“Lay and I. We haven't dated in a few years.”

When Minseok and Lu Han started dating, it was the simplest thing in the world. Mutual friends introduced them, over time they became friends, and then one day they realized they spent all their free time together. Did it mean they liked each other more than they liked other people? It seemed like a simple yes. Did they like each other enough to take the next step? Small touches and easy, mindless skinship. Hand holding and pecks on the cheek – because Lu Han thought he was so cute –  turned into pecks on the lips, and one day they told their friends they were dating and everyone cheered. No drama, no fuss, no circus. Just congratulations and plenty of 'I knew you guys were meant to be!' from their friends and acquaintances. 

They were juniors in college. 

By their senior year it was more affordable to live off campus and way too obvious that they share an apartment together. No housewarming party necessary, just a few of Lu Han's boxes mixed with Minseok's boxes, and their bed was a queen bed with way too many pillows and the sheets a bare 200 thread count. They had half a set of dishes and the Laundromat in the basement was a cockroach-infested dump, but why be upset over it? They were poor college students who just happened to be in love, and too otherwise occupied to think about the crappy things in life.

For some people, the end of college signaled a great change. Young adults became slightly older young adults, and they entered the work force and life was no longer a matter of 'did you finish your essay on time' but 'did you get your work application in order and what are your prospects for making money.' College sweethearts had big dramatic breakups and went their separate ways, following their individual lives, and they tended to the broken hearts from their broken loves with all the care that maybe a month could afford before life swept them back on their feet again. Baekhyun broke up with Jongin one day, and the tears and fits and thrashing he made in Minseok and Lu Han's kitchen was reminiscent of the very same scene when he and Lu Han graduated from high school and Baekhyun's first boyfriend Chanyeol accepted a scholarship at a university across the country.

Minseok and Lu Han looked on, and they took turns comforting the sobbing friend, until Baekhyun dried his tears and they persuaded him to go home. Then they got into their own bed and cuddled, and they didn't speak about the very same pressures they were facing. They rose the next morning and Minseok casually checked his e-mail for responses to his resumes, and Lu Han took an early morning run. A month later Minseok moved three hours away, and Lu Han was left with a half empty apartment, a queen bed, too many pillows, and no boyfriend. He didn't even cry when Minseok left. The casual discussion they'd shared about both of their prospects was too logical. It made too much sense for Minseok to take the job up north, and Lu Han to stay here. 

'I don't get it,” Jongdae had said. 'Your lover is moving away, and you're just going to let him go?'

'I'm not 'letting him go'... I'm just... letting him do what he needs to do,' Lu Han had responded.

Jongdae scoffed. 'Don't tell me this is some kind of noble idiot thing coming out all of a sudden. The old 'I love him enough to let him go' kind of trash, because you know that is only acceptable on TV, nobody is going to pity you for your sacrifice, and you won't get a miracle turn-around ending.'

Lu Han didn't agree with him, and not just the part about him not getting his miracle ending, but because letting Minseok go was painful to him, and believe him – not once did he actually think he was being noble about it. Letting Minseok go like that was assuming everything had been perfectly all right between them before he left, had other circumstances not torn them apart. But Minseok's career move came in tandem with a low spell in their relationship, and both of them knew it. 

Just that nobody else realized or saw how they needed a break. How maybe they weren't as strong together as everyone assumed. As even they had assumed. 

“I'm sorry,” Minseok says now. “I didn't know you weren't together anymore.”

Is that a comforting tone Minseok is using on him now? Lu Han sighs, long and hard. “Uhh, yeah. We're just friends. Colleagues. Whatever you want to call it.”

Minseok mumbles noncommittally, as if he’s merely storing away a fact that doesn't pertain to him. Maybe it’s only Lu Han's wishful thinking that makes him imagine some spark of life behind Minseok's eyelids. “So, a friendly breakup?” he asks.

Does Lu Han dare to open his mouth? It seems to him that the room around them is growing a little bit louder, and out of the corner of his eye he registers Jongdae somehow dirty-dancing with Junmyeon, the latter wringing Jongdae's neck from behind with the crook of his elbow. The number of drunk people in the room has seriously escalated since Lu Han first came in, and most of them are whooping and hollering at the not-actually-gay couple at the other end of the room. 

Minseok's eyes flick over to the entertaining sight, but his attention is not apparently drawn to it. He seems almost more attracted to the Adam's apple bobbing on Lu Han's throat, and Lu Han senses it. It makes him nervous.

What had his and Lay's breakup been like? A lot of fighting and words they didn't even mean. Lay raged at him for being stubborn, and Lu Han at Lay for being so career-obsessed.

It makes Lu Han a tiny bit guilty, but he'd had way more sympathy for Minseok than for the stage actor. And Lay knew it. A week after their very vocal (though thankfully private) split, he met up with Lay for a mid-afternoon lunch. The scene was reminiscent of the scene he's having now. The two knew they were done. 

'Got any plans now?' Lay had asked.

Lu Han shook his head. 

'Not going to run after Minseok now? Seems I never really filled his shoes. Or maybe I filled them too much? You seem to prefer the silent types. I think that's why we clashed.'

If that's what Lay always thought, then Lu Han was sorry for him. They parted on good terms. Occasionally Lay irritated the out of him when he was barking out orders on the stage, and that created a few more public scenes, but the strictly professional terms of their relationship created a safeguard for their friendship. At the very least it allowed Lu Han a place to vent his frustrations, and not a few of those occasions were because he seriously missed having someone special in his life. He just never called it the way it was. Lay did though.

' you, Lu Han, and go find someone special, if that's what you so desperately need!'

' you too, Lay! And I will!'

But of course he never did. And Lay had been right all along. 

He missed Minseok every day, so much that he dared not say it, and pretty soon he dared not admit it, and one day he didn't even remember it, or he pretended not to. And then he'd discover a tie rolled up on the floor of his closet in a style that didn't match anything and a pattern he knew he hadn't bought, and oh—that was Minseok's. He hung it back up with his others and a few years later he wore it accidentally, and forgot it belonged to an ex-boyfriend until he saw himself in a mirror, and he suddenly pictured Minseok standing right behind him with his arms wrapped about Lu Han's waist and nuzzling into his neck. 

And now all of a sudden that image comes swarming back to him, except the visage of Minseok in his mind's eye comes wearing same studded earring of the five-years-older man in front of him, and Lu Han gulps until his throat runs dry, and he chokes once more. This time on nothing but air. 

Had he and Lay had a friendly breakup? Yes and no, but at least there'd been closure...

“I miss you.”

Minseok's eyes swell enormously. His voice comes out in a stunned whisper. ”What?” 

Lu Han instantly regrets it. Words have betrayed him, emotions betrayed him. He groans and convulses, and nobody in the room besides Minseok notices his no-longer-inner struggle. He’s wide open now. His palms begin to sweat, and maybe if he wasn't reacting this way he could have played it off like a casual slip of the tongue. But the longer Minseok stares at him, the more he sweats and seconds tick by and still he is stunned at himself.

“Uhmmmm.....” he tries to speak, but he can no longer really hear anything of the atmosphere around him, almost like his ears are plugged, and all he can focus on are Minseok's lips, and the way the man's hands twitch nervously in his lap.

Even Baekhyun's old words drum louder in his head, louder than the buzz of actual human voices: 'You want him to fight for you, but you don't fight for him either. You just let things go. You both do.'

Convention tells him that he should play it down, or let it go like he always does. And he knows instinctively that if he doesn’t say something now, Minseok will let it go as well. Lu Han can laugh right now and chuckle and bring a slightly confused smile to Minseok's lips, and then excuse himself. Minseok would bid him goodbye and Lu Han would run away as fast as he possibly can without looking like an idiot, and if he does end up looking like an idiot, well that wouldn't matter anyway because he'd be free of Minseok and this embarrassing situation. Perhaps they'd meet in another five years, or maybe ten, and this time Minseok would have another man beside him, and Lu Han would still be working nights at the theater, and Lay would still harass him during the day. He would live forever regretting and wondering what would have happened if he'd only taken Minseok's hand that day at Jongdae's party.

A whole alternate reality passes through his mind, and not one speck of it is better than the reality right in front of him.

“Uhhh.... Minseok...”

“You... Did you say you missed me?”

Lu Han swallows, and he swears Minseok can probably hear it echoing down his throat. “Yes.”

Maybe he isn't the only person here finding it hard to breathe. Minseok's breath is shallower than before. Is that a good sign, or does he just fear hearing whatever ridiculous scenario Lu Han might be coming up with?

“You mean you want to be friends?” Minseok's words hurt, but it looks like it might be hurting Minseok too. 

“Yes...” 

“I see.” Yes, Minseok is definitely sad. Lu Han wants to whine and shake him by the shoulders and demand to know why he is sad. Is it because of him? Is it because of Lu Han, and if so, is it because of then or is it because of now?

Minseok's hand twitches. Carefully, deliberately Lu Han takes it with his own. “And...”

Minseok gasps. “... And?”

“I miss you. I... want you to come home.”

Minseok titters uneasily, his eyes drawn to their interlocking fingers, and after a moment he sighs rather dramatically. But he clenches his hand tightly as he says, “Lu, you know I'm only down here for the weekend. I still live in—”

“I can move up there! I can. I will!” Lu Han has never been more desperate to move in his life. “Please give me a chance, I beg of you. I miss you so much. I... I love you. Still! I... never quit. I... Oh, forget the past,” he trails off into a whisper, fighting his emotions, fighting the confusion on Minseok’s face and begging the man to not interrupt him while he retakes control of his pounding heart.

Lu Han pauses, breathing deeply, and begins again, slower. “Let's start over? Please? Hi, my name is Lu Han and I think you look fabulous, and no I'm not just some shallow guy. But see,” he his lip, eyes glancing upwards at Minseok, “I knew a guy like you before and... I messed it up. I'm pretty sure he thought I didn't care enough to fight for him when he left, and I'm determined not to make that mistake again.”

Minseok's frozen smile waxes and wanes until his breaths draw irregular. One pair of conjoined hands becomes two, Lu Han's knees nudge at Minseok's, and still the man doesn't speak. 

“Please don't let me make the same mistake twice,” Lu Han begs. He’s never begged before, out loud. And in an instant it seems like the world is about to make him pay for that.

The room erupts again, louder than before, as a drunk Tao falls off the chair he's been dancing on, and more screams and hollers follow. Minseok glances again in their general direction, and then briefly at his hands, held tightly between Lu Han's, and Lu Han internally curses the world for letting him meet Minseok like his but in the worst possible setting. Finally though, Minseok looks at him, and the yearning face he makes make Lu Han's heart positively scream.

Minseok stands up, and their hands fall away from each other. He takes two small steps, as Lu Han's world shatters, his failure starting to weigh on him. But then a hand pauses on his shoulder and Minseok's tiny voice just above his ear whispers clearly through the din of the chaos surrounding them. 

“Jongdae said there was a coffee shop nearby. Let's... go. And talk.” The hand squeezes at Lu Han's shoulder. Then, “I missed you too.”

I'm done! Yes, this is now a completed work.

(I've actualy just edited this because I kept changing the tenses and somehow managed to screw myself up) - July 2015

ANYWAYS! Insert any coffee!au if you please. I'm sorry, because I started writing this particular chapter when I was in a dark and foul mood, and I was afraid that if I continued in that vein the story would end depressing as well. I needed some time to gather my wits and all my OTP feels, and... now you see the result. :)

#Xiuhan4lyfe

<3 Rosie