DECEMBER 11, 1997, Thursday

            Nocturne No.2 in Eb Major

            Softly and carefully, TaeYeon’s hands pressed the mini-grand piano’s keys. Piano has never been considered as one of TaeYeon’s expertise, but with SeoHyun’s constant lectures echoing in his head, his fingers started taking it away gently.

            The sweet sound of Chopin’s composition echoed through the small studio, throwing Tiffany daggers of mixed emotions right through her heart. He seemed too eager to play this sweet nocturne, too deep in-love, as if music and love could really get him through anything in life. Even his slouchy and depressing musician posture was cured by his eagerness to do the piece right.He was radiantly glowing while Tiffany flickered dimly with all that was left inside of her.

            “Forget about food,” she remembered what he said when she asked him about what he'd bring on a deserted island. “I would rather bring my guitar and die with music because there’s nothing else better than that…” He almost loved nothing more but music—it was and will be his first and last love as he would always say. But while he was engulfed in this passion, he found something he loved more. “But there’s truly nothing better than bringing you with me because you make my heart sing. You are the best music in the world, Fany.”

            As a teenager in desperate need of love, Tiffany kept these words close to her heart. People say sweet sayings are but fleeting promises among young lovers, but it could only convince her that their love would last forever “I know him. He loves me and will never leave me.” She would make herself believe them day and night. Today, they will surely be tested. 

            The little dimple sunk deep under the right side of TaeYeon’s chin and he was giggling on his own as he jubilantly pressed those spruce keys. His seemed so perfectly seated on his own cloud of oblivion—so peaceful, so undisturbed. It drove Tiffany’s heart to the ground. How was she supposed to approach him with news that could end his enchanting high? Should she lie and leave him there or should she hit him with the news as soon as possible? Lying shouldn’t even be an option, yet if that choice fades away, the truth will hurt like a rock hurled to his head, damaging his sense of ease and freedom. Just how could she do that to the boy dreaming high up in the open sky?

            She closed her eyes to let the melody comfort her. She was reminded of memories—sweet and happy memories—and it soothed the tension currently running in her veins. It could have almost helped release her worries, but TaeYeon abruptly halted with a husky sigh.

            “Why did you stop?” Tiffany whimpered. She wanted him to keep playing so that she could forget about the cruel world—even for just a minute.

            “I can’t quite get the last part right yet,” TaeYeon replied. He looked at Tiffany and saw that she looked a bit letdown. He thought it was because he couldn’t play the last part, so he grinned excitedly and said, “Do you know why I have been trying so hard to learn this song?”

            “Why?”

            “Since we’re still kind of teenagers, I am not sure if we will end up being together forever,” he said and tears instantly started pooling on Tiffany’s eyes. He was at it again with his honeyed words. Its high used to fly them together up above the clouds of pleasure and love, but since she has been pulled down from these clouds so suddenly, it only gave her a stomach ache.

            “But,” TaeYeon continued, “When I finish this Chopin piece, when I can play it perfectly, when I can play it without my hands trembling, that’s when I’ll know, I’ll be with you forever. It’s like an assurance.”

            The bubbly feeling TaeYeon intended to overflow her with could not put a smile on her face. It’s not every day he gets to say he wants to be with her forever and she needed it today more than ever. However, it was said at the wrong time. Just how much rougher will this day get for her? Nothing seems to be on her side and it frightens her that TaeYeon won’t be on her side today either.

            With this dreadful thought in mind, she tried to hold her tears back. But like a balloon that could not hold any more water, she grimly burst in to tears. She quickly turned her face away from him and sobbed trying to say sorry for reasons she didn’t even know.

            “Wh-what’s wrong?” TaeYeon asked, trying to sound as calm as possible even though he mentally panicked. She was undeniably crying from pain and anxiety instead of tears of joy. Did he do or say something wrong?

            “I-it’s just…,” Tiffany breathed raggedly and her voice trembled, “do you really believe in that? Do you really believe that we can make it through anything… forever?”

            TaeYeon stared at her in confusion. Why was she suddenly asking these kind of questions—these words of doubt? That was not the Tiffany he was familiar with. “I can’t say for sure since this life is unpredictable,” TaeYeon sighed.

            “Extremely unpredictable…” Tiffany thought.

            “But I do want to believe that we will be together… forever,” TaeYeon continued, “no matter what.”

            “Even if the worst comes?” Tiffany asked as her tears continued to fall down.

            The worst never came to them but hearing this question caught TaeYeon off-guard. They have maintained a fresh relationship for a year now by avoiding the hard circumstances. They do fight at times, but it would always be resolved the next day. Gloomy topics barely got brought up since Tiffany wanted her days to brightly move forward despite a hurtful past. The only things they ever sought to do were to understand each other and love like they have known each other all their life. So why was she so doubtful towards him today? What was she hiding from him? Did the worst finally come?          “Hey, what’s wrong?” TaeYeon warmly side-hugged her and brushed her long wavy hair away from her face. “Is there something you’re going to tell me?”

            Tiffany wiped her tears away and stared deeply into TaeYeon’s eyes. The longer she stared, the harder her tears wanted to pulse out. She could feel her chest burning in agony and choking up until she could breathe no more.

            “I’m pregnant,” Tiffany said as her voice trembled and broke, feeling restlessly ashamed of her own existence. “I’m sorry...” She closed her eyes to avoid his gaze, for the longer she felt those shattered eyes linger on her, the more her heart bled with ignominy.

            TaeYeon froze at the unbelievable news. The of what they did 6 weeks ago flashed right before his eyes. Shame engulfed him and he trembled knowing what they had both willingly and foolishly done. He was so sure they played it safe. Although this news came from the love of his life, the girl he swore he would marry someday, this felt more like a nightmare than a dream.

            He cradled Tiffany into his arms to stop her from crying for her cries made him weaker like a kryptonite. He did not want her to think—not even for a second—that this situation would make him leave. “I’m not running away,” is what his soul’s embrace assured. “We’re not going to break,” his body screamed the tighter he pulled her in.

            It was like Heaven and Hell clashing together as his warmth comforted Tiffany while haunting her of their sin. She uncontrollably sobbed causing him to pull her closer more than ever.

            “Shh, shh, you don’t have to be sorry,” TaeYeon softly hushed as he caressed her hair with stiff hands. “It’s going to be alright. I’m right here. You’re not losing me.”

JANUARY 9, 1998, Friday

            It was silent.

            The heartbeat monitor beat constantly, steadily, and loudly, but the hours Tiffany had spent in this room drowned out this monotonous tune it could even lull her to sleep. Her head bobbed up and down trying to stay awake and her back has been acute for about an hour now. Although her body complained to her about how uncomfortable things were getting, she didn’t say a thing. She willingly wanted to suffer like this, to sacrifice her comfort just to be with the one she loved.

            A soft grunt erupted in the silence. Its volume was low, but it sounded like trumpets to Tiffany’s ears. Her weary eyes shot open and it stared at the cold body in front of her. She expected some kind of change or progress, but he was still lying there without a care in the world. Nothing happened just like any other day she visited. Maybe tiredness was just taking its toll on her.

                She couldn’t even form thoughts at this point. The little growing seed in her stomach drained her battery faster than normal. She felt nauseous every day, making every little thing worse than it should be. Her endurance ran thinner and her emotions got a better control of her. Her hopeful soul grew to become doubtful. Crippling thoughts overcome her, giving her a strong desire to feel as numb as the one in front of her.

            However, she has trained herself enough to believe that all these dangerous thoughts were telling her she needed to rest. So before she accidentally spends another unhealthy night in this stale hospital room, she stretched her stiff arms and prepared to leave. It was already 8:34 PM anyway. The family who cared for her would certainly be worried by now.

Before she stood up, she stared one more time at the body in front of her.

            “He’s not waking up,” she sighed. If only she had all the time in the world, she would watch him and his chest rise up and down, indicating that there was still life left in him—that there was still hope of him waking up some day. If only fairytales were true, she would’ve kissed his chapped lips to bring him back to life a long time ago—but even a tale of a princess waking up a cursed prince has never been told. And so she prayed, or rather murmured, “Please wake up soon.”

            Like magic, her words came true and the boy’s eyes slowly flickered open. A sharp static exploded in his ears when his body tried to adjust to his sudden awakening. His head pounded but the pain quickly subsided. The first things he noticed were whitewashed ceilings above him and an annoying beep entering his left ear. He couldn’t move his body and his mouth had gone dry.

            “Where am I?” TaeYeon thought. His vision constantly blurred and he couldn’t decipher what was happening. Everything he saw seemed foreign to him, and he couldn’t describe anything that his eyes landed on. But then it met Tiffany’s brown, blood-shot eyes. Something about those brown, glistening eyes felt like home.

            Tiffany lost her breath seeing him stare back at her. dropped from shock. It felt like a dream seeing him finally awake—finally looking at her with those calm eyes.

            “T-TaeYeon?” Tiffany stuttered with a smile. However, he did not respond and Tiffany immediately assumed the worst. “Do you... remember me?”

            Although unaware of his current situation, Jinwon was still able to understand her words. He stared at her trying to find an answer. Who was she? Her voice sounded familiar like a popular song of the past. Her face, although swollen and abused with tears, looked absolutely beautiful. She must have been someone in his life for his heart felt comfortable just staring at her, but not a memory or even a name came to mind. He tried to reply in any way he could but his sore throat did allow him to speak. His nerves were too stiff that he helplessly could not move any part of him. All he could do was faintly squinted his eyes for a second with his eyebrows struggling to furrow along as an answer. Then his eyes suddenly felt sore from being exposed to light, so he closed it.

            Tiffany held his hand tightly trying to get her soul closer to him. As she desperately searched for a way to find assurance that he knew what she was saying, ragged breath escaped her lips. TaeYeon opened his eyes, startled that her tears began to show. Though clueless as to what these emotions exactly meant, TaeYeon felt the desperation starting in her voice. “It’s me,” her lips quivered, “Tiffany.”

            Not a reply came for he could only do nothing but blankly stare. When she could not take seeing his lifeless eyes on her, bloated tears fell. One fell warm on TaeYeon’s arm, and then came another. For a minute, this hot rain poured endlessly on his skin. His heart violently reacted to every drop, and the heartbeat monitor amplified it all. He wanted to reach out for her cheeks and catch her tears, but his weak muscles forbid him.

            “Can you hear me?” she cried. TaeYeon blinked slowly and slightly nodded his head. Tiffany felt a little glimpse of joy and relief, but it just didn’t seem enough.
            “Can’t you remember anything?”

            TaeYeon opened his mouth but only his breath made a faint sound. He closed it immediately knowing nothing would come out. The thought was at the tip of his head, but he could not bring himself to answer. What was he even supposed to say?

            “I’m Tiffany… your girlfriend.”

            Understanding the words she said, TaeYeon’s head spun. It was at that moment that he realized something was horribly wrong. “If you are my girlfriend, who am I, then?” TaeYeon wondered.

            “You do know me, right?” she said, with the last bit of energy that kept her emotions from breaking down.

            With a grunt, TaeYeon was able to give her an answer before wincing in pain, “No…” His sore body closed his throat again for too much energy was drained trying to force himself to talk.

            Tiffany clearly heard him, but in disbelief she just sat there unable to let it sink in. Jinwon had been in a coma for a month from a deadly accident. Memory loss was extremely unavoidable according to the doctor’s diagnosis, and she heard this almost every day. So what, really, was she expecting?

            She fixed her gaze on his eyes to find another answer other than the truth, but Jinwon just stared at her like she was transparent. Tears pushed out of her eyes like a rally trying to break down a gate. She couldn’t hold them back no matter how much she convinced herself things would be alright. She covered and left the hospital room. It was unbearable to look at him, the boy whom she had fallen for, who had fallen on a terrible fate.

            Outside of the room, she leaned her back to a wall and cried. Her hair was messy and the bags under her eyes didn’t look so good. She didn’t care if anyone looked. She didn’t care about anyone anymore. She began to fall apart as she tried muffling her shriek of sadness. What then was she supposed to do without him now? Questions and doubts started seeping through the cuts on her heart and she had to let it bleed out somehow.

***

            “Tiffany, are you okay?” Jessica knocked on her door. Hip-hop music blared in the room annoying and worrying Jessica and her parents who treasured silent nights the most. Tiffany had never turned up the stereo enough to