I stepped into the cafe and looked around. It wasn't too difficult to see Tiffany waving at me from not too far away. I smiled as I took a seat.

"The drinks are coming. I've ordered for you. The usual is okay with you right?" She eye-smiled as she asked. Those beautiful eyes no one would ever deny.

"As if saying no can change anything since you have already ordered. Isn't it?" I gave her a cheeky expression when I replied.

"2 iced Americanos for 2 beautiful ladies. Enjoy your drinks." The waiter was a good-looking chap with a great smile. Both me and Tiffany nodded slightly as a way of appreciation.

"Finally we're out on a date, huh?" Tiffany started the conversation. We had only barely managed to adjust to our new lives not living as a Girls' Generation member, and our past few attempts to meet up over coffee didn't manage to work out.

"Yes. The awesome coffee date for the American girls. I'm gonna miss this." There was a tinge of sadness in my tone, I just couldn't contain it.

"I can't believe we're all going separate ways. It's a little...painful for my heart to bear."

"As if it's any less painful for me. I'm feeling choked now damn it." I tried to make it sound a little funny so that we wouldn't have to have such a sad atmosphere.

"When did you say you're flying? Next Wednesday?"

"Yeah. I'm taking the 5pm flight. When are you flying?"

"I'm flying a week after you. Wednesday too."

"Guess I won't be able to see you off."

"This talk is making me depressed, Jessi. Time flew, didn't it? I can totally remember that makeup-less face of ours when we just debuted."

"Yeah..." I smiled a little as the memory came back to me too.

"Are you gonna...stay there forever?"

"I don't know. Maybe? It really depends on what's gonna happen after I graduate."

"You're such an old student Jessi. Hahahaha."

"Thanks for your encouragement Tiff, as usual." I rolled my eyes as she continued laughing.

"Anyway..." Her laugh faded and she took on a more serious tone.

"What?"

"Have you been...okay?" I could see that concern in her eyes, and she didn't have to explicitly mention what she was talking about. I knew what she was talking about.

"I...can't do anything about it, isn't it?"

"But...are you okay?"

"I guess I am. I have to move on, even if I don't have the slightest idea what exactly happened, and why did it happen."

"Jessi..."

"Tiff can I...can I just make use of the fact that you're her best friend, and just...make you tell me what was going on exactly?"

"I don't think I'm in the position to tell you anything..."

"If not you, who? I mean, she has already left for...I don't know where. I bet you know. But it's okay. I don't need to know where she is now. Okay, I'd love to know, but it's okay not to know. Damn it I don't even know what I'm saying any more. I just want to know what happened to her, or, what did I do wrong again this time? What did I do that was so wrong that she left for another country without even telling me?"

"Jessi..."

"Tiff. Do you even know how it feels like? Everyone knew. Everyone. Everyone but me. I wouldn't even have settled for being the last to know, and then ta-da, I didn't even get to know."

"I... There was a reason."

"Obviously there was a reason. A reason that all of you knew, except me. That's the ing problem with her. She keeps everything inside. And then one day she just disappears and she doesn't even bother telling me. Scream it in my face. Hurl vulgarities at me I don't care. At least let me know."

"Jessi calm down." I looked at her before taking deep breaths to pace my breathing.

"I don't know Tiff. I cried every day for the past week and now I can't even cry any more. The more I think about it, the angrier I get."

"Jessica." My eyes met hers again when her tone became more solid, and it sounded really serious.

"You're scaring me." I wasn't afraid to voice out whatever was going on in my mind.

"She...left you something that she wanted me to pass to you." My eyes widened when she slid an envelope across the table. For some reason, seeing the envelope wrenched my heart. I didn't take it. Instead, my eyes darted from the envelope back to Tiffany's eyes.

"What...is this about?" I found my voice slightly shaking.

"I don't know, but I guess, it has what you want to know."

"Do I...read this now?" I frowned, as I kept my eyes on hers.

"You can. And, do you want me to be here? Or should I leave you here to read it on your own?"

"What will happen if I read it...?"

"You may need me by your side, I think."

"Then stay here."

"Okay."

I took huge breaths, attempting to slow down my heart which was beating so fast. I was about to open the envelope when I stopped.

"Tiff... I'm scared." I tried seeking comfort in her eyes.

"Be strong." She didn't smile, but her eyes were determined, as if trying to give me the strength that I needed. I nodded, and I took the letter out as I began reading.

 

Sica

Before I say anything else, I need to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for flying without letting you know. I have a reason for that, and I'm going to tell you everything you ever needed to know for the past years, the things I never had the courage to tell you. Given the way I know you, you would probably be on the path to hating me now, and then you will try to understand why I did those things, and then you won't be able to make a decision whether to hate me or to continue holding onto me, am I right? You're so silly this way, and you hurt me more when you're like this. I felt better during the times when you snapped at me. I didn't deserve to be forgiven again and again for hurting you. You must be really confused now, so I shall tell you the truth, shall I?

Sica ya. The truth is, I like you, or perhaps even love. Maybe, to your horror, it's not the way we love our fellow members. I really like you, the romantic way. Don't be shocked just yet. Do you know when did I start liking you? A year after our debut. That is how long I have been liking you, Sica ya.

In the beginning, we got really close, and I kept trying to convince myself that I was treating you just like a best friend, like I was treating Tiffany. It worked for a while, or maybe, a few years, because we were so busy with work. We barely had time to do anything else. That was until you told me that you were meeting him. I was really sad. I can't even describe the feeling when a few months later, you told me that you had started dating. At that moment, I knew that I would never stand a chance. I wanted so much to run away fro