It really was supposed to be just a joke.

Now that he thinks about it, everyone has described most of his actions as rash, and not well thought out, and sometimes (mostly by Kyungsoo) just plain stupid. He supposes that this is a mix of all three, particularly the last one.

Honestly, he didn’t see any harm in uploading everyone’s caricatures on instagram; they were funny, and in his opinion, a rather accurate exaggeration of everyone’s characteristics. Kyungsoo has large lips and large eyes, so he made his caricature with large lips and large eyes. He takes great pride in Sehun’s caricature; he doesn’t care what anybody says, that was seriously the most accurate one he made. Baekhyun’s was endearing, with his adorable nose and all; Joonmyun’s emphasized his incredibly pale skin and blonde hair. Minseok’s was supposed to be cute, because of his baozi cheeks. Jongdae’s was probably the biggest joke of them all; he really just wanted to mess with him by making him have an overly large jaw and high, weird cheek bones. It was supposed to be just a joke.

After he posted the caricatures, he read a few of the comments, most of them something like, “ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ.” His fans thought they were funny, he thought they were funny; therefore, they were funny, and he didn’t really think much of it after he posted them.

It’s not unusual for members to not get to talk to each other on a day with a packed schedule, so he didn’t think much of it when Jongin walked past him backstage, or when he didn’t look his way when he was getting his makeup done, or when Jongin was, well, completely absent; he was just probably really busy, right?

Except, that Jongin was exactly the same way yesterday, a few hours after he posted the pictures, even though their schedule wasn’t nearly as hectic. Chanyeol guessed that Jongin’s absence from him yesterday was purely because the other boy always overworks himself, pushes himself to the ultimate boundaries, and he probably needed sleep, whenever he could catch it - which happened to be all day, Chanyeol supposes.

Two days without Jongin’s smile has Chanyeol’s own smile depleting in wattage; he never knew that the other boy had such an effect on his emotions, but apparently, now that he’s sitting in his dorm room, strumming sad songs on his guitar like Yixing loves to play, Jongin really does have a certain amount of power over him. Chanyeol would say he doesn’t know why, but he really does.

The two of them have been dancing around each other easily for the last six months, if not a few months before then. As he finishes a fingerpicking chord progression in a minor key, Chanyeol thinks back to a few months ago, when he first started attaching himself to Jongin’s side more often, particularly during their filming of Showtime, and then all the time after that.

One of Chanyeol’s biggest fears about Showtime is Jongin thinking that his actions weren’t genuine, or weren’t backed by Chanyeol’s real emotions. Chanyeol really is a fan of not just Kai, but Jongin. He enjoys Jongin’s company, because where sometimes he feels like he lacks in authentic reactions and emotions, Jongin is always there to reel him back in with all these intense feelings he has when he’s around the younger, or frankly, for the younger. Chanyeol was very much sincere with all the compliments he paid Jongin over the months, and he hopes Jongin realizes that just because they were on camera, doesn’t mean they weren’t real, or from Chanyeol’s heart.

That’s why he’s confused right now; why isn’t Jongin talking to him? These days, they’ve become rather inseparable. Has he said something wrong? Does Jongin need time to figure out what Chanyeol means to him? Through the door he left cracked, he can hear the others in the living room, watching a movie, when all of a sudden Jongin’s laughter fills the room, and Chanyeol feels even sadder that he’s not in there.

Deciding to end his pity party, Chanyeol puts down his guitar and walks into the living room to see Jongin squished between Kyungsoo and Yixing, while he’s sitting in Joonmyun’s lap, his head tilted back in a laugh, perfectly juxtaposing his tanned skin with Joonmyun’s ghostly pale face. Chanyeol takes a seat on the floor beside Jongdae and Baekhyun, and usually he doesn’t feel like a third wheel with his friends, but right now they’re playing some dumb game on Jongdae’s phone and haven’t even noticed Chanyeol’s arrival, making the latter sigh aloud.

Zitao and Sehun on the other couch hear his quiet sigh, and realizing that Chanyeol’s in the room, Zitao sighs considerably louder than Chanyeol did, rolls his eyes, glares at Chanyeol, then starts talking to Sehun quietly. Chanyeol looks at him, even more confused than he was earlier. Did he say something wrong to Zitao earlier in the day? Did he step on his toe during their concert?

Zitao continues to not look his way, yet so far, he is the only person in the entire room who has even acknowledged him. He’s been in there for a total of five minutes, and he’s ready to leave already. When he stands up, he makes a show of stretching, so as to wordlessly say that he plans to go to bed. No one says anything to him, not a good night or anything, until Zitao finally speaks up, “Chanyeol, are you not going to say anything?”

Chanyeol turns to look at the other boy, confusion purely painted on his face. “What is there to say? Good night? I’m going to bed.”

“No, you idiot. Have you not realized that you’ve been given the silent treatment all day by certain members?” Zitao rolls his eyes again. “They always say that holding a grudge kills the one who’s holding it before it kills the one that it’s against.” Zitao murmurs this part, so much that Chanyeol only hears certain bits of his sentence.

Chanyeol narrows his eyes, but politely asks, “Why are you holding a grudge against me? Did I step on your foot during our concert? My bad, Zitao, Your Lord Highness.”

Zitao abandons his spot on the couch in favor of standing closer to Chanyeol; Sehun stands beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder, so as to calm his rage. Out of the corner of his eye, Chanyeol sees the rest of the group, minus Jongdae and Baekhyun who are still playing their game, lose focus in the movie, instead preferring to watch the drama unfold in front of them.

“I can’t ing believe you sometimes, Chanyeol. This isn’t about you stepping on my foot, which didn’t even happen, . Think long and hard; what have you done in the last 48 hours that would make me this mad, that would make other members give you the silent treatment? And before you say something stupid, no it’s not stepping on their feet.”

Chanyeol looks clueless when he responds, “We’ve been busy for pretty much all of today except now, and yesterday we didn’t really do anything as a group that would cause you to get mad at me? I’m so confused.”

Zitao looks furious and like he’s about to yell, but Chanyeol can see Sehun grip his shoulder tighter, and he’s pulling the Chinese boy back onto the couch.

“Whatever Chanyeol. It’s not my problem that you can’t seem to realize when you’ve royally ed up. I’m not the only person you offended, and I’ll leave it at that. Do some soul searching, figure this out.”

Chanyeol dramatically sighs and leaves the living room, wishing he had never entered in the first place. He didn’t even get to hear Jongin laugh again, didn’t get to see his smile focused on him, so it’s as if the whole trip was even more of a waste.

-

Chanyeol is one of the first awake the next morning, and he encounters Joonmyun, Yixing, and Minseok in the kitchen, sipping tea. Chanyeol groggily opens the fridge and pours some juice, so he doesn’t notice when the hyungs form a circle around him until he turns around to leave and nearly spills the juice all over himself, them, and the floor.

“Chanyeol, we need to talk,” Joonmyun begins.

“Okay?” Chanyeol runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

“Did you think about the things Zitao told you about last night?” Joonmyun quietly questions.

“Well, yes? I mean, I didn’t come up with anything, but I at least thought about it, so I guess it’s the thought that counts.” Chanyeol nervously chuckles.

“That’s exactly what it is, Chanyeol,” Minseok murmurs.

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what you said. ‘It’s the thought that counts.’ Is it really the thought that matters in the end?”

“I don’t see-”

“Have you ever said or did something where you thought that the reaction would be one thing, but it caused something else entirely, even though your intent wasn’t to cause what actually happened?” Yixing looks at him keenly.

“Well, I mean yeah, but I’m not seeing how this relates to Zitao.”

“Chanyeol, this isn’t only about Zitao; that’s what he was trying to not so subtly tell you last night. There is someone else involved in this picture; hell there is probably more than just another person involved by this point.” Minseok mutters and looks down at the floor.

“Could you at least-”

Joonmyun cuts him off when he raises his hand in a way that says, “Stop.” He pulls out his phone, slides his finger across the screen, seemingly unlocking it. A minute or so goes by until Joonmyun is turning the phone for Chanyeol to see a translation of an English phrase. There are a few bits that are hard to understand, assumingly because of a word or two lost in translation, but the message is still there. Some international fans are concerned by what he had intended to be a joke, and right there in the translation, some fans say that regardless of the intent - whether he meant for it to be a joke - the result was offensive. Chanyeol looks at Joonmyun, still confused, and asks, “What did I say that was offensive? Honestly, I have no idea.”

All three of his hyungs sigh and leave the kitchen, with Joonmyun quietly adding as he leaves, “Think real hard Chanyeol. I’ll give you a huge hint, it involves instagram and-” Yixing covers his mouth with a haphazard smile thrown in Chanyeol’s direction, and they finally leave without another word.

-

Around noon, all of the members, minus Sehun and Jongin, are eating lunch in the dorm room together; with this lack of Sehun, Zitao has a void of a person to talk to, so instead of remaining quiet, he looks up from his phone to Chanyeol. “Did you think about what I said, Chanyeol?”

“I did.” He looks over at Joonmyun, then back at Zitao. “And, it has something to do with offending some people on my instagram? That’s as far as I got in my introspection.”

Zitao sighs and looks at the other members with disdain. “Who gave him a hint? He would know what he did wrong if he knew it had to do with his instagram.”

No one answers him, in favor of shoveling food into their mouths, so Zitao returns his smoldering gaze to Chanyeol. “It’s been three days, and my grudge has been eating away at my happiness, so I guess I’ll stop giving you encoded messages that you’re too dense to understand, and instead I’ll just tell you.”

Chanyeol perks up only to frown when Zitao glares at him again. “But first, you know that it’s on instagram. This really isn’t that hard, Chanyeol. I said it was three days ago; what did you post three days ago? I’ll give you five minutes to figure it out, and if you’re still confused, I guess I’ll tell you.”

Chanyeol pulls out his phone, opens his instagram app, and looks at his most recent posts; when he sees his posts from 6 June, he sighs elatedly. “Does it have to do with my caricatures?”

Zitao nods approvingly. “You’re on the right track.”

“So, I offended some people with my caricatures…..”

The remaining silence from the rest of the group stops when Minseok murmurs, “Chanyeol piece it all together. Piece everything you know about this situation together.”

“I-I, I’ve offended some people… With my caricatures….”

Zitao sighs and stands, “You better be kissing my feet tomorrow because I’m saving your . You’ve not just offended ‘some people,’” Zitao mocks him with air quotes. “You’ve offended a tall, light haired, and dark skinned dancer that you know. And if that wasn’t the biggest ing hint, I don’t know what is.” Zitao picks up his plate and goes into the kitchen.

And finally, Chanyeol gets a hint that he understands, because it’s about a certain somebody who he cares about too much for his own good: Jongin.

-

Throughout the day, Chanyeol tries to talk to Jongin, but he’s always seemingly busy, or beside someone else, or he refuses to even look at him.

Chanyeol finally finds Jongin alone in his room later that night, and he stands by the door after he comes in and closes it, because he’s assuming Jongin doesn’t really want to be beside him right now.

“Jongin... So I hear that you’re mad at me because of my instagram post?” Chanyeol cringes, realizing that his statement turned more into a question by the end.

Jongin looks at him from where he’s lying on his bed, playing on his phone. He sighs and turns his head to look at the wall.

“Jongin, you have to believe that I didn’t mean it to be offensive! It was just a lighthearted joke, honestly!”

Jongin turns around and glares, and Chanyeol shies away from him, because he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Jongin’s eyes so angry, especially at him. “It’s easy to joke when you’re not the joke.”

“What are you talking about? Everyone was part of the joke! Did you see Jongdae? His cheekbones were crazy!”

“Ha, ha, hilarious,” Jongin dryly chuckles. “Did you see me? Did you see Zitao?” Jongin sneers.

“Well, of course I saw, I made th-. Wait, wait. Are you upset that I made you guys so dark?”

Jongin throws his hands up in the air and sighs. “Why else do you think I was upset? That you stepped on my toe?”

“Well, I thought you needed time to figure things out about us.” Chanyeol murmurs.

Jongin’s eyes widen, and it’s just now that Chanyeol notices how glossy they look. “Chanyeol, god. How can you be this oblivious?” He takes an audible breath, then continues. “Well, for what it counts, you’re right. I did figure out a few things about us.”

Chanyeol takes a step forward, then another, so that he’s only a step or two away from Jongin. “Like what?”

“I-I, you could have just told me, you know.” Jongin sighs, and his first tear slides down his face. Chanyeol closes their distance to wipe the teardrop away, but Jongin hastily slaps his hand away, frowning. Chanyeol is so surprised that he doesn’t even have anything to say for a change.

“You go and do bull like that Chanyeol, like wiping away my tears when I cry, or holding me when I’m sad, and you have me trusting you and caring for you and wanting you.” Jongin chokes a little on his words - in sadness or anger, Chanyeol’s not too sure - but he holds his composure well when he continues, with his piercing glare, “And then you tell me how you really feel when you wordlessly make me feel ugly and unworthy with just one caricature, or when you ignore me after you compliment me so heavily on camera, or when you constantly prefer the company of Baekhyun or Jongdae over me. Dammit, Chanyeol I don’t know where I stand with you. Why don’t you ever give a clear sign, a real, clear sign?”

“I-I made you feel…. Ugly? Unworthy?” Chanyeol stutters, frozen in shock.

Jongin groans and covers his face with a pillow. “Forget it, Chanyeol. Please pretend that I never said anything.”

Chanyeol snatches the pillow away and stares at him, eyes filled with concern and guilt. “I can’t just forget about this, Jongin! Why would you ever think that I think you’re ugly? I tell you all the time that you’re really cute.”

Jongin sits up hurriedly and glares at him again, a tear or two falling. “And what would you think when the guy you,” Jongin swallows the lump in his throat and whispers quickly, “maybe sorta kinda like always pick at you for the color of your skin, and then he posts a picture online for millions of people to see him mocking you for that darker color? What do you think of that?”

“I- I wasn’t mocking you, honestly. I just, dammit I was just making a joke, a lighthearted joke, and I didn’t realize that you, or Zitao, would be offended by this. I’m, I’m sorry Jongin, I really am.”

“It’s not a ing joke if not everyone is on board, Chanyeol. Zitao and I have told you countless times that your jokes aren't funny, and that they’re pretty offensive. Yet you and Baek don’t stop with the joking, and now you’ve done this, and I’m just…” Jongin breathes deeply and rubs his eyes. “I’m done, okay? I’m tired. You can leave now; I’m fine, it’s fine.”

Not that Chanyeol would leave in the first place, but he finds that he’s incapable of moving at all because he’s so frozen in shock. It’s almost as if all of his fears he was remembering a few nights ago came crashing down at this very moment, and he ultimately fears that somehow he won’t be able to fix this.

“N-N-No, Jongin,” Chanyeol sputters, “It’s not fine; you’re not fine. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry!”

Jongin pushes himself off the bed so that he is standing, and Chanyeol takes a few steps backwards, slightly in worry. “I don’t give a damn if your intentions were to be funny, or if you meant it purely as a joke, or you never meant to hurt me.” Jongin growls, “The point is that it was offensive, and you did hurt me, and now you’re doing a half- job at taking responsibility for what you’ve done, just like every other time you’ve offended me and said it was a joke. It’s not funny! I’m not laughing! And instead of genuinely apologizing like any decent person would do, you say the same over, and over, and over,” Jongin’s voice increases in volume to the point that Chanyeol flinches, “about how it was a joke, and how it was supposed to be funny. Dammit, why am I even wasting my breath. Move, Chanyeol.” Jongin lightly shoves Chanyeol’s chest, but Chanyeol is still frozen in shock, and Jongin’s little pushes aren’t really moving him at all.

Jongin stomps his feet and grouses, “Just leave, dammit, I am in here because I want to be alone. Get that? By myself. Not dealing with you.”

When he sees that Chanyeol still isn’t moving, Jongin groans and throws himself back on the bed, turning his back to Chanyeol. Finally, Chanyeol moves, but only to sit on the edge of Jongin’s bed, causing the younger grumble.

“Look, I know this doesn’t excuse my ty behavior, but I really am sorry, alright? I know you said I keep saying the same thing again and again, but you have to believe that I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you, because, you know… I really-” He inhales dramatically and runs a hand through his hair. “I really do care about you, and well, I don’t want to lose you over something stupid I did. If I never sincerely apologized for all the things I’ve said in the past, I’m sorry for those too, Jongin. Really. What else do you want me to say, Jongin? I’m at your mercy.”

Jongin huffs, “I don’t know Chanyeol, damn I just…. I don’t know. I’m still upset, and you’d think after all the joking you guys do I wouldn’t be so offended, but it hurts you know? And, I just…. Maybe this isn’t the best time to be saying this, but I’ve already hinted at it tonight…. But, I….” Jongin pauses and roughly grabs at his hair. “Man I’m so stupid, but, maybe I sorta kinda like you? Like, I like your cuddling, and compliments, and laughter, and when you play me songs, and I don’t know where I’m going with this. It just kinda, sorta, really hurt when you made the post because I thought that it confirmed that you don’t find me attractive, and that you don’t want me.” Jongin finishes with a whisper.

Chanyeol groans, and grabs Jongin’s hands, interlocking their fingers. “No, no, no that’s completely wrong, Jongin. We probably could have picked a more romantic time and place for this, but I feel the same, truly. I know you don’t want to hear about my intentions, but they were never to make you feel unwanted or unattractive. I’m sorry; I think you’re incredibly cute, and I really want to kiss you right now.”

“Rea-”

Chanyeol surges forward at that moment, taking Jongin’s plump lips in a kiss. He tightens his hand in Jongin’s hair and sighs in content at the feeling of Jongin’s soft lips on his. Chanyeol knows he’s “royally ed up” according to Zitao, and maybe he’s not the best with words, so he’s hoping Jongin can feel the amount of care and affection he has for him through his kiss, that he can feel his sorrow and guilt for making him cry on his behalf. Jongin tilts his head a bit more and at Chanyeol’s bottom lip, but Chanyeol isn’t finished with this languid, compassionate kiss; he doesn’t want Jongin getting the wrong message, that he doesn’t fully like him: He likes Jongin for his warmth, and consideration for others, and adorableness, and how he likes Chanyeol’s cuddling, and how he pouts when he feels no one is paying attention to him, and well, everything. Perhaps now, mid-kiss and all, isn’t the right time for that idea to process, but that’s right. He likes Jongin for everything, and he hopes the other boy understands that includes his darker skin as well.

Jongin pulls away first, slightly confused, and Chanyeol thinks that look is the cutest he’s seen Jongin yet, and well, that’s saying something. “Is there something wrong?” Jongin tentatively asks.

Chanyeol grins and shakes his head before leaning forward again and kissing Jongin deeply this time, kneading his bottom lip before it between his teeth. Jongin gives a cute squeak or moan (Chanyeol can’t really tell), and Chanyeol thinks that measuring how cute Jongin is would ultimately be a waste of time, because just when he thinks Jongin has done the cutest thing ever, he goes and makes an even cuter squeaking noise, and then his whole measuring system is over an-

Jongin moves his hand into Chanyeol’s hair and pulls him closer, and Chanyeol finds that thinking about such arbitrary things like measuring Jongin’s cuteness doesn’t matter when the other boy’s lips are moving against his so lovingly, causing his mind to go blank anyway.


-

a/n: i wrote this oneshot a long time ago; i actually wrote it and completed it the day chanyeol released those photos. however, i felt that what i was trying to say would be misunderstood at that time, so i saved it in the labyrinth known as drive until now. i hope i did justice to a very dear and serious topic.

btws: if you have ideas for quick ficlets like these, let me know in the comments or something. i make no promises of writing it, but i'd like to have more ideas ^^