Today was the family gathering.A mix of middle-aged adults, some college students, and old seniors occupied the room.  Reserved especially for this lunch, the large private dining room they were in had an enormous circular table on one side with a couch and fake plants near the entrance.

ZhouMi had been so thrilled that Henry would be here for it this year, he had pretty much every family member in the city get invited. And at ZhouMi’s insistence, Henry got to meet nearly every one of them.

Oh, sorry. Did he say 'got to meet?' He meant 'got to embarass himself.'

It had quickly become apparent that family titles in Chinese were not like in English. There was no Uncle John or Aunt Mary; there was Nainai, Gupo, and Jiujiu along with about two hundred other titles that each referred to a specific place in the family. Your mother’s sister’s son had a different title than your father’s sister’s son, just like your mother’s mother was different from your father’s mother and your female cousin had about five different names depending on her age and lineage.

It was so great.

And since he’d just found out about this all of ten minutes ago, most of the family, otherwise known as people Henry had never seen before in his life, now knew that he was idiot who couldn’t even get their titles right.

Except of course for the few he was being led to now.

“Everyone, this is Henry,” ZhouMi announced upon reaching the main table. “He’s JieLun gugu’s son.”

“JieLun’s son?” A bald man who had been bent over the menu looked up at him. “Why I haven’t seen you in nearly ten years! You became handsome, didn't you?”

Forcing a smile, Henry tried to take that as a compliment. 

"He's a lot paler than he is in the pictures isn't he?" a small nosed woman nearby asked. "So handsome. How old is he?"

“Sixteen years old,” ZhouMi said proudly.

Henry cringed. “Fifteen,” he muttered.

“What was that?”

“Fifteen,” he repeated louder. “I’m only fifteen. My birthday’s in October.”

"That's technically sixteen."

A lady with librarian glasses piped up, “Hey, I didn't know he spoke Chinese. The way JieLun was describing it you’d think he couldn’t understand it at all.”

ZhouMi laughed. Only from his position right beside him could Henry tell it was forced. "His Chinese is fine. We've been having conversations for days now." Well, if you could call their two-word exchanges a conversation then okay: they've had ten conversations.

Small-nose interrupted, "His Chinese doesn't sound bad though."

"Yeah, yeah, he's even got that foreigner accent. Hey, say something else," bald-man prodded.

Henry felt his cheeks heat up. “I don't have an accent,” he defended even though he most likely did.

The adults laughed.

“It's not a strong accent,” the lady explained. "It's actually interesting to hear. Certainly better than Luiying's child. They visited last year, and I still remember it taking ten minutes before Julia came up to me and said 'Ni-how,'" she drawled in nasally imitation. As the other adults burst into laughter, she shook her head in disapproval. "Her parents only speak to her in English. That is what happens."

Knowing that he could understand them, the three adults began to bombard Henry with questions while adding their own comments in between. It was almost enough to make him wish he'd kept quiet. To them, he felt like some rare species of foreigner that you only find in tourist traps. ZhouMi who was usually pretty chatty was somehow keeping quiet when he needed him most. Needless to say, Henry felt awkward.

Finally, one of the later guests arrived. Although Henry didn't notice him since he'd been too busy squirming under their gazes, the man eventually made it over to their group.

"Sorry I'm late; have we ordered already?" a man with circle glasses asked rushing up.

"No," the librarian lady snapped, "We've all been waiting for you to order, Mr. Host."

Again with the laughter. 

The small group of adults quipped with each other as they pulled out the only menu in the room. One host meant one menu and nothing could start without them. As they started looking through the entrees, the newcomer was informed of Henry's presence. He turned around with a look of pleasant surprise.

“Oh, JieLun's son? Nice to meet you, Henry.” The host stuck out his hand. “I think I am called your…Biaojiu? I am Biaojiu right?”

His wife nodded confirmation. “You should be. Because I’m Biaoyi.”

“And I’m your Yifu. This is Yimu,” explained the bald man, gesturing to the small nosed lady.

Henry promptly forgot each title as they were spoken. 

Thankfully, ZhouMi pointed to each. “Biaojiu, Biaoyi, Yimu and Yifu.”

“Biaojiu, Biaoyi, Yimu and Yifu,” Henry hesitated, “…hao,” he added for respect. The words felt weird and meaningless on his tongue, but they pleased the adults. Turning back to the menu, they redirected focus to ordering food. For that, he was grateful.

ZhouMi allowed him to slip away, back to the area with the couch. The older male attempted to cheer him up by assuring him kids his age were coming soon and they could play together than in the main restaurant. Well, first off he wasn't five and second of all, no thank you to kids his age. Adults could pretend his ignorance was cute; teenagers would know it was dumb.

On the couch, the college couple were playing with a toddler. Henry wasn't sure if it was his Biaodi or Tandi.

Sitting down on the hard wooden chairs, Henry watched from the sides. His first days in China were turning out about as bad as he thought they would be. Crappy Chinese from him, too complex Chinese from everyone else, and now he felt distant and alone in a room filled with strangers who were supposedly his family. Looked like blood was the only thing connecting them.

To ZhouMi’s credit though, the tall man never left his side. Although it would have been easy for him to jump into any conversation, his cousin instead accompanied him in silence. Occasionally the male made funny faces at the toddler but that was about it.

“ZhouMi…gege?” he finally said.

ZhouMi turned. “Yes?”

Oh crap. He didn’t actually have anything to say. “Um,” Henry paused, “What do I call you?”

The taller blinked. “ZhouMi gege? Or you could call me Mimi gege if you prefer but I think that sounds a bit too much like Minnie mouse, so I don’t really-”

“No. No, like…what do I call you? Like Biaojiu or Shushu. What are you called?”

“Oh. What am I called to you? Hmm…” ZhouMi brought his hand to lips, thinking. “Well, it should just be Biaoge since that’s specific to older males in the same generation who don’t share the same surname as you. So yeah, Biaoge.”

 It took a minute for him to process that. “Um, cool.” Henry swallowed. “So that would make me your-”

“Biaodi: younger male of the same generation who does not share the same surname.”

Henry hurriedly shut his gaping mouth. Why did everything in China have to be so freaking complicated?

“You know, it’s interesting,” ZhouMi continued, “I never really thought about how complicated the family tree is before now. Explaining it is hard.”

Henry laughed, “Understanding it is harder.”

Nodding, ZhouMi smiled. “Yes, I suppose if you never grew up with this.”

“But it’s just…messy. I mean, why are there so many names for each person? In English, it’s just Aunt, Uncle, or Cousin. You don’t separate your mother’s mother from your father’s mother. It’s just one name; Grandma. And you don’t have to separate ages. A brother is a brother and a sister is a sister. No Gege versus Didi or any of that stuff!” Henry snapped his mouth shut, embarrassed. The complaints had just flowed out of him in probably a completely incoherent way. However, ZhouMi was nodding though as if considering his words.

“So,” he said, “It’s just one title? No separation of the mother’s side from the father’s side? No relative ages?”

Henry nodded.

At this, ZhouMi tilted his head. Pondering the idea, he said slowly, “That sounds really…confusing.”

So sorry for not updating for so long. Thanks to anyone who's still reading this, and I hope this chapter was decently confusing for you.

• Nainai - father's mother (opposite - mother's mother: Waipo)
• Gunainai - father's aunt (opposite - mother's aunt: Gupo)
• Jiujiu - mother's brother (opposite - father's brother: Shushu for younger; Baibai for older)
• Gugu - father's sister
• Biaojiu - mother's male cousin
• Biaoyi - mother's male cousin's wife
• Yimu - mother's sister
• Yifu - mother's sister's husband
• Tandi - male cousin who is younger than you and shares the same surname

If you would like to be more thoroughly confused (video), (family tree)

They do this to be specific but it is hell for naming large families.