“I’m sorry” the words stumbled out of Minseok as he released the other, while stepping back further in the hall. His body turned jerkily as if to resist his move when he began to retreat. Luhan stunned snapped out of his daze and grabbed the older man’s wrist just in time to stop him. “Don’t leave, you came all this way let’s talk.”, pulling him in he closed the door behind him.

The room was bare, not much covered the walls and only a stack of games and magazines decorated the furniture in the room. Luhan walked back to the bags in the kitchen pulling out the groceries one by one and putting them away, “What are you doing here?” His voice almost had a cold tone but it was the distance in the way that he spoke to Minseok that shocked him the most.

The younger man was even paler then he had originally noticed. Minseok lowered his head as he began to talk, “I am not sure.” His sweet voice almost cracked violently as his speech trailed off. It was hard to speak not just to Luhan but because he had not done much of it over the past months. He had almost felt as if he lost the one person he could speak too.

“Not sure huh,” Luhan gave a slight giggle to himself as he placed a blue carton of eggs in the fridge. “You missed me that much?” He stood bracing himself up on the door, as a snarky smile became more and more apparent on his face.

“Yes!” Minseok could feel the blood boil in his veins as he was angry at the fact that his Luhan didn’t need him. “I can't be a hyung any more, even if I was just a useless one all these years. What good am I if I can't even keep the band together or take care of myself?” His fists clinched tightly at his side. The aggression and anger he was feeling made him uncomfortable, he hated getting mad.

Luhan came around the counter, glancing down at Minseok’s fist he slid his into his pocket. His hands gripping at items in his pocket in hopes of distracting him in all the little details he noticed about Minseok that really made him want to smile. “Listen Minseok I am not going back. I am ... Doing fine here. I don’t miss that life at all.”

“You lied. I can tell.” Minseok glanced down at Luhan’s pockets before glancing over to the table of games and magazines. “It looks like you are fine but all your games are wrapped still and brand new, you haven’t even opened them.” He walked over to the magazines lifting one up to prove his point, “And since when did you start reading Girls magazines that have us on the cover,” sitting down the magazine he stared at the torn edges and creases from someone looking over them again and again. “Your not fine. What is happening? I am not leaving till I know the truth.”

Luhan took a step back and placed a hand on the counter, it felt cool to the touch. Attempting to focus on it he let words slip from his mouth, “Just go home Minseok.”

Almost exploding at the response Minseok’s tone escalated, “To where? Nothing feels familiar anymore and no place feels like home.” He stopped speaking to attempt to hold back the tears.

Luhan smiled as he placed more of his weight against the counter, “Your mom would be mad to here that.”

Luhan started to crumple against the counter as Minseok continued, “Stop! Stop playing it off
Look at you.” His hand came up toward Luhan but before he could do anything further the smaller man had collapsed to the floor his body tightly pulled together as he grimaced in pain.

“Luhan?...Luhan!” Minseok rushed to his side as he knelt next to him on the floor. Thoughts raced through his head but his body froze not knowing what to do next. His shock and horror was written all over his face.

Clinching his teeth Luhan grasped for words, “cabinet in the bathroom, top shelf” Once he had an order he snapped to and Minseok took off for the bathroom before another word could be said.

“Which one, which one?” Minseok gripped three prescription bottles trying to decide before taking them all with him to the man in pain on the floor. He dropped the bottles next to him and sprinted a few steps to the sink for a glass of water. His movements become more and more hectic as he scrambled to fill a glass.

Returning to his crouched position next to Luhan he lifted his head and helped him to drink from the glass, swallowing the pill that he had chosen from the bottles on the floor. “Do you really want to tell me nothing is going on again?” he stared at the spilt pills lying all over the floor next to them both.

Luhan’s body began to relax just a bit at a time, it was almost unnoticeable. Minutes trickled by as Luhan’s breathing began to settle. “Better?” Minseok set the glass down as he watched over Luhan.

Luhan simply nods once. The room had slowed in its spinning though his stomach turned slightly now. He took his time sitting up in hopes of not showing Minseok what he had for lunch. The older man slide beside him was lifting him up enough to brace him against his own chest. Luhan's body was cold and he could feel his bones pushing against his skin.

Luhan sank into his embrace as his nausea subsided, "if I died right now, I think I would be ok with it."

Listening to the soft whimpers coming from Minseok he felt bad about what he said. "Come on Seokie smile. You have everything you ever wanted in life." The tears finally had made their way down his cheek and landed on the older man’s hands that had been wrapped around him tightly, "That is a lie, all I ever wanted was you." the words trickled out of his mouth as the tears did down his face.

Luhan roughly pulled Minseok's hands off him, "It doesn't matter what it is." He stood to quickly getting a sudden flash of pain in his stomach he leaned against the table, " and the last thing I need is you standing here crying all the time. Now I know why Joonmyeon called yesterday. To warn me you were coming."

"Joonmyeon? Why does he know everything and not me?" Minseok reached out for Luhan's hand but missed it as the other pulled it back. Luhan stood up straight, “Your just a friend, an ex-band mate." Walking over to the door he swung it open, "Go home. I don't want you here."

Minseok couldn’t even begin to explain how he felt. His heart told him to stay but he knew he couldn’t his legs pressed on as he walked out into the hallway just to have the door slam behind him. The locks could be heard being put in place as he leaned against the wall next to the door deciding what to do next. His body slide down the wall. He didn’t move as he heard Luhan yelling angrily and throwing things in the apartment.

He pulled his knees up to his chest coving his ears, trying to block out the sound. He had never seen him this angry before and didn’t understand why. The tears slide down his face as the commotion inside slowly died down. Wrapping his arms around his legs he planted his face against his knees and let the tears fall.

A long while had past since the apartment had gone silent but Minseok sat quietly tears falling in the hall still. Lifting his head at the sound of someone approaching quickly, he was seeing Mei running towards him. “Minseok?” She was shocked for a second but only that before she started franticly opening the door locks, “I received a text.”

“A text?” Minseok raised an eyebrow before whipping away the remaining tears that scared his face. “He sends me a text with a code.” Mei cursed as she reached for a different key for the third time, “He sent me the one for hospital emergencies.” Jiggling the key once the door slide ajar, she gasped bringing her hand up to . Minseok stood quickly and pushed the door open fully.

Luhan lay collapsed in the living room that was now covered in turned over furniture and multiple colors of broken glass. It looked as if neither a lamp nor dish was saved. Mei sprung into action her nursing reflexes quick as she marched to the living room checking his vitals. “Call 911. Then come hold the phone to my ear.” She her hand down into her purse pulling out the phone and throwing to a stunned Minseok who still stood in the door way.

Barely making out her commands he did so walking closer to his Luhan who lay motionless on the floor. He knelt next to her glancing down at the blood that was now slowly flowing from his best friend’s hand.

Mei talked continuously over the phone relaying to the operator that she was bringing him in now and that he had not come to. Spouting off numbers as she held her finger gently against his skin, “On our way now! ”

She stood and grabbed the phone from Minseok harshly.”I don’t know what happened today but I think you are the one to blame.” She bent over the body and lifted him to a sitting position, “Put him on your back we have to get him in now.”

Minseok’s face was shocked not at the situation but that for the first time he thought him being here was the worst thing he could have done. “Pay attention.” She snapped her fingers in front of the dazed man and watched him come to, “Kneel down here, I will help you get him on your back.”

He did so. He stayed silent as he followed closely behind Mei who galloped down the narrow hall to the elevators. They clanked loudly as they slid back exposing the space that he would be forced in close quarters with them both. He stepped in, sweat now dripping down his face as Luhan’s weight seemed to increase.

The ride down seemed like forever as he tried to face forward but the reflection of Mei’s angered and distraught face confused him more. When he turned his head he could see Luhan’s small body silently and without motion grasp at him as he attempted to hold him tightly. When the elevator arrived he was happy to step from it and relieve himself of being forced to see the distorted reflections.

Mei pulled her keys from her pocket and held the door for the men as he quickly paced through. The sun stung at his eyes as he watched Mei open a car door, “Get in.” He placed the limp body in the car closing the door afterwards. He ran to the other side and crawled in next to him as Mei pulled away before he could even fasten his seat belt.

Minseok kept his head down, he didn’t know what to say never the less do. His field of vision crossed over Luhan’s palm and left leg. How much weight Luhan had lost popped in his head, the thin limbs so close next to him. The place where he use to lay his head nearly every morning was right in front of him again. Minseok touched the pale hand, it had grown cold. Holding it between his hands he rubbed it lightly until it warmed from his touch.

His smile grew as he seen the hand pat the leg. Glancing up he seen a small smile cross his Luhan’s face as he continued to pat his leg. Minseok did as his partner beckoned and laid his head on his leg, making sure not to apply a lot of pressure. The cool hand instinctively went straight to his hair, petting him as if it were the most normal of days.

The hand went slack and landed somewhere behind him but Minseok dare not turn around. His eyes welled up with tears and that soon flowed down onto Luhan’s pants. He gripped the pants infront of him grasping for something to tell him that this was a dream as he felt every fiber of the pain inside himself.

The car stopped and before Minseok could even gather the strength to sit up Luhan had been ripped from the car. He didn’t move as he rubbed the seat that was warm and occupied a minute ago until he heard Mei begin to speak.

“Ross pick up. Pick up.”, Mei anxiously moved around in the entry of the hospital, “Finally, Dr. Ross … This may be it. He went into the hospital right now.” Mei turned to face Minseok, “There has been a bit of a complication, Minseok is here.” Mei moved further and mumbled a few words before closing her phone.

“We should go in he is scared right now, he needs you to be strong.” Mei reached out her hand grasping at Minseok’s to help him from the car. Minseok pulled himself up and stepped from the car. Mei turned and entered the large multilevel hospital in front of them both. “so it isn’t a bad thing , it’s the worst thing” he mumbled to himself as he stepped forward into a white walled and sanitized building that hummed with the noises of various machines every so many feet.

The room was bustling as he watched his friend be rolled down a hall and out of sight. He gripped Mei on the arm as he stood behind her, “What is it? What is wrong? And no more lies.”