Jonghyun would have liked to think he wasn’t counting the years but he couldn’t lie to himself. He was always one step short of crossing out the days on the calendar. As if staying away from Jinki was some sort of survival test.

3 years had passed as today marked the 28th of December 2010.

Jonghyun had stayed indoors for Christmas as he felt like he was still recovering from last years. Seeing Jinki had stirred up all kinds of buried emotions. Regret was the most evident of them all.

Why hadn’t he called out to Jinki that day, why was it still so hard?

It would have been good to see him again properly. To make sure he was healthy and doing fine for himself. But Jonghyun was afraid he would see a stranger in Jinki because he knew for a fact that he himself looked different now. Jonghyun had lost a lot of weight since they broke up. He also had kept his hair short and dyed it black. His natural brown hair made him think of Jinki’s eyes and he cut his hair because he wanted to rid the memories of Jinki’s gentle fingers running through it. It was a habit Jinki had whenever he was around Jonghyun and Jonghyun would kiss him on the lips because he found it all too adorable.

He was on his computer now, scanning the internet to pass his time when his cell started to ring. Jonghyun considered ignoring it but the phones loud ringing was starting to get on his nerves. Sighing tiredly he picked up the call and placed the phone to his ear.

“OH GOOD HEAVENS JONGHYUN HOW LONG DO YOU TAKE TO PICK UP MY CALL?!” screamed Kibum from the other end. Jonghyun moved the receiver away from his ear to a safe distance before replying. “Umm..sorry.” he said in a deadpan voice and not meaning his apology even in the slightest. “Whatever” came Kibums nonchalant reply. Jonghyun was starting to wonder why his friend had called him at such an odd hour (because 6 in the evening was Kibum’s so called “self time”) and so he asked him.

 He just wasn’t ready to spend his only off day from the book store with Kibum shopping somewhere.  And just when Jonghyun opened his mouth to mumble an excuse to go back and sleep, he sensed it. Kibum didn’t do silence, he was loud and demanding so this pause was quite unnatural.

“He’s here Jonghyun. Jinki is sitting in cafe Andre, just a little ways down your road and I can see him. He’s been staring at this paper for a while now and I-I just think you should come meet him. So, you know, you can have closure.” He concluded.

Jonghyun didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say really. Closure? Well things had ended abruptly but that meant there was still something there and he didn’t want to lose it.

“Hurry Jonghyun before he’s gone. “ Kibum almost pleaded, which was also unlike his nature. “I can’t.” Was all Jonghyun said before hanging up and switched off his cell.

He lay in bed then and tried to sleep. He wished desperately not to but his mind still formed an image of Jinki. Mug in hand as the steam probably fogged his reading glasses as he read a book to pass the time. His stubby and adorable fingers clasping the handle as he brought the mug to his plump and pink full lips. His hair tied in that messy ponytail and a sweater a size too big hanging off his shoulders.

This was the image he had and this was the image with which he fell asleep.

There was a thumping noise. It was loud and it woke Jonghyun with a start. His eyes flew open and it was met with darkness. The sun had set, he realized as he looked out of his window and saw the drops of water splash against it. The silence of the night was disturbed by the loud noise from outside. A sort of swishing sound.

A rain storm in December was rare if not completely unheard of. Suddenly, almost as if he were still dreaming he felt wet as if he were standing out in the storm. It was cold and left him with Goosebumps but it was gone just as soon as the feeling had come.

There was another loud thump proceeding with his name being called and Jonghyun realized he had awoken to someone banging on his door. The sound was ringing in his ears and the calls seemed urgent and frantic. Without much thought he threw open his bedroom door and came face to face with Taemin.

For an entire second he was convinced this was a dream because he saw no reason for Jinki’s younger brother to step foot into his house, much less bang down on his door. Then he caught a glimpse of his face, the expression screaming a thousand different signals all at once. None of which were good.

Jonghyun barley registered his mother standing behind the boy as he yanked at his shoulders. Jonghyuns brows furrowed as his hand came in contact with Taemins wet and soaked shirt. He was drenched and dripping all over his floor, not to mention he was crying.

He urged Taemin to speak but noticed his hands were the only things keeping the boy upright. But he still tried until Taemins tear stained face and red eyes came alive.

“Hyun-Jinki hyung is missing. He left home in the afternoon and I tried calling him when the storm started to come back home but he wouldn’t pick up. I tried everything and called everyone and you’re the last person I can think of “he said between sobs. His v