----------------------------------------------------------

 

I looked up and saw Seung Hyun looking at my boogers on his shirt. Being the nice and currently thoughtless person I am right now, I apologized -- much to my future dismay.

 

"Omo! Mianhae! I'll...um I don't know... Change shirts! I'll wash it..." I ran upstairs to the sanction of my balcany. Very few people can go into my room, my balcany and my bathroom are even more private. You go there and I find out, I will HANG you out my balcany, just ask Shawn.

 

As I was sitting there I pretended not to notice someone was following me. I thought it was Yoko so I didn't turn around to throw a violent frenzy.

 

Suddenly, a voice too low for Yoko asked me a question. "I thought no one was allowed in here?" I almost got a heart attack from the shock.

 

I glared at Seung Hyun, "If you knew that, why are you here?" my vulnerability was wearing off and I was becoming myself again.

 

"A guy's weakness is a crying girl. And I have to bond with someone I'm living with sometime." He shrugged off my lazer beam glare.

 

"My parents will gladly 'bond' with you."

 

"Who will I end up talking to more?"He questioned.

 

"You're room mates." I was standing up now.

 

"Are you always a smart alleck when you're not using my shirt as tissue paper?" He was leaning again the door trying to look cool.

 

"No. I can be nice when I want to be." I'm not THAT mean am I?

 

"I know. The way you treated those girls from your school... You try too hard to be perfect in front of others. You learn all these different things to run away from self pity. You're so insecure you strive to be better than everyone else but you're never satisfied. You're shattered beyond the works of the super glue that of which is your over bearing knowledge of everything. You. Are. Broken. Accept it." He said this with a smug smile I wanted to slap right off.

 

"I am NOT broken! I'm perfectly fine! I have no insecurities! I learned those things because I was bored! Don't go assuming your junk!" I restrained myself from shoving his shoe into his mouth.

 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. What I want to know is why you became so insecure. Young Bae said you were 'happy go lucky' 'loves to dance and sing and act whenever wherever' 'said things bluntly but never meant true harm'. I don't think there was any brokenness when he was around. What changed? He's back, shouldn't you be all better?"

 

"Who do you think you are to analyze me?! You and your FALSE accusations! People grow older, mature, they realize some dreams like being a rockstar or a astronaut just won't happen. The world is harsh, knowledge makes it easier. Now leave!" His words stung.

 

"I remember he said something about a boyfriend. He on a vacation or did he dump you? I haven't seen him. Did he really dump you? That is a possible reason for you're self conscienceness."

 

"I said to STOP ANALYZING ME!" That one tore a piece from where his previous words stung.

 

"So I'm right. That's all I needed to know. Good night--you have a great talent for dancing. Wished you'd enjoy it more. You don't look like you're having fun--strained actually. Maybe the boyfriend had something to do with this. Did he?" Does he not care I'm withering away with every question and assumption he's said now?

 

"Please. Just get out. Tell everyone to leave me alone. I'll wash your shirt later. Just go. Please." I slumped down and was on the verge of another break down.

 

"You let someone in and that's what happens to you. No wonder you're the way you are now." He sighed and walked away.

 

I did something that I hadn't done in about a year and a half. I cried myself to sleep. I had to drag myself under the blankets.

 

The next morning--afternoon actually there was a knock on my door. I had to croak out a threat that wasn't as scary as I meant fot it to be.

 

"Turn the knob and I'll make sure you won't sleep peacefully..." My throat hurt for hours because of that one sentence.

 

The only person brave enough to open the door was umma and she only came in for food and say 'he's not here anymore. fell better kay honey?' I'm make a small noise in retrun to let her know I was alive. out of the feast she brought in for me, I ate a muffin a glass of water and all of the brownies. Chocolate really helps--that is my advice to anyone reading my pathetic life story.

 

By the time it was night, I put myself back together and managed not to cry myself to sleep again. I had to take cold medicine though. I woke up an hour earlier than usual and got ready for school. I made breakfast for everyone. I even made and attempt to kimchi. Needless to say it was a failure being that I've never made it before. I don't even eat it--I hate cabbage.Yoko wanted to try the 'cabbage soup diet' and begged me to do it with her. It haunts me to this day. [a/n I actually did try it once...I advise you not to do it.]

 

I ate some eggs and bacon then brought my lap top downstairs to wait for everyone. I looked up the individual big bang members and watched a few clips. I saw Seung Hyun on a thing called Xman. I looked up Xman and clicked for each episode parts. I was laughing so hard tears were forming. I wanna try Danghyunhaji some day if I get the chance. And the monkey bar game too! Seems like so much fun. I was watching an old clip of the pushing game -- I saw some guy named Kim Jong Min touch another guy named Andy's and said he was manly -- when my parents started coming down.

 

"Hey sweet heart, feeling better?" Umma came to sit with me.

 

"Of course. Thanks for the food by the way." I said clicking the next clip. "I made breakfast. The Korean courses are crappy but edible." This one had a guy named Junjin and a tiny girl in a pushing game. He was practicing so hard I was laughing so hard I almost peed. Then the game finally started. I became quiet to focus. I burst into a roaring laughter as he ended up sitting on her!

 

I ran to Young Bae oppa who just came down the stairs with Seung Ri and Seung Hyun to drag him to the couch. I pushed play and he recognised the game but not the clip.

 

"What is Junjin hyung doing? Is he crazy?!" He started laughing immediately as Junjin started practicing. Then even louder as he sat on her.

 

"That seems like so much fun--not being sit on--hitting each other I mean." I said when the clip was over.

 

"Someone seems PERFECTLY together now." Seung Hyun commented casually. I grimaced but pretended I heard nothing quickly.

 

"I have to go. I'll be home later." I kissed Young Bae oppa on the cheek and grabbed my things. I have to drive myself to school now. That's car wreck waiting to happen.

 

I managed to me and my car to school without injuring a single thing. I'll pat myself on the back later. I ran up to Yoko who was sitting on the hood of her car waiting for me.

 

"Hey Yoko! I have a great new plan for our choreography on 'Xcstasy'! Let's do their performance choreography too--like we're doing for 'La La La'! I saw it and it's a lot of hip shaking--not too hard-- let's sing it too. There's a Korean version and an English version!" I sounded disgustingly peppy even to myself. I acted like I wasn't analyzing my actions.

 

"Really?! I wanted to do that too but I didn't you'd like it! YAY!" She was too happy about it to notice I was being fake.

 

"Come on! Class is going to start soon!" I dragged her with me to class.

 

I spent the rest of the day pretending not t see people staring at me like I had a second head. Pretending as if I didn't here their pity whispers about me and my brother's falling out.

 

-------------------------------------------------------