Ryeowook pov

Kyuhyun’s gaze, his eyes, I can’t get it out of my head. The way he stared at me makes me tremble even now. It’s like I can’t do anything but melt under his strong gaze and I don’t even know why he looked at me so intensely. I’m sure if he does that again, I’ll confess right on the spot. I knew it would be dangerous around Kyuhyun, but that he could make me submissive just by looking me in the eyes… How am I supposed to work with him? Who can assure me that it won’t happen again? Even the fact that Eunhyuk was in the room with us couldn’t prevent it from happening. And if he wouldn’t have said something, who knows what I would have done on the spur of the moment? This is really getting dangerous for me. I can only hope Kyuhyun won’t think to much of it and just ignores that it ever happened. Though… I honestly wouldn’t mind if he does it again. It felt so good, so right, like it should have always been that way. My heart was so warm, so filled with love, and I felt so secure. And his eyes were just so mesmerizing. It seemed like an angel had fallen from the sky with his curled hair and his broad shoulders. And the way he called out my name, ‘Wookie’…

“Wookie? Wookie! School is over, we can go!” I look up at Sungmin a bit irritated before I realize that the teacher is collecting his things and that school is indeed over for today. I must have been daydreaming, thinking about Kyuhyun.

“Ah, yes. Shall we head to the music room?” I ask Sungmin.

“That’s why I woke you up!” He smiles softly and we leave the room. “What were you even thinking about? It seemed like you were in another world.”

“Just about a new song.” That’s what I always say and sometimes it’s the truth. “Did you practice with Yesung yesterday?”

“Yes, we just used the guitar instead of the piano and it worked quite well. It’s not as good as with your piano skills though. How was your day with Eunhyuk and the class prez?”

“We mostly researched and talked about the structure of the paper. Oh, and we ate some delicious muffins! I need to ask Kyuhyun’s sister for the recipe the next time I see her. They were really amazing! The kind with chocolate bits mixed in the dough, you know which I mean?” Sungmin nods with a smile. “It’s really difficult to find the perfect combination of dough and chocolate, but those were heavenly!”

“Remember to give me the recipe as well then.” We turn the corner and reach our destination. I see Yesung already sitting on a chair, waiting for us.

“Finally you’re here. What took you guys so long?” Yesung stands up and goes to greet us.

“This boy was daydreaming about a song again”, Sungmin answers and points at me. Yesung laughs and we join him. It feels so good to be with these two. I can easily forget about my worries and completely focus on my music.

“Then let’s hear what you guys practiced.” I pull my folder with the sheet music out of my bag and place it on the piano. “Which one is it? ‘Nostalgia’ or ‘Me for you’?” Both are duets I wrote specially for Yesung and Sungmin.

“’Me for you’”, Sungmin says and I think I just saw him blush a little. I brush it off and start to play the soft tune. Yesung starts to sing first and Sungmin follows soon after. Their dark and high voices blend together perfectly and leave no trace of their usual awkwardness. I always wondered how they can harmonize so beautifully when they are normally so different. And sometimes I wish it would be me and Kyuhyun singing these songs instead of them with a harmony as wonderful as theirs. But I know that will probably never happen. I sigh and hit a wrong key. Yesung and Sungmin turn to me in surprise, but I continue to play as if nothing happened. As we finish the song, they already forgot about my mistake and we continue our practice like we always do until we have enough for the day. We then go our separate ways and I start to think about Kyuhyun again. I’ve hardly looked at him today in fear of locking eyes with him. It’s weird, but I start to miss him a bit. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and Kyuhyun and me can just go back to how we were before that little incident. Which basically means not quite as awkward as now.

Kyuhyun pov

It always disturbs me whenever I hear Ryeowook making a mistake. As long as I know him and already listen to his music that only happened when something was bothering him. And today I think it might be my fault. I shouldn’t have been looking at him like that. He probably thinks I’m weird and worries about the necessity to work with me. I can’t resent him his thinking. It’s probably for the best if I try to ignore Ryeowook as good as I can so something like that doesn’t happen again. For three weeks, if we’re fast even less, do I need to control myself. Then this is over and we can go back from working partners to simple classmates. I just hope I can do as much. My self-control falters when Ryeowook is near me, because all I want to do is love him. But that’s the only thing I’m not allowed to do. Maybe I can give vent to my feelings by writing in my notebook as I always do, but where should I start?

I’m sorry, Ryeowook. I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m sorry for not being able to hold myself back the way I should. I’m sorry for having weird feelings for you. I’m sorry for hiding these feelings. I wish you knew, but I’m afraid you’ll hate me. I could understand it if you do.

What can I do to make you happy? What is it that you wish for? How can I lessen your worries and fears? Will you tell me your thoughts if I ask you to? Maybe we are similar. Or are we total opposites? Like magnets, but I doubt you are as attracted to me as I are to you.

I want to tell you how I feel. I want to show you how I feel. I want to give you the happiness you deserve. I want to protect you more than anything and hold you in my arms. Is there a way to do so? I want so much, but most of all do I want you. I love you, Ryeowook.

Instead of my heart feeling lighter, it’s like it slowly rips apart. Writing my feelings down doesn’t help at all because I know they don’t get conveyed that way. Yet it’s the only way for me to give them form. I don’t even know when I started to write everything down. I’ve never been much of a writer, but here I am, pen in hand, white paper in front of me and words that tell my life in between these two. It’s a little like I’m a poet, but I never tried to write a poem before. Maybe I should try it out? A poem for Ryeowook…

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

Muffins are chocolaty,

And so are you.

No, this doesn’t work. I cross the lines out, but can’t help a smile from forming on my lips. A chocolaty Ryeowook… It fits him in a way. He’s sweet,  but not overly sugary, a little like dark chocolate. It’s a pity that Valentine’s Day is already over, otherwise I might have gotten him some. In disguise of course or I would make a fool out of myself. It’s not so bad of an idea though. I could put little presents on his desk or in his locker as an anonymous person. Flowers for example, a small cuddly toy or chocolate.

I think about other possible gifts as I get ready to go to bed. My thoughts swirl around and I smile happily as I think about his surprised face when receiving the gifts. Sleep slowly creeps over me and this night I dream of Ryeowook bathing in a tub of melted chocolate.

As the morning comes, my idea from before doesn’t sound as good anymore. How can I place the gifts without anyone seeing me? It’s nearly impossible unless I skip a lesson and that would be too suspicious. So I can only leave that matter be for now and concentrate on my present task. Ignore Ryeowook in a way it isn’t too obvious.

Eunhyuk pov

The day flies by and the last lesson ends. Kyuhyun and Ryeowook acted totally normal all this time. It’s not until we go to Kyuhyun’s place to work on the paper that I realize a change. They were awkward before, not really knowing what to do with the other. That vanished and in its place is now indifference. They still aren’t talking with each other, using me as a connector, but when they were stealing a glance before every now and then, they are now ignoring the other. Or at least Kyuhyun does so. Ryeowook seems more like he gave up hope on creating a more comfortable atmosphere and therefore doesn’t look at Kyuhyun as much as before. All in all they seem to feel a little lighter than before as they don’t need to interact much. But that leaves me with a heavy weight on my shoulders as I need to coordinate everything between them. Whenever one of them wants to hear a different opinion about what he wrote, he asks me. And whenever a question comes up, I’m the one to answer or ask the other one.

“Eunhyuk, can you check if this is correct?”

“Sure.”

“Eunhyuk, should I put this part before that one or is that too confusing?”

“I think it’s too confusing. Try to explain the technical terms before that.”

“Eunhyuk, can you give me the list of instruments?”

“Wait a moment… Ryeowook, where did you put the list?”

“It’s right here.”

“Thanks. Here you go, Kyuhyun.”

“Eunhyuk, can you proofread this part?”

“Of course.”

“Eunhyuk, are you finished with your part?”

“No, not yet.”

“Eunhyuk, how is the European culture part doing?”

“Kyuhyun is working on it.”

“Eunhyuk, what is the difference between a European zither and the Kayagum?”

“I don’t know. Ryeowook, do you know?”

“What?”

“The difference between a European zither and the Kayagum?”

“There are a lot of details. Wait, I write it down for you.”

“Thanks. Here are the details, Kyuhyun.”

“Eunhyuk, can you help me with this phrasing?”

“Yes.”

“Eunhyuk, I need your part to continue my research.”

“Wait, I’m almost finished.”

“Eunhyuk, from which time are the first written records of Asian music in Europe?”

“I don’t know, that’s Kyuhyun’s part! Why don’t you just ask him?!” I kind of want to say that, but I hate to yell at people. So I leave it be and try to oppress my anger. I’ll give vent to it some other time. “I’m not sure. Kyuhyun, from which time are the first written records of Asian music in Europe?”

“Wait a moment, I wrote it down somewhere…”

If this continues, I’m sure I’ll go insane. I mean, I can understand them. After that stare incident I’m sure they are afraid of revealing their feelings and being hated, but do they seriously need to ignore each other? Do they have zero self-control? And most of all, have they thought about me even for a second? It doesn’t look like they did.

I don’t really want to end up as their matchmaker, but I don’t want to end up in a mental hospital as well. If they continue with that attitude of theirs the next time we meet, there is no other way for me but to do something. I’m not going to make a couple out of them, but at least a more friendly atmosphere is essential. Maybe they understand my problem with this situation when I talk to them and they try to do something on their own. Ryeowook is very considerate of others so I’m sure he’ll try to change something. I don’t know how Kyuhyun will react to it, but I can only try. But first I should see how the current is going to develop. Maybe I don’t even need to interfere.

We meet once again before the weekend and Kyuhyun and Ryeowook act as indifferent as the last time. Within this afternoon I nearly started yelling four times and at the end I felt like an old man, who talks about his long lost dog as if it was still alive. Or like a drunken retard, who thinks his shoe is the dog he never had, you decide. I only remember talking to Ryeowook about some dog on the way home.

Our next meeting is set on Saturday and I know with certainty that I will go completely insane after a whole day of “Eunhyuk, this and that” if I don’t do something to lessen the questioning. So I decide to go to Kyuhyun’s place a bit earlier than we agreed on to be able to talk to Kyuhyun alone. I’m afraid they’ll be too embarrassed if I talk with both at the same time. This way they probably feel better about the situation and I can help them when they don’t know what to do with the other in a more personalized manner. So I am currently standing in front of Kyuhyun’s door and fumble with my T-shirt. I can’t hide my nervousness and worry. Can I find the right words without telling him that I know about their feelings? Will he understand my problem and help me solve it? Let’s try and see how it goes. I ring the bell.

Kyuhyun pov

Is it already time for them to be coming? No, there’s still half an hour to go. Who could it be? I open the door and raise my eyebrows in surprise. “Eunhyuk. What are you doing here? There’s still time left, isn’t there?”

“I have something to talk about. Can I come in?” Eunhyuk has a worried look on his face.

“Sure.” I step aside to let him in and wait until he’s ready to go upstairs with me. In my room he takes his place on the sofa and pats the seat by his side, signalling me to sit down next to him. I do as I’m told and wait for him to speak up.

“Kyuhyun, there is something bothering me about our working atmosphere.” Was I too obvious? Did he realize I’m ignoring Ryeowook? Is that a problem for him? Did he perhaps find out about my feelings for Ryeowook? “I know you don’t really know Ryeowook and he doesn’t know you, but it’s the same with me and the way you treat us is obviously different.” He did find out. Oh, I’m in big trouble! “What I’m trying to say is: It stresses me out that you only rely on me and never talk with Ryeowook. It wouldn’t be that big of a problem if you would ask him for something once in a while, but you even ask me the questions that are obviously his to answer. The same goes for Ryeowook so I’m going to talk with him about this too, but right now I want to request you to change something about this so I don’t need to go to a hospital because of mental exhaustion at the end of the day.” So it’s like that. Eunhyuk really has a problem with Ryeowook and me acting like we do. I’m so dumb for not thinking about him when its all too obvious. I guess, I really need to change my behaviour.

“I’m sorry, Eunhyuk. I’m dumb for not realizing that myself. But you see, it’s easy to work with you. You’re always kind and in a good temper. I just don’t know how to handle Ryeowook.” I see him thinking about it for a while until he answers me.

“Ryeowook is really kind too, trust me. But if it’s so difficult for you, why don’t you try to talk with him similar to how you did before? You don’t need to call out his name, just throw your question out in the air. I’ll make sure he’ll answer you. How about that?” Eunhyuk smiles encouragingly and I nod.

“If that disburdens you a little, I’ll try.”

“Great! Now I just have one last request. Can you give me some time alone with Ryeowook as soon as he gets here? So I can talk with him as well.”

“Sure. I’ll just get some drinks for you two and pretend like my mom or sister hold me up. Will that do?”

“Yes, that’ll do.” We smile at each other and Eunhyuk raises his hand for a high-five. I accept it and we talk a little about our hobbies until Ryeowook arrives.

Ryeowook pov

As I arrive at Kyuhyun’s place, Eunhyuk is already there. I thank God for not needing to be alone with Kyuhyun and  make myself comfortable on the sofa. Kyuhyun then goes out of the room to grab some drinks for us and leaves Eunhyuk and me alone. I turn to him with a smile, but that soon fades as I see worry in his face.

“Ryeowook, I want to talk about something.” I look a bit surprised and worried, and softly grab his arm.

“What is it, Eunhyuk? Did something happen?” He turns to look at me and gives me a soft smile before continuing to talk.

“Actually, it’s about you and Kyuhyun.” What? Did he find out about my feelings? That can’t be… “It really stresses me out how you not interact with each other as I need to compensate for that. I already talked with Kyuhyun about this and he agreed on throwing the questions in the air instead of always asking me, so if you could do the same and maybe answer him when he does so, that really would lift a burden of me.” Oh. I didn’t realize how much of a problem this is to him. God, I’m so stupid!

“Sorry, Eunhyuk! I’m really sorry! I should have taken more care of my doings. I promise, I try to interact with Kyuhyun more! I’m so sorry…” A tear tries to make its way to the surface and Eunhyuk is fast in giving me a reassuring hug.

“It’s okay, Ryeowook. Just try to ask Kyuhyun instead of me every now and then and everything will be fine. Okay?” I sniff softly.

“Okay.”

After I calmed down, Kyuhyun comes back into the room and we start to work. After some time, Kyuhyun raises the first question. It’s one about the musical part so I hesitantly give an answer. We didn’t look at each other, but it felt good to answer him nevertheless and my heart beat just a tiny bit faster. Maybe this actually works. And so I start to question as well. Sometimes Kyuhyun would answer me and sometimes Eunhyuk. No matter when though, I would silently hope for Kyuhyun to speak up and tell me what I don’t know or ask a question I can give him the answer to. It becomes a give and take, the first real interaction between us if you forget about the stare. And I honestly like it.