It seemed like the night was repeating itself, Taeyeon was over at Jessica’s place again. “Taeng are you hungry?”

Taeyeon smiled, “A bit.”

Jessica took Taeyeon’s hand in hers, “Come on, I know you skipped supper again.”

The girls made their way down to the school food court that served food later at night. Taeyeon ordered her usual of chicken tenders while Jessica paid with her student card. The two chatted a bit while Taeyeon enjoyed her meal before they headed back to Jessica’s dorm.

Once the two girls entered, Jessica couldn’t hold back her emotions anymore, she pinned Taeyeon back onto the bunk bed and started assaulting her lips. Taeyeon didn’t resist, but kissed back with the same passion. Like usual, Jessica took control of the kiss but this time she thought she should be more bold and moved her lips down to Taeyeon’s neck trying to get her to feel more pleasure. The heated makeout session lasted for a while until the two finally broke it up and they resumed their normal routine of hanging out and talking.

Again, Taeyeon had to leave to meet with another friend, but when Jessica moved in to give her a kiss goodbye, Taeyeon avoided it and gave her a hug instead. The movement confused Jessica but she shrugged it off for that moment.

--------------

This night, Taeyeon decided to pick Jessica up and go to her new apartment, “Do you like it there?”

“Yea it is nice. More space and I am glad to get away from my parents.” Jessica just nodded. Jessica didn’t know why she was nervous tonight, but the last couple times her and Taeyeon hung out, Taeyeon wouldn’t kiss her. She would always lean away or say ‘not now.’ It was like Taeyeon was playing with her feelings. Of course Jessica wanted to bring up the issue but how was she supposed to. She was afraid of the obvious answers like Taeyeon didn’t like her like that or something to that effect.

The car stopped and the girls got out. Jessica’s eyes were glued to the entrance of the apartment complex. It looked much better than some of the other places Taeyeon chose to stay. Taeyeon finished unlocking the door so Jessica followed her inside. Taeyeon didn’t bother giving a tour but instead headed to her bedroom which Jessica followed while trying to take in her surroundings as fast as she could.

Taeyeon was sitting at her computer playing with the music selection, “Hey Sica, listen to this song.” Like an old habit, Jessica went to sit on Taeyeon’s lap while looking at what Taeyeon was playing on her computer.

Jessica liked the song very much, “This is good, do you have anything else by them?” Jessica leaned back into Taeyeon while the other girl looked in her music playlist.

“Do you like this one by them too?”

Jessica was listening but the song sent a ping into her heart. The song was called “Killing Loneliness” which was what she was feeling at the moment. While listening to the music, Jessica absorbed the warmth of the girl she was leaning against. It was making her feel at ease with every moment they spent with even the slightest of skinship.

Taeyeon started fidgeting making Jessica get off of her, “I got a new album do you want to see?”

Jessica knew the girl would show her anyway so she followed Taeyeon back to the living room, “Surprise, surprise it is from your favorite band.”

“Of course! Who else would I buy stuff from?” Jessica laughed at her obvious best friend but the smiled faded when she saw Taeyeon glued to her phone again. “Hey I have another friend coming over to pick me up soon. Want to go out with us?”

Jealous Jessica came out suddenly. She was getting tired of getting her alone time with Taeyeon cut short always because she had to leave or another friend wanted to be with her. Without words and built up anger, Jessica reached for her coat and put it on. Taeyeon was caught off guard, “Sica what’s wrong? Why are you putting your coat on?”

“Taeyeon just take me back.”

Taeyeon walked closer to try and calm Jessica down, “Sica did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?”

Jessica sighed, “You know what I am not sure Taeyeon. I feel like you are playing with my feelings.”

“I’m sorry...”

Jessica was now on the verge of tears, “Tae...what do you think of me? You know I love you so much and I thought you might like me more when we kissed...but you always leave and then you avoided it. I just don’t know what to think or do.”

Taeyeon didn’t have words, but Jessica leaned in to kiss her anyway in which she responded. She felt Jessica was desperate and tried to keep up with the fast paced kissing. Jessica slid off her jacket and pressed her body on Taeyeon’s hard causing the older girl to fall into the couch. Jessica positioned herself on top of Taeyeon trying to taste her lips and then explore her warm cavern with her tongue. Both were fighting for dominance but Jessica wanted to taste Taeyeon more so she won before slowing down. Jessica gave Taeyeon a very soft kiss before looking Taeyeon in the eyes both of whom were smiling. Jessica went down to give her two more of those gentle pecks.

Jessica finally collapsed into Taeyeon’s arms and they stayed in that position until a noise came from the door. Jessica groaned at Taeyeon’s friend’s arrival and they quickly got off one another. Taeyeon looked and saw it was only her roommate. Taeyeon introduced Jessica before all three were talking about random things. Not long after, Taeyeon looked at her phone and then headed to the door and let her friend in. Taeyeon also did the introductions for everyone. When Taeyeon saw her friend busy talking to her roommate, she pulled Jessica in with her to the bathroom.

“Why did you pull me in here with you?”

“Because you looked bored and I didn’t want you taking off on me again.” Jessica smiled because she knew Taeyeon still wanted her to be there with her.

“So what was that?”

Taeyeon was busy fixing her hair and makeup, “what?”

“You know. That kiss just now.”

Taeyeon looked at Jessica, “I don’t know either.” Taeyeon glanced back to the living room area, “I think we should go now.” Taeyeon pulled Jessica out of the bathroom with her while she greeted her friend. Jessica couldn’t help but get jealous again but she tried controlling her emotions.

After bidding Taeyeon’s roommate goodbye, the three finally left to go out.

-----------------

Jessica was lying on her bed. Her head was aching from the confusion she was experiencing again. It was like she was stuck in a cycle of happiness and misery. After the day Taeyeon and her shared that heated kiss, Taeyeon went back to avoiding her advances again. Jessica felt like she had some horrible disease in that Taeyeon would avoid any kind of romantic gesture. Her phone started ringing, “Hey Taeng. I am coming down now.”

Jessica got off her bed lazily and went down to find Taeyeon but she didn’t let her in, instead she joined her outside, “Let’s go for a small walk.” Jessica saw the disappointment in Taeyeon’s face but she walked with Jessica. The two were walking in silence before Jessica had the courage to talk to Taeyeon, “Taeyeon what is going on...I mean you kiss me that one night and now you won’t anymore.”

Taeyeon was quiet but with hesitation decided to answer, “Jessica...you know I love you right?”

“And you know I love you too.”
“Yea but we love each other in different ways. I don’t love you in the romantic sense like you do for me.”

Jessica stopped and looked at Taeyeon while her insides were tied up in knots, “Why...why did you let me kiss you?”

“Well you know I love you very much. I couldn’t bear hurting your feelings if I didn’t. I knew you loved me like that and if I didn’t...I was afraid you would get hurt.”
“And you think telling me later like this wouldn’t hurt me now?!”

“I know...I am really sorry. I didn’t think it through...”

Jessica’s heart was broken and her tears were ready to fall, “You should have just told me from the beginning. It wouldn’t be so hard to handle if you just told me off at the start. Also you lied to me. You know I hate it when people blatantly lie to me.”

“Sica I am sorry.”

“No Taeyeon I can’t do this.” Jessica ran off back to her dorm leaving Taeyeon behind. How could she face the girl she now felt betrayed by?