His voice sounded hoarse and unused and Taehyung’s fingers dug themselves into his thigh and he prayed that the other didn’t noticed how sweaty he was. The last hit was the softest one and Namjoon immediately helped Taehyung stand up. His knees were wobbling and his face as red as a tomato but what really worried him where the tears in his wide eyes. “Taehyungie are you ok?” Namjoon asked taking the smaller boy’s face in his hands and running his thumbs along the soft cheeks.
“I’m fine, just a bit embarrassed I guess.” Taehyung’s voice was soft and heavy with something he couldn’t place and he looked up at Namjoon through his eyelashes, his pretty eyes open and trusting. His lips were red and he kept them and Namjoon just really wanted to lean down and kiss him, but Taehyung had said before their relationship wasn’t like that and Namjoon didn’t want to push him into anything or make the situation even more confusing. But Taehyung looked lost and he just hurt him, playing or not, so he placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, his cheeks and finally his nose – the smaller boy’s warm breath kept hitting his face and his lips were so close but he wouldn’t use him when Taehyung was in this vulnerable state.
“Are you ok? Was that ok?” His hand where still on Taehyung’s small and red face and his eyes fixed on the teeth gnawing at that plump bottom lip.
“I’m ok, it stings a bit, but I’m ok.” Somehow he really did seem ok and looked much less lost. Instead Taehyung brought a small hand up to wipe away the worried frown that had appeared between Namjoon’s brows.
“Hyung when something feels good if can’t be bad even when some people think it’s weird.” Sometimes, Namjoon thought, Kim Taehyung really knew exactly what to say.
--
Jimin and Seokjin were snoring in union and Namjoon stubbed his toe four times while sneaking through the dark bedroom, but he somehow managed to find the bed he was looking for. As expected Taehyung was wide awake and staring at his phone screen.
“Taehyungie.” Said boy flinched and looked up. “Joonie-hyung, why are you awake?”
“Why are you awake?”
“I wanted to finish this level.” The two looked at each other for another moment before Taehyung moved closer to the wall and Namjoon got onto the bed next to him, but not without hitting his knee and falling face first onto the narrow bunk bed. Taehyung giggled in the cute way only he could do and Namjoon quietly laughed along while rubbing his nose.
“Is it that funny to you to see your hyung hurt?”
Instead of answering Taehyung put his phone away and settled down on his pillow, petting the space next to him. The blond got the hint and lied down next to him, facing the younger. His hand came up to blindly touch his face, but he missed completely and his fingers found a round shoulder instead. He trailed his fingertips along Taehyung’s collarbone and up his neck to his jaw.
Warmth was blooming in his chest, like a thousand little blossoms, and he could feel his own heart beat wildly against his chest.
“Thank you, Joonie-hyung.” The voice was closer then he thought it would be and quick puffs of air hit his lips.
“You’ve nothing to thank me for Taehyungie.” The smaller boy’s cold fingers almost made him flinch when they suddenly touched his jaw. Taehyung trailed his fingers along his bottom lip and Namjoon first heard the movement before he felt velvety lips touch his own chapped ones. It was just a soft press of skin against skin, it barely lasted a few seconds but Namjoon felt like his heart was about to leap out of his chest. His own hand moved from the smaller boy’s jaw to his neck where he found a heartbeat matching his in tempo. Taehyung pulled back slowly and Namjoon’s lips followed him, pressing themselves against his for another moment before reluctantly parting again.
“Good night Joonie-hyung.” Namjoon couldn’t see it but he could hear the smile in Taehyung’s voice.
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