christmas
Pairing: yongguk-centric
Rating: r
Warnings: suicideter death, suicide

The knife dug deeper as the blood poured thicker. Pain swam through his fingers, wrist, arm, but it was more of a dull ache. It reminded him he was alive. But the pain in his chest, it didn’t feel like it. It felt like he was barely breathing, barely making it through each day. He was barely living. 

He pushed harder, let himself swim away a little more. There was no going back. That’s what he told himself. He had to stay strong and do this, he couldn’t out now.

His entire life, he had backed out and quit when things got too much, and he never heard the end of it. From his mom, dad, friends, siblings, strangers, to everyone Bang Yongguk had always been pathetic, alone, disgusting.

His pressure lessened, allowing the blade to drop to the floor in the growing pool of blood. Everything was falling into place perfectly. For once in his pathetic life, everything was going well.

When he was younger, Yongguk imagined someone stopping him before he got this face. He imagined soft hands caressing his face and kissing him softly, letting him know he wasn’t completely alone. Warm lips, soft skin, loving touches, bringing him out of his darkness into the warmth of the light. 

It never happened. 

Every year was the same. Every goddamn year was the same, and now he planned to change everything. The world was better off without him anyway. Or so he thought. 

Yongguk was taking matters into his own hands. After twenty-five years of life, without really living, he decided it was enough. It wasn’t like anyone would care anyway. , he was alone in his ty apartment on Christmas with a pathetic baby pine tree in a plant holder in place of a tree with a total of five ornaments that he made himself and a total of one gift—also from himself—he really didn’t have any reason to stay.

As the blood ebbed from his body in fast waves, he realized that nothing was going to change for anyone. It would probably take at least a week for anyone to notice he was gone, and that was just because he didn’t show up for work. 

The sight of blood used to make him sick, and he thought that seeing his blood would be horrific and terrifying, but it was almost calming. It was his catharsis. 

His body felt weird, head swimming and eyes heavy. He grasped at the sink, numb fingers struggling for purchase, but the sticky blood that poured from both wrists only hindered him as he felt to the floor, cracking his head on the toilet on the way down. Tears formed from the pain and fright that slowly began to creep into his body, he knew it was too late to change anything. This was for the best. 

Yongguk wasn’t sure if his head was bleeding or if that was the blood from his wrists, but his head was ringing. The most he could do was simply close his eyes, letting the tears run down his face and from their own little pool amongst the blood, and wait. For what, he didn’t know.

He just hoped it was better.