A/N:****I just want to say that I will mention some sensitive topics, but I want to stay true to the events that happened in my friend's life. So I am sorry if I hit something sensitive in your life and you can still enjoy the story.****

Friends…maybe that is all we will ever be.

Jessica stood outside the cafe's door before opening it. She smiled when her friend smiled back at her, “Hey you wanted to talk?”

“Yea…let’s order some food first.”

Jessica took a seat beside her friend and opened the menu, “you could’ve ordered for me. You know what I like.”

Jessica’s friend laughed, “you are very predictable. I take it you are getting the BLT then?”

Jessica smiled when she heard her friend say what was on her mind, “you know me best.” A genuine smile crept up on Jessica’s lips, “so how have you been? We haven’t talked much the past year.”

“Oh not much. I have a new job as a secretary and I moved back in with my parents.”

“How is that going? I mean you and your step-mom and all.”

“I had my reasons for moving back so she accepted me with much convincing from my dad.” Jessica knew whatever her friend wanted to talk about was serious if she had to move back to her parent’s house. “Enough about me though, how is school?”

“Oh you know…hard. I just study most of the time.”

“I knew you would be the one to succeed out of all of our friends.”

Jessica just smiled. She wasn’t unhappy about how her life turned out but she wasn’t exactly cheery all the time. A life full of school could get stressful and not being with her made it harder. “So umm did what did you want to talk about?”

Her friend looked down and fidgeted with her hands, “you know I got pregnant.” She let out a small chuckle as if to clear the already heavy air that surrounded the two.

Jessica’s heart sank. In the two years that they haven’t been together she managed to get pregnant?! “Who is the father?”

“That is it…I don’t know. We have to check after the baby is born.”

Jessica sighed and tried to take the news in. Her friend was clearly in a tough spot and all Jessica wanted to yell was ‘I told you not to be reckless. I told you to be careful and use protection. I told you just to stay with me…’

“I am going to keep it.”

Jessica’s stomach dropped again, “No abortion this time?”

“No. It was my mistake. I should take responsibility this time.”

“Are you sure? You never have enough money for yourself, how will you take care of a kid?”

“I changed jobs already and moving in with my parents will help too.”

“Your parents smoke.”

“I know but I have no choice.”

“Are you sure this is best?”

“Jessica thanks for always caring for me, but this time I am sure. Trust me.”

“I always have Taeyeon…” Jessica said as a bitter lie.

~2 Years Ago~

Jessica sat in Taeyeon’s arms while watching a movie. It was a year that they have been dating. Of course their relationship was hard because Jessica always wanted to move the relationship faster than Taeyeon. It was hard to accept but it was clear that Jessica loved Taeyeon much more than the other did towards her. However, breaking up was never an option. They were still together and that was all that mattered.

Taeyeon stretched when the movie finished causing Jessica to back away, “I think we should call it a night. I still have to drive back.”

“You know you can always stay the night…” Jessica already knew the answer to this.

“I have work early. Also you should sleep.”

“You know I would never mind.”

“Sica we have had this conversation before. Let’s not fight about it again. I will be back in a few days. You know that.”

Anger was boiling in Jessica. Was it too hard for Taeyeon to accept that she loved her and always wanted to be around her? Why was this girl so stubborn and can’t see that? “Just leave.”

Taeyeon heard the bitterness in Jessica’s voice. She knew this would be a huge fight again if she didn’t fix it now, “Sica…please.”

“No Taeyeon just leave. I can’t deal with this.”

Taeyeon felt her chest twist, “Please don’t do this. You know I love you but we both have things in the morning.”

“Taeyeon you know it isn’t about that. You never think about me in the relationship. You just come and go when you want. Did you ever think that is fair for me?”

“I told you how I felt in the beginning. I try to be honest with you.”

“Were you ever really honest with me? I mean with your feelings? Because it feels like I am the only one that wants this relationship still.”

“Fine Jessica fine. You want honest?!” At this point Taeyeon was yelling, “honestly your jealousy is suffocating. I don’t mind the kisses and cuddling and your advances because I have done that with many guys already but why all the time? I mean, you give me no space…like ever!”

Jessica’s heart was breaking. She knew she would regret her next words but they came out anyway, “If you hate being with me that much, then just leave! I am sick of this too!”

Taeyeon was fuming with anger so she just grabbed her purse and left.

Jessica didn’t go after her. No she couldn’t. She was too angry and hurt herself to do that extra step. It was the end because Jessica decided to escape. She had to escape Taeyeon so she moved and went to a school much farther away. No more moody Taeyeon, no more confusion in her life because of someone she loved, no more love…

~Present~

Jessica took a bite out of her sandwich, “I go back to school in a few days.”

“Yea I figured. You never stay long when you visit.” Jessica wasn’t sure but she could have sworn that she heard sadness in Taeyeon’s voice. Was it because she really would miss her this time or the pregnancy talking?

“You should really take care of yourself Taeyeon. I will always be here if you need anything.”

Taeyeon started picking at the salad she was eating, “I have people here to take care of me now. Also you are too far away. I shouldn’t always be depending on you when something bad happens.”

“I don’t mind because I still love and care for you Taeyeon.” Jessica pulled out money from her purse and put it on the table to pay for both of their meals. She got up and pushed her chair in, “Call me if it gets too hard. I am not that far. A 7 hour drive isn’t that far Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon didn’t say anything. Not like anything would make Jessica stay at the table with her. Not after they broke up, not when Jessica was clearly hurt. All Taeyeon could do was watch Jessica leave.

Jessica heard her phone ringing causing her to wake up much earlier than she wanted, “Hello?” Jessica heard some sobbing on the phone so she looked at the caller ID and saw it was Taeyeon, “Tae? What is wrong?” Hearing her friend breaking down on her over the phone made her awake immediately. “Taeyeon you have to talk for me to know what is wrong.”

“Jessica there is so much blood…like last time…”

“Tae…just calm down first. You should clean up and make sure at the hospital tomorrow.”

“I know what happened Jessica. It is gone. I just know it.”

“It will be fine Taeyeon. I mean this isn’t the first time. It will be okay.” Jessica tried to pacify Taeyeon over the phone but the girl started crying again.

“Last time you were here though…”

“Do you want me to come? I can drive…”

“No. You have school.”

Jessica heard the girl calming down, “Tell me how it goes tomorrow with the doctor okay?”

“Okay. Good night.”

“Try and sleep too Taeyeon.”

Jessica hung up the phone. She didn’t know to be relieved or not because her friend was still hurting but she somehow did feel rather glad these events happened.

A few days passed and Jessica received the news that Taeyeon lost the baby so she was now on her way back home to see Taeyeon again. The drive was long and tiring so she decided meeting Taeyeon would be better the next day.

The next day, the two met at a place they used to go often as high school students, “I missed this place.”

Taeyeon looked a Jessica with concerned eyes, “I miss more than just that. Life was much more simple then.”

Jessica laughed. She knew Taeyeon was right. Life was simpler. She wasn’t this much in love with Taeyeon then. Taeyeon didn’t have 2 miscarriages. Taeyeon was in a steady relationship with another boy. Taeyeon and her parents got along. And Jessica…she was happy. “I guess we can’t turn back time to then can we?”

Taeyeon crossed her arms and leaned on the car, “Maybe we can start over again.”

Jessica went beside Taeyeon to lean on the car with her, “I don’t think that is possible. Our lives had so many things happen that would make that impossible.”

“Does our past really affect our future that much?”

“I think you can see that is true with us.”

Taeyeon looked Jessica in the eyes, “How do you mean?”

Jessica looked Taeyeon back in the eyes, “I know you don’t like to talk about it but if your step-father didn’t take advantage of you when you were younger, would you have gone out with all those boys since? Also…if I didn’t fall in love with you, would I still be single?”

Taeyeon saw the sincerity in Jessica’s eyes, “I was hoping you would move on.”
Jessica broke her gaze with Taeyeon, “I can’t jump from one person to the next like you Tae. My heart won’t let me.”

“Who said I was jumping? Those guys never meant anything to me. I always was trying to find something to fill something in my life. Yet I always ended up sleeping with them because that excitement brought some happiness.”

Jessica’s heart wrenched hearing her escapades with random guys, “Yea…I just can’t do that like you.”

“Then can you come back into my life?”

“What do you mean Tae? If you are talking about a relationship, I don’t think that is good for us. Being friends is all I think we should ever be.”

Taeyeon’s head dropped, “Yea…friends. I didn’t think more than that either.”

Jessica saw Taeyeon’s mood change, “Is there something else? I mean you wouldn’t want a relationship with me would you? I know you didn’t feel the same way I did with you the whole time. You made that clear when we broke it off.”

Taeyeon laughed. “Do you remember what was happening in your life then?”

Jessica tried to think back, “Not really. What was I doing?”

“After you told me that you were thinking of doing more school I knew we couldn’t be together.”

“Why did you think that?”

“I knew you would choose me over school and I didn’t want that. Not because I didn’t love you but because I never wanted to hold you back. Also when I said you were suffocating me it was because of your success. How could I not be suffocated when you were always moving forward and improving but I was stuck behind? I couldn’t let you be dragged down with me.”

“When have you ever held me back from doing what I wanted?”

“Didn’t you just say that you were single? I am still holding you back. You should meet someone that can be up to your standards. With the same goals and accomplishments.”

“Did you ever ask what my goal was in life before?”

Taeyeon thought, “hum to do well in life?”

Jessica placed her hand on Taeyeon’s cheek, “happiness. I want happiness Tae.”

Taeyeon looked closely in Jessica’s eyes and saw her eyes glazed over with the b of tears, “aren’t you happy?”

“How can I when you aren’t by my side?”

Taeyeon closed her eyes and closed the gap before pulling away after a short and gentle kiss, “I am by your side.”

Jessica looked at Taeyeon, “Will you stay?”

“For you. Always.” Jessica smiled when Taeyeon said those words. It sounded like a promise but promises could be broken so maybe it wasn’t a promise that Taeyeon made her but an agreement. An agreement to hold with their hearts. An agreement to make each other happy for as long as they can.

~END~