Quick note before reading: this chapter could be weird to understand at first. In the chapter, Luhan mentions that he’s reading As I Lay Dying (a book I just read and really liked). In that novel, there are multiple narrators, so I did something like that with this chapter. For every class period, you will see the POV from a character other than Chanyeol. The point of it is for you to see how the others are taking the stress/guilt/etc associated from Chanyeol’s departure.

-

He already felt a considerable amount of guilt from yesterday at lunch, but when he sits down beside Minseok and Joonmyun in his government class, the guilt only increases when Joonmyun asks from behind the textbook shielding his face, “Has anyone talked to Chanyeol?”

Luhan freezes and looks asquint at his friends, and seeing two equally gloomy faces, Luhan feels even further weighed down with guilt.

“I haven’t even seen Chanyeol since lunch yesterday,” Minseok mutters as he quickly flips through his notes.

“Neither have I,” Joonmyun agrees.

The three of them remain silent until Minseok looks up from his notes and asks, “What about you, Luhan? Have you heard from Chanyeol?”

Luhan knows he shouldn’t feel anger towards Minseok, and he knows he shouldn’t pop off at him for such a simple question, but that doesn’t stop him from harshly jeering, “What do you think, Minseok? Do you think I would know? I mean, really, how would I know how Chanyeol’s doing if you two don’t?” Luhan rolls his eyes and stares at his phone in his lap.

Joonmyun nearly slams his book down on the desk when he sees Minseok cowering away from Luhan. “He asked a question, Luhan. He just wanted to know. Hell, I wanted to know. Calm down, would you?”

Luhan’s mind is racing with thoughts telling him to calm down and to let this go, but for some reason, he’s just so angry. “Calm down? You’re telling me to calm down? Why the didn’t you tell Baekhyun that yesterday? Maybe if you had talked to him like you talk to me we wouldn’t be in this ing mess. Am I right Minseok?” Luhan sardonically laughs when he sees Minseok looking away from him, “But, you’re afraid, aren’t you Joonmyun? You’re afraid of confronting him-”

“That’s enough,” Minseok tersely says. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I bet your conscience kicked in. Don’t take it out on us; don’t cause an even bigger tear in our group.” He looks at both of his friends avoiding each other’s eyes and sighs, “Please, for me Luhan. Say you’re sorry, and let’s forget about this.”

Luhan swallows the lump in his throat and huffs, “How can I just forget about this? I indirectly caused Chanyeol to just get up and leave-”

“But, that’s where you’re wrong,” Minseok interrupts. “Really, all of us are at fault, to some extent. Jongdae told us. We told you. You in turn told Baekhyun.” Minseok pauses when he sees Luhan’s eyes avert when they look slightly more glossy. “But the only person who caused Chanyeol to leave was Baekhyun. Don’t blame yourself for Baekhyun’s mistakes.”

Luhan slowly nods his head and looks down at his lap. He remains silent for a few seconds before he whispers, “Do you think Baekhyun has realized that he’s in the wrong?”

Joonmyun snorts and raises an eyebrow, “Did he realize he was in the wrong all of last week?”

The question doesn’t need to be answered; the three of them only sigh and look at each other helplessly.

Joonmyun opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, but just as he starts his first syllable, the teacher walks in and closes the door, leaving whatever potentially important comment to be replaced with extensive note-taking.

-

Luhan drags himself to his next period class, knowing very well who is also in that class. When he walks in and sits down, he immediately takes out his phone and earbuds and waits anxiously for the lesson to start.

Less than twenty seconds before the bell rings, Lee Taemin stumbles into the classroom with one earbud in and the other tangled in front of his dark sweater. Luhan purposely avoids looking at him when the other boy sits down diagonally behind him.

“Class,” the teacher begins when she gently closes the door, “we will be analyzing As I Lay Dying today, so please get out your character charts.”

Luhan does as he’s told and pulls out a stapled packet from his slightly disorganized binder before returning his attention to his teacher. However, he finds that such an easy task is now impossible with a certain someone glaring at the back of his head - not that Luhan can exactly see him doing this; he senses it.

The teacher’s instructions muddle in his mind, and he has to turn to another student to understand the assignment. Even when he cracks open the novel and starts describing some of the main characters, he still can’t focus properly on his work. He turns around, prepared to confront Taemin (even if it lands him in detention at lunch), but when he looks at the other boy, he sees that he is calmly reading the novel and writing a few details here and there on his worksheet. Luhan turns back around and holds his head in his hands, afraid that he has become so consumed with guilt that he’s imagining a fellow student glaring at him.

He senses it again, and it feels like an annoying, high-pitched noise ringing in his ear or like an impossible itch to scratch. The sense doesn’t stop when he discreetly puts his earphones in and blocks out the scratching of pens against paper. It doesn’t stop when he flips to a random page of the novel and stares at it; it only stops when he turns around again and sees Taemin, once again, diligently working. This time, however, it’s almost as if Taemin senses Luhan staring at him, and in turn, he looks up at him with a confused and disgruntled expression. Luhan sheepishly smiles and turns around again, and the annoying feeling that Taemin is glaring at him returns, yet again.

When the class ends twenty minutes later, Luhan has finished maybe a quarter of his work, and when he turns to pack up his supplies, he sees Taemin’s completed packet and disgusted smirk before he quickly leaves with Luhan staring in his wake.

-

As he walks down the hallway to his chorus class, Luhan realizes that he has been completely out of kilter all day, and he doesn’t expect for it to stop anytime soon. He doesn’t understand the emotions he’s feeling, nor does he really understand why he’s feeling them. He feels isolated because Minseok and Joonmyun are in a class without him right now (though, when Luhan thinks logically, he knows it wouldn’t be worth his time to take a Mandarin class). He still feels unhinged because of his false mental accusations about Taemin. And now as he walks through the chorus room’s door, he feels a sense of dread because he knows there is some amount of drama waiting for him in the classroom.

Luhan takes his spot on the second row of the risers behind both Baekhyun and Jongdae, who aren’t even looking at each other. Luhan has to resist the urge to roll his eyes and shove them together, because if anything, their little argument is the least of his worries right now. Baekhyun and Jongdae need to at least be amicable before anyone takes the first step to apologize to Chanyeol. Seeing them passive-aggressively making each other’s lives more difficult during their least stressful class, Luhan can already tell quite how complicated fixing the very prevalent tear in their friendship will be.

However neither Baekhyun making a snide comment to the teacher about Jongdae without really saying Jongdae’s name, nor Jongdae “accidentally” tripping Baekhyun when they step down from the risers deters Luhan from mentally preparing a way to get them back together. He owes it to them, to his own mental stability, to Joonmyun and Minseok for telling him the secret that (despite what they said) caused this huge ordeal, and finally to Chanyeol. If for no one else, for Chanyeol.

-

When the bell for the end of third period rings, Jongdae quickly stalks out of the chorus room with his pride and dignity in tact. He and Baekhyun, despite standing next to each other all period, didn’t share one word unless it was forced by the choir director; he didn’t even turn around to look at Luhan. He has no reason to talk to either of them, but in the back of his mind, he knows that he has nothing to gain from this - from not talking to them. How will he fix this situation by not talking to them? How will he fix their friendship by not talking to them?

Jongdae knows those questions are what he should be focused on, but for some reason, he is incredibly angry. Though he knows the cause of his anger, he doesn’t understand why he’s still angry, almost 24 hours later. Seeing Baekhyun’s face first and third period showing absolutely no remorse made Jongdae furious, and the fact that Luhan has yet to apologize to him (and he knows that if Luhan hasn’t apologized to him, he definitely hasn’t apologized to Chanyeol) makes him just as mad. He doesn’t know how to handle all of this rage; he has never felt quite this infuriated, and just that thought makes Jongdae uncomfortable. He has always been known as the peacekeeper in their group; how can he maintain the peace and make truces if he’s willing to go to war himself?

Jongdae walks into his the literature classroom and sits down at his desk where he anxiously waits for Baekhyun and Chanyeol to arrive; he sees hardly anyone except for a few other students, and Chanyeol’s friend Jongin. Seeing Jongin makes Jongdae’s mood sour because he knows that Jongin and his friends have won - won what, exactly? Was it Chanyeol’s loyalty? His friendship? If there was anything to win in the first place, Jongdae muses that it was Chanyeol’s large, genuine smiles; Jongdae is convinced that he hasn’t seen Chanyeol smile the way he smiles at Jongin in more than six months, even when he was still talking to them on a daily basis. Even when they all hung out at Baekhyun’s place and made forts six months ago. Even when they recorded acoustic covers of popular boy band songs. Even when they talked about their outlandish dreams from middle school, and how they haven’t changed. With Chanyeol’s story yesterday at lunch about him and Yixing making a parody of a boy band song, Jongdae now knows that Chanyeol does all what used to be their things (with their being himself, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun) with his new friends, and from what he can tell, they’re capable of making Chanyeol actually smile.

Maybe it’s not a bad thing that Jongin and his friends came into Chanyeol’s life, Jongdae ponders sadly.

Everyone always says that you lose your old friends in high school, but maybe Chanyeol didn’t lose anyone. Maybe he just gained someone, and that thought kills Jongdae inside, so much that he stands and tries to walk to the water fountain to relieve his suddenly dry throat, only for him to be frozen on the spot when Chanyeol walks through the door.

Chanyeol doesn’t look his way at all; instead his eyes are unwavering from their place on Jongin. When Jongdae turns to look at the pair as Chanyeol approaches Jongin’s desk, he can’t decide whose smile is more jovial. Seeing their natural connection adds to Jongdae’s argument from earlier - that Chanyeol didn’t lose anyone; he gained more worthy people. Jongdae feels his eyes moisten, but he doesn’t cry - he can’t. He can’t cry for his best friend who is clearly better off with people other than him. Jongdae slumps back into his seat and stares at the pair laughing at who knows what, and that’s when Jongdae decides that he should just give up. For the last few days he’s been trying to include Chanyeol in their group of friends again, but what’s the point if he’s so obviously better off with other people? Why should he even try if it’s only going to make Chanyeol less happy than if he were with his other friends?

Baekhyun arrives a few seconds after the bell, and when the teacher addresses his tardiness, Baekhyun shoots a stony glare that hushes the entire room. The teacher says that they will talk after class, but obviously Baekhyun doesn’t care much when he slams his bag on the floor and lays his head on his desk.

Jongdae was expecting Chanyeol to walk back over to his desk before the bell rang, but he is still at the previously unoccupied desk beside Jongin. When the teacher takes attendance and looks for Chanyeol at his original desk, he squints his eyes in confusion and says, “I swore I saw Chanyeol walk in earlier. Is he in the restroom?”

Chanyeol raises his hand and clears his throat, “I’m right here sir.”

He looks at Jongin and Chanyeol with further confusion when he asks, “Why aren’t you in your assigned seat?”

Jongdae sees Chanyeol look from Jongin to his teacher; he doesn’t even look back at his assigned seat. “I really need some help understanding parts of this book, and Jongin was helping me with the analysis of the last chapter. Is it alright if I stay here so he can help me?”

Jongdae’s mouth falls open, and he stares at Chanyeol in shock. He hadn’t expected Chanyeol to talk to him or Baekhyun, but he really hadn’t expected him to just move away without a single word. He sees their teacher slowly nod his head and say, “As long as you are more focused now.” Jongdae thinks he will obviously be more focused; he’s sitting beside the literary genius of the classroom, he doesn’t have to deal with the palpable tension with Baekhyun, and most of all, he doesn’t have to deal with the previous distractions the three of them used to cause more than two months ago in the class. Oh how things have changed in such a short amount of time.

With Chanyeol now sitting beside Jongin, Jongdae’s thoughts are solidified: he is better off without them. Later in the class period, when he sees them laughing again and Jongin reaching for Chanyeol’s hand, he doesn’t know what all of their interactions mean, but he does know that his friend is finally happy. He also knows that he can finally admit that he’s upset about officially losing his best friend.

-

Joonmyun quickly strides from the theater to the math hall; he doesn’t like to be even remotely close to tardy.

He passes familiar faces in the hallway including a young sophomore boy named Do Kyungsoo, along with a few fellow seniors who clap him on the back and say hello to him in the hallway. He wouldn’t say that he is popular; popular is something people actively aspire to be. Joonmyun is well-known - the better, more respectable version of “popular.”

Joonmyun slides into his AP Calculus class in a hurry, only to see the normal amount of people he sees every time he enters the classroom: none. Joonmyun sits down in his middle column, front row desk and takes out a pencil and his graphing calculator. In the time before the bell rings, Joonmyun looks over the next section in his textbook, aspiring to finally earn the title of highest test score. As he flips to the next page and starts to plug numbers into his calculator, the physical embodiment of “holier than thou,” at least in Joonmyun’s opinion, walks through the door: Lee Taemin.

Joonmyun doesn’t even know what grade Lee Taemin is in; he doesn’t know his birth year, his best subject, or his top universities. He doesn’t care. He cares about so few things concerning Lee Taemin that he can count them on his left hand; his GPA, his SATs, his highest test score in AP Calc, and his darkest secret. Joonmyun can only care for things he distinctly knows.

He knows that Lee Taemin took only advanced, weighted courses last year (excluding his dance class), so his GPA is now a few tenths higher than Joonmyun’s. Joonmyun scored a 1970 on SATs; Lee Taemin scored a 2120. Lee Taemin made a 93 on last week’s AP Calc test; Joonmyun made an 89. Joonmyun has no available dark secrets; Joonmyun knows that Lee Taemin has at least one: he smoked at his friend’s house. He doesn’t care that Chanyeol, their mutual friend, was also there - he doesn’t know why Chanyeol was there; therefore, he can’t find it in himself to care.

Perhaps that is why he can’t care about Lee Taemin’s friendship with Chanyeol; he doesn’t know about it; he doesn’t understand it. His brain isn’t structured to comprehend anything outside of what he distinctly knows. So maybe that’s why he didn’t stop Baekhyun at lunch yesterday; he didn’t know how to, so therefore he didn’t care to. In the back of his mind, Joonmyun knows that’s a bull excuse.

Lee Taemin lifts an eyebrow and scrunches his nose in distaste as he walks past Joonmyun’s desk for the back of the classroom, and Joonmyun has to fester all the willpower within himself not to snarl back at Lee Taemin; it would do him no good for a teacher to see that he really isn’t a better student than Lee Taemin. He may falter slightly in test scores, college admission exams, and GPA, but he will make sure that his behavior and personality won’t falter. He has to be the best in something, and he won’t allow Lee Taemin to beat him at his own game.

The bell rings and Joonmyun turns his full attention to the powerpoint on the screen, and as he diligently takes notes and taps a few buttons on his calculator every now and again, Joonmyun has to wonder if he’s really doing the right thing with his life. Is his own benefit worth more than his friendship? Would he rather completely ignore Lee Taemin and his successful existence, or would he rather talk to Lee Taemin on behalf of all of his friends so that Joonmyun can have him deliver an apology to Chanyeol?

When the lunch bell rings, Joonmyun knows he’s made his decision. He storms past Lee Taemin as they exit the classroom simultaneously, and he doesn’t utter a single word to him.

-

Lunch was uncomfortable. Lunch was lonely. Lunch was guilt-consuming. Lunch was hell.

Jongdae drags himself to band class early after he quickly finishes his cheap snacks he brought with him to lunch; he couldn’t stand to sit at their lunch table any longer. Call it running away, and Jongdae wouldn’t deny it. He is running away, running away from uncomfortableness, loneliness, guilt.

Jongdae spends the remaining few minutes of his lunch period tapping away on the keys of their keyboard, and when the bell rings, Jongdae moves to the chairs in the front of the band room and waits for everyone else to arrive. Jongdae doesn’t find it all that surprising when Chanyeol doesn’t show up, even fifteen minutes after the bell rings.

-

Baekhyun, just like for nearly every other class, walks in late for chemistry, only to be greeted by the absence of Chanyeol - again. He doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand why Chanyeol skips so often these days.

Now that he’s only said the absolute minimum amount of words to Chanyeol in the entire week, he’s had a lot of time to consider the way in which he handled the entire situation.

In his rational thinking, Baekhyun knows it all boils down to the fact that they grew up in completely different environments; however in Baekhyun’s current patterns of thinking, that isn’t a good excuse.

Chanyeol has never responded well to explicit criticism and outward verbal attacks; Baekhyun has. Chanyeol tends to close up and and remain passive in the face of provocation; Baekhyun doesn’t.

Baekhyun experiences explicit criticism and outward verbal attacks on an almost daily basis. From, “What the are you going to do with your life?” to, “Could you not have done better on that assignment?” to, “You’re no son of mine if you can’t do something as simple as that.” He learned at a young age that he has to retaliate when provoked; he was taught to respond to insults. One time in his youth, when his dad demanded why he didn’t make higher than his friends on his standardized tests, he didn’t respond. He doesn’t remember exactly what happened next, but broken glass littered the floor, and his mother doctored his injured foot after his dad stormed out of the house yelling something about, “Ungrateful kids not broadcasting their familial pride.” Since that day, Baekhyun has always refuted everything his father has said - to protect his own pride.

Baekhyun never realized how much that aspect of his childhood affected his personality until now. Because, really, he didn’t think all the things he said to Chanyeol were rude; they were assertive, authoritative, and demanding - all the traits his father trained him to respond to. It honestly surprised Baekhyun that Chanyeol stormed off rather than arguing back. Baekhyun only hoped that through his provocation of Chanyeol that the other would get his act together and realize what he’s doing - realize how his actions will inevitably affect his future.

Except now that he’s alone in his chemistry class (like he was yesterday), he realizes that he only managed to shove away his best friend. He didn’t protect him; he didn’t help him. He pushed him into dangerous arms that will only worsen the issue at hand.

With so many thoughts racing in his mind, Baekhyun finds it hard to focus on just one (let alone his classwork), but he realizes, before anything else, he needs to give an apology to Chanyeol. He doesn’t know how his other friends feel, especially for the fact that none of them have said a single word to him. However, somehow Baekhyun doubts that any of them have taken the proper steps to apologize. Baekhyun, ignoring his teacher’s glare, takes out his phone and opens his messages. Just as he begins to type a message, he hears his father’s voice in his head telling him to be a man of pride; a man of pride doesn’t back down from his original opinion; a man of pride shouldn’t have to apologize - he did nothing wrong. Baekhyun tugs at his hair and tries to decide what his plan of action should be. Nodding to himself about his idea, he types a message before quickly deleting it; he types the message more than five times before sighing loudly and slamming his head on the desk. He’s sure he’s attracted far too much attention, but frankly, he doesn’t care.

He types a simple I’m sorry, but he feels that that is too insincere.

He types please forgive me, but he doesn’t explain why he wants Chanyeol to forgive him. Chanyeol always wants to know why.

He types if you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me. please forgive jongdae, but he’s not too sure that Chanyeol would even take him seriously. Not after what happened between him and Jongdae yesterday. In all actuality, Baekhyun only regrets two aspects of yesterday: not approaching Chanyeol in a better manner, and dragging Jongdae into his mess. Jongdae tried to fix his mistakes, and Baekhyun only made them worse, while also hurting both of his best friends. Jongdae may hate him more than Chanyeol does at this point, but at least Baekhyun realizes that he ed up. It took a week full of Jongdae yelling and storming off, but he finally understands - hopefully before it’s too late. He owes it Jongdae (and Chanyeol) to finally correct his wrongs.

He eventually decides on a, Can we talk sometime? just you and me? Baekhyun breathes deeply after he presses send, and he actually has enough focus to somewhat pay attention to the lecture.

He checks his phone every five minutes, but he never receives anything. At the end of class (and therefore, the end of the day), he looks again and sees that he doesn’t have any messages. Frowning, Baekhyun picks up his bags and prepares to head home. When he stops by his locker, he types another message: it’s bc i’m sorry. and i have a lot to talk about.

-

a/n: lmao sorry that this update took so long. i've been suffering from college apps o(╥﹏╥)o. i have a bonus part of this chapter written, where instead of baekhyun's pov being the ending part, it was jongdae's. if you're confused about joonmyun's character, that would probably help bc he talks with other friends about him. should i upload it? ;;

thanks for reading/subbing/up-voting/commenting!! ❤❤