This guy is a ing kleptomaniac.

Luhan watches him slip another strange something into his pocket, swift and graceful. If Luhan hadn't already been spying on him all day, he would have missed it all. If he had blinked, he would have missed it all. God damn, that guy is smooth. Kudos to him.

Of course Luhan has to report this now. He's obligated to, because Luhan is the supervisor here in a little factory that makes toys and outfits for pets. He's watched this new trainee steal pens, feathers, plastic gloves, the occasional completed toy – all things that would likely not be missed anyways, but he could get in trouble for turning a blind eye to this sort of behavior if someone else happens to catch the guy too.

The poor bastard will probably be fired after this report makes it in to the boss.

y. He was kind of cute. Not many people could pull off deep dark circles and still look like a highly-ing-trained assassin. It's got to be the legs, he decides, taking his time to study the limbs as if this decision would grant him the raise he's been promised, but never given. Mm, definitely the legs.

Making it to his desk, he prints out the necessary paperwork and begins filling it out, using the man's application for the details.

Name, Huang Zitao. Age... . This kid isn't even of drinking age yet – oh, not for a week or so anyways. He's really going to have this guy fired just before his birthday? Happy birthday to you, by the way, I'm the reason you can't pay your rent. Let me buy you a drink; you're going to need it.

Maybe it won't be that bad, he reasons. Maybe he's living with parents and working because he wants to save up for college or even because he wants to buy stupid gaming machines and junk food that will eventually turn him into a fat couch potato. Luhan might be doing him a favor by stopping that kind of self-indulgence early on. Well, you are very welcome, Mr. Huang Zitao.

Luhan feels better about filling this out now and continues on.

Past jobs, blank. How the hell did this guy get hired here? The company is normally very picky about it's new workers.

Under hobbies and interests, it only says wushu. Wushu? Like the martial art? So he kind of is a highly-ing-trained assassin?

As he wonders about this, he feels a presence standing timidly next to him. Quickly, he places a binder over the paper and greets-

Zitao. Crap, crap, crap! He didn't see, right?

The man stands with a shy smile, fingers quietly interlaced in front of him. “Can you help me?”

“What's the problem?” Luhan asks, standing and remembering again just how stupidly tall the other is. Those damn long legs. Luhan isn't short, but next to Zitao, he feels like he should be the one shyly asking Zitao, AKA Mr. Big-and-bad Assassin-man, for help, not the other way around. He's older than this guy? It's hard to believe.

“The spinny-sandy-thing stopped spinning.”

Yup, Luhan's older.

“The dremel.” he corrects the kid patiently, sitting in the boy's spot and picking up the tool to see what the problem is. He turns the dial up to turn it on and nothing happens. That's strange. Were the batteries dead? Usually the tool slows down as a warning sign. Did Zitao notice it slowing first or-

Feeling hands too close to a very intimate part of his body, Luhan jumps off the chair, nearly dropping the dremel on the ground. “What are you doing?” he asks, panicked.

“Ah- well,” Zitao lifts a small, stone dremel bit in his hands awkwardly. “You dropped this on your lap and- uhm- yeah.”

At least the man has the decency to look embarrassed and ashamed at what he's done. Nearly gave Luhan a heart attack. “Next time, just tell me.” he instructs the awkward little with a calm smile before popping open the back case to find one of the batteries missing.

Zitao wouldn't steal the battery and then ask for help, right? That would be almost impossibly stupid. Looking at him, Luhan can't decide if the man is capable of such idiotic actions or not. Either way, he gets another battery from storage and sticks it in. If the guy is going to get fired anyways, it doesn't matter.

***

Luhan's cellphone is missing.

It wasn't-

He didn't-

Would he even-

It's a freaking expensive cellphone! Luhan can't picture Zitao stealing something worthy, not after the number of buttons and bits of stuffing he's found in the man's jacket pocket (he might've snooped while the other was on break, but hey, this was important stuff to know as his supervisor).

He has to ask. Holy , Luhan's actually going to have to call Zitao off on this stealing and then deal with all the drama and the “I didn't do it!”s and the “I just needed money- I'm sorry!”s. There better not be tears involved or he's quitting this stupid job.

Okay, he's not actually quitting – this job pays surprisingly well – but he's definitely doing... something. Something drastic. Yeah.

Luhan procrastinates at his desk, but the need for his phone and unlimited data plan that allows him to play games when things get slow around there wins out and he stands with a sigh. This isn't going to be easy.

Maybe there's a nicer way to approach this. He gently taps Zitao's shoulder to capture his attention. The man stops his dremel tool and gazes back through his safety glasses with innocent eyes full of admiration for his superior and a sweet smile to match them.

It can't be him. It just can't be.

“Hi!”

“Hello, yes,” Luhan responds, quickly going over how to phrase what he means correctly in his head. “So... H-Have you seen a cellphone lying around anywhere it doesn't belong? White, thin and flat, shiny, expensive-looking? It should be in my pocket or on my desk like always, but it's... not.”

Zitao shakes his head lightly. “No, but I hope you find it soon.”

“Me too.” sighs Luhan, thinking longingly of all the music he had stored on that thing. And the pictures.

The pictures.

Oh god, the pictures, holy , holy ! What if his boss sees them? What if his coworkers see them? What if-

What if Zitao sees them? Oh god, Luhan wouldn't be able to live with himself from the embarrassment. Superiors should never let their weaknesses show.

It's all Lay's fault. Who the hell throws so many parties anyways? What was the guy trying to prove by practically force-feeding fun and alcohol to all his friends? And Lay is such a big ing flirt when he's drunk! Not to mention Jongdae's new “masterpiece” each time someone passes out. Even without markers, he always finds a way to create a new one – using food, paper bits, lingerie from who-knows-where.

And of course Drunk Luhan always took pictures of everything possible. Drunk Luhan needs to learn to live in the moment instead of recording it, he admits to himself bitterly. Drunk Luhan is kind of an .

***

Over the next few days, Luhan delves further into his work as it begins to pile in front of him. Since when did they have so many freaking orders to fill out? Is there a chew toy shortage somewhere in the world or did it suddenly rain literal cats and dogs in the city?

Also, how the hell has Zitao not been fired? Luhan's sure he filled out that report well and delivered it to the human relations lady a long time ago. A quick call to her assures him that the issue has been resolved, but Zitao is still stealing things.

This ing klepto is still stealthily swiping things off people's counters and from the supply closets. Again, nothing valuable is being taken and nothing personal from any of the employees, but he's still stealing bits and pieces of company property. How is this considered “resolved”? The guy has a problem. Simple as that.

“Uhm-”

Looking up, Luhan spots the man in question shifting on his feet as if he had more bad news to tell about the machinery.

“Yes, Zitao?” Luhan can feel a headache coming on already. Hopefully it won't take as long as the last time when the boy somehow managed to break one of the sewing machines. He hadn't even been working on sewing at all! Luhan still doesn't get how he managed that.

“Can... Can I-” Zitao inhales quickly and speaks the rest in a rush. “Can I buy you a drink sometime after work?”

“A drink?” , the boy's birthday already passed? Luhan must have forgotten because of the sudden rush of orders. He's normally really good with people's birthdays too.

“I- uhm, have something to talk to you about.”

Taking a moment to think about it, he finally nods. “Alright.” A free drink given to him by Mr. Assassin-eyes Long-legs? He's game for that. He owes it to the guy to hear him out at least after forgetting his birthday.

***

This is a mistake. Luhan knows this now as he sits in a bar he's never been to with a guy who steals and knows martial arts. What the actual was he thinking in coming here?

A bottle of hard cider is placed in front of him on the small table they chose and he begins to feel impressed. This is his favorite drink. How did this guy even know-

“I was told you like these?” Zitao asks, taking a sip from a second bottle he brought over. “Mm, it's not bad.”

“Who told you?” Luhan asks back in a daze. His fingers draw lines in the condensation on the outside of the bottle. This kind of gentlemanly move never really happens in life. This guy must have walked straight out of a fairy tale. Maybe he's too surprised to think clearly, but he doesn't feel so scared to be here anymore.

“You and Jongdae seemed to be close, so I asked him- you two are close, right?”

Close? They both get pushed into Lay's parties far too easily and that has led to a couple instances of carpooling and helping smack each other sober and hurriedly clean up for work, but otherwise...

Luhan shrugs and takes a refreshing gulp of his hard cider. It's like apples and sweet, sweet giddiness all rolled up together. After a couple bottles of the stuff and some nice chit-chat, he finds himself chuckling a lot without knowing why, feeling a little stronger and a lot more confident than necessary.

“So what's with all the stealing, Mr. Assassin?” he finds himself asking, even though he's already decided not to confront the guy about it, because it would most definitely ruin his chances with this cute fairy tale. But it turns out that Mildly Drunk Luhan is also an . Fantastic.

“You knew?” Zitao fidgets with his fingers, turning pink.

“'Course I knew. I've been stalking you like crazy at work.”

Wait, did Luhan just say that out loud? God, if he could kill Mildly Drunk Luhan, he totally would. What a little , revealing all his secrets like that.

“Y-You have?”

“You're kind of really hot, but at the same time cute. You're cute-hot. You know what, you just don't make sense, Mr. Assassin-man.”

“I don't make sense?” Zitao asks in disbelief. “What about you? How can anyone with such a pretty face swear so much?” Interestingly, Luhan doesn't remember ever swearing in front of the kid, only in front of the guys at work he's known for ages. He's been watched, he realizes with a start. “It's like you're determined to make yourself look straight for everyone else. It's not working, by the way. I could tell after my first day of work that you were interested in me.” he says playfully.

“Interested? In you?” he scoffs. “Don't get ahead of yourself. I may be desperate to find another good gay in the area, or even someone who is just a little curious to have fun with, but I'm not desperate enough to chase after a petty thief who could snap my limbs in half with just a thought.”

Zitao pauses before showing a weak smile. “Of course.” He takes a long drink of his cider, not looking up once. That's not fair; Luhan really likes when those assassin eyes look at him.

Why did he even say that? It's like his stupidly defensive mouth had a mind of it's own. Of course he's desperate enough to chase after a petty thief who could snap his limbs in half with just a thought. Of course! He's absolutely ing gorgeous and Luhan's having a lot of fun talking with him too.

“You didn't answer my question.” Mildly Drunk Luhan states, now becoming Mildly Irritated At Himself Luhan.

“The stealing. Right, uhm... Well, it's kind of like a nervous habit-” he clears his throat and fiddles with his fingers again.

“It seems like you have enough nervous habits already.” Luhan notes. “But really, how can stealing be a nervous habit? If anything doesn't make sense, it's that.”

“My family... used to be very poor.” admits Zitao, hands resting lightly on top of the table. “As a child, I always blamed myself for being such a big burden to my parents. I had to be fed and put through school, too young to work and help out with bills and rent. I could feel them stress out a lot every time I had to ask for money for school trips-” Without looking up, Zitao's hands pluck a sugar packet and stick it in his pocket in one flawless movement, as if it were a totally normal thing to do. “-or lunch, so I learned to stop asking and just endure watching everyone else have fun and having less to eat. But one day, I couldn't take it anymore. I stuck myself inside a bathroom in a little restaurant and cried my eyes out. It was then that I noticed-” Another sugar packet makes it to his pocket as Luhan watches, slightly amazed. “-that the toilet paper rolls in there weren't locked down like at school and there were many in there too. If I took just one and stuck it in my backpack for our house, no one would notice and no one would really care.”

“So you stole to help out your parents?”

“Yeah. My parents knew that small things were suddenly turning up without reason at our home, but they never stopped me. It must have helped them a little bit. I knew myself that what I was doing was a bad thing-”

Luhan reaches out and stops Zitao before yet another sugar packet could make it to his pocket, and the boy looks at the thing in his hand in utter surprise.

“You don't remember taking it?” asks Luhan. “There's already two more in your pockets.”

“Two?” Quietly, he digs out his pocket's contents and it turns out there were three packets in there and some nuts from the bar. Biting his lip like that, Zitao looks like he could start crying.

“Hey, it's okay.” Luhan never thought he'd ever comfort a thief, but here he goes. “You know, there's this old lady in my neighborhood who takes whole handfuls of soy sauce packets from every restaurant she visits. She has quite the collection now.”

His comfort doesn't work and the boy starts wiping away fast tears with a sigh. “I took something from you, Luhan.” he admits, placing a very familiar-looking electronic device on the tabletop. “I'm really, truly sorry.”

“You did take it.” Luhan picks up the phone and inspects it for scratches, disappointed that his suspicions were correct.

“I did.”

“How could you?”

“I don't know.” Zitao sniffles and keeps his eyes down. “All I remember is looking at it because a weird text popped up while you were gone and then finding it in my apron a couple hours later.”

And to think, Luhan had believed in the guy so strongly. Now he just feels betrayed. This phone has his entire life on it. Who knows what this thief has done with it?

“I'm sorry-”

Ignoring this, Luhan stands and grabs his jacket. He doesn't want to be here anymore, listening to this bull. He has a report to fill out, and this time it'll be strong enough to get this guy out of his life for good.

***

The unanswered text on Luhan's phone really is a weird one, he finds. It's Jongdae, asking him out on a date. Holy . Since when was he gay?

At his work desk, the report he's planning on filling out is left blank, because he can't stop glancing over at a certain handsome party-goer with soft brown hair and a jawline that could cut through rock. Luhan's never really thought about Jongdae like this before, but if the guy likes him, it wouldn't hurt to give him a chance to prove himself. Maybe he isn't as stupid as he seems at all those parties. Alcohol does strange things to people.

In a spurt of courage, he walks up to the man while he's sewing velcro on some small dog outfits made to look like ladybugs and plucks out an earbud blasting loud, peppy girl group songs to greet him.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Jongdae asks him with a wide grin. “The cat toys are on the other side of the building, Lulu.”

Luhan generally oversees the production of cat toys, so really he doesn't have an excuse to be here, but that's okay. He won't be here long. “I came to answer your question.”

“Question? Uhm, alright, shoot.”

With a small, disbelieving smile, Luhan begins, “I'd love to go out with you, but since you asked first, you pay, okay? It's only fair.” You go, Sober Luhan! Look at you and all your guts! “Just tell me when and where you want to meet.” he finishes.

Blinking a few times, Jongdae stands and says, “Hold on,”

He's not smiling anymore. Why isn't he smiling anymore? Luhan just said yes. What's going on here?

“Luhan, you- are you gay?”

“You didn't write that text.” Luhan realizes, feeling stupid.

“Lay borrowed my phone a couple days ago. I'm sorry. That's a really moronic prank.” Jongdae reaches out to touch his arm, but Luhan backs out of it. “Listen, I won't tell anyone if that's what you want.”

He nods, and collects himself. There's no need to cry over such a stupid misunderstanding. So what if it turns out no one likes him? This is exactly how things had been before anyways. “I'm sorry for interrupting your work.” Luhan bows slightly and walks back to his desk, only to to change direction to the bathroom when he could feel his eyes welling up. So much for collecting himself.

The bathroom is empty and he shuts himself in a stall, clamping a hand over his mouth to keep from making any noise as the first tears fall. He sits on the toilet's lid and curls in on himself, releasing the pain in his chest slowly with each breath out through his nose.

This feels more than a little pathetic.

Why is it so hard to find someone that likes him? He's okay-looking, he admits. People have told him that his swearing is actually endearing. Luhan guesses that it must be because the kind of person he wants to find does not exist. Someone sweet, funny, nice, maybe a little quirky to keep things interesting. Someone who smiles at him like he means something special to them. Yeah, that sounds just about perfect.

Sniffling, he reaches for the toilet paper, only to find the roll empty. Behind him, he selects an individually wrapped one from the corner and tears it open, wondering how the company could leave so many rolls out like that. Anyone could take one and without a single consequence, because how would anyone know? You didn't even have to be a smooth, highly-ing-trained assassin with panda eyes to take one.

A laugh forces it's way up his throat as he wipes his eyes.

***

Luhan's all cleaned up and sitting at his desk again, eyes a little puffy, but no one would be able to tell through his scuffed up safety glasses. He takes another look at that report he's planned to fill out and can no longer find the heart to do it.

What if Zitao's story is true? It has to be difficult, keeping such weird impulses to himself all the time. It actually sounds like a scary habit to have. If Luhan were the one finding strange things in his pockets and being unable to stop even though it could some day throw him in jail-

Hell, that sounds awful. Not to mention, Luhan told him he isn't desperate enough to go out with a petty thief. How many times has this guy gotten rejected because of this habit?

He crushes the report into a ball and throws it away. No harm was done and he got his phone back. The boss doesn't seem to care that pieces of company property is going missing either if he still hasn't fired Zitao after that last report he sent in. What is that all about anyways? Why would the boss not care?

The question bugs him all day and he finally goes up to the human relations lady to ask her face-to-face just why the hell this is being allowed. Not that he's complaining. It just does not make sense.

She's a nice lady, smiling as she explains carefully Zitao's little secret.

Well, Luhan was not expecting that.

***

“So, your dad owns the factory.”

The bell for work to end rang five minutes ago and Zitao was just finishing up cleaning his work area when Luhan said this. He pauses, his fingers hovering just above his jacket to put it back on.

“And when you steal from the factory, you're basically just stealing from yourself.”

Shyly, he shrugs, his jacket forgotten on the back of his chair. “We didn't stay poor, but my habit never went away.”

“And you couldn't ing mention this when you started here?” Luhan asks, though without venom. He just has a headache in the shape of a tall, cute assassin.

“I didn't want to be treated differently from everyone else-”

“You have to be treated differently. You're ing stealing things left and right. If you were treated like everyone else, you would have been sacked a long time ago.”

“I know.” Zitao admits. “I was trying to steal less, but I've been really nervous lately.”

“No .” agrees Luhan, spotting the boy's bulging pockets and pointing them out. “I still can't believe I'm the only one who caught you in all that time.”

With an exasperated sigh, Zitao turns out his pockets to find much more than he usually took in a day. How did he fit an entire stuffed rabbit head in his apron pocket? It didn't even have eyes yet. Creepy.

“Come on, let's go put those things back.” Luhan laughs. He grabs the man's hand while he's still mentally punishing himself and pulls him along to where the dog toys are made.

Blushing, Zitao finds his eyes shifting about quickly, taking in his surroundings and before he can stop himself, he's already snatched a pencil off of someone's work station as they passed by.

He looks at the pencil in his hand before going back to his other hand, eyes moving up to Luhan's arm, shoulder, his exposed neck and cheek.

Ah, so that's why he's nervous. 

Luhan's skin is completely perfect. His eyelashes are long and fascinating. His hand is really warm and it feels nice to hold. If only Zitao could redeem his past mistakes, because he wants to be truly worthy of someone as great and as kind as Luhan.

“Wait.” He stops Luhan before the man can go any further. Turning back around, Zitao puts the pencil back where he found it.

There's no time to start like the present.

***

Luhan opens his desk drawers one day to find a bottle of hard apple cider and a single red rose.

Next to his phone, which he swears should have been in his left pocket.

God damn that ing panda-eyed kleptomaniac .

He takes the rose out and sniffs it with a tiny, grateful smile.

He could get used to this.