The past didn’t come to haunt Jonghyun since he still lived in the past anyway. Every ‘tomorrow’ felt like the next ‘yesterday’. Because the pain never stopped and neither did his heart.

It was the coming end of the year and almost 2 years away from Jinki. Maybe for the best but it still didn’t feel any better.  He still felt like ice, stone cold and dead. There was no living with nothing but an empty hole. The emptiness was just a figurative way to explain the almost physical pain from his deep loneliness. From the absence of Jinki.

Jonghyun couldn’t fool himself, he couldn’t go back and say he didn’t expect this. He knew that Jinki was his only love. Somewhere and somehow he knew he wouldn’t love again the way he did with Jinki. There was no replacement and Jonghyun wasn’t searching for one. It had been a relationship of 8 months together and the 2 years apart made him long for it, made him value and pine for it only that much more. Each day as he relived his days with Jinki, each day as he thought of the boy he fell in love with, each second that his mind was consumed with his lasting memories, was just another inch deeper he fell into the pits of love.

Jonghyun had let go of Jinki. That day and those words had proven to be enough. But even if he had let go, he wasn’t free yet.

After they broke off their relationship, the two of them became strangers. A silent agreement that being “friends” would never work. It was painful, it was unimaginable torture, it was hushed screams but it was still love in the end.

Jinki aimed at the best college and managed to get accepted, so he left whereas Jonghyun stayed. Jinki’s college was far away from where they lived, but he came back during the vacations. Yet Jonghyun had never once even left town. He applied and attended a local college, worked part time at a book store and stayed home the rest of the time.

Jonghyun hadn’t moved on, he couldn’t. Because how was one supposed to have everything one day, realize love in one flash of a second and lose it all in the next? How was he supposed to let go when he feared his life depended on holding on?

Jinki was his life, his everything. It wasn’t a pointless infatuation or a crush or a boyfriend or a lover or even a teen romance. It was just butterflies, a burning sensation and the yearning and worrying. It was just plan and raw love..that he couldn’t have.

All the college students were back for Christmas and the town was lit with the festive season. Yet Jonghyun wanted nothing more than to lie in bed all day. His parents did nothing to protest either. They had long since given up hope. He tossed and turned under his blankets, calling desperately for sleep but none would come at 5 in the evening. It was a known fact to him now that he was wide awake, with nothing at all to do.

On account of his sheer boredom he walked to his window and slid the glass open. He didn’t want to admit his actions, he didn’t want to think that maybe he would see the person he was looking for. Jonghyun didn’t count his luck. He much rather would have preferred getting over this habit he had recently developed but he knew he was already searching his neighbour’s lawn before he even realized it. And to his dismay his neighbour, Choi Minho was engrossed in one of his usual sporty activities. Minho only ever had one friend he bought over from school and of course that one person had to be Lee Taemin.

“Hyung~~ no fair that wasn’t counted as a goal” the younger whined. Minho jogged up to Taemin and ruffled his hair with a huge grin on his face that even made his big frog like eyes look nonexistent. Jonghyun continued to watch the two in silence from his window with a hint of envy.

Lee Taemin was Jinki’s younger sibling by almost 4 years. Yet they looked strikingly alike. Taemin was much thinner compared to Jinki, his complexion was fairer and his hair wasn’t as long as Jinki’s b