Title: Eclipse

Author Name: earlyseven

Genre: romance, tragedy

Word Count: 9,738

Warnings: steamy scene, foul words (just a few)

Prompt: Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

 

[Chapter I: Lunar Eclipse]

Earnestly gazing at the two disks brawling up in the sky is quite, fascinating. Solemnly captivated by each disk’s fighting guts, remind me of someone who taught me how to love selflessly.

“Ya!” shouts someone from behind me. I know who owns that peculiar voice. It is Taeyeon noona. She is approaching me, walking. I can feel her heavy footsteps on the ground for she is actually a he; don’t be deceived by her feminism. Nuh! Kidding. She bends her knees before she managed to sit firmly next to me. Noona give me a gentle smack on the arm and then ask me a question—that up to this day, still, hurts inside my chest, like a thousand jabs of needles which keeps on torturing me from within.

There is not a day I didn’t miss him. No time I never thought of him. No words can even describe my longing for him; his touch, his laughter, his cuddle, his kisses. I miss all of it. I miss all about him. I just, miss him.

###

“Aigoo! It’s freezing…” I shiver, inserting my ungloved hands inside my pocket.

It is really cold to walk alone on a February. When everyone is busy with their dates, passing by the couples walking together hand-in-hand along the street, for Heaven’s sake!

Could there be anything colder than knowing the fact that my heart is in bad shape? Please!

Snow refrains from falling over me as if the Heavens is showering me their sympathy. Oh dear Lord! You’re really a dude, you know that!

My feet keep on racing each other. Left over right then left and right again ‘til I found myself inside a bus going to Namsan. Arriving at my unplanned destination, I sit on a bench with that overlooking thingy of the city. But due to the fog, nothing can be seen, even a peck of any building. It was all blurry. Unclear. Just as how impossible for me to take a peep of what my tomorrow will be.

It is only 2:15 in the afternoon but the weather is dying icy then an enormous freezing blow of the wind strike my entire body, leaving chills into the core of my bones.

Amidst of figuring out how I managed to walk into the café with frozen numb legs, a note on the said café’s walls caught my attention. The very note where I used to write our names on, “Baekhyun <3 Chanyeol… forever and always”, suddenly stun me. The wound is still unhealed. The cut is too deep. I love him but I need to let him go or else he’ll be the one to suffer. I can’t afford to leave him in dismay, someday.

“I’m sorry dobi—but—there’s no such thing as forever and always. Everything in this world is ephemeral, including me, including us.”

Breaking up with the man I love is suicide.

It has been 2 months since I broke up with him last Christmas Day. Yeah, I’m a meanie. I intended it to be on a Christmas Day to make it painful, unforgettable. And with that case, he can just curse me to death. Burn me in hell for tearing his heart into shreds.

I told him I’m not happy with him anymore, when in fact, it’s the opposite. I even slap him the words, “I don’t love you no longer”, which really brought him into tears. He pleads to take back what I said, that I was just playing  around. And by that moment, when he kneeled down and begged for me, wrecked my heart. Even so, I left him alone—crying on a cold Christmas Day. Lonely. Broken. The very day when everybody else is at the peak of their happiness; exchanging gifts, sharing love, hugs, and sweet kisses, wishing each other a Merry Christmas.                                                                               

###

“Baekhyun hyung, the giraffe is still outside.” says Kyungsoo glancing by the windowpane. He is my squishy big round eyed housemate and bestfriend who knows every little thing about me. “He’s been standing there for approximately 12 hours. No food or water. He might catch a cold if he stays a bit more, or even worse, freeze to death.”

“Ya!”

“What! I’m just giving you the possibilities.”

“You’re too harsh.”

“No hyung, you are.” He leaves the curtain sagging against the white wall, covering the window. “You are being selfish.”

“Wait—what!”

I oppose Kyungsoo’s words.  So I was the selfish one here? I am not being selfish. Well, maybe I am. I’m being conceited in order to protect Chanyeol. I know it, but at some point, in the middle of arguing with the owl who is terrific in debates like this and the one that thinks more mature than I do, obviously, won. He got me there. His statements make sense. I’m too selfish to keep the truth from my lover, rather, ex-lover.

“He deserves to know it hyung. He is part of your life. Your other half.”

“Correction, used to be.”

“Yeah right—psh! Whatever lie you want to say.”

“Then, tell me, what am I supposed to do? How?”

“That, I cannot answer. All I know is, in latter, he will eventually cry.” He sighs. “He will cry, still, because of you.”

###

An icy breeze welcomed me the moment I take a step out the door. It gave me chills but not explainable enough how thrilling it is to see Chanyeol shivering in front of me, frosting in my very sight. Ice particles are forming over his skin, his face, his hair. It is so clear that he can die of this ty cold. Apart from that, the sensation of giving up does not even exist in his eyes, in his spirit. He keeps on fighting because that is the only thing he knows. What are you doing to yourself Yeol? Stop doing this, please…

I wanted to hug him and give him warmth, but then again, I refused from doing so, because my intention for coming here is to shoo him away and not to comfort him.

“Go home Yeol.”

“N—no, I—I—I… I won’t—I won’t. Not—not un—til you t—tell mmm—me why you—you dump me.” Stuttering he says.

“I’ve already told you. I don’t love you anymore. Isn’t that reasonable enough?”

“No, it—it’s not. I do—don’t belie—ve you.”

“Don’t be a Park Chanyeol! off!”

“No. Ne—never…”

Since this conversation is not going anywhere, I’d rather leave him here and let him die, of course it’s just a figure of speech, when he all of a sudden fainted, on me, which caused us to stumble on the thawed ground. Now he is over me, as stiff as statue. Due to my adrenaline rush, I get to push him away and abruptly sit up straight, a meter far from him.

“Kyungsoo-ah! Help! Help me!” I yelp at the top of my lungs.

I can’t stand it but to worry about Yeol. He is freaking chilled like those preserved foods in the fridge. I keep on tapping him on the face and yelling to wake up and open his eyes. But I received no response. I take my sweater off and everything it has to be just to keep him warm. He is so pale. His lips have turn into lilac. And his fingers are immobile. I wrap my arms around him, cuddling him firmly, until Kyungsoo finally lend some assistance.

We take him inside and lay him near the hearth of the house. I pull off his tops while Kyungsoo is getting tepid water.

“For God’s sake Yeol, don’t die this way.” I grab a blanket then take my shirt off as well and lie down next to him, letting my bare skin touch his. “Open your big eyes head.” I murmur between breathes I make to his palms.

When Kyungsoo arrived, “Hollymollymotherofliberty!”

“F—Y—I—body heat is way better than the raging fire.”

“Yes—body heat, of course. Hah—I—I’lljustmakesomehotchocolateinthekitchen, yeah—” He left the bowl of lukewarm water along with a towelette over the couch before running back to his crib.

Staring back at Chanyeol, in my limbs, once again, makes me want to stay this way. How I wish every drop of seconds would just, stop. I will definitely going to miss those eyes, those elf-like ears, those lips which I used to kiss every now and then and brings me to paradise everytime it runs over my nape down to my neck through my collar bone and shoulders.

“I love you Baek…” says he under his breath with his eyes gradually opening.

“Yeol? Yeol!” Wobbling him for instance brings him back to consciousness and fully opens his eyes. “You hear me?”

“Baekhyun? Baekhyunnie?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

For an unexpected circumstance, he shows his dimple on the left cheek, which raised my heartbeat in so many levels.

He giggles. “I knew it. I knew you still love me, you still care for me.” In the midst of trying to be in his clever self again, it is so evident that he needs rest due to his weak tone. “Baek—”

“Chanyeol, please…”

“Come back to me.” He let his head land over my shoulder, burying his face next to my throat. “I love you Byun Baekhyun. I love you.”

I love you too Park Chanyeol. I really do. But, “St—stop loving me.”

He shrugs.

“I’m begging you… stop loving me.”

“Why do you keep on saying that?” He pulls his head upwards and faces me, eye to eye. “Why do you keep on telling me to stop loving you? I—” he sighs. “I can’t understand…”

“It is for your own good.”

“Good? What’s so good in living like dying because of losing you?”

“Ah—” Okay, I’m all speechless. Seriously. Dropping my jaws in awe, I stand up; turn my back on him trying so hard to hold back my tears from falling.

“Stopping me to love you is like asking me to die Baek.”

To hear those words from him, to know that he is in love with me that much, that deep, is tearing me apart. It shatters my heart into pieces and makes me fall into my knees and cry a liter of tears.

###

 

[Chapter II: Solar Eclipse]

Days have gone quickly without even noticing it. Oh well, time flies. Day after day after day, Chanyeol never failed to come into my place with sweets and violets that only bloom in spring. He is doing his Chanyeol Dobi style of courtship, again, to me, just like the old times.

Each morning, I have breakfast in bed together with colorful balloons and a sticky note inscribed with the words, “Goodmorning sweetheart :) ~XOXO”. Honestly, I don’t have any idea how the hell he sneaks inside the house. Then he chops woods at the backyard, for the fireplace and cooking, because Kyungsoo and I are living in an old-fashioned type of habitat. He even grills Korean meat using the skillet. And every night, he stands in front of the house and serenade me in a full-packed band with the help of his bestfriend guitar.

###

“HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!”

“Holy—!” grabbing a hand over my chest. “What is the matter with you? For my ’s sake! You scared me to death! !” I can feel the fast-paced beating of my heart. Not a chance to make it calm down even just for a bit. Damn this guy! Throwing daggers to the giraffe might ease this aftershock of mine, saying, “I hate you Park Chanyeol!”

“I love you too!” then he laughs.

“Moron!” I whisper to myself. Of course, it’s April Fools. Hell! I can’t help this anymore. I don’t know what else to do, but, maybe, to face-palm myself, would be a good idea. I feel so irritated right now, at him. How can he be so immature and childish like that? I mean, gosh, I almost died.

My breathing suddenly turns into panting. Crystals of perspiration starts to form on my forehead. I crawl to the nearest chair and try to calm myself, ignoring the numbness yet stiffening feeling of my chest.

I take a hold of my breathing, and my chest, reaching for a glass of water over the table.

He just then hand me one and sat on the other chair dragging it close to me. “Here.” He says in a worried tone. “What are you feeling Baek? What else do you need? Tell me…” His tormented eyes attempts to meet mine, searching for them vividly. But I refuse to, not even a glimpse. “I’m so sorry.”

###

We are currently sitting under the shade of a huge tree beside a stream with crystal clear water. This place is beautiful. The air is fresh, the ambiance is so peaceful, just like a paradise—birds chirping, nature’s sound of music when wind blows through the field making the leaves ram each other, and the mellow flow of the running water.

He treated me out for a walk; right after what he did a while ago, somewhat, a peace offering. It just so happen that, I can no longer wander a kilometer more, thus, ask him to rest for a while.

“Weak!” Teases him.

“Whatever!” Looking away as I roll my eyes from him and then back, because I wanted to take revenge and make fun of him too. I can’t lose! “Because giraffes have long legs that make them walk faster.”

“But poodles can traverse kilometers with their owner.”

“Except for the fact that camels are travelers in nature.” I stop for a while because my throat already asks for some refreshment, only to find out, that I am not holding any bottle of water, at all. “Ugh! Of all the things, why my water? Damn!” Due to frustration, I bump my forehead, gently, over my bended knees for a number of times.

“Ya! Don’t hurt yourself, okay, I’ll admit it, I’m a giraffe-camel, so ple—”

“Not that silly!” turns my head to him. “I don’t have water with me and I’m freaking thirsty.”

“Oh… no worries, we’ve got plenty.” He crawled towards the side of the stream and then cups some with his big hands. “Look!” He offers me it. “Drink.”

“Are you nuts? I don’t even know if it’s clean or whatever. We have no idea if it’s safe.”

He drinks the water from his hands instead. “Ahhhh! So refreshing.” He throws a smile at me, a sparkling one with the bright sky as the sunlight takes a peep to reflect at his eyes. “Nothing happened though.” He cups for another handful of freshwater. “Try it.” I just stare at his hands, hesitating to do so as he commands. “Trust me.” And so, he pours out the rest of the water onto my mouth and then wipes the excess liquid that flowed through my chin with the back of his hand. “Isn’t it good?” He chuckles.

“Yeah, it is good.” I fix my eyes at his saying, “Thank you…” As sweet as sugar then watch him until he takes a sit next to mine.

“You’re welcome!” He looks away then glances at me every now and then because my eyes are still on him. Now, I can see that he is going conscious at himself, shyness overload. “Uhm… what? Is there—is there something wrong?” He gently scratches his nape. “You are making me anxious with your stares.”

“Nothing. I was just, wondering if, I mean, when will you stop—”

“Not that word again Baek.”

I sigh and gaze up in the sky. “When will you get tired of doing this?”

“I won’t get tired, not until I can have you again, in my arms.”

“Then, what if, I had to go?”

“I won’t let you.”

“What if I had to because there is no other choice?”

“There is always a choice.”

“You won’t give up, do you?”

“No such word in my vocabulary.”

Then there was a gap of silence between us.

“Will you cry?” I look at him. “Will you cry when I’m gone?”

He stares back at me, trying to read my very soul through my eyes. “What kind of question is that?”

I give him a smile, somewhat, a show-off smile. Not with my eyes. “I don’t want to see you drowning in tears Chanyeol. Promise me, you won’t.” Noticing the water forming at the edge of his eyes, I try to snap the scene by saying, “Happy April Fools!”

###

Starting a day without that ultimate Dobi style of morning is very unusual. I admit it; I am not used without his presence. It’s like… my day wouldn’t be complete if not with him.

Maybe he got tired already so he just stopped courting me from day to day. That is the main goal anyway, to make him stop loving me. Ain’t it?

The sun has set, laid itself underneath the linens of the calm ocean. And there, up above the dark sky, comes the lustrous diamonds glittering playfully together with the illuminating moon which smiles upon me. They look so happy, and by just keeping a stare at them, makes me realize how wonderful it is to live in this world.

With my eyes closed having the sensation of buoyancy, at once, got distracted by a tune—a very pleasing harmony that is full of love and affection. Right then and there, as I open my eyes, stands a tall knight armed with his music of passion. He is singing along with the melody, in spite of the fact that he doesn’t sing much, and frankly speaking, he’s not even hitting the notes. I can’t help not to laugh at his mistakes. It’s damn funny!

I enjoyed his performance, literally, but nevertheless, it still puzzles me. He didn’t show up the whole day and now here he is—like this, zealously serenade me.

“Happy Birthday Baek!” he throws a wink.

“Huh?”

“It’s exactly…” he glances at his wrist watch. “12:01 the first 60 seconds of May 6^th, your birthday.”

Oh yeah! May 6, my birthday, jeez! How could I possibly forget my own birthday? “Th—thank you… thank you!” I chew on my lip; forcing myself to holdback my feelings for him; trying so hard not to let the water from streaming through my bare cheeks. After all the pain I caused him, after all the tears I brought him, after pushing him away for a thousand times, he still keeps on coming back, as if I’ve never done anything bad to him.

“Was I the first one to greet you ‘happy birthday’?” giggling he says. “It took me a day to make that song, so… don’t ever presume I have quit.”  He draws a smile at me then grabs the back of my head pulling it close to him, sweetly planting his soft lips over my forehead. “Because I will never give up on you...” Then he kisses me on the nose. “…not ever.” He states under his breath as his lips slowly travels down until it meets mine. It was just a simple kiss at first, rather a taste of his lips, when he all of a sudden, shoves my lips open with his and starts to drift inside—teeth gritting, tongues searching for one another, heads tilting from side to side.

###

We’ve been together, again, for a couple of months now. Happier, clingier, romantic-er, hah! The saying must be right, love is sweeter the second time around, or should I say even hotter? Since Kyungsoo will be away for 5 weeks due to his band gigs and commitments, he let Chanyeol stay with me in our household, conceding the fact that he is somehow against the idea. But then again, he has no other option. And so, here we are, steaming up our intensified selves in a four-cornered pressure cooker.

The moment he grabbed my lips to his, bluntly stirred up my sleeping libido. I kissed back and pulled him closer to deepen it. Lips colliding, teeth clashing, tongues messing; it breathlessly takes us to someplace we both sought for. Sooner or later, he cut the bizarre of our kiss to lift me over the dining table; enfolding my legs around his waist and my arms over his shoulders. Both panting, we leaned on each other’s foreheads, considering an inch away from our drug of affection.

Right then and there, he mutters under his breathlessness, “Can you be mine?” I find that phrase really y and so, with a slow grin on my lips, I replied, “I’m all yours…” Full of aggression he drifts in my mouth, putting his hands over my kneecap then works slowly back and forth through my thighs up on my hips and inside my shirt wandering freely on my . He intends to pull it off but I renounce him from doing so, hence, instruct him whispering in between kisses, “Not—here—Yeol… let’s do—let’s do it… upstairs...” then dives into his irresistible lips once again.

Without cutting our kiss, he carries me up in the stairs with my legs still tangled around him ‘til we reach the room and throws me on the bed. He took off his top first even before I crawl to do the unbuckling of his jeans and soon pull it down revealing his . I feel like my cheeks are heating up because I never expect him to be this driven since it’d be our first time. But that didn’t let me stop from doing what I wanna do to him. I started kissing him on the navel climbing up onto his mouth. Now I’m already on my knees, passionately smooch him with moans in every breath.

He pulls back then rips my tee without regrets, tossing it anywhere in the room, henceforth, joins me on the bed and drags me down to lay myself spontaneously for him.

“Why’d you have to tear my shirt, it’s my favorite.”

“Sorry sweetheart—” he’s gone busy in pulling my torso. “I got carried away—” then excitingly plays my manhood till it’s built to set and makes me forget to breath by the time he savors it in his mouth. I need to admit that I like it. I love the way he reels, giving me an unraveling desire into my nerves. Right after taking the lead, we exchange positions and return him the favor he once gave me.

Chanyeol maneuvers the ride again, continuing to exchange places, rolling over another until we finally reach the edge of the cushion and both stumble on the floor. A moment of suppressing mirth echoed in the room but has been broken when his lips landed on mine for the nth time. Rumbling sounds of low grunts and sharp gasps kept on screaming from our throats as we enjoy the sweetness of another’s lips. He throws his head back, grinning mischievously as he fills the spaces in between my fingers, flattening them on the floor, right over left, at the top of my head, as if I’m in handcuffs. So I was like in a take it away baby position, ready to surrender my body to this giant above me, who, is as of this time, bathing himself with his own sweat which makes him even ier, manlier.

“Are you ready for the main course sweetheart? Tell me while I can still manage it.”

“Just hit it Yeol… I want you.”

Lightning strikes me with breathlessness the moment he first went inside me. Yes, it hurts. But I was too numb to feel the pain because delightfulness dominates my sensational agony. He s in the second time, the third time, the fourth time… it all feel the same, though, satisfying enough to say I love it. And for the fifth time, I finally submit myself to release a loud groan, curling up my back a bit. Leaving my jaws in awe, I tried to utter a word but nothing comes out, then on his sixth shot, I got the guts to slur, “Move—fast—” He does as I say, sequence of s makes me do the herky-jerky thing beneath Chanyeol, hips and thighs ramming to his as I move, gasping for air as it draws beads of saline fluid over my entire flesh.

Our greasy bodies never failed to intensify the atmosphere between us for it is the leading contributor of the increasing heat levels of our engines. His wet bangs sways along with his every movement that absolutely drives me crazy and turns my locomotors on. And that small partition in Chanyeol’s lips only shows the excitement he gets from seeing and hearing me gratified with his moves.

“Chan—yeol… aaghh—ple—please…” my mouth hangs open but no sound comes out, just a matter of breathes. “D—deep—aghhh—”

Still in our mainstream act, a sudden series of ringing interrupts the harmonious whimpers and gasps echoing throughout this improvised sauna. It was never easy to snap back into reality, although it somehow caught my attention thus take my hands off Chanyeol’s grip.

“Keep your focus on me.” he murmurs.

“W—wait… Chanyeol… agh… I—agh…” trying to reach for the phone ringing at the edge of the bedside table becomes a challenge, a cosmic battle between fantasy and reality—floating in cloud nine all the while he rains me with his chocolate kisses and drowns me with shuddering pleasure in my spine—as my right hand keeps on crawling by the side, he grabs it hence place it at the back of his neck. I attempt to reach the phone again but Chanyeol is too competitive, he wants my full attention so he takes my hand again. Whereas, the tallest finger I have, had been hook on the telephone’s cord that caused it to fall, and somehow pulled out the wire of such certain unit. “Wha—what if it’s… agh… aghh… ngggh…” the other hand that is left wandering through his hair made a fist, shoving bunch of strands from his scalp.

In his every slide in and slide out, rapid and deep, with a dose of arousal butterfly, and having the sensation to be brought into ecstasy, makes me draw reddish lines at his bare wide back using my claws then soon after leaves me in blissful awe in our Shangri-La.

Chuckling he utters, “Stop , shout my name instead.” He dives onto my collar and started to brand every inch of me, climbing all the way through my jawline. “And don’t bit your lip, it’ll bleed.” Then he gets back to business again.

“Ngggh… agh—aaggghh…”

“I told you, cry it out loud.”

“Agh—aagh… Cha—chanyeol…”

“Louder…” he whispers.

“CHANYEOL!”

###

A trace of enjoyment leaves our faces as we lay ourselves on the floor, side by side, and tired and greasy, both panting heavily.

When, “I’m home!” shouts someone from downstairs.

Given that we’re almost done with our dirty little thing, we hastily grab for our clothes and get dress as fast as we could. But since it was torn by this pabo, I drag myself to the closet then wear the very first top my hand could reach.  I take a look at the mirror first to fix myself when I noticed those swollen circles scattered all over my neck. Jeez! Gotta change my clothes on.

Running down through the staircase, “Welcome back Kyu—Kai?”

“Oh!” he puts his belongings at the side of the sofa before he glances back at me. “Hi hyung-nim!” he bows and shows respect one more by the time he saw my man standing behind me. “Chanyeol hyung…”

“What brought you here?” I hop on the last step and then walk towards him. “Kyungsoo’s not at home.”

“He—”

“Jinjja? Turtleneck on summer.” Our attention shifted to that guy who is, as of the moment, leaning his back on the doorway with crossed arms. “Hah! Nice outfit.” He goes to where Kai is and helps him arrange the goods. “So, what’ve you been doing all the while I was calling you? It seems…” he held his head high as his soberly round optics finally sets with mine. “…it seems you are very busy with whatever your monkey business was all about.” Then he looks to Chanyeol and stares back at me, again.

Uh-oh! I have no idea what to do but I feel like my cheeks are heating up for he might have guessed the thing I am actually trying to hide, thus, angle my head down. Shame on me!

Just at the moment the giant elf utters with a giggle, “Sorry, my bad”, makes me dig my own grave and bury myself six feet under. The ground is swallowing me whole! Whaaa! What on earth! Does he have no common sense at all or is he born insensitive? He barely admits to these people that we just made out. Although they are close ties, it’s still a private issue.

To see Kai chuckling beside a pissed off owl causes me lower my head even more to the point that I can almost kiss my own chest. Whereas, my beloved dobi wraps his arms around my waist, back hugging me, then caresses the rearmost part of my left ear with his lips.

“Sheesh!” mumbles the so disgusted Kyungsoo as he rolls his eyes away from the two of us.

Meanwhile, his boyfriend is bursting into laughter stating, “Perhaps we should do the same. Turtle-top might fit you as well.” He plays his eyebrows and seducing his upper lip.

“HA—HA—HA—” Dyo then stomps on Jongin’s foot really hard, right before he stormed out the area of responsibility.

“AHHH!” cries Kai, jumping on his left foot as he takes a hold on his right toes. “YA!”

###

My fingers keep on playing Chanyeol’s hair as he rests his head upon my chest, tiptoeing through the tulips in his precious dream. Rays of light refracts in the pure see-through curtain sagging by the windowpane and reveals the perfection of this man’s lineament.

The corners of my lips extend and form into a curve. “You were asleep but your eyes are exposed.” I shut his eyes with my palm.

Because he has big eyeballs, his lids can’t cover his entire eye which makes them half open when he sleeps; just as creepy as the famous doll Chucky. He moved into our house three days ago, temporarily, for Kyungsoo’s timetable has been full of activities lately these days.

But my housemate’s hectic schedule is basically on purpose. He may or may not accept those projects if he intends to.  It was actually all for me. I asked him to make himself preoccupied so that Chanyeol can stay with me a little longer because I don’t have much time left.

So, we were like living together for days, weeks, months… probably a year or two, better yet, hope it’s a forever. Actually, I don’t know… I lost track of time, as it is bound to stop whenever we’re tangled in each other’s caress.

Bustling myself in the kitchen is an extremely genuine thing to me, because for the first time in forever, I’ll be preparing breakfast, since Kyungsoo was the one who always does this in our household and… the giant is still snoring up on the beanstalk when I left.  Then suddenly, footsteps on the wooden stairs echoed in my ears. It was the giant, picturesquely emitting light as he descends in slow-motion from above.

My jaw dropped, leaving my mouth wide open as I lay my eyes on this alienotype man. Gosh! Is it for real or am I just fantasizing over him! Why does this guy look so perfect in white tee and Pororo printed boxers with that really ed up hair? Why—oh—why—De—li—lah! I’m caught up! All I can do now is to swallow hard and stare at him without blinking.

“Goodmorning sweetheart!” says he.

But I was too deaf to hear him clearly and too numb to feel his goodmorning kiss. Although, my olfactory still seems to be functioning well. “Argh! Pabo-pabo-pabo-pabo!” And, tada! Breakfast is served in darkness. “I’m so sorry dobi… we can’t eat this toast. It’s—” I sigh. “It’s burnt…” I mumble then puffs air on my cheeks.

He sniggers. “Baekhyun-ah!” then pokes me on the cheeks.

“Waeyo…”

“Don’t be upset sweetheart. It’s too early to get stressed and crumple your face like that. It looks sour you know, not appropriate for a good morning such as this. I’ll just prepare our breakfast, so sit back and relax… it’s not a big deal though.”

I blurt like a rapper. “You don’t get it! It might not be a big deal for you, but for me, it is! You always do things while I do nothing. You cook for me, you serve me, you take care of me, you treat me so special, you give me pleasure, pressure, treasure, all with —sure, you give me inspiration, affection, passion, emotion, all with —tion or —sion, you make me laugh, you make me smile, you make love to me, you make my whole world upside down—”

He all of a sudden bursts out laughing.

“YA! What’s so funny?”

“AHAHAHAHAHA! Nothing… AHAHAHAHHA! You’re—you’re simply babbling too much!” then he laughs again.

“Ah—I don’t get it.”

“Pffffffftttttt—hhmhmhmhmhm! Ignore me… pfffffff—you’re just too cute, I can’t help it… pffffff—” he covers his mouth with his hands.

I was like, ‘huh?’ then question marks started to pop all over my head, thus, pout my lips due to confusion and frustration. While on the contrary, dobi gestures a heart sign and say, “I love you Baekhyun! Heart-heart!” followed by his never-ending laughter.

###

We were sitting on a bench outside the house for some fresh air for this night isn’t cold enough to get frozen though. Chanyeol, as always, in his baby state again, snakes my arm all the while he is mimicking a puppy’s sound. When he suddenly lays his head on my lap and says, “Baekhyun-ah, can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Are you a light?”

I chuckle then utters at him with sheepish smile. “Is that a pick-up line?”

He pouts. “Ya! Just say ‘why’!” puffs air on the cheeks.

“Pfft! Why?” I bit on my lower lip to restrain myself from snickering.

“Because you make my life colorful.” He paused for 3 seconds before he blurts, “BOOM!”

Burn! To be frank, I seriously don’t get the logic of it, what is the connection of light to being colorful? Sometimes I really can’t understand the things running in this dobi’s mind. He is somewhat frustrating at times. Thus, hang my jaw. “Agh… I don’t get it. You say light, and then, colorful. But what is the connection of being a light in making your life colorful? Is it because no one will be able to see colors without any light? Shouldn’t it be rainbow instead of light, sweetheart?”

“Aigoo! Have you not studied Physics in senior high? Jeez!”

Stabs him with my sharp stares. “Then I’m the most stupid of them all!”

“When light passes through a glass prism, it splits into its component colors, called dispersion. And if this component colors appear on a screen, we will see a spectrum of light.”

“Ugh! For my neurons’ sake Chanyeol…” I gently knead my forehead. “…in a layman’s term please. My brain cannot deal with such genius’s jargons.”

He giggles. “You gotta be kidding me.” sits up straight. “Alright, take note of this.” He clears throat then fix his all-time favorite nerdy yet geeky glasses with his index finger. “A natural dispersion of light occurs when sunlight strikes water droplets—which act as the glass prism—in the atmosphere. Through that, light breaks into the ROYGBV colors; a rainbow then is drawn in the sky.”

“Oooh… so that’s how you scientifically see me huh? Then, in what way, did I make your life colorful?” I prop my elbow at the edge of the bench and lean my chin on the back of my hand. “Hmmm? Professor Park?”

“Everytime you cook for me, you serve me, you take care of me, you treat me so special, you give me pleasure, pressure, treasure, all with —sure, you give me inspiration, affection, passion, emotion, all with —tion or —sion, you make me laugh, you make me smile, you make love to me, you make my whole world upside down, therefore, you make my life colorful.”

“Hey… that sounds familiar.”

“It should be.”

“Wait. Is it—ya! Why are you copying someone else’s speech? Don’t you know its plagiarism, sir?”

He laughs. “Daebak! A lawyer and a professor, together, in one. What a…” he then states in a tune. “…perfect combination…”

“Ah jinjja…” I hiss. “…eotteokhae?”

Finally, he quits his annoying act hence bursts into his unstoppable laugh trip. As you can see, he wouldn’t be called happy virus if he doesn’t possess the ability of being such. We both spent the whole 20 minutes by spreading happy virus which turned out to be an epidemic phenomenon already. When he cracks the noise, soberly speaking, “Baek, have you ever wondered of settling down?”

“What do you mean by ‘settling down’?”

“You know, having your own family… with your children, with your lifetime companion—”

“Straight to the point Yeol.”

“I mean, getting married.”

“Ah—aagh—a—are you proposing?”

“Look Baek,” he holds my hands. “I—I know it’s so sudden, but, I just want you to know that… I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to grow old with you, to be with you… forever…” His precious words can’t seem to sync into my mind; that I was too fluttered or dumbfounded or flabbergasted or whatever that perfect term is, to absorb those verses of confession. “Will you marry me Baekhyun?” his keen eyes talks to mine, phrasing me to say yes.

I will Yeol. I’ll certainly marry you, if only I was given a chance to have forever. “Yeol I—I… ah—I—I’m—”

He shows off his dimple. “Don’t worry, I’m in no haste. I’ll patiently wait for your ‘yes’.” Then he chuckles and dips his lips onto mine. “I love you…”

I most likely cried. Can’t figure out what to do, I just throw him a power hug, locking my fingers as I tighten my brace on him, and submerge my face onto his chest.

###

 

[Chapter III: Total Eclipse]

Scent of a chemical agent lingers in my nose. Opening my eyes gradually, though my sight is fuzzy, envisions me a room covered with white walls as I turn my head left and right. The attempt to prop my arms was altered by a striking pain that flows through my veins. It was the needle punctured on my right hand linked with a slim plastic tube which ushers the dropping fluid from the container hanged on a metal pole. There’s also this tube inserted through my nose into the trachea to maintain an unobstructed passageway delivering oxygen to the lungs.

“Wha—what are these—why are these s on me! Take these off! I ing don’t want these!” I went hysterical, wheezing as I pull the apparatus connected on me. Finally, I succeeded on plucking the dextrose; groan a bit due to hurt. But when I tried removing the breathing tube, a flash of a hand stopped me from doing so, snatching my hand away from it.

“What the hell are you doing hyung! Stop it—hyung!” Kyungsoo brawls with me but I keep on shoving his hands away until my thoughts make me realize that tears are already streaming from the corners of my eyes. Eventually, our fight went lame; emotions gearing up on me—physically and mentally. “Hyung…” he mumbles, taking me in his arms.

“I don’t want to be here Kyungsoo… I don’t like it here…” then sniffs.

Being in this kind of situation is just frustrating. Because everytime I was here, rather, all the while I spend in this place, suffocates me with the idea of dying; that I had to leave the people I love behind. And I can’t do that… it’s hard to say goodbye, especially to Chanyeol.

And speaking of Chanyeol, he enters the room right after talking to a doctor and when his eyes finally sets on my direction, it widen and blurts, “Baek!” running hastily towards my direction. “What—” then grips on my shoulders, gliding his hands up my face and cups on my cheeks. “Are you—are you alright?” he pauses. “Baek… Baekhyun-ah… ya, sweetheart…” his eyes only shows how worried he is. Since he receives no response, Chanyeol would rather pull me close to him hence cuddle me in his limbs.

On the contrary, I feel like I’ve been drugged of deafness which caused me not to retort to him. Also, I think I’ve been intoxicated with what they so-called amnesia because I have no memories that I was brought here—what I am doing here in the first place? What the heck happened?—and Chanyeol… I pull back from his embrace, murmuring his name then I turn to Kyungsoo, keenly speaking into his rounded optics. “Why is… Chanyeol he—” I sigh. “What happened?”

“Well, you were home alone because I was out for grocery, then, this hyung here came and saw you lying unconsciously on the floor… that’s why, you’re, here.”

“But how’d—”

“I’ll take it here. Kyungsoo, do you mind?”

Dyo nods, taking a hold on my hand. “I’ll just be outside hyung.” Then walks out, grabbing his coat by the door and soon shut it.

Silence fills the four corners in a moment; the clock ticking, the fluid dropping, the breeze from the air conditioner, those were the only means of noise echoing in my eardrums.

Chanyeol then cracks that sudden deafness saying, “Aigoo! Does it not hurt when you forcefully removed this?” he picks the syringe from somewhere, carefully injecting it on my left hand. “Good thing my noona is a nurse, so I know how to do this properly.” Then he chuckles. “There, you’re fine!” he paused. “Do you want to sit?” he puts his hand over my forearm but I grabbed it thus turn my back on him. “Don’t you wanna see me nor talk to me?”

It’s not that, I don’t want to see Chanyeol, nor talk to him. The truth is… I really miss him, I miss my dobi. I wanted to hold him, to hug him.  It’s just that, I have no guts to face Yeol. Amidst of all that happened and that is happening and that is bound to happen, I don’t know if I can still face him. It’s a shame!

“Perhaps, listen to me, at least…”

Not even a movement did I make.

“I’ll take that a yes!” he clears his throat. “First of all, Kyungsoo has nothing to do with any of these. He’s also shocked when he saw me. Okay? He is innocent. Secondly, oh wait—if you’re going to ask who told me where you at, I won’t tell you, because whoever that is, it doesn’t matter anymore. So, as soon as I found out that you are actually here, in Bucheon, without thinking, I went to your house. And when I came, I saw you lying unconsciously, on, the, floor, just like, Kyungsoo said. Well, yeah—but hey—it’s not the real talk I wanna talk about, alright? Hey, what, not the real talk I wanna talk about, jeez—I’m already talking nonsense!” he clears throat once again. “I have something to discuss with, actually… well, the minute I found you, there are dozens of tablets scattered all over the floor. And based on their findings, you basically drugged yourself with antibiotics. I don’t and I can’t believe what they told me… is it true? But, why’d you—” he sighs. “Why do you have to overdose yourself Baek? You almost—you almost died…”

“But almost is never enough.”

“Do you really intend to die?”

“Hah! I will eventually going to die.”                         

“Baek—”

“They should’ve never revived me in the first place—”

“Baekhyun—”

“It’s of no use, either way, I’ll still die—”

“Byun Baekhyun!” he exclaims.

I turn around, sitting up straight and blurts out. “Can’t you see, I’m dying! I have idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy; a heart muscle disease, wherein the enlargement of the heart impairs its ability to pump blood throughout the other parts of the body. It gone worse and became a life-threatening heart disease. You know, medications no longer work on me.” My hands clench a fist, crumpling the linens as I try to cool down myself, breathing out heavily then look away from him. “One hundred days… I’m only left with a hundred days ‘til my deadline.”

“Who told you, them! Hah! Who are they, gods! Baek, they’re no gods to tell you when to die, nor determine your schedule of death. Their job is to ing save people’s lives and not to ing predict people’s effin’ deaths! There, there should be another way… there must be a cure—”

“Deal with it, I’m done for.”

“No! No!” he shrugs. “How about, transplant, yes, transplant it is—”

“Are you even listening! There, is, no, other, ing, way. It’s been decided and I, am, dying! Period! So drag your off here, delete me from your memory, and live happily ever after! Huh?” I started panting. “Just forget everything about me, as if I never existed, as if, you never met, someone like me… as if, there is no Byun Baekhyun, at all.”

Chanyeol bits his lower lip as he tries to hold back the water forming at the edge of his eyes. “Why is it, so easy for you to, give up?” he sniffs. “Why don’t you fight instead of just, surrendering like that?”

“Because it’s not worth fighting for Yeol.”

“If you can’t, then, I’ll fight for you.” Chanyeol takes my hand, kissing it softly, then locks stares at me. “I told you, I will never give up on you…” intertwines his finger to mine. “…not ever, sweetheart…”

“You are just going to torture yourself.”

He shrugs. “To torture myself lies in giving you up.”

###

Chanyeol courted me, for the nth time. And eventually, just like the old times, we get back together. Most likely an on-and-off relationship, is it? To be honest, I was uncertain whether to let him in, for once, or not. But I have no regrets for letting him in, because, I know, that this time around, there’s no letting go.

Due to my heart condition, the doctors did not allow me to get discharged, hence, confined me because I’m still under observation and needs to be taken care of. In short, having a life support is a necessity. But I don’t want to be here. It’s like, hell, prison. I hate the picture of being stocked here, all the while, and wait for my death, on this bed, in this room. I ing can’t accept that! Sooner or later, they all agreed on my decision to stop the life support. Well, they should be. It’s my body anyway, not them. Can’t they let me spend every single moment of my life with my real life-support? Jeez! Although they released me, they still gave some precautions and notes regarding my health—the typical dos and don’ts.

Dobi and I never went back to Seoul again, thus, remained here in Bucheon because of its fresh atmosphere and divine environment, as to what the doctors advised. We both lived together, in our house, my family—rather, ancestral house. Kyungsoo or Taeyeon noona, my husband’s noona, rather, my sister-in-law, seldom visits me here, to nurse me, everytime Chanyeol is away, busy looking for a heart donor. Yes, a heart donor indeed. Actually, the doctors suggested a transplant long time ago because all the possible treatments they gave me doesn’t affect my heart anymore, hence told me that having a new heart is the only way to live a normal life again. Though it won’t be a hundred percent successful, for the new heart might get rejected by my body, or I can die during or after the operation proper. Knowing those risks, I refused to them and just accepted the fact that I was dying, hence, broke up with Chanyeol, twice. But now that, Yeol does everything for me… I’d rather fight too.

He has been my life-support all the while.

###

“Have you drunk your medicine sweetheart?” asks him, taunting his lips to mine, and then twirls his arms around me.

“Nae… progress?”

He shrugs. Hence, tightens his cuddle on me.

The doctors were right; it is not easy to find a donor—statistically speaking, a 1 out of 10 possible heart donor, and a 0.5% of it to be compatible.

“Hey, why are you so quiet suddenly?” he pricks a kiss on my forehead. “Quit worrying, it won’t do any good on you, arasseo… sweetheart?” he tucks his forefinger and thumb on my chin, gently raising my head, when he all of a sudden moves his head left and right, continuously, brushing the tip of his nose to mine. “I love you!”

I giggle. “I know.” Because you never failed to make me feel that I’m loved.

Later on, he takes me by the veranda and together watches the stars above sparkling in the night sky. Chanyeol glances at his wrist watch, breaking the momentum of amazement with the diamonds upon. "Oh yeah! It’s 11:11, make a wish!” he then closes his eyes, clasping his palms together, and so, do I. After a minute, “What did you wish for sweetheart?”

“They say your wish will not come true if you spill it.”

“Psh! I doubt.”

“Why, what did you wish for?”

“I wished for your yes.”

“My, yes…”

He nods. “Yes, your yes. You don’t remember?”

“Uhmm—”

“Looks, like, I have to ask it again, huh?” he clears throat. “Very well!” Chanyeol unexpectedly lowers himself, bending his left knee on the ground as he takes something out from his jeans’ pocket, and says, “Will you marry me, Byun Baekhyun?”

###

In the long run, we got married.

Living in our humble home, he takes the duties of doing the chores because he keeps on insisting that I cannot get tired or my heart will be stressed. Though, I do some light workloads, like, washing the dishes, folding the laundry, or sweep the floor. But he won’t let me do the whole thing, alone, it’s like, I just help him, you know. It was simple, yet, happy. However, it is not always happy, especially, when pain drills my chest, or at times, loses my consciousness and just collapse.

“Noona, will Baek be alright?” asks Chanyeol. Though my eyes are still closed, my mind is aware of what is happening around me.

“Define ‘alright’.”

“What do—what do you mean noona?”

“I’m a nurse Yeol, not a doctor.”

“Noona—”

“You bring him to a doctor, better yet, take him to the hospital.”

“Taeyeon noona…”

She sighs. “I don’t know Chanyeol, but, his heart too weak already. I—I—” I can hear her sniffing. “Anytime, he, might, just—”

I got it… it’s just too early as we expected.

Still in my tranquil state, counting the seconds of my breathing, I just hear footsteps approaching me then all of a sudden, olfactory was triggered by my husband’s scent, feeling his presence next to mine. “Baek, sweetheart, are you asleep?”

I shrug, slowly, mumbling, “I… I’m, with, you…” because I’m too fragile, speaking has been a difficult thing for me to do, as well as opening my eyes either.

“Good! Don’t sleep yet, okay, I’ve got something to show you.” He takes me in his arms, carrying me in a bridal way, and then carefully puts me on our hammock at the veranda which he intentionally placed so that I can rest as I gaze up in the clouds. “Can you open your eyes?” asks him while he positions himself beside me. Gradually opening my eyes, I nod. As soon as my sight is fully recovered, a picture of gloom welcomes my vision. Though it is only 3:45 in the afternoon, dullness already filled the setting. “The news says there’s an eclipse happening right now. Too bad it’s a total eclipse and not the one I was telling you about, you know, the beautiful one.”

“That’s just fine, either way…” I breathed deep. “…it, is, still an eclipse…” I really wanted to see an actual eclipse because I haven’t witness any before. And dobi knows it though.

My inhales and exhales are becoming harder and harder for me as time passes by. Also, numbness has conquered my muscles, to the point that, I can no longer move them accurately. And my eyes, they are getting heavier. Then Chanyeol’s warmth, barely, caress my flesh, so suddenly.

“Baekhyun-ah?” he murmurs.

“Mmmm…”

He giggles as he cups his big hand over my cheek, and then leans closer to me, brushing his nose to mine. He was just sniggering all the while he does that to my nose, but, somehow, I could hear his sobs.

“Yeol…” I whisper in between breathes I make. “…why are you, drowning, yourself in—in tears… didn’t I, tell you… not, to?”

He sniffs, taking him some seconds even before he responded. “…I’m not.”

“But, I can, hear… it.” I pause. “…please, don’t.”

Chanyeol nods then kisses me on the forehead. “I promise.”

“Sssshhh…” after a couple of minutes, “Have I, ever told you, ‘I love you too’, because… as far, as I know... I never, did.”

“Baek—”

“I… love you, too, P—Park… Chanyeol. I… I love you.” Moments have passed, and my eyes finally gave up in competing with the gravity. Then I sigh. “I’m sleepy Yeol…” I state under my breath.

“Are you tired already?”

I nod.

“But—” he says in shivering tone. “It’s still, too early… can, you, please not?” he pauses, kissing me softly on the lips and then leans his forehead with mine. “…please…”

“Goodnight, sweetheart… I—I’m… so, sorry…”

“Baekhyun…”

Then, it was a total blackout.

###

“Is it an eclipse?” asks noona.

I nod. “An annular eclipse; wherein a thin outer ring of the sun's disk is not covered by the smaller dark disk of the moon.”

“It’s beautiful though…”

“Indeed.”

“Very well, let’s go! He’s waiting for you…”

We went inside, seeing Kyungsoo and Kai, sitting side by side. They both stand up the moment they saw me and give praise then welcomed me with a hug.

“There he is.” Points Dyo on my left side. “We’ll go ahead hyung.”

Smiling… that’s how he always greets me. He looks so happy though, well, certainly, he is. I know he is. I move closer to him, still, wearing that sweet smile he never gets tired of, locking his glistening eyes on mine.

“Hi sweetheart—” landing my lips at his as I cuddle him in my limbs, I say, “happy birthday!” then water starts to fill the edge of my eyes, letting a tear stream down my cheek. I sniff. “There’s an eclipse outside now… the beautiful one, actually.” I pause as I lean my head on him. “I love you…” Tears keeps on falling from the corners of my eyes, can’t seem to hold it back any more. I just miss him, so bad.

There, I stayed with him on our couch, the usual thing; his head rests upon my lap, brushing my fingers at the strands of his hair down through his cheeks. When, Taeyeon noona suddenly approach me and hand me a box neatly tied with a huge blue ribbon.

“He asked me to give this on your first wedding anniversary, but, I’ve been busy for quite a while, so I was a bit late, I’m so—”

I snigger. “Noona, it is fine…”

We smile at each other and soon leave me with this gift. When everyone else is gone, I untie the ribbon then open it, revealing a flash drive, which I think, belongs to my husband. I take my laptop and injected the removable device. There’s only one video file in it. The file name says, ‘sweetheart’.

I hit play then, “Hi sweetheart!” it was a self-captured video of him, his thing. “Happy anniversary—yey!” he applaud. “Ahahahah! Did you like the violets?” Oh yeah! The violets which I receive every month, with a note inscribed with ‘I love you sweetheart! Can you be mine, tonight?’ he is the only one who does that to me. “I’m great, ain’t I?” he sniggers. “Though it only blooms in spring, I still had the means to give one to you.” He throws a wink. “Yey—hurray for me! Ahahahha! Anyways, I may not be around here anymore by the time you are watching this, but, I will always be in your heart.” Yeah, you will always be. I put a hand over my chest, feeling the pounding of my heart. “I was right, we are compatible. We are meant to be!” he chuckles. “I told you, I won’t give up on you… not ever.” He pauses as he wipes his tears away. “Ugh! Ahehehhe! I shouldn’t be crying in front of you, I promised you.” He sniffs. “Whoops!” he points his forefinger at me, mischievously. “Don’t cry either, I know you were.” He was right, I really am. “Come here sweetheart… let me wipe those tears away.” Then he brushes his thumb on the screen. “Ahhh—there…” then brushes the tip of his nose left and right, leaning his forehead, “I love you!”

I do the same on the monitor, waters streaming down. “I love you too, Chanyeol!”

###

 

END