JULY 29, 1998, Wednesday

            “Hey, stop eating already,” Sunny slapped Tiffany’s thigh. “You’ve eaten literally everything JaeJoong Oppa had served you! Aren’t you bloated?”

            “Not one bit!” Tiffany said with a mouthful. “I am pregnant. It’s only natural that I eat for two, right?”

            “Yeah, I guess… but seriously, you weren’t like this before. I mean you eat just enough,” Sunny said. “Now you just look like… a pig.”

            “Whatever. Pigs are pink. I like pink,” Tiffany smiled at her and gulped down what she was eating. Sunny just scoffed at her.

            While Tiffany was drinking water, she suddenly choked and dropped the glass. The glass shattered and one of the shards pricked Sunny’s leg.

            “Ow!” Sunny yelped in pain. A quite large shard pierced through her skin, but it didn’t seem to hurt as much as she thought. She took it off and stared at the shard in confusion. She was about to tell Tiffany that something about this painless wound seemed strange, but then she noticed Tiffany breathing raggedly.

            “W-woah, hey, what’s wrong?” Sunny asked. Tiffany couldn’t talk and her body shook. Tears started falling and she fell on the ground. Her hands were immediately wounded by the broken glass shards.

            “Tiffany!” Sunny gasped and ran to get the bandages. When she came back, Tiffany started vomiting. But it wasn’t vomit, it was blood. Sunny couldn’t get any closer and her head pounded. The sight of blood made her paralyzed her eyes rapidly blinked out of shock.

            “Unnie!” she heard Hyuna shout.

            “Unnie!”

            “Unnie! Sunny-Unnie! Wake up!” Hyuna shook her and Sunny eyes immediately opened.

            “W-what… what just…” Sunny panted as her body shook.

            “You just had a nightmare again, didn’t you?”

            “Wh-where’s Tiffany?” Sunny said, still uneasy and nervous from what she had seen in her dream. “I-I-Is she alright?”

            “Woah, hey, calm down,” Hyuna said. “Unnie…”

            Sunny quickly stood up and ran towards Tiffany’s room, ignoring her injuries. She opened the door and saw Tiffany fixing her bed with Hyomin. There was also Yuri sitting on the corner of the room all snuggled up in a blanket as he was writing on his journal.

            “Sunny…?” Tiffany stopped what she was doing when she saw Sunny in a very anxious state so early in the morning.

            Yuri laid his notebook down and stood up. “Woah, hey, are you alright?”

            Sunny felt her energy drain and her body felt light, feeling relieved that what she saw was only a dream. She was about to fall, but Yuri quickly caught her. “Hey, what happened?”

            “She just had a bad dream,” Hyuna said from the back. She then rubbed Sunny’s back and gave her a glass of water.

            “Bad dream? What was it about?” Tiffany asked as she approached Sunny.

            “You’d rather not know about it,” Sunny said and drank some water while trying to avoid Tiffany’s face. “It’s not exactly pleasant.”

            “You better take it easy, Unnie,” Hyuna said. “You always have bad dreams when bad things happen to you.”

            “It’s not as if I can stop it from happening,” Sunny huffed and tried not to think about it. “Anyway, what time is it?”

            “It’s 10 AM.”

            “Ten?? What? I should’ve woken up at 7! Pap should’ve woken me up at 7!”

            “Pap figured to let you sleep more because you’re injured. C’mon, give it a break. You’ve been working too hard. Besides, it’s raining. It’s not like you can do a lot of roaming around town. You might get a cold at this rate.”

            “So much for those sunny days, then,” Sunny mumbled and pouted.

            “Go get breakfast,” Hyuna said. “Ma and Narsha Unnie prepared quite a lovely breakfast. Seems like Narsha Unnie isn’t a bad addition to this house after all.”

            “Ah! I’m hungry!” Yuri stretched and then yawned. Then he held out his hand for Tiffany to hold. Together, they both went to the dining room.

            “I’ll just freshen up, and then I’ll eat,” Sunny said.

            “Okay then. Don’t take too long! The soup will get cold.” Hyuna smiled and followed Tiffany and Yuri.

            Meanwhile, Hyomin just sat there on Tiffany’s bed, starring at Sunny.

            “Aren’t you going, too?” Sunny asked Hyomin.

            “Huh? Me? I’m strangely not hungry yet,” Hyomin said. Hyomin still could not believe that Sunny had saved her from that barn—this little girl, who could pass as a middle school student, saved her from danger. 

            “Oh… okay then.”

            An awkward silence fell between them until Hyomin tried to break it. “So… you had a bad dream?”

            “Oh, yeah…”

            “I had a bad dream, too,” Hyomin said.

            “You did?”

            “And it was honestly weird.”

            “What was it about?” Sunny asked.

            Hyomin looked around and then whispered, “Tiffany.”

            “Tiffany?” Sunny’s eyebrows shot up. Her dream was also about Tiffany.

            “Yeah, and it was strange. She was in pain and everyone else was running around trying to find something to help her. It was like she was about to give birth. But then… she stopped breathing. She….,” Hyomin cautiously looked around and continued in a very hushed tone, “She died, but the baby was alive when they proceeded to cut her belly open.”

            “What the hell?”

            “Yeah, yeah… Yuri then started crying and carried the baby when it was born. He started getting angry with everyone and argued with Narsha Unnie that he will be the one to adopt the baby. He even completely ignored his girlfriend. What’s her name again? Hara?”

            “Yuri adopted the baby? Okay, your dream is definitely weirder than mine,” Sunny laughed.

            “I know it’s so weird, right? I couldn’t even tell it to them.”

            “Some dreams are just left to be private from the ones whom you dreamed off, I guess. Mine’s pretty much like that.”

            “Why, what did you dream of?” Hyomin asked.

            “It’s about Tiffany, too, actually… but,” Sunny paused and didn’t want to recall her dream. “It was quite nerve wracking for me. She vomited out blood and I was…,” she paused and hesitated to tell Hyomin that she actually had a blood phobia. “Well, the dream felt real and I freaked out.”

            “By the way, though,” Hyomin said. “How’s your leg and arm? Does it still hurt?”

            Sunny touched the bandage on her left arm and said, “It does sting but it doesn’t hurt that much. How about you?”

            “My leg’s still bad,” Hyomin whimpered.

            “Well, it hasn’t even been a day since it happened.” Sunny shrugged. “I guess healing all these wounds would take both of us some time.”

            “Yeah…,” Hyomin nodded. She then got up and slowly limped to the door. However, she couldn’t quite walk properly with the severe pain whenever she moved her leg. It wasn’t long before she soon became outbalanced. Sunny quickly grabbed Hyomin’s hand with her left hand. All of Hyomin’s weight at that moment landed on Sunny’s left arm, the one that had been burned, but Sunny didn’t seem to show any discomfort.

            “D-doesn’t that hurt?” Hyomin stuttered. “Your arm…”

            “Don’t worry about me,” Sunny said. “You’re doing worse than I am. And I told you, it doesn’t hurt a lot.”

            “Th-thanks…,” Hyomin bowed her head shyly.

            “Now, hold it,” Sunny said as she offered her right hand. “I’ll be your crutch for now.”

            “Y-you don’t have to, though… I-I can walk by myself.”

            “Don’t tease me,” Sunny said. “You almost fell a while ago!”

            “I guess…”

            “Well?” Sunny waited for Hyomin to grab her hand and soon enough, Hyomin did, grateful for the offer.

***

            “Guys!! The mails are here!” Sunhwa, with a big smile on her face, came in the house and took off her raincoat. She then sat down with the big family and dropped quite a pile of letters on the table.

            Like Christmas, their faces lit up and started passing around the letters.

            “Now, why’d all the bills get passed on to me?!” Munshik, or Sunny and Hyuna’s dad, complained and the others just laughed.

            “Oh? I got a letter from my girls!” Hyuna jumped from her seat, excited to read her friends’ letters from Seoul.

            While the others were passing a bunch of letters, Tiffany spotted a letter for her and smiled. She got up quietly with Prince following behind and went out the house to read the letter in private. She sat by the edge of the porch of the hanok house and let her legs dangle even though it was a bit cold because of the rain. Her heart felt uneasy once again being under those gray skies. She can never get used to this kind of whether anymore. The baby started moving inside her belly and she just gently traced the bumps while heaving a big sigh. She tried to shake these glum feelings off and proceeded to open the letter—a letter that was definitely only for her written in English by Jessica.

Dearest Tiffany,

How have you been? As for me, I do like to think I’m fine and happy all independent at home right now without you but I miss you so much, really. It’s really quiet here all by myself. I was so used to having you suddenly talk to me randomly. Now nobody talks to me—nobody talks to me like you do.

You know, sometimes 3 is such an odd number (literally ㅋㅋㅋ).  There would even be times when I have a mental confusion for a few seconds when my parents only order three servings or three meals. In the restaurants, there’s that one empty seat. And don’t even get me started on the unoccupied left back seat… It’s so strange without our number four. I miss you, our fourth family member, Tiffany ❤. I used to always worry about you back then and I admit I still do. But it’s kind of weird just trying to take care of myself now. We have to be together again someday and live in the same apartment or something either back in the states or here. You have to promise me that. With your baby, too.

        Tiffany instantly felt tears rushing. Jessica had such high hopes of taking care of the baby with her. Jessica always seemed quite excited about it—being an aunt. Maybe she should’ve told Jessica a little sooner, too, that this was not her baby anymore; she doesn’t feel like it is anymore. Surely Jessica will understand that somehow, right?

I received your letter last week (which might be a week or maybe even a month for you by now when you receive this) and I honestly almost cried a waterfall just hearing your voice in my head. I really miss you but I guess you being there with your family is for the best. What you said about the farm seems really nice. I’m glad that you’re living there quite alright. I’m also glad that your cousin Sunny is taking care of you really well. She seems like a fun gal to have around for you.

You seem to be doing well there but I can tell that you’re still depressed. I’m right, aren’t I? You can’t fool me even with a letter. Tell me everything what you feel next time. It that I’d have to bring up the gray side of your world, but you get what I’m saying. Try not to stay too strong or sound too strong, alright? Don’t make yourself explode someday by burying your worries deeper and let them all out on me slowly. You know I’ll understand you.

            The last sentence made Tiffany’s tears trickle down her cheeks. Prince quickly sensed her sad heart and barked. Tiffany caressed Prince’s head, thankful that this dog cared for her. She wiped her tears away quickly and tried to keep it together. There were still a lot more pages she had to go through.

As for me, I’ll just lay it on you everything that’s in my head. I don’t have anyone else to vent to about everything so you have no choice but to hear me babble for about a few more minutes.

Remember that time when you told me that Yuri liked me and I said I didn’t really know what I felt about him? Now, I admit I really do like him back. I realize that now, more than ever. But it’s too late to tell him now. I guess maybe I have already told him that I liked him, but when I did tell him, everything was just on bad timing. I lost him, Tiffany. I lost him and he’s gone. I don’t even know where he went. I asked his dad but he just simply said he went away to prepare for army service. He left… The last time I saw him, we had a fight and I haven’t even apologized properly :(

But don’t worry too much; I still have one friend left! SooYoung is here with me and I am honestly very thankful that he sticks with me and makes time for me. He understands me and just lets me vent out things about Yuri. He also makes me feel better really quickly. I like that. I am actually surprised that I was never close with SooYoung before. He is such a great guy to have around.

Now before you ask, no, we’re not in a relationship. SooYoung and I are just friends. Besides, I don’t think I would be able to handle having one after Yuri just left like that. Now I really don’t know what to feel about Yuri… he could have at least said goodbye but he didn’t… I seriously might start having trust issues.

Either way, I’m feeling a little better. The days are kind of getting better I think. How about you? By the time you receive this letter, that baby must be huge already. What are you planning on naming it? You still haven’t updated me on anything about your baby. Oh and by the way, advanced happy birthday! I might send more letters so I’ll greet you more on the next one, maybe even send a package.

            Suddenly, Sunny sat beside her and greeted her, “Hey, I see your friend sent you a letter.”

            “Oh? You’re here,” Tiffany forced a smile even though deep inside her she wanted to cry for a little more, feeling quite emotional reading Jessica’s letter to her. “You have no letter?” Tiffany asked.

            “Eh, it doesn’t matter,” Sunny laughed.

It was silent for a little while and there was nothing to be heard but the pounding of the rain on the roof. But then, Tiffany sighed and looked at her cousin, “So… how’s your leg and arm?”

            “They’re doing fine. It’s not that bad, really. I want to work but Pap doesn’t want me to.”

            “That’s only good. You need to take a rest.”

            “Yeah, yeah,” Sunny rolled her eyes and chuckled. “By the way, what stories has your friend said this time?”

            “Oh, I’m not done reading it yet,” Tiffany said. “She did greet me happy birthday, though.”

            “Oh yeah, you’re birthday’s in a few days, isn’t?  What gift would you like?” Sunny asked.

            “Gift?” Tiffany wondered about it for a bit and then sighed, “I don’t really want one, to be honest.”

            “Why not? You’re turning 19, aren’t you?” Sunny said. “Is it a weird number for you?”

            “No, no, nothing like that,” Tiffany chuckled. “It’s just that… I feel like I don’t deserve any more things from you. You’ve given so much of your time for me and I think that’s good enough.” In truth, she partly blamed herself for last night’s incident. She brought her city slicker cousin Hyomin to this countryside and neglected her, eventually resulting to not only Hyomin’s injury, but Sunny’s injuries too. She also remembered how much Sunny had been sacrificing for the past few months just to make her a little happier. It was overwhelming how much Sunny cared for her, and she thought of herself as burden. She didn’t want Sunny to get into any more trouble because of her. All the things Sunny did for her was more than any gift she could ask for.

            “So you’re just going to leave, because you don’t want anything from me anymore?” Sunny said without caution. She was a little driven by her emotions from last night when Tiffany broke the news that she’ll be going soon.

            “I-I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I just haven’t really done much around here, you know? I’m just extra baggage. I’ve already received too much.”

            “Oho! Extra baggage? What are you talking about? You’re at it again!” Sunny rebuked. “You are family. How many times do I have to keep telling you that?”

            “I know I’m family, but just look at your arm! Prince is my dog and you basically saved him just for me. You’re hurting yourself and it’s usually because of me!”

            “Look, the unfortunate things that happen to me are not your fault, okay?” Sunny softly said. “And it may look unfortunate to you, but unfortunate things usually happen for a bigger reward. Look at me, I was planning on a full schedule today but since I have a broken arm, I get the day off.”

            Tiffany listened carefully to those words and scowled in her head. Even though deep inside her she knew that was true, she hesitated in believing it at the moment.

            “You of all people should know this,” Sunny said. “So many unfortunate things have happened in your life, but did you always get stuck in the loss? You get more of a reward after, don’t you?”

            Tiffany understood what she was saying but didn’t want to continue on the conversation.

            “Think about it,” Sunny said. “When your mother died, what happened? Name at least 3 blessings.”

            “Don’t remind me of this,” Tiffany grimaced.

Sunny bit her lip and nodded, understanding her cousin’s feelings. She forgot that she was walking on thin ice by mentioning the past.

            After another silence, Sunny said, “I’m scared, too, you know.”

            “Of what?” Tiffany asked.

            “The past. I’m scared of the past, too.” Tiffany looked at her in confusion not knowing what she was talking about.

            “I’m trying to be strong by not remembering it, but it just haunts me at my most vulnerable times. It may not be as bad as yours for you have a clear memory of what happened. I don’t even remember mine, but the pain is there. My body remembers, and that’s emotionally frustrating enough.”

            “What are you talking about?” Tiffany asked.