Ianthe

At home, I sulk as I scan through her letter again, situated under a paperweight on Lu Han’s work desk.

Natalia, Natalia, Natalia.

I scowl.

I do not believe I cannot write a better confession letter, I mutter to myself. A second ticks by, my mind weighing the scales, and I decide with determination: I shall write a love letter to him, too.

But first, what is love? It’s not that I have no inkling what it is about, but I myself have never experienced a single ‘crush’. Not in my World, definitely not in this human World. But I can’t say that I have not felt certain feelings during these two or so weeks on Earth. And, towards a certain someone, too…Do I like/love him? I don’t know. So, since I can’t exactly ask anybody…

I search up the internet website called ‘GOOGLE’.

Love:

(n) A strong feeling of affection Crush: A brief but intense feeling towards someone (temporarily!).

Symptoms of Love/Crush:

1- You feel that he’s just…special from anyone else. Oh, I do not doubt that.

2- You feel that he/she’s perfect, despite his/her flaws. I shall not deny that either.

 3- Your heart beats fast when you’re near him/her. Has the statement just strike true? 

4- He/she makes you smile, laugh, cry…etc. (Yes, he does, Google)

5- You get jealous or irritated when others of the opposite talks or flirts with him/her. …Natalia… 

6- You’d do anything for him/her. I don’t know.

 7- You want to stay with him/her forever. I kinda do want to continue living with him under the same roof...

 My eyes travel down the list to the bottom line.

If you’ve answered more ‘yes’s than ‘no’s, congratulations, you might just possibly be smitten with your guy/lady!

Smitten, smitten, smitten…

God, what? I’m smitten by Deer? Meaning that…

How this makes everything easier…

~

I glance at the clock briefly and nearly cursed. It’s six in the evening; Lu Han should be released from school.

I slap the paper I’ve been scribbling on-like how Lu Han does with his papers-and shove the letter to the bottom of his drawer, somewhere I don’t think he would be able to find so easily, for now.

I have affections for my savior, says Google. I’m kind of shocked, surprised…Screw it, I don’t know. Did I guess it could have been the outcome of living, spending time and communicating with him?

I grab the paper bag from Starbucks-I ran into Sour Face-Miss Karla, another of Lu Han’s admirers again earlier, and she still wasn’t very friendly-and hopped down the stairs of the apartment to the bus station, the icy cold wind howling in my face, nipping at the skin. It’s cool how you can see your breaths in winter.

It's not snowing yet, but I anticipate it, for it all seemed so fun from the Encyclopedia of Mortals and Their Habits, a blanket of white, snowball fights and snowmen...

Deer is at the gate when I arrive, talking to his friends, Lay and Max. Natalia hovers around them with her clique. I call his name.

Ianthe! Max opens his arms. I think that is meant for a hug, so I hug him, despite the fact that I’ve only known him for a day. He doesn’t seem dangerous. I smile at Lay over Max’s shoulder and he nods back, his lip curling ever so slightly.

Ianthe, Lu Han narrows his eyes at Max, who had just released me, why are you here?

To accompany you home so that you can eat, and not oversleep your station. I grin and shove the bag into his hands.

Lu Han frowns at me; I-told-you-not-to shining in his eyes, but sighs and accepts the food. Natalia glowers at me again. How alike she and Starbucks Lady are, only Natalia prettier. The cute winter outfit of hers suits her perfectly, I must say.

Despite everything, thanks for the food, Ian. I’m starving, says Lu Han, wolfing down the tar within seconds. He grins beautifully, and Google’s answer screams back at me.

Smitten! Smitten!

My heartbeat accelerates uncontrollably, like how the website described when one is in love, and doubt this whole mess no longer.

Okay okay, I like, possibly love, Deer, fine?

But there’s this weight pressing on my heart, on my shoulders. It’s heavy. It’s also achingly suffocative. Part of me, perhaps my instinct, just knows…that Lu Han and I have no future together. It breaks me instantly on the spot. What great chances Natalia have, that I stare her down with green eyes?

Plenty, compared to me. And adding to the fact that Deer did say he admired that woman like a heroine of Marvel’s.

Lu Han nudges me, and I start. Apparently, he’s been asking me something, and I hadn’t been listening. Vaguely, I recall someone saying something about going home, and I nod.

Home.

How I’ll miss Home with Lu Han in it if I were going. When I am going.

Since young, no one from our World has entered Earth despite being able to, and I was the only one who did so. Out of rebellion. I never had been a ‘good’ Angel. I just wanted to explore for a bit, and somehow, someone has granted me passage to Earth. It wasn’t planned, and of course, I have no idea how to get back to my World. But I don’t regret it, especially when the whole package comes with Deer. Oh no, I don’t ever want to leave now.

But we’ve been taught since the moment we're immortal Angels can never be with Mortals. Even as friends, much less lovers. According to my elders, they just don’t match, another tale I never believed in. Rumor has it that there’s been a war between the humans and us once upon a long, long time, but no one is absolutely sure, for the elders who managed to live through it till now have either sealed their mouths shut upon that incident, or just hidden away.

The bus jerks to a stop at a traffic junction and I am shaken out of my thoughts. I glance at Lu Han in the seat beside me, who is napping with his chin on his bag in his lap, eyes closed with his golden-brown fringe covering them. I admire his side profile; it’s just so amazingly stunning, like himself in person. His looks, his warming personality, his melting smiles which I’ve grown to love.

His curling, long eyelashes flutter for a second as the bus brakes, but does not rouse form his sleep.

My heart aches.

Poor Deer, so tired every day, yet so successful. Fame for health, what a brutal exchange, exactly the reason why I want to do as much as possible for him to ease his stressful whatever things. At least, he gets to rest more tomorrow and Sunday.

As I promised, I keep a watch out for our stop while swooning over his adorable sleeping profile. He, like Lay, is so talented at such a young age…

The bus rolls to a stop, and I realize it’s our bus stop. I wake Lu Han immediately and rush for the open doors. The icy wind blasts into my face as we alight, Lu Han strolling casually a meter or so before me. I stare wistfully at his back.

Of course I wish we could like me, and that we could be together. But like everyone else’s, my fate is predestined in the stars, and love with a Mortal is not one of my futures.