REVIEW PICKUP: Moelolz

Title: 3/5 'Flower' itself would've been a very plain title, but I find since you added the korean word of Flower as well, it made the title more... beautiful and intriguing, I guess. However, the title only relates to the part before she died. After she died, I don't see how she is a dainty flower anymore, because in the story she has gotten bolder as it progressed.

Description: 4.5/5 Your description was really well written, it gave off the right amount of information and I really like how you incoporated flowers into the description. However, the 0.5 marks were taken off because of some gramatical errors:

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   "My name is Kim Soyoung.

    It means beautiful flower.

By right, the 'beautiful flower' should have inverted commas.

Vocabulary: 9/10 I really like your vocabulary. Words were used to give the story more impact and a nicer flow, and I think you did the job perfectly. However, I still feel that you needed more vocabulary during the grandma dying scene, because it was a really sad scene for me and more vocab and elaboration on her feelings would've made me even sadder. 

Grammar: 7/10 Nothing big, really. There were a few grammar/tense errors here and there in most of the chapter. I'll point out those in Chapter 12:

"There are (were) fairies walking everywhere here, with shops and stalls selling magical objects and weapons. It’s (It was)almost like a normal town if not for the abnormally beautiful fairies walking around and how the animals emerging from the forest just beside the town is chatting amiably with the fairies.

Some fairies are (were) even flying around too, and tiny sparks of magic can (could) be seen here and there as a fairy stopped herself just in time from falling down, and another fairy used magic to heat up the stove.

It makes (made) me wonder how a peaceful town like this exist (existed) underneath all those scary and looming mountains up above. It’s (It was) almost as if I’m (I was) in a different world compared to the frightening view I saw (had seen) on top of the cliff."

" “Yah, hyung, what are you talking about? Of course Soyoung can’t give up! After all, this is her mission, right Soyoung?” Sehun turned to me, and his confidence that I won’t (wouldn't)be a coward and step back made me melt down with guilt."

"Lay and Sehun, on the other hand, is (was)walking breezily into the forest, examining their surroundings without a sign of fear as I tagged behind them, almost wishing my hands are (were)still stuck with Sehun’s so that I can (could)hold onto something to make me feel more secure." 

"My heart (was) thumping so much that it’s (it was)getting painful, I squeezed my eyes shut as cold sweat broke out on my neck and face."

"Soon, I feel (felt)the grip around my ankle lessen, and the snake fell off my ankle as it fell into a tangled heap on the floor."

A few more mistakes below, but I guess you can probably figure them out yourself. I am assuming that you are writing your story in past tense, but this paragraph was in present tense. A few other paragraphs from other chapters too, actually. 

(Edit: This isn't technically a grammar error, but it disturbed me a little... Your tag is spelled supernartural O_O You should probably change that so people looking for supernatural stories will find yours more easily :>)

Plot: 7.5/10 The plot is unique in a sense that you created plenty of different realms, and also the fact that Jongin sending a white cloth to Soyoung was calling for her to die. And also the fact you created something like the 'Unknowns', because that's pretty original. However, the powers of EXO M are too overused so I took some points off. Still, I liked the fact that you did not only include EXO in your story, there were other people from SNSD and people like Yonghwa and Hyuna. 

Flow: 10/10 Your flow is perfect. The phrases are not too short or too long, and the flow is just right, for a chaptered story.  Nothing went too quickly or too slowly, it was just the right pace and I really, really enjoyed the flow. Good job!

Effect on reader: 9.8/10 !!! I read this story at midnight and finished it in about 2 hours, so that pretty much explains how much I liked your story. It was easy to read on not like some other chaptered stories, because new things started coming in at the right pace and it kept me interested. I also really like Luhan's character and his love for deer, and Xiumin's character too! Does it even make sense that I was partly angry at Soyoung for treating Sehun so nicely in front of Kris, because it was hurting him? ;-; I felt so bad for Kris. And also the part where the Grandma died, my feels! Chapter 27 was pretty darn good too, and I felt that it was the saddest scene out of all the chapters. How Jongin abandoned Soyoung over a jealous concubine pissed me off so much, but the fact that he regretted it later made it all kind of sad. 

Overall: 90/100 I enjoyed this story a lot, even though EXO is not my bias. I cannot wait for Chen's appearance! And congratulations on being the first person to get 90 and above, and therefore you're going to be featured for a week! You have the highest scores out of those I have given out :3

REVIEWER: kaepie

REVIEWED FINISHED ON: 07/10/2014

Reviews are not meant to insult so please don't take our reviews too harshly! This is only from one's point of view.

You can read the story here!