FEBRUARY 20, 1998, Friday

        Constant beeping

        We’ve come to this again.

        TaeYeon thought he was over this monotonous routine the day he got out of the hospital a month ago. No he was back again with the familiar throb hammering his head and it took him a moment to hear his family call out his name.

        On his left was the same heartbeat monitor, his front, the germless walls of the hospital, and on his right, people. They all looked familiar, but he couldn’t decipher who they exactly were.

        “TaeYeon-ah, are you okay?” an old man in his mid-forties said.

        “Oh, my gosh, we were so worried!” the man’s wife said.

        “Oppa!” a girl about TaeYeon’s age exclaimed.

          TaeYeon stared at them in confusion, jumping his vision to each face each second. Then he stared at the girl whom he remembered to be his sister.

        “Hyo… Yeon?” he weakly reached out to her.

        “Yeah, Oppa, I’m here,” she responded, clasping his hand.

        “Where am I? What… what happened?” he asked.

        “The doctors said you had a seizure. They said it was normal since you had a few damages in your brain and because you woke up from your coma too early. It will heal eventually… I hope.”

        “Where am I?” TaeYeon asked.

        “You’re in the hospital, dear,” the woman said. TaeYeon stared at her blankly.

        “Who…?” TaeYeon asked HyoYeon.

        “T-this is Mom,” HyoYeon pointed to her mother.

        TaeYeon wondered and still, it didn’t make sense to him. “Mom? Who are you?”

And that’s when they knew, TaeYeon had forgotten them a second time. His seizure caused him to forget his life again. But exactly what did he forget? Did he forget everything all over again?

        “If you don’t mind me asking, Oppa,” HyoYeon started, “what do you remember?”

        “I…” TaeYeon winced trying to dig deep in his memory. “I remember… umph… waking up. Y-you? You… a fight. Urgh…” His head ached and HyoYeon forced him to rest again.

        “Do you remember anyone other than me?” HyoYeon asked.

         “I…” he looked around and saw the anticipating faces of his parents. Something boiled inside of him seeing those faces. He felt they were someone important in his life but he couldn’t place it. He didn’t want them to expect he’s completely healed because he really hasn’t. “I don’t think so… I don’t remember. You’re the only one, HyoYeon.”

        The faces of his parents dropped. Yet, even if they were not remembered by their own son, they were thankful that he at least remembered his own sister. It gave them hope that someday, he will actually regain his old memories back.

FEBRUARY 21, 1998, Saturday

            “This is Ginger,” HyoYeon introduced TaeYeon’s own black poodle to him for the second time. “He was given to you as a gift last, last Christmas.”

            “Why was he named Ginger?” TaeYeon asked as the dog jumped to his lap. “That’s such a strange name for a black curly dog.”

            “I don’t know,” HyoYeon shrugged. “You never told me so I never knew. All I know is that it was a gift to you from Pani-Unnie.”

            “Pani?” TaeYeon wondered.

            “O-oh? Pani-uh… Tiffany-Unnie is your girlfriend.” HyoYeon bit her lip. She didn’t know if it was right to reveal it or not but it slipped out anyway.

            “Girlfriend?” TaeYeon wondered even more and suddenly, he remembered what happened in school a few days back. Tiffany was that girl who stood by him and forgave him when he pushed her away. She was the very first person he saw when he woke up the first time around.

            He walked to his table and found the same key necklace that always had a spark in his eyes. This key necklace radiated Tiffany’s love for him somehow—like there were a million stories aching to resurface in his folder of memories. He closed his fist and kept the necklace in his pocket.

            “I’m sorry…” he mumbled and pressed the bridge of his nose, remembering how bad he had treated her.

FEBRUARY 22, 1998, Sunday

            “How are you? You got me really nervous when you had a seizure in school. I thought I’d lose you,” Tiffany said.

            “Well, I’m here still,” TaeYeon smiled. “Thank you again… for staying by me when I lost myself.”

            “I have not much of a choice,” Tiffany sighed. “I have to be with you.”

            “You don’t have to,” TaeYeon said. “I can take care of myself, you know.”

            “Hey, if I wasn’t there, you would’ve had a seizure without anyone trying to help,” Tiffany said.

            “I guess… but you don’t have to be with me always,” TaeYeon said. Deep in his heart, he wanted her beside him through this hard life. HyoYeon and Tiffany were all that he could remember after losing his memory all over again because of the seizure. He could not deny the fact that he needed them.

            He understood the fact that HyoYeon cared about him because she was his sister, but the fact that Tiffany always stuck to him never made sense at all. He was but a burden to her—Tiffany, the diligent girl who was smarter than anyone he knew. He could even imagine her with a great career ahead of her. Of course, that’s only what he thought. We all know her future isn’t set.

            “Are you trying to push me away?” Tiffany asked. She was not sad, but rather, she understood him. TaeYeon didn’t know that she’s carrying his child. He once knew, but because of an accident, it had become the biggest secret kept from him. That was enough of a reason for her to understand why TaeYeon would say things like this.

            “No, no… I’m just… aren’t you tired of me?” he asked. Oh how he wished Tiffany would say no.

            “Maybe,” she sighed. “But the thing is that I can’t.”

            Again, he could not understand why Tiffany kept saying “can’t.” Why didn’t she have the ability to let go of a guy like him? The answer may be “love,” but that’s not the answer he was looking for since he hasn’t fully grasped its meaning. There has to be something else. There has to be some clear reason as to why she has been acting this way

            “Why not?” TaeYeon asked.

            “Do you want me to?” Tiffany asked back. This time, her heart ached. She thought TaeYeon didn’t really want her around because he kept asking.

            TaeYeon avoided her gaze and dared not to answer. Of course he does not want her to get tired of him. He will want her around as long as she looks forward to his future and not his past. Yet is it okay to just admit his feelings like that? Verbalizing out the things his heart screamed out seemed harder than waking up from a coma itself. A simple “no” only had to come out of his mouth, but never did it slip out.

            “Here…” TaeYeon said, handing her his key necklace. Tiffany’s smiled dropped. She could not understand why he was doing this all of a sudden. Why was he giving her his necklace? He should have the key to her lock necklace. The scene horribly looked like they were breaking up during a haze of unrevealed excuses.

            “Why are you…?”

            “Give it back to me when I feel better,” TaeYeon said.

            “When would that be?”

            “When I’ve become a better man to love.”

MARCH 9, 1998, Monday

            “Happy Birthday, TaeYeon!”

            His house was packed with guests. Almost every person that he once knew were there, but he remembered and recognized none of them. Twice the gifts he received last year were piled up on his table like Christmas because people were saying he deserved more after his accident. The amount did not matter to him though, for all these material things cannot help him in his strife. This day only left him pressured and angered. He was again being bombarded every second with memories he couldn’t even remember and repeated questions he was tired of answering. No one was leaving him alone when he wanted to be alone. It was impossible to handle new information about all these people in just one day. Trying to get to know his immediate family was already hard enough for him.

            “Tiffany,” Jessica whispered to her best friend, “Would you mind if I give my present to him myself?”

            “Not at all, Jessica. Go ahead,” Tiffany smiled. “Why are you asking for my permission? He’s also your best friend. You don’t have to be afraid of him.”

            “But he doesn’t talk and he’s cold towards me,” Jessica pouted. “That’s not the Taengoo I know!”

            “He’s just a little annoyed. Just be gentle with him,” Tiffany said. “Now go,” she nudged Jessica, “Say hi to him.”

            “C-can you… accompany me please?” Jessica shyly said. Tiffany stared at her and understood what Jessica must be feeling. TaeYeon hasn’t spoken to anyone properly besides her and his family.

            “Hi, TaeYeon,” Tiffany greeted and TaeYeon gave her a strained smile. “Jessica has something to give you. You wouldn’t mind accepting it, right?”

            “Uh… sure,” he nodded. “It’s my birthday, anyway,” he laughed sarcastically and the two girls brushed it off.

            “Happy birthday, TaeYeon,” Jessica timidly gave him a rectangular present. TaeYeon just accepted it. He didn’t even thank her.

            An awkward silence fell upon the two girls. TaeYeon stared off into space again right after he received the present. It was as if they didn’t exist in front of him.

            “Aren’t you going to open it?” Tiffany said, trying to break the silence. TaeYeon looked into her eyes and then to Jessica’s. He was annoyed that he was expected to open it. Still, he didn’t want to be a complete jerk. So without saying a word, he lazily tore the wrapper and opened the gift as the two girls watched him.

            “It’s a notebook for you to write whatever you remember about yourself. I figured it might come in handy. It’s not much… but, yeah…” Jessica said.

            He stared at the blue notebook for a few seconds, as if he was trying to recall what this book was. It seemed familiar to him but he couldn’t understand why. It was newly bought from the stationary store so how did it feel so familiar?

            “Is something wrong?” Tiffany asked noticing TaeYeon’s disturbed expression.

            TaeYeon looked up to Tiffany then to Jessica. His eyes suddenly twinkled as he saw Jessica anxiously standing there waiting for an answer.

            Flashes of a funeral and a boy trying to comfort a girl sparked in his memory line. TaeYeon’s mouth slightly dropped. He gulped, trying to sink in what just happened.

            “Y-you…” TaeYeon stuttered as he stared at Jessica. Tiffany stared at Jessica in confusion.

            “I… I think I remember you!”

            Jessica’s eyes dilated and Tiffany’s mouth dropped. Tiffany was happy that he finally remembered something, but was jealous that he remembered Jessica and not her.

            “R-remember what?” Jessica asked.

            “Um…” TaeYeon winced and closed his eyes. The things that flashed before him were too short. He could barely make something out of it other than Jessica’s face and name. “Just… your name and… a funeral?”

            Tiffany turned to Jessica to know if there was such a memory of them being in a funeral. It seemed strange that TaeYeon would remember them in a place like that, and Tiffany almost thought he had been mistaken.  However, the wave of the tragic past flooded Jessica for she had truly been on a funeral with him when they were younger. Frantically, she looked at Tiffany and then to TaeYeon, not knowing what or how she was supposed to feel. It was a memory she dared not to remember again, yet here TaeYeon was, suddenly reminding her of those memories with just a word. Too shocked that he remembered that memory out of everything, she muffled her cries and fled their presence instantly.

            TaeYeon got startled and was left speechless at how fast it got the girl crying.  Remembering something felt great but not when someone started crying about it. Maybe his past was forgotten for a reason. It was probably for the best—for him and everyone around him.

MARCH 11, 1998, Wednesday

            “Kids, we’re leaving for Jeonju next week,” his parents declared.

            “Why?” HyoYeon asked.

            “Where’s that?” TaeYeon asked.

            “TaeYeon, Jeonju is your birthplace. It was where you were raised before we moved here when you were 13. We’re finally setting up the eyeglass shop we’ve been planning for about a year now. And it also might be better if your memory start from the beginning.”

            TaeYeon rolled his eyes. Everything sounded interesting until they mentioned his memories again. It seemed as if their goal in life was to help him remember the past when he has made up his mind to leave it forgotten. It didn’t matter to him if his past was happy or not. If he lost his memories twice this year already, something tells him he’s really not supposed to remember whatever he did in the past 19 years.

            “Is that alright with you, TaeYeon?” they asked.

            “Do whatever you think is best,” he sighed and stood up from the couch and locked himself in his room before they could say the word “memory” again.

            “Well… maybe this will be good for me… Yeah, no more stupid classmates and peer-pressure to fight. No more people who expect so much. No more close friends who I don’t really know. Yes, this is good for me,” TaeYeon said to himself as he closed his eyes.

            “I don’t care anymore.”

APRIL 8, 1998, Wednesday

            TaeYeon sat at his front porch gazing at the twinkling stars above him. He could see the Cassiopeia constellation again. Even then when he was with Tiffany a few weeks ago, he was not lying when he saw these five stars up in the sky. He believed he could only see it when he’s happy and tonight, he felt great. He didn’t know why. Maybe it’s because it was peaceful or maybe because he knew he was going to finally leave this place.

            “Knock, knock,” a girl’s voice echoed from the gate. TaeYeon knew exactly who that was. He was about to get up, but Tiffany already entered like it was her home.

            “Oh, hey,” TaeYeon’s eyes sparked in excitement seeing her.

            “Do you mind if I take you on a walk tonight?” Tiffany asked.

            “Sure. Where are we going?”

            “I don’t know… just a walk,” she smiled with her hands behind her back.

            TaeYeon’s heart thumped at the sight of her cuteness in the moment. Every time he meets her, he notices something radiantly beautiful and new about her. “No wonder she’s my girl,” he would often think. “Every little thing about her drives me crazy.”

            He walked beside her and placed his hands in his pockets. Since the spring wind still blew a small winter chill, Tiffany wanted to cling to his arm, but she was too distracted by what TaeYeon would think about it. She started to fear him ever since that incident in school even though she tried convincing herself that he was nothing to be afraid of. This uncertain idea of who he had become got worse when he gave his key necklace to her. Yes, yes, it was only a matter of trying to understand him because of the accident, but just how much will he be so clueless? How long will he refuse to speak out his thoughts? How long will this torturous time of their lives last? How was she supposed to love him when her heart was all bruised up from so much emotional warfare? Her heart was getting tired of all of these temporary stitches. One move from him could miraculously heal it or shatter it completely.

            “I heard your family is leaving for good,” Tiffany started, unable to admit from her lips that TaeYeon himself was going to leave, too.

            TaeYeon’s energy slowly drained away. He did not realize that leaving this place also meant leaving Tiffany behind. He was too caught up in her smile that he forgot about the fact that he couldn’t bring her with him. He also didn’t have the courage to say goodbye. Goodbyes only meant not being able to see someone again for a long time, and applying that word with Tiffany felt like the end of the world. He certainly didn’t want to stop seeing her.

            When TaeYeon realized how heavy the situation had suddenly become, he chuckled trying to lighten up the mood, “Why, are you going to miss me?”

            “Of course I will,” Tiffany answered. “I’m your girlfriend.”

            “Right…”

            “Are you going to miss me?” Tiffany asked. TaeYeon stared at her. He was a bit taken aback by the question. Once again, he could not bring himself to answer.

            “Yeah,” He simply nodded and just turned away. Stephanie tried her hardest again to understand him and dismissed her worries about him.

            “You know, this town isn’t much, but it holds a nice story.”

            “What kind of story?” TaeYeon asked.

            “Our story,” she smiled.

            TaeYeon stayed silent.

            “Did I ever take you to our studio?”

            “Studio?”

            “Every Thursdays, the band that you created meets up in this small studio and practices music for school or church. Come! It isn’t far so let’s go there.” And so they took their time to stroll towards the small studio.

            “I remember when we first kissed. It was in that studio. Well… it wasn’t exactly our first kiss, but it was our first really long kiss,” Tiffany started talking faster. “Our first kiss was at my house back a few years ago. We were only 16 then and I was still grieving about my mother.”

            TaeYeon wryly smiled and nodded, indicating he was listening. Though in truth, his ears have shut down.

            “Oh and you gave me this lock necklace in that studio. I totally fell for you then. You were so cheesy and sweet. You even tried to play piano just for my sake when you totally at it…”

            TaeYeon’s mood changed as Tiffany kept