It’s a ritual or something. I always stop sleeping at seven am.

Boyoung’s face was so close to mine I thought as I shuffle out of bed. What am I going to do today? Am I going to keep Boyoung or leave her...again.

I look back at her figure, her hair swindled around her cheery cheeks.  The words I couldn’t say to her then. I want to now, but can I?  Her high pitch yawn shakes my thoughts out of order. I look at her sweet frame. If only I had a camera. She rises out of bed like Aphrodite rising out of the sea. A goddess indeed. I’m in love with a goddess.

I scratch my head out of nervousness, “We’re gonna hit the road again.”

Boyoung rubs her eyes, “Okay.”

In the car, Boyoung had her window all the way down. The wind flowing through her long strands as she stretches her fingers out to the breeze. Her lips parted and she gently smiles as if she finally caught the sea salt air in her small hands.  

I slow down the car and pull over into a gas station  after a couple of hours of driving. Shifting the gear to park I look over to Boyoung. Her hair returns to her shoulders as the wind slows.

“Don’t leave.”

“It’d be pointless anyway” I clarified .

Boyoung brings her knees to her chest, “Wasn’t planning on it..”

Without another word I walk down the street to the food cart. Looking at the selection I quickly brought some bungeoppang.  Returning to the corvette, I find Boyoung in the car calming my nerves. Seriously this attachment is scaring me.

Back in the car I hand her one bungeoppang. She turns around and slowly takes it from my hand.

Her fingers trace the treat and she smiles, “It’s bungeoppang.”

A smile crept on my lips, “Yeah..”

I watch as she took a bit and some red bean paste stuck on her cheek. Diverting my eyes I quietly start to mine.

Boyoung.

Driving and more driving. Sehun has definitely changed. He doesn’t talk as much anymore, but he still remembers some things. Like the sweet fish shaped treat we used to eat all the time together after school. Tch, I don’t even know if he really remembers...just another lucky guess.

Sehun.

“Boyoung.” I gently nudge her shoulder.

“Hey Boyoung.” I repeated trying to wake her up.

Lazily she opens her eyes, “Huh?”

I back a couple of inches away from her, “We should get you some clothes..”

“Okay”

Opening her door I guide her hand to mine and lead her towards the flea market. Her hand knits tightenly with mine as random people shouts over us with deals. I pull her closer to me as we walk through a big crowd.

“Do you have a preference?”

“Not really.”

We stop in front of a vender that sold women’s clothing and the old lady smiles at us.

“Omo, too much fun last night eh? Aish youngsters these days.”

I ignore the lady as I pick a graphic tee, sweater, and jeans. Looking at Boyoung’s dirtied heels I grab a pair of sneakers.   After paying the lady I ask her, “Do you have a fitting room, she could change in?”

“Of course in the back with the pink curtains.”

I hand her the bags, “Here. Go and change.”

She bites her bottom lips, “Okay..”

After a couple of minutes Boyoung steps out tugging on her shirt. Shoot, I brought it in one size smaller.  The shirt hugs her waist tightly, the jeans snug around her hips, and the sweater is a little larger than i thought. Other than that she looks fine, really fine, in fact.

I clear my throat, “Ahem...You look better now.”

Boyoung stuff her hands in her pockets, “Thanks..”

I take a different route than before as we walk through the market. Gently I guide Boyoung to a bench and she takes a seat exhausted. I stand before her, and catch all the beauty in her features. I’m sorry I cowardly thought.

“I’m going to get us some drinks…” I lie as I start to walk away from her.

Boyoung.

He’s going to abandon me..isn’t he. He’s going to leave me to fend for myself all over again. I knew it from the start. When he slyly slided money into my pocket earlier….I knew his plans already.  

If he was trying to keep his identity and abandon me secretly he failed miserably. His flaw was clothes shopping.   He didn’t even ask for my size..he has it in his memory. It’s got to be Sehun...I want to hear him say it. So, that I could tell him….so i could tell him that i’ve been looking for him .  

Is this it?

His footsteps gets lighter as the distance grows. All my years of searching for comes to this? I stand up from the bench and turn to the direction of his sound.

“Sehun!” I cried. Tears string around my eyes and I grimly wipe them away.

“Oh Sehun.”

I don’t hear his footsteps anymore..He’s gone or he’s not him. I’m crazy, thinking that by some kind of luck it could’ve been him. How desperate am I..? I break into a quiet sob and cover my lips with my hands to stop. I wanted it to be him so badly…

Sehun.

Boyoung’s voice punctures me in the chest. Did she really just-

“Oh Sehun.”

My head is spinning..how does..how did she..I don’t know what to do. My chest aches from her remembrance and I want to soothe it with her in my arms. Her lips on mine. I cover my face with my hands. Dark. I need to think. I’m such an idiot. Thinking I could fool her…

I’m an idiot thinking I could fool myself. My head hurts..all these memories are rushing back to me at once. Like a sloppy collage. Fragments of Boyoung and I. Me leaving Boyoung in the rain...Joining the dark side..My first kill…a gun shot ringing through the hall..people crying..boyoung crying..

I clutch my head trying to ease the pain but I release my grip and give up. Turning back I storm to Boyoung.  My shadow covers her entirely and my damn head still hurt so much. Everything is in clouds. I can’t think and all I know is that I can’t live without Boyoung.

I lied to myself for too long and I’m deprived. I bring my hands to Boyoung’s damp cheeks and pull her in.  Our lips crash into each other and I grip her waist to her closer to me. I need her. I’ve missed her.  Her body heat mixes with mine and the pain fizzles away. My mind becomes clear.  Her hand grips my shirt and I break away for air, my lips still hovering over hers.

“Boyoung..You’re really hard to hide from.” I gasped.