Chanyeol's words echoed in Baekhyun's mind as tears fell to the ground, streaming down Baekhyun's face. Baekhyun should have known better than to blindly follow the enticing trail of ambiguous hope. But Baekhyun apparently wasn't that smart. No more than three days later, Baekhyun found himself on his knees in the middle of the night, losing it on his bedroom floor. Sitting alone in the darkness, Baekhyun's cries tore into the silence. The blood of Baekhyun's red hot emotions burst through the weakly wrapped bandages Chanyeol placed on Baekhyun's heart, gushing out everywhere. Baekhyun couldn't breathe. Between the stifling unhappiness and the flood of tears, Baekhyun gasped for air as he fisted the cloth of his shirt, replaying Chanyeol's words over and over in his head.

"We'll get through this. Together."

"Together."

"Together."

No! Baekhyun screamed, but nothing came out. Just strained cries and broken sobs. No we won't, Chanyeol. We won't...

Baekhyun's desperate thoughts pounded in his brain, as if he was pleading with himself to accept them as true. But no, Baekhyun thought. I'm only just saying this right? This isn't actual truth right?

Stop.

Baekhyun needed to stop lying to himself - and to Chanyeol. Baekhyun NEEDED to come to terms with the truth. But all Baekhyun wanted to do was scream and cry and deny it all. It's what he's been doing, really. And Baekhyun realizes he's been doing this for a lot longer than the course of the hour since he started crying that night. Baekhyun's been denying it all along. Not the entirety of the relationship, no. But long enough that he couldn't remember when it even started.

Repeat after me, Byun Baekhyun: I am not happy. I am not happy. I am not happy.

Baekhyun tried to get some decent air intake, attempting to take deep and long breaths to calm the staccato sobs that sharply escaped his lips, each one feeling like a stab to the chest. When Baekhyun finally regained control of himself, he stood up slowly, a slight tremble in his stance. He wiped away the salty tears from his puffy eyes and dragged himself over to his bed, ignoring the mirror mounted on the wall as he walked by. It's not like he needed to; it was dark anyway. Aside from that though, he didn't need it to see the bloodshot stain burning in his eyes. He knew exactly how it looked - just as ty as he felt.

Burying into the blankets, Baekhyun fished in the folds for his phone, finally finding it underneath his pillow. The brightness of the screen gleamed in his eyes, blinding him momentarily. When his eyes finally focused, he saw the dorky picture of Chanyeol he set as his caller ID. He looked at the timer on the side of the screen, documenting the length of the call, realizing that he'd been crying for a little over an hour. Sneaking in a few last sniffles, Baekhyun took a deep breath to ensure he was okay - at least okay enough to avoid raising suspicion from Chanyeol on the other line. Pressing the little speaker icon, Baekhyun unmuted the call he silenced awhile ago, after Chanyeol had fallen asleep on the line. Baekhyun can't understand the habit he and Chanyeol formed years ago, but they kept it up every night without fail. Chanyeol was usually the one to initiate it, calling Baekhyun to wish him good night and the two would fall asleep together over the phone. Often times Chanyeol would fall asleep first, but it always seemed out of the question to Baekhyun to just hang up. He's tried before though, which ended up waking Chanyeol who promptly called him right back. Baekhyun's learned that if he wants to cry alone at night, muting the call was his best option.

With a quiet sigh, Baekhyun placed the phone by his face, and closed his eyes with the hope that sleep would whisk him away, saving him from the plague of his own thoughts. Just as he felt the weight leave his body in the feather-like slip of unconsciousness, a deep and raspy voice brought him back to reality, causing everything to come crashing down on him.

"Baek...?"

Baekhyun opened his eyes unwillingly, staring at the source of the sound. He groggily reached for the phone, bringing it to his ear.

"Hm?"

"Are you... okay?" Chanyeol asked quietly. He sounded like he had been awake for awhile now.

"Mm," Baekhyun replied tersely, hoping that Chanyeol would stop asking questions.

"Do you wanna talk?" he offered. Baekhyun knew he was only trying to help but Chanyeol didn't realize how insane he was making him.

"No," Baekhyun answered. "I'm just tired."

"Were you crying...?"

"Good night, Chanyeol."

The disappointment was evident in Chanyeol's voice, or lack thereof rather. However, Baekhyun could tell Chanyeol felt defeated too, so he didn't press any further, wishing him good night back instead. 

"Good night, Byunbaek... I love you."

Chanyeol's response sounded so weak, with just the right amount of desperation to inject some guilt in Baekhyun's stream of horrible thoughts. On the other hand though, Chanyeol's words paralyzed him. He didn't know what to do, what to say, or what to feel. He just felt numb. The radio silence killed both him and Chanyeol, but for different reasons of course. Baekhyun couldn't bring himself to say anything. He couldn't bring himself to lie or to tell the truth. And so he didn't.

Baekhyun spent the next few nights like this.

It'll get better right?

No.

One night, Baekhyun finally cracked, pushed off the edge of the cliff long ago. The push off the plateau wasn't enough to spur him into action, nor was the free fall, but the quickly approaching crash was. But Baekhyun knew it was too late at this point. There was going to be a crash whether he was ready for it or not. The fits of tears and denial did nothing but blind him, hiding the distance and time he had left to salvage what little he could. Now that he's finally removed the blindfold, Baekhyun realizes the ground is right below him, and with the rate he's falling, Baekhyun knows he'd be lucky to come out of it alive - metaphorically speaking of course.

All the thoughts raced through Baekhyun's head at once - and none of them were good. Every inkling in his mind followed the theme of "I don't love Park Chanyeol" or "I'm not happy anymore." All the dark thoughts from before filled Baekhyun's brain to the brim, and he dwelled on the conversation he'd had with Junmyeon and Sehun a few days ago.

"Baekhyun ah, are you okay?" Junmyeon asked with concern, giving Baekhyun a gentle rub on the back. The physical contact electrified Baekhyun, sending a little shock up his spine. He shook it off and buried his face in his hands as he attempted to answer Junmyeon's question.

"Um, yeah.. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine, hyung," Sehun refuted, bringing Baekhyun the glass of water that he was sipping. Baekhyun accepted it and took a swig, swallowing hard.

"It's just.. I'm confused about Chanyeol... I don't know if I want to be with him anymore," Baekhyun cautiously explained. He wasn't really sure how much he should let off. Baekhyun never had issues talking about his feelings, but since they involved Chanyeol, he felt a strange, self-imposed sense of obligation not to reveal them. Anything regarding Chanyeol should be between him and Chanyeol, right? Although, considering he's been distancing himself from Chanyeol, he was making it impossible for himself to uphold that standard. He'd already confided in Jongdae over the phone, since his best friend was currently in China. Luckily, Jongdae managed to make some time for him, spending a solid two hours conversing with him. "Whatever makes you happy, Baekhyun. You have to do what's right for you." That was the advice Jongdae gave him - and it was sound advice. The words made Baekhyun squirm though, as it still put the responsibility of decision on him. But Baekhyun knew it wasn't a decision anyone could make for him.

"Well, what do you like about Chanyeol?" Junmyeon asked sincerely. It was a simple question really, but why couldn't Baekhyun answer it?

"Uh.. I mean... I -" Baekhyun cut himself off before he even said anything. What DO I like about Chanyeol? "Well I mean.. He's.. funny and nice?"

"Don't you know?" Junmyeon inquired. Sehun stared at Baekhyun uncomfortably, and Baekhyun fidgeted around under the pressure of the two. Baekhyun didn't know, and it pained him. Why was it such a hard question? Junmyeon continued speaking, poking at the wound in Baekhyun's heart even further. "I mean, it's easy for you to talk about Luhan and Tao. I can always tell how much you like them by the look in your eyes. But... When you talk about Chanyeol... There's no sparkle in your eyes, Baekhyunnie." Baekhyun braced himself for the daggers he thought were coming, but strangely, after Junmyeon finished his sentence, the stinging pain never came. Instead, a small wave of relief washed over him. It's like Junmyeon... actually understood Baekhyun?

"Chanyeol's not the one for you, hyung," Sehun stated bluntly. Although Baekhyun felt completely willing to accept Sehun's words as true, the sheer straightforwardness of them caught him off guard. But Junmyeon caught him more off guard, agreeing with Sehun.

"It's true, Baekhyunnie," he said with certainty, albeit a little timidly for fear of hurting Baekhyun's feelings. "There's just something about the two of you that just doesn't mix."

"To be honest, I never thought he was the one for you," Sehun added.

"Sehuna -" Junmyeon intervened, afraid that maybe Sehun was going too far. He was talking about Park Chanyeol after all, the supposed love of Baekhyun's life.

"No, hyung, it's okay," Baekhyun allowed, looking to Sehun with tired eyes. "Let him finish."

"Don't get me wrong - Park Chanyeol is my friend," Sehun clarified before continuing. "But he's not the one for you Baekhyun hyung. You guys are too different, and you want different things. I'm honestly surprised that you two made it this far. Don't marry him, hyung," Sehun advised. Coming from his lips, the words were so definite. Definite, but scary.

But hearing Sehun say that uncovered a strength inside Baekhyun that he didn't know he had - the strength to speak his thoughts out loud.

"I don't want to marry Chanyeol."

Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark, Baekhyun repeated the words again, mouthing them to himself.

"I don't want to marry Chanyeol."

The words felt jagged on his lips, but at the same time, it was as if with each repetition, the physical pressure suffocating him lifted more and more, little by little. Baekhyun knew he had to end it. There was no other way. And so Baekhyun finally made a decision. He was going to break up with Park Chanyeol.