If Chanyeol is honest with himself, he doesn’t really know whether he’s looking forward to meeting up with Jongdae and Baekhyun. Jongdae, sure. Baekhyun, not so much. Even if they’ve been more civil towards each other lately, he still doesn’t know how Baekhyun will act once the three of them are together.

Baekhyun sends him a text while he is at work again, but Chanyeol makes a mental note to reply to it as soon as he gets home. After he gets off from work at 10:30 that night and drives home, he reads Baekhyun’s text: you, me, jongdae at my place, friday after school? Chanyeol smiles as he types his response: sounds good.

As soon as he enters his apartment, he sees that all of the lights are on and the TV is playing. Chanyeol sets his keys on the kitchen counter and calls out, “Okay, which one of you is still awake? You know you need to be asleep by ten on school nights!”

When he gets no response, Chanyeol walks into the living room to see his two siblings staring straight ahead at the TV with their mother sitting in between them. “Oh, how nice it is to see you, Chanyeol,” their mother says with a coy smirk.

“Wish I could say the same,” Chanyeol mumbles in such a way that even if his mother hears him, she could tell from his tone that he is annoyed. “What are you doing in my apartment at 10:45 at night? I could call the police and say that this is trespassing.”

His mother smiles her grand, million-dollar, incredibly fake smile before saying, “First of all, no it isn’t trespassing when a little boy lets you in.” She looks at Hoon in a snide way. “And, seeing as my sister-in-law and sister helped you establish a lease on this-”

“That has nothing to do with it,” Chanyeol interrupts coldly. “And besides, they helped establish my lease. And, they hardly did that. All they had to do was co-sign on the lease to ensure that I’d pay the rent. Not once did they help me pay for us a place to live, so I don’t really consider their help, seeing as that happened more than-”

“Whatever, son. I am not here to argue with you about your aunts, or about the true definition of trespassing. I’m here to talk about those benefits that you never called me back about.”

Chanyeol visibly stiffens and tersely replies, “Not in front of the kids.”

“They’re plenty old enough to hear about how their brother is-”

“No they’re not!” Chanyeol yells, and he sees his little siblings wincing at Chanyeol’s rage. “I was fourteen when this boiled down! Fourteen wasn’t old enough, so how the hell do you think twelve or ten is old enough? Sixteen isn’t old enough. Eighteen isn’t old enough. Really, will I ever be old enough to deal with this?” With his anger, Chanyeol sheds a few tears and quickly wipes them away before his mother can see.

However, she still notices his tears, and she doesn’t fail to point them out. “Now Chanyeol, there is no need to cry over such a situation. All I ask of you is that you-”

“That I what?” Chanyeol growls and roughly grabs at his hair. After breathing for a few seconds to calm himself down, Chanyeol softly says, “Haeun, Hoon, please go to bed.”

“Kids,” their mother says in a falsely sweet voice, “don’t let your older brother intimidate you into doing whatever he pleases. You may stay if you chose to.”

Haeun and Hoon stay sitting on the couch for a few seconds until Haeun stands up and grabs Hoon’s hand to pull him along. They approach their older brother, who is standing a few feet away from the couch, to give him a tight hug. He whispers in their ears, “I’ll be in there soon to tell you good night and to tuck you in.” When he feels Haeun shiver in the hug, he mumbles only to her, “Don’t worry Haeun. Everything will be alright. You don’t have to be the big girl anymore.” When she pulls away from the hug, Chanyeol sees her eyes are filled with tears, so he pulls her in for one last hug before shooing both of them to their room.

As soon as he hears the door close, Chanyeol turns back to his mother - no Daeun is her name - and sneers, “You may think that you can pit them against me, but what exactly will you gain if they’re under your custody?”

“What if I miss my children?” Daeun asks and stands in front of Chanyeol with a serious expression. “What if I missed my grown-up Channie? Do you remember when you were a boy, and you used to always make paintings of our family? Why don’t you paint anymore?”

“But you don’t,” Chanyeol murmurs. “You don’t, you don’t, you don’t.” Chanyeol repeats the phrase as if he’s trying to convince his mother and himself. “You could never miss me.”

“And what makes you say that?” His mother asks, but Chanyeol notices the upturn of the corner of the lip. This is an act; it has to be. What else could it be?

“You’re lying!” Chanyeol accuses and backs away from his moth- Daeun. He starts breathing harshly, and he fears what could happen next in terms of his anxiety.

“I’m really not,” Daeun says with her eyes downcast. “I came here to offer you a proposition. You all could move in with me, since I receive the governmental benefits, and you wouldn’t even have to work, Channie. You can be a kid again. Don’t you want that?” She whispers the last question, and her soothing yet paradoxically jarring voice stirs in his mind.

Doesn’t he want that? Doesn’t he want to not have responsibilities? Isn’t that what he told Jongin so long ago?

He doesn’t want the responsibility. He doesn’t; he’s a kid. Just a kid. But, if he agrees to his mother’s plan, won’t he still have responsibilities? Won’t he still have to worry how long she’ll keep up this act?

Chanyeol starts to speak, but he finds that he’s tongue tied, and his heart is racing, and he knows that if he doesn’t get away from her right now, he’ll have a full-scale panic attack in front of her. A mother would take care of her child mid-attack. A mother would find him a psychologist to end these problems once and for all. Daeun would use this as blackmail for the kids. Daeun told him after his father died that these attacks - “mood swings” as she called them - were normal. They happened; there was nothing wrong. Daeun would say that there was nothing wrong, except that he isn’t capable of taking care of Haeun and Hoon.

Chanyeol mumbles, “I’ll be right back,” and he quickly walks to the bathroom. Once in there, Chanyeol slides his back down the door, and once he hits the ground, he holds his head in hands and starts to cry - a silent cry, so as not to spook the kids in the next room. A minute or two later, he stands up after he feels his breathing calm down and his panicky symptoms alleviate. He flushes the toilet so that his mother thinks he went to the bathroom. Then, he splashes water on his face to reduce the redness associated with crying, and he walks out of the room with a facade of nonchalance.

“Let’s continue this talk when it’s not past eleven and I don’t have school the next day and tons of homework to do now,” Chanyeol says as soon as he’s within speaking distance of Daeun.

“Okay,” she says and reaches out to hold Chanyeol’s hand.

Chanyeol immediately snatches his hand out of her grasp and tries to ignore the eyes staring at him. “Next time, please call me before you plan to show up.”

“Okay,” she repeats and walks towards the door. Chanyeol doesn’t follow. “When can we talk about this again? Friday?”

“No, not Friday,” Chanyeol shakes his head. I’m busy fixing another mess in my life Friday.

“What about this weekend?” She says with a hopeful tone. Chanyeol still thinks it’s all fake.

“How about I call you when I’m ready to talk.”

“Okay,” she says one last time before she sees herself out of the apartment. Once he hears the door close, he goes into his siblings’ bedroom, presses a kiss on each of their foreheads, and tucks them into their respective beds. As he walks back out of the room, he hears Hoon faintly say, “Good night Channie. We love you.”

Chanyeol feels himself choking up with emotion, but he swallows the feeling and softly says, “I love you guys too. You’re my everything. Don’t forget that.”

-

Friday comes along rather quickly. By the time he has math with Baekhyun, he’s nearly shivering with anxiety and anticipation for that afternoon.

His nervousness don’t go unnoticed at the lunch table. Surprisingly, both Jongin and Taemin sit down at the lunch table, and Chanyeol has to prevent his shocked facial expression, seeing as Taemin and Jongin haven’t sat at the lunch table with them for more than three days recently. In any other situation, he would ask why they decided to sit with them today of all days, but with his current state or worry, he can’t seem to preoccupy his mind with anything.

As soon as Jongin places his plate on the table, he looks at Chanyeol across the table and asks, “What’s up with you?”

“Huh?” Chanyeol replies, somewhat unintelligently because he was in his own mind less than two seconds ago and unaware of Jongin’s question.

“Are you alright?” Jongin restates before he eats some of his dessert.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Chanyeol says distractedly as he checks his phone to see the message from Zitao and Sehun. The text confirms that they are hiding in the dance room because they skipped most of their classes today and can’t be seen by their teachers.

Jongin doesn’t ask another question until Taemin leaves the table to go to the bathroom. “Is Yixing not here today?”

Chanyeol looks up from his plate and says, “No, I don’t think so.”

“Okay, since we’re alone,” Jongin begins tentatively, “you’ve looked really on edge this week. Are you okay?”

Chanyeol nods his head and dismissively says, “Yep, I’m good.”

Jongin narrows his eyes at Chanyeol’s response. “Did something happen?”

Chanyeol stiffens, and he fears that Jongin noticed. Jongin looks at him strangely when Chanyeol replies, “Nope. Nothing.”

“You’d tell me if something did, right?” Jongin questions and absentmindedly stirs his soup.

Chanyeol huffs at Jongin’s unrelenting nature, but he gives in. “Okay, I’ll tell you. Something really did happen, but I’m not too sure what that something is yet. I’ll let you know after tonight, okay?”

“Why tonig-”

Chanyeol reaches for Jongin’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “Because.” Jongin turns his head to the side slightly so that he can hide his blush. As soon as Jongin sees Taemin’s approaching form, he removes his hand from Chanyeol’s and pulls away suddenly. Chanyeol looks stunned and confused when Taemin asks, “Did something happen while I was gone?”

Jongin shakes his head and looks straight into Chanyeol’s eyes when he says, “Nope. Nothing.”

-

Chanyeol agrees to drive Jongdae and himself to Baekhyun’s house after school; Jongdae asks him to do so during band because, “I don’t want to ride with Baekhyun and have an awkward silence between us.”

Jongdae meets Chanyeol at his chemistry class just in time for Baekhyun to walk out and give both of them a smile. Jongdae freezes immediately, and he doesn’t show any sign of moving until Baekhyun exits the building. Chanyeol notices this and says as he leads them to the student parking lot, “If you freeze up every time you see him, how are you going to be able to talk it all out tonight?”

“I don’t know,” Jongdae sighs and rubs his eyes. “How did you do it?”

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol looks over at his friend and raises an eyebrow.

“You and Baekhyun. How did you magically start talking again?”

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol says with confusion in his eyes. “It just sorta… happened. Baekhyun started smiling at me and helping me in classes, and eventually we had actual conversations again. It’s been pretty nice.”

“But not as great as your other friends, right?” Jongdae bluntly asks while avoiding Chanyeol’s eye contact.

“When did I ever imply that-”

“I just worry sometimes,” Jongdae says with a tone of finality, and Chanyeol doesn’t attempt to make him talk for the rest of the walk to his car.

Once Jongdae sits down in the passenger seat and buckles his seatbelt, he says, “I worry that you’ll end up liking them more than us and that you’ll stop even coming near us. You guys were my first friends in this town, you know? I don’t want to lose either of you.”

“And you’re not going to,” Chanyeol reassures Jongdae as he drives out of the parking lot.

“I really worry about it though,” Jongdae sighs and looks out the window.

“Not trying to write off your feelings or invalidate them,” Chanyeol hesitantly begins, “but that sounds like anxiety speaking. Constantly worrying, especially over things that you shouldn’t worry too much about. Always and rather unexplainably on edge when you’re around Baekhyun.”

“You may feel all these strong emotions,” Chanyeol stops at a red light and looks over at Jongdae, “and they’re strong because they’re powered by anxiety. Think with a cleared mind, Jongdae. Why would I choose my other friends over you guys when I ran out of class, which could have gotten me a week’s worth of detentions, just to make sure you were alright? Why would I have agreed to this tonight? Because I care, and I want to be friends with you guys and with Jongin and the rest. I’m not picking one group of friends over the other, and don’t you dare try to say I would.”

Jongdae smiles so that Chanyeol can see the hardly noticeable dimples Jongdae has. The light turns green, making Chanyeol look away to drive. The rest of the ride is relatively silent, give or take a few conversations about Chanyeol’s choice in music. As soon as they pull into Baekhyun’s driveway and see that his car is already there, Chanyeol sees Jongdae tense and look straight ahead, clearly avoiding Chanyeol’s look of concern. Chanyeol can’t help that he slightly rolls his eyes when he steps out of the car and heads over to Jongdae’s side to help him out. When he opens Jongdae’s door, Jongdae steps out and looks at Chanyeol; Chanyeol can see the worry and confusion running through his eyes, so he holds Jongdae’s wridt in what he hopes is a soothing way and leads him up to Baekhyun’s front door.

Chanyeol rings the doorbell and feels like he’s ten years old again, visiting Baekhyun’s house before he had a phone to text him to let him know that he’s there. Baekhyun opens the door, and Chanyeol notices that he has been here long enough to change into more casual clothing. He also notices Baekhyun’s eyes staring at Chanyeol’s hand on Jongdae’s wrist. “Hey Baek,” Chanyeol says as he leads Jongdae and himself into the house where they spent at least two days a week every summer for the last five years.

“Do you guys want anything to eat? Drink?” Baekhyun asks as he closes the front door.

Chanyeol shakes his head and says, “No thanks.” Jongdae simply sits down beside Chanyeol on the slightly ragged couch and tries not to frown.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says with his laugh that he uses only when he feels awkward. He goes to sit beside Jongdae on the couch, and Chanyeol winces when he sees Baekhyun’s hurt face due to Jongdae scooting away from him.

Chanyeol feels like he could cut the tension with a knife, especially since no one is talking. Finally, Baekhyun picks up the TV remote and hands it to Chanyeol, “You can watch whatever you guys want.”

Jongdae nods and turns to look at Chanyeol. Chanyeol, wanting to at least get somewhere with this night (since he had to plead Kim Kibum to watch his siblings just for him to be here, “talking” with his friends), looks in Baekhyun’s direction and asks, “Baekhyun, is your dad going to be home?”

Chanyeol instantly wants to take back his question when he sees Baekhyun look away and nervously swallow. Baekhyun hesitates before answering, and when he does, he begins with an awkward chuckle. “Do you really think he’ll be home? Do you really want him home?”

Chanyeol doesn’t bother to answer the question because he can tell how much the questions themselves bother Baekhyun; he’s now very alert, rigid, and uncomfortable. Chanyeol sighs to himself and stands up; Jongdae looks at him with what Chanyeol thinks is fear in his eyes, but Chanyeol ignores him in favor of sitting in the space between Jongdae and Baekhyun. He nearly sits on Jongdae’s lap and Baekhyun’s hand in the process, but his friends scoot over just enough so that he can comfortably sit between them.

“Okay, now that this last half hour or so has been sufficiently awkward,” Chanyeol begins and looks back and forth at his two friends who are avoiding each other’s eyes, “I guess I’ll start this whole thing. So, who has hard feelings against me that they’d like to talk about?”

Chanyeol notices that neither of his friends answer his question, even two minutes later - which highly frustrates Chanyeol. Chanyeol doesn’t want the amount of convincing and explaining and begging he had to do for Kibum to watch his siblings to go waste; after all, he had to open up so much (almost as much as he did with Jongin) to even convince Kibum that he really needed help and that he wasn’t kidding around. That’s saying something when Chanyeol doesn’t like to open up to really anyone.

“If you guys can’t come up with a reason for me to actually be here, I’d rather spend my night with my brother and sister,” Chanyeol says while staring at his phone. He has an unread message from Yixing that he should respond to.

He waits in silence for a few more seconds before Baekhyun quietly asks, “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” Chanyeol gently replies; he’s happy that he’s finally getting an answer.

“Why did you go get high with those delinq- your friends? Or better yet, why did you skip classes with them? Or really, why did you befriend that Jongin guy in the first place?” Baekhyun blurts out so quickly that Chanyeol’s afraid that he may have missed a question. Chanyeol sees Baekhyun breathing heavily and avoiding any eye contact, and on his other side, he notices Jongdae’s stiff posture.

“Why did I smoke pot and drink with my delinquent friends?” Chanyeol can’t prevent the sarcasm that enters his voice.

“Wait, you drank with them too?” Baekhyun grits and narrows his eyes that are directed at the TV.

“Yes, I did.” Chanyeol answers in a bored tone. “But why, you ask? Because my best friends suddenly left me all alone without letting me explain myself. Because Yixing said he had something that would make me feel better. Because I didn’t know any better; because I didn’t even know what we were planning on doing until it happened.”

“But,” Chanyeol says assertively, “I’d do it again if they invited me to. I’ve done it again, in fact. It’s my life, and I can make those decisions.”

“Why? Why would you want to?” Baekhyun quietly asks, and Chanyeol is hyper-conscious of the way Baekhyun is tightly squeezing his hand.

“I don’t know. We had a good time, and though I did a thing or two I kinda wish I didn’t, I’d redo it again in a heartbeat.” Chanyeol finishes with a nostalgic twist to his words.

“But why?” Baekhyun suddenly looks at Chanyeol with what Chanyeol thinks is pure disappointment and rage. “Why would you ever drink? Haven’t you seen what drinking does to people?”

When Chanyeol doesn’t immediately nod his head, Baekhyun yells, “Well I have! I’ve seen it first hand! I’ve seen it when my dad threw glass bottles near my head! I’ve seen it when he would demand that I ride with him - when he was drunk! I’ve seen it when he puked on my brand new shoes after my twelfth birthday! I’ve seen it! I’ve always seen it!” Baekhyun is completely hoarse and is almost gasping for air. “How haven’t you seen it?” Baekhyun quietly finishes with a tearful voice, and Chanyeol sees the first tear trail down his friend’s face.

Baekhyun untenses his hand, and Chanyeol sees one area of his palm where his fingernail drew blood. Baekhyun begins to tense his hand again, but Chanyeol quickly reaches over, holds his hand, and laces their fingers together. Baekhyun stares at him, and this Baekhyun, tearful and lost, reminds Chanyeol of the twelve year old Baekhyun that would show up at his house randomly and wouldn’t leave for three days. The Baekhyun who, when he’d “secretly” take Chanyeol’s stash of ramen, Chanyeol couldn’t be mad at because he knew Baekhyun wouldn’t take something unless he really needed it. The Baekhyun who has been hurt and broken time and time again, and only wants to prevent that from happening to his friends.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol whispers and tightens their linked hands, “there is a difference between enjoying two drinks - which is all I had that night anyway - and alcoholism. A very fine difference. I’ve got a lot of issues in my book, I’ll be cliche and say I have more issues than Vogue, but alcoholism isn’t one of them.”

“But, what if you become like that! What if-”

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae looks in front of Chanyeol to lock eyes with Baekhyun. “He won’t become like that. Chanyeol has too much to lose for him to do that.”

“Like my dad didn’t!” Baekhyun cries hysterically. “He had a wife! And two kids! He hasn’t talked to my brother in years. He won’t ever see me again once I graduate, that bastard. What about me? Wasn’t I enough?”

“Enough for us,” Jongdae says and finally moves to sit beside Baekhyun. Jongdae tentatively wraps an arm around Baekhyun’s waist and lays his head on his shoulder. “Enough for me. And anyone else shouldn’t matter by this point, right?” Baekhyun’s final barrier to his emotions cracks, and he begins to sob now that Jongdae is by his side again. Chanyeol, seeing his best friends huddled together while one of them lets out his woes, starts to cry as well; he sees Jongdae wiping his eyes every few seconds in between his calm, sweet nothings that he whispers into Baekhyun’s ear.

After a few minutes of crying, Baekhyun sits up straight and wipes his eyes one final time. “Now, that’s settled. Chanyeol, don’t do anything stupid with your friends. I trust you; please don’t let me down.” Chanyeol squeezes Baekhyun’s hand one last time before letting go when he sees Jongdae reach for Baekhyun’s other hand. Baekhyun breathes deeply one time before saying, “Okay, now then, who has hard feelings to talk to me about?”

Chanyeol discreetly looks over at Jongdae and notices the latter intentionally looking away from either of them. Chanyeol sighs in annoyance and starts to into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water when Jongdae says, “Baek, you know you’re my best friend, right?”

Baekhyun uses his free hand to tuck Jongdae’s head further into his neck. “Yeah, of course.”

“Then you wouldn’t get mad at anything I say, correct?” Jongdae asks apprehensively.

“Of course not.”

“Okay,” Jongdae nervously begins, “I have bad anxiety. I’ve known this for a while, and I used to be able to keep it under control good enough, but our fighting has made it worse, so I must insist that we’re friends again.” Chanyeol looks over to see Baekhyun’s smiling and pulling Jongdae impossibly closer to him.

“That’s it?” Baekhyun asks humorously.

“Not quite,” Jongdae winces when he sees Baekhyun’s crestfallen face. “I’m going to be real with you, and you have to promise not to get mad. Okay?” Baekhyun nods in response, and Jongdae takes a few breaths before saying, “Part of the cause of my anxiety is that it runs in the family. I know that. One year of psychology tells you that things like anxiety and depression can run in your family. But part of it is caused by my environment, and I hate to say it, but some of that is you.”

Jongdae pauses to look at Baekhyun’s blank expression, and Jongdae leans in closer to Baekhyun to prevent him from pulling away. “I know, it sounds crazy, that you cause and alleviate my anxiety, but hold on. Basically, a long, long time ago, probably when we were like twelve or something, my parents were fighting pretty badly, and I felt traumatized. That definitely contributed to the anxiety. But, don’t take this the wrong way, when you told me, ‘Yeah, well your dad could be an alcoholic-’” Jongdae stops immediately when he feels Baekhyun pulls out of their embrace and start to stand up. “Stop, Baekhyun! Listen to me.”

“How could you just casually mention this when I just ing told you what happened with my dad when I was younger?” Baekhyun stands up and walks towards the kitchen, but Chanyeol grabs his arm and pulls him back towards the couch.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says with his serious demeanor, “Jongdae’s trying to explain what’s wrong with your relationship, and you’re running away. He didn’t run away from you earlier! Don’t run away from him.”

Baekhyun remains silent and refuses to look at Jongdae, which eventually causes the latter to forcefully stand up and stomp until he is right in front of Baekhyun. “Fine, you won’t listen to me when I’m soft and laid-back, I'll treat you like you to be treated, huh?” Jongdae cockily smirks at Baekhyun, and Chanyeol can see his cocky facade breaking the moment Baekhyun looks back at him.

“How the do you think I felt when my best friend said my problems didn’t ing matter? I ing believed you too! I believed that I was stupid for complaining, that I was unworthy,” Jongdae spits, “of telling you my problems. Why tell Baekhyun when he has worse to deal with? - I asked myself that all the time.

Jongdae pauses to look at Baekhyun, and notices that he looks somewhat annoyed. “So, I bottled it up. All the time. And when I bottled it up, I’d start scratching the side of my index finger. No big deal right? Just light scratching right?” Jongdae laughs in a self-deprecating way, and his facade is completely ruined. Jongdae can’t pretend to be the arrogant, cocky nature that Baekhyun unfortunately responds well to because it reminds him of his dad. Jongdae can’t prevent the revealing of his broken self. He lifts his index finger and middle finger; Chanyeol can only see so much from where he’s sitting on the couch, but he can tell an obvious difference in redness and scabbing between Jongdae’s affected finger and the other.

“Just scratching,” Jongdae says sarcastically. “I realized around thirteen that if I scratched my finger like that, I wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable all the time. And that worked, for a while. Then I needed something else. I had to twirl a section of my hair. That’s why I have a bald spot right behind my ear.” Jongdae pauses to point at the spot where there is significantly less hair.

“And that wasn’t enough either. I kept bottling it up, and it kept getting worse. Nothing that I usually did was helping. I resorted to a lot of things, a lot of things I would rather not talk about right now, but just know the anxiety never stopped. I kept bottling my feelings, and I increased my anxiety until it bundled a few days ago in literature class. Chanyeol found me, and he somehow knew how to deal with someone in the middle of an anxiety attack.” Jongdae gives Chanyeol a knowing look, but the latter ignores it in favor of responding to Yixing’s text. Chanyeol knows that this conversation is about Jongdae’s anxiety, and he would never want to interrupt to explain why he knows so much about anxiety attacks. (And he’d rather not tell anyone anything about himself like that.)

“So, no Baekhyun, it’s not all your fault. I was born an anxious child; my parents tossed around the idea of getting me checked for OCD as early as seven years old. They never did.” Jongdae looks down and reaches for Baekhyun hand; Baekhyun grips his hand tightly. “Maybe my increase in anxiety was purely hormonal, and had nothing to do with you. Maybe your friendship actually keeps my anxiety more at bay than it actually would be.”

“With that said,” Jongdae looks up with a piercing stare, “that doesn’t give you the right to ing invalidate my feelings like they didn’t exist. I was hurting, and you were my best friend, and how could you? How could you simply not care?”

“I did care! But I was a kid!” Baekhyun yells and swallows to alleviate his hoarseness. “I was a kid who thought God or whoever took a on my life because it so badly. I thought my life was so awful and that no one deserved to talk when I had a life like mine. How was I supposed to realize how that affected you guys if you never told me!”

Chanyeol feels awkward at the very thought of getting involved in their issues, but he realizes that he must speak up in order to help Jongdae who is looking noticeably more nervous with each passing second. “The problem is that you didn’t just do that when we were kids. You’ve done it for years. Even with simple things like,” Chanyeol clears his throat and impersonates Jongdae’s voice, “‘I made a 75 on my Mandarin test. I thought I did well, but I guess I didn’t!’” Chanyeol changes his voice pitch to impersonate Baekhyun. “‘Well, you could have made a 45.’” Chanyeol looks at the pair in front of him and sighs, “Jongdae was still upset because he made a 75, and you can’t disregard that.”

“And,” Jongdae adds before Baekhyun can say anything, “Chanyeol tried to talk to us earlier this year about his life’s problems, and not only did you pass off his concerns, so did I. And, I apologize for that.” Chanyeol nods his head to show his thanks and steps out of their conversation. “If you consider sixteen years old being a kid, I understand. But, we’re not kids anymore. All I’m asking is that you consider our feelings before you think that your problems are worse. Even if your problems are worse, ours still exist, and we don’t want to be told that they don’t matter.” Jongdae looks into Baekhyun’s eyes and gives him a watery-eyed smile. “Okay?”

All is silent for a few seconds until Chanyeol hears two bodies colliding, and he sees Baekhyun pulling Jongdae into a close, emotional hug. “I’ve missed you Dae,” Baekhyun whispers, and Jongdae whimpers a bit before crying again. Both of them move back towards the couch, and Baekhyun doesn’t remove his arm from around Jongdae.

Once he and Baekhyun separate, Jongdae clears his throat and asks, “Does anyone have a problem with me?”

Chanyeol shakes his head, and Jongdae waits for Baekhyun to say anything. Finally, Baekhyun looks away from their interlocked hands and says, “It’s not a problem. I’ll tell you about it later, okay?” Jongdae nods and smiles sweetly in response. From the way Baekhyun is clutching onto Jongdae for dear life, Chanyeol has an idea of what he wants to tell Jongdae.

“Well, now that all of that is settled, popcorn and a movie?” Baekhyun asks with a huge grin, and when Chanyeol feels the corners of his mouth forming a smile, he realizes that he hasn’t felt this young and relieved in a long time.

-

After Chanyeol leaves Baekhyun’s house early in the morning so that he can check in with his siblings (and relieve Kibum of babysitting duties), he remembers that he told Jongin that he would let him know about the recent drama in his life. Once he steps into his apartment and is greeted by Kibum allowing Hoon to play Disney Tsum Tsum on his phone, he waves at the pair and sits down beside them. As Kibum stands up to leave, Chanyeol promises to return the favor to him via helping him with whatever. Hoon smiles brightly at him and asks how his night was with his friends, and Chanyeol can’t prevent the wide grin he has at the memory of the three of them cuddling together as they screamed at the horror movie. (Naturally, Baekhyun screamed the loudest). Chanyeol asks Hoon where his sister is, and when he says that she is still sleeping, Chanyeol excuses himself to his bedroom to call Jongin.

After five rings, Jongin groggily answers the phone, “Hello?”

“Hey,” Chanyeol answers, smile still very prevalent. “Are you busy today?”

“Why?” Jongin hums.

“I was going to catch you up about what’s been going on in my life.” Chanyeol stares at his fingernails and waits for Jongin’s answer.

He hears some rustling through the phone until Jongin answers, “Sorry Chanyeol. Taemin wants to grab coffee before going to dance practice.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says blankly. He doesn’t even think to ask what Jongin is doing after practice. Probably something with Taemin. “Okay. Have fun.”

“Are you alright?” Jongin asks with a worried tone.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes at what he thinks is faux-concern. “Yeah. Bye.” Chanyeol usually never ends a phone call with “bye.” Years ago, Baekhyun said that, “bye” is forever, and “see you” is until a near future date. Chanyeol, in his anxiety-driven state of mind, can’t help but to think there will be no future date.

-

I know a lot of you have been wanting more chankai moments, but I assure you these minimal moments are going to blow up to be something big in the next coming chapters. Right now I think it's important to truly understand the characters Chanyeol is interacting with (for example Baekhyun, Jongdae, and even his mother and siblings) to understand what's going on with him psychologically, and how he will inevitably handle his relationship with Jongin. 

Guys, this is ending soon ;;. Only a few more chapters, I think. I'm so sorry that I took so long to update: I graduated!! I was the salutatorian of my class, and now I'm ready for college. Since it's the summer, I'm hoping I can finish this up soon.

I'm participating in chenpionships again this year, so make sure you guys anticipate the posting~