Disclaimer: i have never been to a group therapy meeting let alone one for self harm so the events and dialogue depicted in the scene are entirely made up and probably not accurate please do not think that if you go to a self harm group therapy that this is what might happen

“So how has everyone been recently?” Minji asked and there were a few murmurs that came from the crowd.

“I felt a lot better about seeing myself in the mirror,” one girl spoke up. “And I didn’t touch my razor for two consecutive days.”

Razor?

“I haven’t for three days!” one guy said proudly. “See?” He pulled up his sleeve. Five sets of scars ran across his arm, fresh and newly scabbed over.

Baekhyun felt his body go ice cold. Slowly, he looked at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was shaking again, arms wrapped around himself as he looked at anywhere but Baekhyun.

“That’s very good, you two,” Minji said proudly. “Has anyone else improved as well?”

Choruses of “me!”s came up but Kyungsoo stayed silent, as did a few others. The shaking had gotten worse and Baekhyun took his wrist again and rubbed the circles without thinking, unsure of how to feel or what to say, but the shaking only intensified.

“Breathe,” he murmured and Kyungsoo took a deep, shuddering breath.

Minji had apparently heard it. “Would you like to say something, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo tensed, then shook his head.

Minji frowned. “It’s okay if you didn’t improve, Kyungsoo. And it’s okay if you regressed too. We’ll be a little disappointed but no one will blame you Kyungsoo, okay?”

Kyungsoo stayed silent.

Minji tried again. “Did you regress Kyungsoo?” There was a pause. Baekhyun stared at his fiancé, willing him to speak.  “It’s okay,” Minji coaxed and then finally, Kyungsoo nodded slowly.

Minji smiled. “That’s fine, Kyungsoo. It’s good that you could admit it. We’ll work on it together okay? Along with Baekhyun-ssi,” she added, smiling at Baekhyun who kept his eyes fixed on Kyungsoo.

The ice he felt inside was spreading as he recalled all the times they had fought or he’d called Kyungsoo a loser or ignored him. Did he…did he do this to Kyungsoo?

When the meeting ended, he dragged Kyungsoo out in a daze. Kyungsoo didn’t resist and only followed him meekly to Baekhyun’s car, staring at his shoes.

“We...” Baekhyun turned around to face Kyungsoo who looked at him for the first time since the meeting had started. “We need to talk.”

Kyungsoo dropped his eyes to the floor again and nodded. “Talk in the car?” he asked quietly and Baekhyun nodded.

But once they were in the car, silence reigned. Where did you even begin when you find out your fiance’s been cutting himself?

“So….” The ice. “Is...is this my fault?”

Kyungsoo looked at him sharply. “No,” he said vehemently. “No. This – no.” He looked at his hands. “I was like this before I met you.” A wry little smile played at his lips.

“Since when?” The ice started to recede a little. It wasn’t his fault. But Baekhyun still felt cold.

Kyungsoo thought for a bit. “Middle school?”

“Oh.” Another awkward pause followed. “Can…can I see?” Kyungsoo stiffened and Baekhyun hurriedly backtracked. “Never mind I –“

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo said quietly. Baekhyun stared. Kyungsoo unwound his arms from around himself and stretched his left arm towards Baekhyun, turning away from him.

Baekhyun took his arm, wondering at how small and delicate Kyungsoo’s hands were and slowly, reverently, glancing at Kyungsoo ever so often, pushed up Kyungsoo’s sleeve.

A white bandage was wrapped around the forearm, stained red, but Baekhyun could make out seven lines where the blood was darker and more concentrated.

Kyungsoo shivered as he felt Baekhyun’s gaze on his cuts. It made the wounds seem more fresh and vulnerable. Baekhyun’s eyes turned dark and he dropped Kyungsoo’s arm.

Was he angry at Kyungsoo? The thought made Kyungsoo sick with worry inside. Would Baekhyun abandon him because of this?

“Let’s go home,” Baekhyun said shortly, face unreadable. He started the car and they drove home, the ride silent and tense between them.

When they got home, Baekhyun waited until Kyungsoo was standing beside him before he unlocked the door and Kyungsoo walked in tentatively, unsure of what to do now that things had changed so irrevocably between them.

“Baekhyun –“

“Where’s your razor?” Baekhyun asked, eyes boring into Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened.

“What do you ­–“

“Where. Is. Your. Razor,” Baekhyun repeated. He didn’t wait for Kyungsoo to answer before he turned and went into Kyungsoo’s room, the guest room, and began opening various drawers and cabinets looking for it.

“It’s…It’s not here,” Kyungsoo said softly and Baekhyun turned. “I-It’s in the kitchen.”

Baekhyun closed the drawer he had been rummaging through with a thud. “Give it to me,” he said quietly.

Kyungsoo led him into the kitchen and opened up a drawer. “Here,” he said, handing Baekhyun the blade. Baekhyun inspected it. The blade still had traces of red from where Kyungsoo had dragged it across his arm yesterday. Kyungsoo winced. He probably should have cleaned it better but he had been sort of out of it after the deed.

“I’m keeping it,” Baekhyun announced, sliding the blade all the way inside and pocketing it. Kyungsoo blinked at him.  

“That won’t work, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo said wryly. “I can buy razor blades anywhere you know.”

“No.” Baekhyun looked dead serious. “If you want to cut, come to me for your razor. Understand?”

What was Baekhyun even talking about? “Fine, fine.” Razors were a dime a dozen, he could just –

“Under. Stand?” Baekhyun’s voice shook him out of his thoughts. He really was serious, Kyungsoo realized. None of the easy-going playboy Baekhyun showed in his dark gaze.

“O-Okay.” Kyungsoo said softly, and this time he meant it. Baekhyun turned away, satisfied. “W-Wait,” Kyungsoo managed to get out despite how dry his throat had suddenly become. “Are you – Are you going to – Are we still –“

Was he going to what? Baekhyun stared at Kyungsoo, feeling rising concern as panic began to flood into Kyungsoo’s eyes as he tried to articulate something to Baekhyun. The shaking returned and this time it seemed worse than when Baekhyun had found out about Kyungsoo’s secret.

“–don’t I ­– please –don’t,”

Kyungsoo’s hands were clutching at Baekhyun’s sleeve.

“­­don't –“

“Kyungsoo, breathe,” Baekhyun said. Kyungsoo was getting more and more hysterical. “Just breathe,” he repeated as Kyungsoo didn’t seem to be listening. Kyungsoo breathed shallowly, visibly trying to calm himself.

“Please ­– don’t….don’t leave –don’t leave me,” Kyungsoo begged and Baekhyun stopped dead. “I’m broken – in a lot of ways and I know – know you hate me but –“

Carefully, tentatively, he brought Kyungsoo into a hug, feeling the other boy almost sag into his hold. Kyungsoo’s body was warm and soft and he could feel the other’s heartbeat pounding fast and strong against his chest. The image of the bloody bandage and the stained red razorblade flashed through his mind and the thought that Kyungsoo’s warm, soft body might turn cold and stiff….

“I’m not gonna leave,” he murmured into Kyungsoo’s hair. “We’re gonna fix you.”

Kyungsoo shuddered. 

A/N: i swore i wasn't going to update this until i had updated all of my other stories but orz whatever. anyways i hope you enjoy this early update :) thank you to the new subscribers and the upvoters and the commenters :D you make this story worth writing /bows/ upvote, comment, and subscribe if you liked this thank you so much