Kyungsoo’s eyes fluttered open as he was greeted with the bright light of the afternoon shining in through his bedroom window. He felt an arm around his waist, and he looked to his right and sighed in content. He stared intently at his lover’s face as he slept peacefully, his breath slowly puffing out every few seconds, sending a warm tingle through Kyungsoo as their breaths mingled.

Kyungsoo couldn’t help himself, and he brought his hand to Luhan’s face, lightly tracing his features, first his forehead, then his eyelids, his nose, cheeks, jawline, and finally his lips.

“It’s not polite to stare, you know,” Luhan muttered with his eyes still closed.

Kyungsoo pulled his hand back suddenly and smiled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was simply making sure you were still alive. And guess what, you are. You’re welcome.”

Luhan opened his eyes and peered at Kyungsoo, smiling slowly. “Of course I am, pabo. Why would I leave you?” He moved forward and pecked Kyungsoo on his forehead. Kyungsoo giggled and wrapped his arms around Luhan’s neck, drawing him in for a kiss.

My arms around his neck

My fingers laced to crown

After a few minutes, Luhan pulled back and smiled. “I need to get ready.” He stood from the bed and Kyungsoo sat up, pouting.

“I thought you had the day off, today. We were supposed to spend the day together. You promised.”

Luhan smiled at his whining boyfriend. “I know, and I'm sorry, but the office called and I need the overtime. I’ll be back in time for dinner tonight, and then we can watch a movie or something.” Kyungsoo watched Luhan as he walked around Kyungsoo’s bedroom, gathering his clothes, which were scattered all over the floor. Kyungsoo nodded.

“You know, if you just moved in like I suggested before, you wouldn’t have to worry about going back to your apartment for changes of clothes and wearing the same stuff two or three days in a row. It would make things a lot easier.” Kyungsoo mumbled as he looked down in his lap, not making eye contact with Luhan.

Luhan chuckled as he set a knee on the bed where Kyungsoo sat and leaned towards his boyfriend. He put a hand on Kyungsoo’s cheek and lifted his head up to make eye contact. He kissed Kyungsoo’s forehead for a moment the pulled back. “We can talk about this tonight. I’ll see you later.”

Kyungsoo nodded and watched Luhan move towards the hallway to put his shoes on.

Kyungsoo sighed and called out, “I love you.”

“Me too.” The front door shut and Kyungsoo was left alone in his apartment.

I was a heavy heart to carry

My beloved was weighed down

On days where Kyungsoo had nothing to do, such as today, he would often make plans to meet up with some of his friends, but because this was such a last notice thing, he had nothing to do. Kyungsoo slowly crawled out of bed and trudged to the shower, where he washed up, taking his time. Once he had gotten dressed and fixed his hair, along with picking up around his apartment, Kyungsoo fell onto the couch. He sat there for a few minutes before yelling at nothing.

“I'm so bored!”

Silence followed as Kyungsoo glanced around his apartment.

Suddenly, he shot up.

“Ah! I can take Luhan lunch and we can eat together in his office! I’ll even stop at our favorite café and pick up some of our favorite desserts.” Kyungsoo smiled to himself and stood up from the couch. However, before he got too far, he paused. “Now I'm talking to myself. Hmm.” Kyungsoo shook it off and slipped on his shoes, closing the door behind him as he skipped to the elevator with a smile on his lips.

On his way to Luhan’s office building, Kyungsoo stopped at the café where he and Luhan had met and frequently met up at. Upon approaching the counter, he noticed his best friend Minseok was working, along with Jongdae.

“Minseokkie!” Minseok smiled at the blonde man.

“Hey, Kyung. The usual?” Kyungsoo smiled and shook his head.

“Not exactly. I need my usual drink to go, plus an americano, 2 ham sandwiches, and some of those heart shaped lemon bars, please. I'm surprising Luhan with lunch at his office today.” Kyungsoo spoke gleefully as Minseok began making the drinks and Jongdae wrapped the food in a box. The two working boys exchanged glances.

“I thought Luhan wasn’t supposed to work today, Kyung?” Minseok asked, clearly confused.

Kyungsoo sighed and smiled sadly. “He wasn’t, but the office called him in, and he needs the overtime.”

Jongdae glanced doubtfully at Kyungsoo’s explanation, but stayed quiet. He handed over Kyungsoo’s order silently and took the Korean man’s money, giving him his change without a word. Once Kyungsoo had left the shop with a cheerful goodbye, Minseok looked worriedly at Jongdae, who shared the same look.

“I have a really bad feeling about this, Jongdae,” Minseok whispered quietly.

I was a heavy heart to carry

My feet dragged upon the ground

Kyungsoo hummed as he reached the front entrance to Luhan’s company building. He walked confidently inside, greeting Luhan’s coworkers happily. He reached the elevator and pressed the button to Luhan’s floor, humming along quietly with the music flowing overhead.

He walked out when the doors opened and walked towards Luhan’s office, smiling at Luhan’s secretary, who looked at him, shocked. “Sir, I'm not sure you would like to do that.”

Kyungsoo looked at her, confused. “Minhee-ssi, I'm just bringing Luhan lunch, see? No need to ring him. I’ll just surprise him.”

“No, but –”

Kyungsoo had already opened the door and the damage had been done. Kyungsoo was greeted with the sight of a shirtless woman sitting on Luhan’s lap, his hands grasped tightly onto her waist and the woman’s arms wrapped tightly around Luhan’s neck, tangled in his hair.

Kyungsoo gasped and stepped back, dropping the lunch he had brought. His had flew up to his mouth.

Luhan pulled back from the woman and looked towards the door. “Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and turned and ran, not stopping when he heard Luhan calling for him from behind. He ran all the way down the stairs and out the building, down the streets of Seoul, not stopping until he had reached his apartment. He rushed inside, slamming the door and sliding down the wall, his back to it. He bit his fist in an attempt to muffle the sobs that now racked his body.

Who is the betrayer?

Who’s the killer in the crowd?

The one who creeps in corridors

And doesn’t make a sound

Kyungsoo stood and paced the apartment, running his hands through his hair, stopping occasionally to throw furniture at the wall as he screamed out his frustrations. The glass vase that held the flowers Luhan had given him for their anniversary was now in pieces on the kitchen floor. The dining room chairs that they had sat in together while eating dinner were now smashed against the wall. His bed sheets where they had shared countless nights together, now torn and littered the ground. All of his possessions were broken, just like his heart. Just like him.

And he took me to the river

Where he slowly let me drown

Kyungsoo was soon out of tears and out of energy. He stood in the middle of his living room, staring at the mess he had made. He didn’t know how long he stood there, but soon he heard the faint slide of the clock and the click of the door opening and closing.

“Kyungsoo, are – what the hell happened? Are you bleeding?”

Kyungsoo looked at Luhan with tears in his eyes. Luhan ran forward and grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand, examining it for the source of the trickle of dripping blood, which Kyungsoo had failed to notice during his tantrum. He pulled his hand back violently, stepping away from Luhan and looking down.

“Why did you do it?” Kyungsoo asked the ground quietly.

Luhan tried stepping towards the older, but Kyungsoo pulled back again. “Kyungsoo, it wasn’t what you think. I promise.”

Kyungsoo looked up suddenly. “Now what I think? Tell me exactly, what am I thinking right now, Luhan? What is going through my ing head? Better yet, what’s going through yours? I gave you everything, I loved you! Why did you do this to me, to us?”

This will be my last confession

I love you never felt like any blessing

“Please, I love you.”

Whispering like it’s a secret

Only to condemn the one who hears it

With a heavy heart

“Kyungsoo, I don’t think I do anymore.”

Kyungsoo broke down and fell to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Oh god, is this my fault? Please, Luhan, I'm so sorry. I can change. I’ll do anything. I didn’t mean to push you to this. Please, you can’t do this to me. I love you. Please, Luhan. Oh god, it hurts. Please!”

My love has concrete feet

My love’s an iron ball

Wrapped around your ankles

Over the waterfall

Luhan stared wide-eyed at the Korean man on his knees in front of him. “Kyungsoo,” Luhan stood still, not knowing what to do.

“Please, Luhan, it hurts. It hurts so ing much.” Kyungsoo cried tearing at his chest and hair, trying to distract himself from the pain.

Are you strong enough to stand

Protecting both your heart and mine?

Luhan walked slowly over to the crying man and slowly helped him to his feet. “Kyungsoo, look at me.” Kyungsoo lifted his head and his doe eyes met Luhan’s worried ones, both now filled with tears, tears of love and despair from one, and tears of worry and discomfort from the other.

“Please, Luhan. Please.” Kyungsoo whispered as he grasped at Luhan’s shirt to keep from falling. Luhan pulled Kyungsoo towards him and wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist, Kyungsoo’s arms carefully wrapping around Luhan’s neck, dragging him down, closer to him.

“I'm sorry. I can’t.”

I'm so heavy in your arms.