***

 

A month passed. Kyungsoo stood up, brushed his teeth and made breakfast. His mother woke up a few minutes later, walking down the stairs with her weak legs.

- Good morning, Kyungie. - She greeted, softly.

- Good morning, mom. How are you feeling today? - He asked.

- I’m fine. The medication finally had some effect on me. - She smiled.

- That’s good. - He said, while pouring some tea on her cup.

- How about you? - She asked, curious. - I was expecting to see a happy face. Isn’t Jongin back?

- He is. - Kyungsoo answered. - He looks good.

- That’s good, that’s good. When are you two getting married?

- Mother! - He gasped. - What are you talking about?

- What? It’s been a month already. I thought you two were in love… - She hurriedly said, surprised.

- We were. It’s been 8 years, mom.

- So what? Did he meet someone new?

- I think so, but that’s not the point. We’ve lived apart for a long time, things are not the same… - Kyungsoo sighed.

- Really? What a pity… You make a lovely couple.

A silence filled the kitchen. Kyungsoo was drinking his tea slowly, while his mother was taking her medicine.

- What about your job? Any role for a new drama?

- Yes. I’m playing the main character.

- That’s my boy! - She said, proudly.

- It’s a love story, I think you’re going to like it. - He smiled.

- Finally, enough with dramas… You deserve a chance to be happy. - She said, staring into the window.

- What are you talking about, mom? They’re just fictional characters. - He laughed.

She laughed too.

- And how are your lungs? - She finally asked.

- Fine… - Kyungsoo hesitated. - Don’t worry about it.

He stood up and cleaned the kitchen. He took his mother by the hand and helped her sit on the couch.

- Are you comfortable, mom? - He asked, kindly.

- I am, Kyungie. Are you going out? - She asked, while covering her legs with a blanket.

- Yeah… There are some things I need to figure out. - Kyungsoo said. - There’s food in the fridge.

And so, he left.

 

***

 

The boys lived at Daegu. They used to play around the Apsan Mountain, after school, because it was close to the temple where Jongin was living.

- You really love animals, don’t you? - Asked Kyungsoo, staring at Jongin playing with a little dog.

- Yes. We have a special connection. - He said.

- Special connection? Like what? - Questioned Kyungsoo, intrigued.

- Like… I can talk to them. But it’s a secret! - Jongin playfully said.

- Oh, stop mocking me! - The other one grumbled.

Jongin laughed.

- Say, you want to be a singer, right? Not an actor…

Kyungsoo was caught by surprise.

- What do you know about me…

- Everything! - Jongin said. - I know you from the tip of your toes to the core of your cells!

- What? - Kyungsoo laughed.

- I want to hear you sing to a big crowd, one day. - Jongin smiled. - Will you do that for me?

- I don’t know… I still have a lot to practice, you know?

- Practice, then! - Shouted Jongin. - I want you to share your gift with the world.

- You’re exaggerating a little bit there, Jongin… My voice is not that great…

- Why are you so negative? Be positive, it feels better! - He said, while standing up.

- You and your monk advices… - Kyungsoo sighed.

- I want my boyfriend to be known in every land of the pla−

- Shhh! - Kyungsoo snorted. - Are you mad? Do you want people to know that we… - Kyungsoo stopped.

- That we are dating? - Jongin finished.

- Don’t say that out loud. People will judge us… - Kyungsoo said. - What will happen if the monks find out?

- They will not judge, that’s for sure. - Jongin alleged. - That’s why we came here, isn’t it? Away from the city, away from people…

- Yeah, but you live nearby… What if the monks see us together? - Kyungsoo worriedly asked.

- Stop worrying. You’re missing what’s really important!

- What’s more important than trying not to get caught? - Kyungsoo nagged.

- Me. - Jongin leaned forward.

It was their first kiss.

 

***

 

Kyungsoo was driving. He was trapped in his own mind, thinking and thinking. It’s been 8 years since his first kiss. Memories were overflowing. He was told by Jongin that he was working in Seoul. He decided to pay him a visit. His hands were shaking. He was nervous. It’s been a long time since they talked. Not just some greetings exchanged at the airport, surrounded by thousands of people going to or arriving from God knows where. But talk. Words that come out not from the mouth but from the heart. Expressing feelings they can only tell to each other. Where did Jongin from the past go? Who was Jongin after 8 years? Who is Jongin now?

He opened the door timidly, peeking through the gap, before giving one last deep breath and entering with confidence. Over the clinic was an old couple with an old dog, a girl wearing a miniskirt with her parrot on her shoulder and a young boy holding his turtle, accompanied by his mother. Another door opened and a playful Labrador retriever came out. Behind him were his owner and a veterinary doctor. Debts settled, they left. It was time now for the old couple to go inside, but before closing the door, the young doctor gazed at Kyungsoo.

- Are you here to buy feed? - He asked, nicely.

- Who, me? No, no… - Kyungsoo answered, shyly.

- Do you have any pet at the infirmary?

- No, no… I’m just here to visit a friend… To visit Dr. Kim Jongin, that is. - Kyungsoo gasped.

- Oh, I see! He’s busy right now, do you mind to wait a little bit?

- Of course not! I’ll wait! - He said.

The doctor then closed the door and another one opened. This time was Jongin, saying goodbye to Miffy, the little bunny with stomach ache. He looked surprised to see him there.

- Wow, is that really Do Kyungsoo? - He asked, smiling.

- Last time I checked my ID, I was still me… - The other one jokingly said.

Jongin laughed.

- I still have two more appointments. Can you wait and then we’ll have lunch together?

- Sure. - Kyungsoo replied.

 

***

 

- Take that, and that! - Chanyeol shouted.

- Man, I give up! How am I supposed to play this game? - Kyungsoo asked, grumpily.

- Just press these buttons!

- I am and I can’t win a round!

Jongin laughed.

- You two look pathetic. - He commented.

- I’m not the nerd one reading animal books! - Chanyeol replied.

- Sorry if I’m not cool enough to play video games! - He teasingly retorted.

- Shut up Chanyeol, and help me with these! - Kyungsoo nagged.

Once in a while, the boys used to crash at Chanyeol’s place. Like always, they used to play Tekken ‘til dawn and Jongin used to read books and draw chibi animals everywhere. They were an improbable trio, but they got along exceptionally well.

One night, Chanyeol caught them whispering on each other’s ears and was suspicious of them since then. But he was very comprehensive and supportive, even so. When Kyungsoo discovered that he was sick, Chanyeol let him stay over for a week.

- Aren’t you going to tell him? - He asked.

- What for?

- He deserves to know…

- He’s leaving… - Kyungsoo replied.

- He loves you.

- I can’t tell him. If I do, he’d probably stay and let his dreams go away. Just because I can’t follow mines, doesn’t mean I should make him give up of his…

- You’re probably right… So, what are you going to do? You can’t keep avoiding him. - Chanyeol said.

- I’m going to die, Chanyeol, do you really think I care about that now? - Kyungsoo yelled.

- You’re not going to die, moron! - Chanyeol objected. - You just need to be careful… Everything is going to be fine…

Kyungsoo sighed loudly.

- Maybe it’s better this way. I don’t want him to see me degrade little by little…

- What will happen to the two of you? - Chanyeol asked, with sorrow.

- We will grow apart. Our promises will fade. Our story will be forgotten.

 

***

 

It was 1 pm already. Jongin hurriedly changed his clothes.

- I’m sorry to keep you waiting! - He apologized.

- It’s okay. Where will we go?

- Junmyeon is from Seoul, he knows the best places. - Jongin gave his brightest smile.

- Junmyeon? - Kyungsoo asked.

- He’s that friend I told you about!

- The one you’re currently living with? - Kyungsoo questioned, with his chest hurting.

Jongin nodded. Then, Junmyeon came out with a cute smile.

- This is Junmyeon. - Said Jongin, introducing the two of them. - And this is my friend Kyungsoo.

- Hello again, nice to meet you.

Kyungsoo forced a smile. He was worried about that pain. Was it because his condition was getting worse or was it because he was heartbroken? Was it both?

They left to Song Jook Heon’s restaurant. Junmyeon booked a table months in advance, since reservations are absolutely necessary in that restaurant. He promised to take Jongin there once they returned from London. Junmyeon has a rich family, going to restaurants like this one, owning a veterinary clinic or studying abroad represent no obstacle for him.

During the whole meal, Junmyeon and Jongin didn’t stop talking about London and the things they did together. It was an unbearable situation for Kyungsoo, but he smiled all the time. When Jongin’s friend went to the restroom, Kyungsoo gazed at him.

- Why do you look so upset?

- What do you know about me…

- Everything! - Jongin replied. - I know you from the tip of your toes to the core of your cells!

- You know nothing, Kim Jongin! - Kyungsoo said, rudely. - Is it because he speaks better English than me?

- What? - Asked Kai, surprised and confused.

- Is it because he’s rich? Or maybe because he spent 8 ing years with you in London and now you work together and live in the same house? Which one is it, Jongin? - Kyungsoo asked, with his heart jumping out of his chest.

- Mind you language, Kyung−

- All you care is how I speak now? - Kyungsoo cut him off. - Have you forgotten all our promises? Have you forgotten you were in love with me? Have you forgotten me?

Jongin was perplexed staring at him.

- While you were having fun, defying the natural anatomy and discovering the other meaning of your butthole, I was dying. Day by day, cell by cell.

Kyungsoo stood up, glared one last time at him and then left.

 

***

 

The boys were resting on the grass. The sky was incredibly blue, the birds were singing loud melodies and the smell of the flowers was amazing. They were holding hands while chatting to teenage matters.

- Jongin, we are both boys… - Kyungsoo stated.

- That’s right.

- How will we lose our… - Kyungsoo hesitated.

- Our what? - Jongin asked.

- ity… - He said, while blushing.

- Oh, that… I have no idea. The monks don’t teach me those things. - Jongin laughed. - According to books, a man inserts his inside the woman’s and−

- I’m not talking about how it works, because I know how it works! - Kyungsoo snapped.

- I don’t understand your question, then… - Said Jongin, turning his face to look at his boyfriend.

- We’re both boys… How are boys supposed to lose their ity with each other? - He asked again.

- Oh… That… Well… I have no idea… I don’t have a … Have you? - Jongin mocked.

Kyungsoo hit him in the arm.

- I’m serious, you moron!

Jongin chuckled.

- You look incredibly cute when you’re angry, you know that?

- Stop! - Kyungsoo shouted. - I’ve read a manga…

- Oh my God, what? - Jongin laughed.

- It’s kinda creepy…

Jongin started to laugh even more.

- Stop laughing, this is a serious matter!

Then, Jongin sat and gazed at Kyungsoo.

- Do you really want to do it with me?

- I do… - He replied, timidly.

The birds were singing. The trees were dancing along with the soft breeze. The boys were staring at each other. Jongin’s arm moved and rested on Kyungsoo’s chest. He leaned forward for a kiss. Then, Kyungsoo put his hands on Jongin’s neck, bringing him closer. They were kissing passionately. Just when Jongin was about to take off his shirt, they heard a noise.

 

***

 

- Where is Kyungsoo? - Junmyeon asked.

- He left. - Jongin replied.

- What happened? Why do you look so sad? Is everything okay?

Jongin hesitated to answer.

- I don’t know what happened, I guess my friend was alone all this time…

- I see. - Said Junmyeon. - Does he need you now?

- I was gone for 8 years. He needed me before I even departed…

Junmyeon gazed at Jongin. It was the first time he saw him so low-spirited.

- I’m sorry, but I need to go. - Jongin finally said.

 

***

 

Jongin arrived at the temple. He was very agitated. Jinpa was worried and rushed towards him.

- Where is Gyatso? - Jongin asked.

- He’s meditating… What is wrong with you, brother?

- Kyungsoo… Is he okay? - Jongin snapped. - Is he… Is he dying?

Jinpa opened his eyes widely.

- Did he tell you that? - Monk Gyatso suddenly appeared.

- Yes…

- It’s been 8 years… He must be tired.

- Tired of what? What is going on?

- Kyungsoo is sick. - Said Jinpa. - He’s being very diligent about his health but sometimes he still has relapses… He’s in a very fragile condition.

- Fragile? What does that mean? - Jongin was incredulous.

- We’ve been taking care of him while you were gone, don’t worry. - Continued Gyatso. - He’s barely alive because of you.

- We were hoping that he would get better after seeing you, but…

- That boy really loves you. - Stated Gyatso. - He survived all this time just to see you.

- It’s… Not like that… - Jongin said.

- We know. He told us.

- You know that I’m gay? - Asked Jongin, worriedly. - For how long?

- For 8 years…

- Aren’t you going to judge me?

- In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west. People create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them. Who do you think we are, Kim Jongin? - Scolded monk Gyatso. - Go talk to him. Put an end to this.

 

***

 

It was summer holydays. Kyungsoo and Jongin have been writing a list of activities they wanted to do together. One, for example, was watching the night sky.

- In Apsan the view is great! - Exclaimed Jongin, excited.

- We spend most of our time in Apsan… Don’t you want to explore the rest of South Korea? - Kyungsoo inquired.

- We can’t watch the stars in Seoul… There’s too much light pollution! - Jongin protested. - Besides, where’s the money? - He laughed.

- Fine, fine… Let’s go to Apsan… - Kyungsoo sighed.

- Oh, right! I almost forgot! There’s a concert of TVXQ at Jamsil Arena, in Seoul!

- Wow, really? When? - Asked Kyungsoo, enthusiastically.

- Two weeks from now! We better hurry and buy our tickets!

- Where’s the money, though? - Kyungsoo lifted his eyebrow.

- Aw, that’s right… Wait, I got it! Let’s find a part-time job! - Snapped Jongin.

- Are you out of your mind? - Kyungsoo objected. - I want to sleep!

- You can sleep at night! If you want to go out on a date with your boyfriend, you need to earn money!

- Look at us, we sound like a real couple. - Kyungsoo laughed.

- Aren’t we? - Jongin asked, serious. - I love you, Do Kyungsoo. Once gay marriage is legal in South Korea, I promise you we’ll be wed!

Kyungsoo blushed instantly. His heart started racing.

- Don’t be stupid, Jongin… There’s no way that’s gonna happen… - He sighed.

- Let’s go to United States, then…

- Pfff… - Kyungsoo snorted. - What are you saying?

- I’m serious! - Jongin claimed.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath.

- We better find a part-time job, then. We need all the money we can get.