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Silence.

I was feeling suffocated by the heavy atmosphere.

All the members were sitting in the leaving room looking at their feet while Suho hyung was talking with the manager in the kitchen.

We had a broadcast in the next few hours, we had to go get ready but none of us was in the mood. Each one of us was in his own world, none dared to look up.

I was lost. Kris hyung wants to leave EXO? He wants to leave us? Leave me? Why didn’t he say anything about it? Weren’t we close? He should have at least prepared me for something this big.

Who am I kidding? How would he prepare us? I was searching for rational reasons but I still didn’t understand why. I wanted to call him but I couldn’t. Would he even answer me if I did? These kinds of scary thoughts started running in my head. I was afraid that this was the end of our friendship.

“Guys, we have to go, so hurry up.”

“Suho hyung, did you call the M members?”

“Yes. They are surely feeling worst than us so we’d better get ourselves together and be stronger so we can cheer them up.”

Such a nice leader.

Still, we all know that what he is saying are just words and that he is having a hard time too. Only acting in front of us. I have to state that he didn’t improve, his acting is still as bad.

We had performed for the sake of our fans but none of us had the strength to stand on stage and enjoy our win.

“I will go alone. Go to the dorm and rest.”

Yes, such a nice leader.

Jongin, Kyungsoo and I sat in the leaving room watching the music broadcast we had filmed. Suho was still not home. He had a meeting to attend since he was our leader. When Suho said his speech and smiled to the camera, I could hear Jongin crying. Kyungsoo was next to him comforting him so there was nothing I could do. I was sad too. But what can I do? For me, all this was just a bad joke. Well I thought it was until I heard someone else’s sadness. Our almighty Maknae Oh Sehun was crying behind the sofa. And that’s when it hit me. Kris really left us.

“Hyung, where’s Baekhyun?”

“I don’t know Kyungsoo, he must be in his room. I’m going to check on him, stay here with the maknaes.” He simply nodded.

Despite his young age, Kyungsoo was reliable and knew how to maintain a strong image when needed. Even If he was younger, he was the one taking care of our leader also. He didn’t express himself much but we didn’t need him to talk when he was doing so much more like actions. Waking us up, preparing food, listening to our concerns, Do Kyungsoo was that kind of person, calm and wise. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t a prankster too. Even without much participation, he was an accomplice as he always stood silent and enjoyed every little prank we did to each other.

“Baekhyun, are you here?”

No answer. He wasn’t crying alone here right? I the lights but no one was here.

“Kyungsoo, Baekhyun isn’t here! Where could he have gone?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes got bigger and he started inspecting the dorm with his stare.

“Hyung, just call him!”

“Yes, Sehun-ah, I will do it now.”

No answer.

“I will try again.”

“Again.”

“Guys, I’m back!”

“Junmyeon hyung, you haven’t seen Baekhyun? He isn’t here!”

“Oh, calm down Chanyeol. He isn’t back yet?”

“What? You knew that he was out?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t be your leader if I didn’t. He told that he would meet some friends.”

What? Friends again? Are friends more important than us when we are in this kind of situation? Wasn’t I his friend too?

“Don’t worry, he will soon be here.” Suho patted my shoulder.

To be very honest, I felt so small. He didn’t tell me anything and just went out. Suho knew more than me and that bothered me. Yes, he should tell him where he is going since he is the leader, but how about me? I’m his roommate and bestfriend right? I am right?

I, myself wasn’t sure of the answer.

“I’m back!” A cute and cheerful voice yelled.

I stood there in front of him, arm crossing, trying to deliver through my stare all my feelings. He didn’t care.

“Oh, hi Chanyeol.”

He passed by me going to sit on the sofa. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hi Chanyeol? Hi Chanyeol? Are you freaking serious right now? Don’t you know how worried i was when I didn’t find you in our room? Do you know how many times I called you? I thought you were out crying alone or something. But what? You went to see some friends? Are you rebelling or something? Sehun should be the one doing that, but he was here with us. Your dongsaeng needed you. I needed you! I really don’t understand you these days.”

I went back to our room, I was so mad. On my way back, I could hear Kyungsoo talking.

“You’d better go see him hyung. He was really worried about you.”

After a few minutes, I heard a knock and a tiny voice calling my name. The lights were off so I couldn’t see him clearly.

“Chanyeol?”

“Are you sleeping?”

“I know that you aren’t, so stop pouting and let’s talk okay?”

I heard the door close. Did he leave already? I got up from indignation, how could he? Was I too harsh.

“I knew that you weren’t sleeping.”

A sigh of relief escaped from my lips.

“Why do you act like you don’t care when you were about to tear your ears apart when you thought I had left. You could have said that you weren’t sleeping.”

Baekhyun was now sitting next to me and had switched on the lights. His hands were on my ears.

“You’re so embarrassed right now that your ears became red and hot.”

He started laughing. Was he teasing me?

“I’m not making fun of you or anything, so don’t get mad okay?”

He had just made one of his puppy faces, head tilting right. My heart was beating so fast, I was so afraid that he would hear it so I laid once again on my bed, facing my pillow. It was definitely a bad idea.

“Chanyeol?” He whispered.

When I turned my head to face him, we were only inches apart. I really didn’t know what to do. My eyes got bigger and I was paralyzed.

“You’re so cute when you’re startled.”

He was laughing. I missed hearing it. I couldn’t stop myself and smiled at him too.

“You forgive me right? I just checked my phone before coming here and I can feel that you really worried right? You don’t give up, do you? I’m sorry for not being careful. Next time, I will be sure to answer.”

So there’s going to be a next time? Do you plan on doing this often Byun Baekhyun?

Still, I felt bad. It’s like he has to check his phone every single minute. This could have happened to me if I was having too much fun.

He turned his face away from me before continuing.

“I was with my friends. I’m sorry that I neglected you guys. I really didn’t mean to but I felt really bad. I didn’t want to stay here. You guys are hurt too, I didn’t want to see you crying. I wanted to empty my head. If I stayed here, I would only get more depressed. I really hope you can understand.”

I understood. I understood way to fast in my opinion. I also felt worst, for blaming him and yelling at him earlier. I was getting mad for being an insensitive person. When everyone was having a hard time, I only made it worst.

I couldn’t look at him in the eye. I was way too embarrassed.

“If it’s about earlier, it’s okay. You don’t have to feel bad or anything. Now, do you forgive me?”

I nodded and hugged him. Yes, he smelled vanilla. Yes, I had missed this. And yes, I asked him to sleep with me tonight. I don’t know from where I gathered this courage. But right now, Byun Baekhyun was on my bed and I was hugging him from behind.

Despite being close, I couldn’t stop thinking about our friendship. Were we really bestfriend?

 

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Sorry for uploading very late.

I still have college entrance exams to take, so i hope that you can still wait a little bit but i assure you that i'm really working ahrd on writing. Thank you for reading.