The day was getting colder and colder and Yixing huffed as he fuzzed over Xiuying, making sure that the scarf she had on was covering and nose. One of the pregnancy books he’d been reading stating how important it is to keep the mother healthy and the last thing he wants is for Xiuying to catch a cold.

“Are you sure you really have to go to work?”

Xiuying rolled her eyes and even though Yixing couldn’t see it he knew pursed into an annoyed pout.

“Yixing, we’ve talked about this before. I already took almost one week off last month; I’m not going to take more time off especially since I’ll be taking three months of maternity leave once this baby is born.”

Her eyes narrowed into thin slits when he opened his mouth again. “And no, I’m not going to quit my job.”

Yixing raised his hands in surrender. He knew it’s a lost cause - knew it before he brought it up, Xiuying loves what she do too much for that, but he had to try. It’s not as if they need Xiuying’s income to pay the bills; Yixing’s check covers it all nicely and they’ve done nothing but put her earnings into a savings account for emergencies.

“Are you sure you’re okay to be driving, though?” he still persisted when Xiuying was already behind the wheels of the new car Yixing had bought her, insisting that it was safer than her previous old one. “I could hire a driver to take you around.”

With a scoff and a quick kiss on his nose, Xiuying backed out slowly from their garage and drove off with a wave.

Yixing stood there at their driveway long until her car was out of sight.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Xiuying was in the kitchen when Yixing came home later that night, poking her head through the door with a smile that instantly vanished and replaced by a frown seeing the stack of books on his arms.

“More books??” She huffed. “Yixing, I swear you’ve already bought the entire supply of parenting books that have ever been published!”

Yixing grinned sheepishly. “Oh, come on. I didn’t buy that much!”

With one hand on her hips, Xiuying pointed towards the living room where stacks of books were cluttering their coffee table and piles of printed out articles scattering the couch, a slight annoyance painting her face.

His grin grew even more embarrassed. “…..oops?”

Xiuying scoffed, stepping back with a hand to stop him when Yixing went closer for a kiss. “Oh no, mister, you know the drill. Go take a shower first.”

With a sigh Yixing watched on dejectedly as his wife her heels. He walked slowly towards their bedroom after depositing the new books on the living room, pushing over the stacks already there for some space.

He couldn’t help himself, he mused internally as he let the shower’s warm water washed over him. It was like he was obsessed to get as much information as he can about the pregnancy and boy, there was a lot of it.

Yixing bought every parenting book he can get his hands on, darting out during breaks in recording for his new album and dance practice, reading endless reviews and editorials online. He got more from family and friends and friends-that-are-family, and he downloaded articles and statistics to his laptop and then to his mobile.

But Xiuying didn’t want to read any of it.

When he went back to the kitchen the dinner table was already laid out and he kissed his wife as thanks as they settled down to dinner. Xiuying’s appetite had returned and Yixing rejoiced in that fact, smiling to himself as she polished off the last piece of chicken.

He’d offered to do the dishes and once it was done, settled himself besides Xiuying on the living room’s couch, putting an arm around her shoulder as his other hand grabbed the laptop on the end table.

Xiuying snuggled closer to him, eyes leaving the TV to gaze curiously at him. “What are you doing?”

Yixing kissed the crown of her temple as he the laptop. “There was this interesting article about babies that I downloaded earlier, so I figured I could read it now.”

Xiuying whined, her light breath hitting his chest. “Do you really have to do it now?”

“It’ll take a just a while, baby, I promise.”

Xiuying huffed, her long finger trailed up his chest. “But I want your attention now, Xing.”

Yixing made the mistake of looking down to see Xiuying’s half-lidded eyes and her teeth biting her bottom lips as her fingers continued to trail teasing touches over his collarbone.

“Are you going to favor that laptop,” Xiuying leaned up to drop an open-mouthed kiss on his Adam’s apple. “Over me, Xing?”

Needless to say, the laptop laid completely forgotten as Yixing carried his wife to their bedroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Xiuying’s resistance over his new-found obsession didn’t stop there.

Yixing would come home to find that his books have been stacked in precarious piles in corners and niches of their house.

“That’s not important,” she scoffed when he asked her about it, eyes bright with humor. “Books cannot tell you how to raise a child, Yixing, don’t be stupid.”

The books that wasn’t being put into stack didn’t escape her, too; Yixing would find that Xiuying had went so far as to write mocking comments in the margins, sarcastic commentary in messy characters that made Yixing laughed even as he scowled in annoyance.

Yixing wanted to talk about schools and baby-proofing, ground rules and nannies and college funds. Xiuying refused to discuss anything but names, scrawling down her favorites as they come to mind, crumpled post-it notes with both boy’s and girl’s name scribbled on it. She would then stick it everywhere, on the fridge and in the microwave, the outside of the shower glass wall and one time, even at the steering wheel of Yixing’s car.

The articles and printouts that Yixing handed to her was tossed aside and every time he even tried to boot up his laptop she would distract him with teasing touches and almost-there kisses that almost always ended up in their bedroom.

Xiuying’s mouth was warm and insistent as she kissed Yixing, humming softly when he trails fingers under her sweater and traced the barely there bulge. It always seems so much bigger when Xiuying was standing, but when she lay down like she was now, it almost disappears entirely, melting back into her body.

He pulled back from the kiss, rubbing his thumbs low on her hips as he observed his wife. “You’re okay? I’m not crushing you or anything?”

Xiuying panted lowly, arms already reaching to pull him back. “I’m fine, the baby is fine, Now get over here and kiss me.”

He laughed into , indulging in a few more kisses before pulling back again to lie besides her, hand rubbing over her bulge.

“What do you think it is? Boy or girl?”

Xiuying’s mouth pursed as she pondered the question. “I don’t know. But which one do you want?”

Yixing shrugged. “As long as you and the baby are fine and healthy, then it doesn’t matter to me.”

She poked his cheek teasingly. “I hope he or she have your dimple.”

He rolled his eyes before dropping another kiss. “Well, I hope the baby have your smile.” He crawled down until he could kiss her stomach too. “It doesn’t matter though, I’ll love however our baby looks like, all with his or her ten small fingers and toes.”

Xiuying hooked an ankle around his calf and Yixing trapped them between his legs, smiling at her contented sigh. As winter finally came Xiuying gets cold easily nowadays, unable to retain body heat since it was being absorbed by the baby and she always snuggled closer to Yixing in her sleep to get warm.

As Xiuying’s breath evened out, Yixing pondered over the unanswered question. While it’s true that he doesn’t mind which gender their child would be, his mind went back to a particular binder he hid between the shelves of his cupboard.   

Yixing had saved every post-it notes that Xiuying had scribbled, smoothing out crinkled strips of paper and slipping them into plastic sheets and snapping them into binders for posterity. He hid it from her, embarrassed, but can’t stop staring at a particular yellow square with a girl’s name, and dreaming of a pink nursery, frilly pinafores and make-believe tea parties with stuffed animals as guests.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was a week before Xiuying’s next prenatal appointment when Yixing found her standing at the living room’s window in the middle of the night, head leaning on the smudgy glass. His mind had been frantic with worry when he woke up to see her side of the bed empty and he’d stumbled around their house to search for her.

“Baby….” He sighed in relief as he embraced her back. “What are you doing here this late? I was so scared when I didn’t find you in bed!”

Xiuying leaned her weight back on him, clasping his hands so their fingers intertwined as it rest on her protruding stomach. He rained kisses on her head, heart still slightly beating frantically from his previous panic.

“There is a reason why I didn’t read all those books and articles that you gave me, Yixing.”

Her slight frame trembled and Yixing tightened his hold, perching his chin on her shoulder, humming softly to let her know he was listening.

“It’s just…..I’m scared, Yixing.” Her voice was soft yet loud enough in the silence of the night. “I don’t know the first thing about kids and my body is going through things I’ve never experienced before and…and….”

A soft sob broke through her and Yixing turned her around slowly so he could cup her cheeks but her tears were still coming freely.

“W-what if…I’m a bad mother? What if he or she grows up to hate me?”

Yixing cooed and shushed her gently, thumbs rubbing the tears of her cheeks and pressing a kiss there afterwards. She slumped against her and he rocked them side to side, still dropping kisses on her face, nudging her forehead until she looked up at him.

“You are not going to be a bad mother. Our kid will love you, just like I love you.”

Xiuying’s hands reached up to cradle his jaw and Yixing turned to kiss her palms one by one, his own hands coming up to wrap around her wrist and he swallowed hard.

“I am scared, too,” he whispered against the skin of her palm. “That’s why I bought all those books and read as much as I can. Because I’m scared too, baby, terrified even.”

Xiuying’s eyes widened before she broke into a small smile. “I’m glad that you read those books, though Yixing. I really am.” She wiped her eyes and shook her head. “What a pair of mess we are making, huh?”

Yixing leaned down to kiss her nose. “We’re newbie parents; I think it was expected for us to be scared. No matter, though.” He leaned down, almost bending his body in half to kiss her stomach, before looking up at her with a grin. “We can be scared together.”