Falling #5

April 5, 2012

I poured myself into my studies and my part time job (at the local library) to distract myself. Kai was no longer there to walk me home or drag me to random street food stands or disturb my studying. He was with Jiyoung most of the time. He would run out of the school gates after a small wave of his hand. We all knew where he was going, he was going to her college.

He was in the midst of convincing his parents to buy him a car. He had gotten his license a couple weeks ago. He wanted to pick her up and drive her home like a “real boyfriend” should. That’s what he told me. I told him that it’s already very considerate of him to walk her home and she wouldn’t care if he had a car or not. He shook his head and told me I didn’t understand. College girls were different.

I walked home alone.

I still saw him in class, he now sat right next to me. He would twirl my hair when he was bored, copy my schoolwork, and pass me notes. I told myself not to smile so much when he told me I looked pretty when I was concentrating or frustrated at a math problem.

I still blushed every time. (Before hitting him and telling him to shut up.)

He would ask me for advice sometimes; what kind of flowers should he buy her, should he introduce her to his family, what do girls want for their birthdays, etc.

I would choke out an answer every time and he would ruffle my hair and tell me I was the best.

“What would I do without you?” his famous line rang through my ears once again.

April 5, 2011 was the first time I saw Kai cry.

I was folding laundry at home that evening when my phone buzzed,