Coward

 Her mind went numb from the panic attack. Seoeun felt it slipping away from her, a pitch black veil dropped in front of her blurred sight. Every single emotion washed over her as she expected the cold water to her skin. But it never did.

 Once again, Seoeun felt the familiar strong arms wrap around her small frame, supporting her. One securely holding her waist and the other gently placed around her shoulders. A handsome face she had grown so much to admire appeared in front of her face, only inches apart. Seoeun felt like they were in the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul again. With his arms around her, she felt secure and protected from anything evil awaiting her.

 “What have you been thinking about?” Worry was written all over Minseok’s face as he slowly spoke the words.

 Seoeun could not conjure a proper word and just stared at his glowing eyes. She could see her flustered face reflected in them. Involuntarily, she got lost in them. “Minseok…” was what she muttered after a few seconds passed.

 Minseok helped her straighten and looked her once more to make sure she was unharmed. A pink tint crawled from her neck to her cheeks as she was still trying to phrase her thoughts that were racing in a million directions.

 “Minseok, let’s walk together after school today!” the young thirteen-year-old Seoeun beamed at her senior as they were walking together down the hall to their next classes. The boy nodded his head with a smile and walked Seoeun to her classroom bidding her goodbye and taking another corridor.

 The smile could not go away from the girl’s face even after the teacher scolded her for being distracted. Seoeun hadn’t hung out with her best friend for a while because of his busy schedule. He had been studying for exams and barely had time to call or text her.

 “Seoeun, can I have a word with you?” Mr. Park spoke up after the majority of the class was already gone. Immediately, Seoeun knew there was something wrong; she could sense it from her teacher’s tone.

  “Yes, Mr. Park?” she timidly approached his desk.

 “Your grades have descended since last month. Is there a problem?” he raised his eyebrows questioningly.

 The girl thought about it for a while but could not come up with a proper explanation. She really had no idea what had happened to her. “I’m a bit distracted lately. But I’ll return my grades back to normal, I promise!” Seoeun made up an excuse and hurriedly exited the room.

 She hadn’t noticed a change in herself though.

 She found herself dragged in one of the girls’ restrooms. Since she was a bit short, Seoeun looked up only to be met with three pairs of furrowed eyebrows and furious gazes.

 “Do you think that you will get away with it?” The tallest girl hissed, piercing Seoeun’s head with her stare.

 “I’m sorry but what are you talking about?”

 “What do you think? I’m sure you stole my new phone!” she screeched in the girl’s face. The other two just nodded in agreement adding to the suspense.

 “I’m not a thief. Sorry, you got the wrong girl.” Seoeun responded calmly. She knew girls like these. They picked on the innocent ones just to feel dominant.

 “Are you sure? Because I just found this in your locker.” The girl continued and held up her mobile phone, seemingly untouched.

 “I changed my locker last week, MinHee-sunbae.” Seoeun stated and proceeded to go home. She started to feel concerned, not about these girls but because Minseok was waiting for her outside.

 “Oh, don’t think I’d buy this.” MinHee rolled her eyes.

 “If you don’t believe me, just check the name on the locker you found your phone in. It’s not mine.” Seoeun turned her back and went out of the restroom.

 “Come back, you little…” the older girl shouted and Seoeun could hear fast steps behind her. Without a second thought, she took to her heels and sprinted towards the exit of the building. Her heart was racing and although she was shorter than the average, she was incredibly fast for a thirteen-year-old.

 The doors of the school building burst open and Seoeun almost jumped from the top of the stairs, her eyes searching for her best friend. As soon as she spotted his figure, a huge smile adorned her face. Her heart was already racing; she thought that it might even stop.

 Minseok turned to her with his, contrary to hers, little smile.

 “Sorry I was late again. Some older girl thinks I stole her phone…” Seoeun scratched her nape, feeling embarrassed that she had made him wait.

 “Did they hurt you?” Were his first words towards her and she could not feel anything but touched that he was concerned for her.

 “No, I ran away.” The girl beamed and started walking towards the school gates.

 At that moment she knew what was wrong. It had been wrong all along but it felt incredibly right, walking beside him. Her young heart beat quicker only because of him and his little smiles.

 “Minseok, remember when that girl at school tried to accuse me of stealing her phone?” Seoeun spoke up after she collected herself and her thoughts.

 “No, I don’t. Back in high school you used to be quite mischievous.” The boy grinned and ruffled her hair which only made her feel even more agitated.

 “Then I realized something…” she finally formed her thoughts into words but it still felt too hard. A sigh escaped her lips as she tried again. “Do you know what water taste like?”

 “Like water.” Minseok answered without any doubt.

 Seoeun took a last deep breath and spoke the words that had been torturing her for the last nine years.

 “And liking you feels like liking you.” She slowly dipped her head low, avoiding his face as she let her words sink in.

 “What do you mean?” After seconds Minseok’s voice rang in her ears.

 “I have a crush on you, Kim Minseok, since I was thirteen.” Seoeun almost whispered. “I always felt special around you because you treated me like I were special. Even Baekhyun suspected it; I think he knew, although he never questioned me. I never told you because I was afraid, I was a coward.”

 For a minute or two, maybe an hour, he stood in front of me as if weighing out his options. The girl mustered the courage to look at his face and then immediately regretted it. He looked completely lost. His breath came out ragged and his eyes were glued on that stupid odd tile she had tripped over earlier.

 “I never knew, Seoeun.” He mumbled under his breath and looked at her with those desperate and overflowing with sorrow eyes that she had never seen until then. Seoeun hated it. She hated the feeling she got, the feelings she had caught towards him and the feeling she was about to feel. Seoeun hated all of it. A little tear slid down his left cheek.

 Seoeun was utterly miserable, heartbroken and startled, all at the same time. Never had she ever seen her best friend cry. He always possessed this calm and stable aura; tears did not belong to his personality.

 “I…” he stuttered, obviously still not fully recovered from the shock, “I don’t want to hurt you, Seoeun…” he gulped once and continued, “But I’d rather we stayed friends.”

 By the time he said his final words, Seoeun was in a state of daze and numbness. Somehow, she had subconsciously known that he would never love her back. Yes, she loved him. She still felt the bittersweet taste of her love towards him on the tip of her heart but it slipped away and left a bloody trace, which spread in more and more cracks until her heart shattered into a million bits. Her face turned away and never looked back again. She knew there was no future behind her back.

 In her room, Seoeun was finally able to let out her tears. When she confessed a huge weight lifted off her shoulders but was shortly replaced by a greater one. What was supposed to happen, what did she expect from him? He hands found the old notebook and brought it close to her chest. Now that Minseok rejected her feelings, she only had her dream.

Author's Note

 What's up, subbies? Did you forget about me? I bet you did. This is the end of the first arc of this story, so give me a round of applause for reaching here lol We're starting the next arc which will be, as you may have already guessed, slightly darker and depressing. Oh well, I warned you was going to get serious but I bet you don't remember this either. Anyway, I hope you like the story so far and don't be too sad because of Minseok, he might have his reasons ;)

 As always, I'd very much appreciate it if you subscribe and comment, until next time, see you!