“I’m sorry…”

“It is too late.” You say that then you come closer and...

*PLAK!*

I deserve it. More, even.

-

“Which part of what I said before you don’t understand?” You chuckle, a little bit shaking, oh please don’t.

“Every part of it. I… I… You were joking right?” You tremble, no, it scares me, I can’t let my guards off.

“I’m very serious about my decision. We’re over. Please leave.” I say it, I tell her to leave, I’m such a jerk… A small flat that I rent for us, but now I tell her to leave it, her, the one I always tell good night before sleeping.

 “L-leave? Jessi, wh-what? You’re telling me to leave? Jessi, what happen to you?!” You raise your voice at me, I don’t like it. I never like it, you know it, yet you do it, you must be very angry. Can I hug you?

“Yes, leave. I’ve packed your luggage, please just leave.” I walk from the kitchen to the door, it’s only steps away, and I open it, waiting oh so arrogantly for you to leave.

You walk closer to me, no, silly, my love, please don’t come closer to me or…

You hug me. My arms are about to hug your body. Your body which is made to be in my big bear hug.

So tight I can’t breath, the hug is killing me, I’m so ing confused, my love.

“Jessi baby, please tell me what do I do wrong… I will fix it. I will fix my sleeping habit, I will fix the way I whine, I will fix it, please baby don’t do this to me…”

There is nothing wrong with your sleeping habit, I love it when you cling on me or even kiss me good night. There is nothing wrong with the way you whine, I love every whine you let out when you want my attention. There is nothing wrong with you, but there are many things wrong with me, your girlfriend who doesn’t deserve you.

What’s decided is decided.

I push you away.

Tears drop onto my arms when I push your shoulders, , you are crying, my angel is crying, please don’t baby…

“Do you want to leave by yourself or should I throw your things away?” Never, never in my mind I pictured this before. Your pink things have been parts of my life, your pink pillows, your big three totoro plushes, your your-body-scented tees I always borrow, your everything, I want to keep them all in this small flat along with you. You, the one I always peck goodbye whenever we separate. I never want to throw your things out of this messy rented flat.

You wipe your tears harshly, you walk into our room, the room who has became the witness of every hug and kiss we shared in the past, even up until this morning. But then a slam startle me, you’ve done. Yes, you’ve done, you only bring your pink travelling bag, “Bring everything yours with you.”

No, please don’t shoot me your glare, please don’t look at me that way, please DON’T CRY AGAIN, I restrain myself from hugging you and kissing senselessly right at your place.

But you look at me as if I’m a mad girl. Well I am. Letting a girl of my dream go, letting a girl as special as you slip off of my grip, I must be mad.

“Your chauffeur has been waiting downstairs.” You chuckle again, a bitter one. And it is because of me, I never know that could affect me this way, I wanna kneel and beg for your forgiveness and ask you to love me again.

But what has been decided is decided.

You really bring everything with you, oh not everything, you don’t bring our pillow. A pillow that is custom made, a heart shaped pink pillow that we always use to sleep in the nights we shared together.

I take that pillow and handed it to you, “You forget this.”

“ Jessica. You’re really kicking me out, huh? You… Hahaha. I BELIEVED IN YOU, JESSI!” You push your index finger deep onto my chest, the pain inside hurts me more, darling. You have to believe it. You have to believe in me again…

You took the heart shaped pillow and with those puffy eyes you stare at me. I wanna kiss your tears away.

“Why…?” Please don’t ask me that especially with your weak voice. Where is your loud cheerful voice you always use to wake me up?

“I. You. We aren’t working out.”

“Jessica Jung, YOU JUST KISSED ME TO WAKE ME UP THIS MORNING AN