Luhan walked to class with his bag hanging off his shoulders and coffee in hand to keep him awake as he entered his lecture about buildings and .

 

Luhan said, “You a lil’ .”

 

Luhan replied to himself “ you Luhan”

 

He then tried to throw a book at himself. It hit Xiumin in the face. He thought to himself, “How do you already know that person’s name Luhan?”

“I don’t ing know,” Luhan yelled at no one, “maybe he’s got a bloody name tag or something.”

“You’re a Luhan” Luhan said while looking straight in the eyes of this person called Xiumin.

‘damn’ Luhan thought ‘he looking fiiine’.

‘do he got the booty?’ Luhan questioned himself.

“HE DOOOOOOO” He screamed out-loud to the whole class.

 

Xiumin then started crying due to the injury on his face from the book, “son of a .” Luhan mumbled. Xiumin then promptly ran out of the lecture hall with tears of fear running down his face. Luhan threw his coffee at him in anger, only just missing the poor boys already injured face. Xiumin screams and then sprints away while muttering a prayer in hopes of warding off the demon boy who nearly killed him twice in less than 10 minutes.

“demon king!” Luhan shouted down the hall. Some wailing was heard from the direction Xiumin had ran.

“My god he reads minds.” Xiumin whispered to himself while dodging people giving him weird looks.

 

Xiumin had found a place that he thought the demon bo- no king would be unable to find him but due to his loud sobbing, it had seemed to have attracted said person.

“Hey. Hey pretty boy,” Luhans voice came from behind Xiumin, “YOU FORGOT YOUR ING DESK.” Xiumin wailed more as the desk came crashing down on him.

 

-------------------------------------------

Xiumin woke up to the sound of beeping. He turned to his left to see moniter measuring the rate of his heart beat. Oh , he thought to himself, I’m in hospital because of that maniacal killer.

“HEY I HEARD THAT” a voice screamed in his ear

Slowly and fearfully Xiumin turned to see the face of the killer. It only just occurred to him how strange it was that someone so frightening could look so much like a tiny deer. Oh god, Xiumin thought, bambi’s gonna kill me.

Bambi’s face slowly turned to stone. He leaned to Xiumin’s ear and whispered “Damn straight I am, but not today.”

Bambi then walked out the door. Oh , he’s going to kill me and I don’t even know his real name. Xiumin then cried and peed his pants.

At that moment, the deer boy slammed open the door again, “My name is Luhan you son of a .”

“Thanks man” Xiumin called out to the retreating figures back.

“Ily beb. you gon’ die tomorrow anyway.” were the words that haunted Xiumin for the next few minutes.

Oh no I’m still a , Xiumin thought and i’m going to die soon. He then devised a plan to get laid tonight.

 

-----------------------------------------

After escaping the hospital with a broken arm, Xiumin was waiting in line to get into a club. As he waited he noticed someone vaguely familiar ahead of him in the line. Is that Chen? He thought. In heels? are those….fake eyelashes?  

Wow he actually looks kinda hot though. 10/10 would probs bang if i hadn’t known him when he thought it was funny to shove mayo down his pants and walk around uni for the day.

 

“LIKE MOTHER LIKE ING SON I GUESS. you really are a .” The deer boy appeared, slapping Chen to the ground with Xiumin's desk from uni. He looked Xiumin directly in the eye.

Xiumin gulps in fear but is sort of at the same time because damn, bambi Luhan had nice arms not to mention he was also shirtless. Xiumin ignores Chen's cries of pain and his constant shouts of “enjoy the mayo”, because have you seen Luhan's abs. Indeed Xiumin had, in fact he approached deer boy (now deemed man because of his body) to touch his abs. You could probably grate cheese on these Xiumin thought as he Luhan’s rock hard washboard.

“OH crap” Luhan mumbled, “the tables have turned.” Xiumin continued to his abs mumbling “do he got the booty? he do~~” to himself. Luhan started to feel uncomfortable. Not to mention a whole line of club goers were staring at them.

 

“I...I think Chen passed out.” Some one mumbled in the background, “what to we do, Chanyeol? this just got all kinds of not normal.”

“SHUT UP SEHUN NO ONE CARES” Luhan shouted at him, spit flying. Sehuns lips started to tremble. “But, but what about the hunhan?”

“NO ONE ASKED YOU.” Xiumin glared, refusing to let go of the deer boy.

 

“I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THE YOU ARE BECAUSE OUR RELATIOSHIP IN THE STORY HASN’T YET BEEN ESTABLISHED SO DON’T TALK ABOUT SHIPS YOU TY DORK FACE” LUHAN YELLS.

“YOU PUT ME IN HOSPITAL. MY ARM IS BROKEN APPARENTLY EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN’T REALLY BEEN ACTING LIKE IT, AND THIS IS WHAT I GET IN RETURN?” Xiumin screamed, attempting to kick Sehun in the shins when luhan wasn’t looking.

 

Sehun falls to the ground in pain. The line of people has since dispersed leaving only them in the cold night before the bouncer walks towards them.

“Oh , oh what do we do?” Xiumin panics, pulling luhan closer.

“I was just going to kill you, can you stop ing touching me please?!” Luhan attempts to push the boy off of him.

 

Xiumin pouts at being rejected. “So?”

Luhan then whips out a butchers knife the size of Xiumin’s arm and proceeds to run at him shaking the knife around his head.Where the was he hiding that? Xiumin thought as bambi got closer. I should probs run away but that takes too much effort Xiumin mused to himself.

Plus, Xiumin added to his train of thought, look at dem legs run.

Xiumin then felt cold metal slicing into his skin, Oh .

“AAND IIIIIIIIIIIII~~~” Xiumin began to sing weakly, “WILL ALWAYYSSS~ LOOVE YOUUUUU~!!”

“SHUT UP MAN ” Luhan screamed in xiumin’s face as he twisted the knife painfully in xiumins body.

 

“But….you’re so pretty,” xiumin choked out, his eyes drooping closed.

----------------

 

 

Five days later Xiumin’s funeral took place. Only Luhan attended because Xiumin had never existed. Only in Luhan’s mind.

“At least,” Luhan began, tears rolling down his cheeks as he put flowers onto a fake grave, “at least he thought i was pretty.”

 

THE END