I sat alone, looking through the window. It has been a week when they got back together. One week without her, I think I’m still fine and sane. Funny, how I had survived without you when I really miss you and that my heart has been slowly crumbling away.

“Henry oppa, why are you here? Where’s Amber unni?” I looked up to see Krystal. “I don’t know. Why are you asking me?!” I answered her with a cold tone and wiped my tears away. “Why don’t you ask Key?! He might know! They’re probably together!” I pointed to her with a raised tone. She flinched and I apologized. “Oppa, I asked Key. They weren’t together. He was crying when I went to him. He told me they broke up already.” She said. “They did?” I asked and she nodded. “What did Key do this time?!” I stood up, ready to punch that guy’s face again. “Oppa, he did nothing. Amber unni broke things off. We also didn’t know why.” She explained.

I could not understand why she did that. She had love Key so much, right? I went to Key’s place, hoping for an answer. The door opened, and revealed a crying Key. “What do you want, Henry?!” He asked me. “I just want to ask if it’s true. Are things done between you and Amber?” I asked. I gulped, hoping he’d answer me with a yes, but I was nervous. What if Amber is in pain? What if she’s suffering again and I’m not beside her?

“Yes, things are over.” He said. “Why?” I asked. “She just said that something feels different, as if she wasn’t happy like before. She apologized, saying that she wants to find that true happiness that she can’t find in me no matter what she does.” He explained to me, while I just nodded.

“Are you happy that we’re through?” He suddenly asked me. “You must be so happy that you can have Amber all for yourself.” He began. I was puzzled. Sure I’m happy that Amber broke off with him, but I’m not selfish in having her all by myself.

“Do you know that Amber talks about you most of the time?” He added. “You two do things that we, as a couple, don’t even do. She gives you more time than she does with me. She asks you to do things like ride bikes together or watch movies, but she doesn’t ask me. I even wonder if I’m really her boyfriend, because all her attention was on you.” He told me as he walked around me in a circle. “You know, that was another reason why I left her before… It’s because I felt like the one she loves was you, and not me.”

I shook my head. There was no way Amber could love me. I know that she loves him more. “That’s a lie, Amber loves you,” I looked away. “Action speaks louder than words, Henry. I loved her, but she couldn’t love me the way she loves you.” He said. “But I don’t—“ “Love her? Henry, you love her. Stop denying yourself that you don’t, because everyone can clearly see that you love Amber more than anyone else.” Key told me. I looked down, still not believing his statement.

 “Listen, make her happy. I couldn’t make her happy the way you do. And do me one favor,” I looked at him as he holds my shoulders. “Confess to her, as it will make you and her happy.” He said. “But—Wait—No!” He didn’t listen to me and pushed me out of his place. I just sighed and went out.

I was back to where I was from earlier. I have been looking for her ever since. She wasn’t at her apartment, or at the building. I was becoming worried. Where could you have been? “Amber, how are you doing? Are you happy? I’m happy even if I’m alone. You don’t mean so much to me. You’re just my best friend. You’re just a girl in my life.” I whispered to myself. I haven’t found her since earlier.

“Liar,” I looked up to see Kyuhyun. “Hyung,” I was surprised at his presence. Shouldn’t he be with his girlfriend right now? “You’re okay when you’re alone, but you’re not happy when you don’t have Amber in your life. She doesn’t mean much to you because she means everything to you. She’s not just your best friend and a girl in your life. She’s Amber Liu, the girl whom you love.” He explained. I should be denying this, like I used too, but a part of me didn’t want to fight anymore. I had finally agreed with what Kyuhyun said.

“I love Amber,” I whispered to myself, but he seems to also have heard that. “Finally!” He exclaimed at me and I looked at him. “Everyone can see that the two of you love each other, but are afraid to say to each other,” Kyuhyun added. “No, Amber does not love me.” I answered him. “Yes she does. Even if you don’t believe me, she does.” He said and walked away. I just sighed and went to the building’s lounge.

I contemplated on what Kyuhyun had said. When have I begun having these feelings for her? I traced back our memories and recalled. I have felt this all before. It was the moment when I first met her. I had placed all of those and bottled them inside in order to maintain the friendship we gained. I only felt those feelings more powerful ever when Key came into our lives. Why did I let all our moments slip away like an hour glass? Why wasn’t I the one who confessed to you and not Key? If only I could turn back time, I would have told you my feelings. I would have told you I love you.

I was walking aimlessly, when someone suddenly jumped at my back. It was all familiar to me. “Amber?” I looked and saw her, weakly smiling at me. “Let’s go,” she said and pulled me away. I wanted to ask her so many things, but I don’t want to since I want her to open up to me.

We sat at the rooftop, watching the sunset. I sighed and looked at her. It took me all of my courage to ask her, “Why did you break up with Key?” I felt her stiffen and looked at me. “Because, I wasn’t happy.” She said. “But I thought Key meant everything to you?” I asked. “No, Henry. He doesn’t mean everything to me. I just… I can’t tell you right now. I’m sorry. I’m still confused with my feelings. Please give me more time.” She said and walked away, leaving me.

Depression. I’ve lived and suffered without her. Now that I can have her, should I confess to her? Seeing her, it makes me lose hope. If Key couldn’t be the one, how can I say that I could be better than him? I was just her best friend, her best friend who has probably loved her all his life. I never thought I could ever be this depressing, over Amber because I couldn’t confess to her and just realizing that I really did have loved her all my life, and because I couldn’t comfort her or help her. Nobody can make me feel so down like this like her. Just like super man who has a weakness, my Kryptonite is her.