Chapter Seventeen

The Absence

Kai's loud footsteps pounded against the pavement as he took off into a sprint. His head needed some clearing, and fast. The wind howled in his ears as he picked up speed, and he wished nothing more than to be able to drown out the cacophonous noise of his jumbled thoughts that was burdening him and making him agonized. Little bits and pieces of the argument with Min tugged at his mind.

That's right! I shouldn't care so much! But I do!

I want to spend the rest of my life with you, every second of everyday. 

It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. All this time that he had been spending with Min, Kai had never thought twice about the fact that his host was gay, other than the first time that he had met him. None of their interactions had ever crossed the boundary of friends, and even when they took care of each other and Min told him about his past, the boy never displayed a single ounce of affection for him. Shouldn't it be obvious to tell if someone liked you? If it was, then why hadn't Kai seen any of it? 

Kai was extremely frustrated. He couldn't seem to explain why his heartbeat was still drumming like crazy or why his skin felt like a thousand ants were crawling across it. This wasn't the first time that he had been confessed to -- heck, most girls spilled their hearts out to him after just one date. But this time, Min was a guy, and no doubt it was completely strange and creepy. Kai couldn't believe that his friend, the one he had been putting his trust in, actually liked him in that way. He wondered how long this had been going on for; had Min liked him since the beginning? Or was it just recently?

No doubt this abrupt confession would put a damper on their friendship. Kai wasn't even sure if he could face Min again without feeling extremely awkward and uncomfortable. It wasn't that Kai had anything against gay people. In fact, he thought they were fine. Daesung was gay, and Kai had known him ever since he had tried on his first suit for a business meeting with his father. He had never had anything against people going for their same gender, because often it had nothing to do with him and love was still love. But for some reason, Min's homouality was different. Their whole argument and exchange had ignited something that he couldn't quite explain. To Kai, it felt...weird. 

Maybe Kai himself had something to do with the way he was feeling at the moment. Lately, he had been feeling a bit strange. Everytime that he was around Min, Kai would feel an odd sensation that would make his skin crawl, and he had no idea what the hell it was. Min's face had become really interesting to observe as of late, and often without knowing, Kai would stare at the boy's complexion for an undeterminable amount of time just to pick out the little things he hadn't noticed before. Was it perhaps in the fact that Min's eyelashes were impeccably long, or that his lips were quite plump and pink for a male? Maybe it was also his rosy cheeks and fair skin. Kai didn't know why these things stood out to him so much, and it bothered him more that these images stuck in his mind and popped up in his consciousness at weird moments, like now. Nothing made a of sense and his feelings were unbearably frustrating. 

Confusion. That had to be it. Kai was just...confused.

He traced his way around the neighborhood in countless rounds, not paying any attention to the dark night sky with the glistening moon or the noiseless streets deprived of traffic and pedestrians. At the moment, Kai just really needed to clear his head of useless junk. 

When he finally trudged back into the house several long hours later, his chest heaving up and down in exhaustion, Kai found the person who had been occupying his mind sprawled across the couch, his upper body lilting dangerously off to the side. He ran to Min's side without thinking, wanting to move him to a better position, but then stopped. Kai furrowed his eyebrows slightly and stepped back from the sleeping body. A rush of strange emotions washed over him, and the faint echo of I want to spend the rest of my life with you resounded in Kai's mind. Blood pounded in in his ears.

Kai really needed to keep his distance. At least for now, until he could sort through his feelings.

He walked into Min's room and collapsed on the bed, rolling his head back and forth to observe the room. The pink walls, the flowery curtains, the citrus smell...everything made sense now. No wonder Min had a taste for feminine things. But Kai just wasn't sure if he was going to be able to accept his host's preferences very soon. 

After all, the recipient of Min's feelings was him. 

Kai was definitely ignoring her. Sungmi knew it. 

One, he didn't even bother to wake her up to run. It was either she woke up on her own, or she didn't run at all. But even when Sungmi got up on time, Kai would leave without her and come back before her. 

Two, he stopped taking her to school. After the usual morning run, he would either lock himself up in the room or leave the house immediately by the means of a taxi, not even bothering to tell Sungmi where he was going. And when he did this, Kai didn't come back until late at night. 

Three, his conversations with her halted completely. No longer was the playful banter that occurred at every meal or the sarcastic remarks thrown here and there. While Kai still made food for her, he stopped sharing meals with Sungmi at the dining table and made up excuses of having already eaten or gone out to eat. 

And all of this took a heavy toll on Sungmi. She knew it was all her fault. With her sudden confession, she had scared him away and severed their friendship. The girl couldn't even find it in herself to blame him for being distant, because from Kai's point of view, she was a guy, and now a gay guy. No doubt he was shocked to the bone and extremely flustered. Who wouldn't be?

Sungmi didn't even know what made her blurt it out. Maybe it was the stress of the entire day with the addition of the crazy moodswings that came with her period. She was already irritable as it was, and going to the ball hadn't helped one bit. Kai had asked so many questions and she had only wanted to be alone, to breathe, to recooperate, to gain back her sane mental state. But that hadn't happened. The guy was too adamant on finding out what had happened that Sungmi wasn't able to stop her big mouth in time. And now, as a result, he had given her the cold shoulder.

Sungmi couldn't stand it. The tension between her and Kai was so thick you could cut it with a knife. She wanted so badly to mend things between them and go back to their former ways, but this close to Kai's deadline, she didn't know if it was possible. At thi