anagapesis: (n.) no longer feeling any affection towards someone you once loved. 

Luhan's mind went black. He didn't know where he was. He didn't know why he was there. He didn't know how he got there and he sure as hell didn't know what they were arguing about - every thought that consumed him inside disappeared when he saw the tears b in Miyoung's eyes. 

Tears he had caused to appear. 

"All I ever wanted was for you to love as much as I loved you!" 

Her dress was such a waste, her make-up too, although Luhan preferred her face , she still looked stunning that night. It was such a waste their night was ruined, and it was all because of him.

It was only minutes ago that they were laughing, and enjoying each other's company while chatting amongst the crowd and swaying along to the beat of the music playing in the background. So how, exactly, did they end up in the parking lot of the hotel fighting and arguing and clawing each other's throats? Luhan didn't know. 

"How hard is it for you men to stay loyal?!" her voice is so pained that even Luhan's heart breaks when he hears the emotions behind it. 

He didn't mean to do it, he never meant to hurt anybody. He knew it was wrong, for him to continue, but still, some temptations seemed so right than being wrong. 

"Being loyal is not the hardest thing to do in the world, you know!" 

"Mi - Miyoung." he hardly could utter her name. He couldn't even let the words: "I'm sorry, Miyoung." slip from his tongue and out of his mouth. Luhan was too shocked, he was too stunned. He couldn't get over it. 

"Don't Miyoung me!" 

Luhan feels guilty all over again. 

"She's here, at the party, and you didn't tell me!"

Luhan feels like he's a jerk. 

"But I saw you, Luhan. I saw you."

Oh, no, wait. He is a jerk. 

"I saw the way you looked at her."

He didn't mean for it to happen. 

"It's the same way I look at you." 

Because some things... just happen. 

"Don't even think about calling me." 

She broke him that night too. She wasn't the only one left broken, crying that night. He broke too. He cried too. And he wonders why, when the fault and the blame was all on him. 

<> <> <>

7 months, 1 week and 5 days. 

Her face in his thoughts. 

A bottle of liquor in his hand. 

A cigarette stick by his phone. 

Luhan takes a swig, and wonders if a girl like her is worth so much pain. But then again, they did spend 2 years together, and there's no doubt Luhan loves (he still loves her until now) her with every fiber in his being, it's just that with the silent treatment she's been giving her, how does she expect him to make ammends? 

Luhan sighs. "I still don't understand women." and intoxicates himself with the burning taste of liquor.

His phone vibrates. An unknown number. 

"Hello?"

"Luhan, you -"

He ends the call. Just 2 seconds. It was Im Yoona.

Angrily, he types: "Just because I ed you once, doesn't mean I love you!" 

He scolds himself for ever hooking up with Yoona behind her back. 

Luhan blocks the number once and for all.  

<> <> <>

12 months, 1 weeks and 5 days. 

A picture of him on her phone.

Memories in her head. 

A nostalgic feeling in her heart. 

Miyoung was stronger than this, she could do so much better than this too. She couldn't go back now, she couldn't look back now when she's ran so far from the girl she used to be when she was with him. 

<> <> <>

1 year, 4 months, 2 weeks and 2 days 

Luhan finds his heart aching at the sight of her smiling, dressed in the prettiest floral dress he had ever seen on her. She looked like she was having fun. The word beautiful comes across his mind when he stares at her from the other side of the room with an Eddy Kim song playing in the background. 

"You didn't tell me she'd be here, Minseok."

"I didn't know she'd be here." 

Luhan looks on at her, and wonders how she could smile so brightly. He realizes she hasn't see him yet. It's been over a year now, and Luhan wonders if something in her has changed ever since then. Maybe something has though, because people aren't always the same after a break-up. 

He sees the length of her hair, and it's proof of how long he hasn't seen her. 

Luhan walks the other way before Miyoung could take notice of him. 

<> <> <>

2 years, 1 month, 2 weeks and 3 days.

Miyoung feels the edges of her lips go down, forming a frown when her eyes on someone in particularlar. 

"Why is -"

"I didn't know either." 

She wants to flee, but before she could even turn around, her name is called by the person whom she was staring at not a milisecond ago. 

"Hwang Miyoung," 

She feels pissed all over, and somehwat angry. The way her name is said, it makes her want to claw the person's neck. Forcefully, she smiles. Fakely, she says: "Yoona. Hi." and the look in her eyes must've been intimdating because the girl falters under her stare. 

"I - I didn't know you joined our bookclub."

"I didn't know you could read."

"You're such a laugh, Miyoung."

"I'm glad I please you." 

Miyoung can't help her sassy mouth and sharp tongue, especially in front of girls like Im Yoona. She also can't help but think how she resembles his eye's so much, and she wonders out of all the girls in the country, in the continent, in the whole damn world - Im Yoona just had to be the girl Luhan hooked up with. 

<> <> <>

They've lost count now, but in all honestly, neither really cares. Not when Miyoung is happy, and Luhan is too. They're both happy now, seperately and Miyoung wishes for it to stay that way.

Because when she looks at Luhan's smile, her heart feels the same. She no longer feels anything, and that's when she realizes what they were before was now history and all in the past. 

- ; inspired by the collage maemaeeramae created above (pretty angsty, huh?), and yes, this oneshot is dedicated to her: my dongsaeng. <3  who are the other lufany shippers out there? :3 this kind of though, sorry about that! Will make it up in the next oneshot to come!