unsure quite a while back, i decided to join a large general rp. it was different from the small au rp's i was usually in. i was really glad that i joined. everyone was extremely welcoming and the atmosphere was warm. i made many good friends and ( dun dun dun ) met a guy. i felt like my character, y, just clicked with j from the start. they would talk and flirt and eventually our characters confessed. however, j said that he wanted to wait a little longer before making it 'official'. this slightly hurt - we had been talking for all this time, but he wanted to wait longer to make it official? though i had seen where he was coming from, i had agreed.

that was where it all started going downhill. it took me a while but eventually i found out the reason j didn't want to make it official, because he had liked someone else, m (who wasn't a member of the rp at this point). he would upload pictures of m and talk about m. at first, it didn't bother me, because everyone can have their little fangirl moments. then school / tests started for the both of us, so we spent less time on together. when we were both online, we were all happy and even now, i still miss some of these moments, but when one of us weren't online, there'd be indirect statuses about the other person or about our relationship.

holidays started and we were both more active. i felt as though we had managed to patch up our relationship, though at times j had made me feel as though i wasn't good enough. we still weren't official. then m joined the roleplay, and j started talking and flirting with m - the same way he did with me. though i knew j wouldn't cheat ( would it have even counted as cheating if we weren't together? ), it still made me jealous, and we started talking less.

then one day, j tells me he's fallen for m, that he still likes me, and that he was sorry. i didn't know what to say at the time - i was hurt, shocked and somewhat confused. i guess i had kinda seen it coming, he had liked m from the start. j then said he wasn't sure what to do and that he wanted to be single for a while. i told him it was okay, though really i had felt it was anything but. j said, "you're too good for me, you know that?" i knew that, and it was