***

 

- Cheer up, buddy! - Exclaimed Chanyeol, Kyungsoo's best friend. - It's almost time...

- I know, but I'm nervous... - He replied, biting his lips. - So much have happened, I don't know how to look at him...

- Just smile and everything will be okay. - Said the other one, trying to comfort him.

Kyungsoo nodded and sighed. It's been almost 10 years since he last saw Jongin. It's been almost 10 years since they last spoke. It's been almost 10 years since high school. They were no longer young boys, they were adults now.

It was finally time for the airplane coming from London to land at the Incheon Airport. Kyungsoo was sweating nervously, rehearsing some "long time no see" lines. After a short time, which felt like an eternity to him, he spotted a familiar face. He was exactly the same. Same brown eyes, same tanned skin, same broad shoulders. And same smile. Oh, that smile was indeed the same. Pure, honest, bright and contagious. That was Kim Jongin.

Kyungsoo froze at the sight of his lost friend. On the other hand, Chanyeol received Jongin with a big hug and some circumstantial words, such as "how have you been", "you look so mature", "you're a doctor now". Jongin kindly answered and smiled. It's like time didn't change him. He looked at Kyungsoo and waved a fresh "long time no see" greeting, before walking towards him. It felt just like the first time they met. Time didn't change him at all.

 

***

 

It was a cold winter day. Students were very busy getting ready for the Christmas festival. Kyungsoo was wobbling in the corridors, trapped in his own world, mumbling some inaudible words. Chanyeol, who was in charge of the check sound, suddenly appeared in front of him. He looked upset.

- What in the world are you doing? They are waiting for you at the gym! Hurry up! - He nagged.

The two of them rushed and immediately started rehearsing. Jongin, who was in charge of the lights, was impressed by his voice and gazed at Kyungsoo the whole time. When the band decided to take a break, he approached Kyungsoo with a bright smile and a bottle of water on his right hand.

- You have a beautiful voice. - He said, while offering the drink.

- Thanks... It still needs some work, though... - Replied Kyungsoo, blushing softly.

- I'm sure it will be perfect one day.

- I hope so...

- Why do you say that? You should lift your head and be proud of your gift. - Said Jongin.

- It's a gift I can't control... It's hard to keep breathing while trying to reach for the high notes... - Answered Kyungsoo, a little bit embarrassed.

- If you think you can do it, then you can do it. Your mind is everything. - Said Jongin, friendly smiling. - The monks have thought me that.

- The monks? - Asked Kyungsoo, confused,

- Well, I should save that for a next conversation.

- Why?

- Because I want to keep talking to you.

So Jongin left, smiling. A pure, honest, bright and contagious smile.

 

***

 

- How are you? - He asked.

Kyungsoo stared deeply into his eyes. How come, after almost a decade, he looks like he regrets nothing?

- I'm... Fine... - Replied Kyungsoo, forcing a smile. - Do you really remember me?

- Of course! - Shouted Jongin, laughing happily. - You are Kyungsoo, my old friend!

Old friend. Saying that out loud sounds painful.

- That's right... It's me, Kyungsoo.

- Are you going to stay at the temple? - Asked Chanyeol, cutting the weird atmosphere.

- Oh no, I'm staying with a friend of mine. We're going to work in the same veterinary clinic. - Answered Jongin, enthusiastically.

- Wow, that's great news! When do you start?

- Next Monday! I'm going to take the weekend to visit the monks, though. Want to come? - Asked Jongin, happily.

- Aw man, I can't... I have a very busy schedule now... I'm an idol, did you know?

- An idol? - Asked Jongin surprised. - That's impressive! How about you, Kyungsoo? Are you also a singer?

Kyungsoo said no with his head.

- He thinks he's not cut out for that, so instead he became an actor. He's pretty good, though. - Replied Chanyeol.

- Wow, an actor... That's amazing! - Jongin smiled.

 

***

 

The festival ended with the campfire, as always. It was time for boys and girls to gather courage and confess their love for each other. Kyungsoo was wondering around, mumbling a sad song.

- Are you feeling depressed? - Asked Jongin, coming out of nowhere.

- Who, me? Because I don't have a girl I'm in love with and I didn't prepare any romantic speech? Not at all. - Answered Kyungsoo.

- I see… You're feeling lonely.

- Lonely? Who said I was lonely?

Jongin observed him for a few seconds. He was obviously sad.

- Well, why are you feeling lonely?

- I... - Kyungsoo sighed. - I don't really believe in love...

- And yet, you want to be loved.

- Love is such a stupid feeling! It stays and leaves... It's troublesome. - Said Kyungsoo, sadly.

- Nothing is permanent. So you shouldn't feel troubled about it. Enjoy while it lasts and let it go when it's over. - Replied Jongin, with a gentle smile.

- How can you be so calm about it? It's not something you can control...

- What is it?

- Feelings, that is... It's not easy to let go of someone who meant something special to you...

- It is, if you want.

- That advice from the monks again? - Asked Kyungsoo, annoyed.

- Your mind is blurred, just like water when it's raining. Settle down the storm in your head and you'll see clearly.

Kyungsoo gazed at him. Who on earth is that person?

- Your mind is powerful. You think, you become.

- Oh really? I want to be a singer, so if I just imagine I'll become one, right?

- Imagination is intelligence having fun. The power of the mind is something different. - Replied Jongin.

-You're different...

- Maybe I am... Or maybe it's just your imagination... - He laughed.

Kyungsoo laughed too. Somehow, he felt a connection with the weird boy.

- So, do you want to be a singer?

- Hum… I don't have what it takes... But maybe an actor. That would be awesome. - Said Kyungsoo, daydreaming.

- Yeah, that would be amazing.

 

***

 

- Yeah, it is... - Said Kyungsoo. - I'm free... Should I go with you?

- That would be nice! - Replied Jongin with his bright smile.

- Then, it's settled! You go together! - Exclaimed Chanyeol. - Send my deepest apologies to monk Gyatso...

- Don't worry, he will understand! - Said Jongin.

Then Chanyeol asked him to tell what he did for the past 8 years. He wanted to know every little detail of his life in London. Kyungsoo was also dying to know how it was like. Specially because there's a gap in their story. 8 years they will never get back. 8 years they never had. 8 years they will never have.

 

***

 

- So, basically, all you did was studying…? - Asked Kyungsoo, while driving.

- I’ve worked hard in order to become a good doctor. - Replied Jongin.

- Hum… - Mumbled Kyungsoo. - Did you… Miss me?

- Of course I did! - Exclaimed Jongin.

- Since you left…

- Kyungsoo, don’t start. Is this about what happened in high school?

 

***

 

Kyungsoo was sitting next to the gym, lost in his own thoughts. Jongin was walking by and stopped at the sight of his friend.

- Hello! - He waved, friendly.

Kyungsoo snapped out of it and gazed at him.

- Why do you look so troubled? - Asked Jongin, worried.

- Is it true you’re planning on studying abroad?

Jongin looked surprised.

- The homerun teacher told me…

- Oh, I see… I’ve received a special scholarship. I’m going to take it. - He replied, softly smiling.

- Ah, so it’s like that… - Said Kyungsoo, disconnecting from the real world again.

- Aren’t you going to congratulate me? I’m going to London, to The Royal Veterinary College! - Exclaimed Jongin, enthusiastically.

- I’m sorry, I’m not in the mood.

- What is it that troubles you?

- You… You trouble me… Have you forgotten? - Asked Kyungsoo.

- No, I haven’t… I’m sorry I couldn’t keep our promise. - Replied Jongin. - Are you hurt?

- Of course I am, but why does it matter? Congratulations on your admission! - He yelled.

It was the last time they spoke.

 

***

 

- Are you still hurt?

- What happens in the past, stays in the past. You’re here now. - Replied Kyungsoo.

- That’s right… Oh, I’m so anxious to see Gyatso and Jinpa again! - Shouted Jongin, energetically.

Finally, they arrived at the temple. Jongin left first, walking frenetically inside, while Kyungsoo was gazing at him. A few bald heads started showing up, followed by happy greetings. The monks were happy to see Jongin after such a long time. Gyatso and Jinpa hurriedly approached the young man, hugging him very tight and caressing his tanned cheeks. The happiness Jongin was being received with was the happiness Kyungsoo was expecting to feel at the airport. But, somehow, Jongin was distant from him.

- Oh, Kyungsoo! You’re here! Thank you so much for bringing him sound and safe! - Shouted Gyatso, happily smiling. - Come in, come in! Let’s eat!

Everyone went inside the temple. The monks served homemade tea and cookies. The atmosphere was nice and cozy.

- I’ve missed this the most! - Said Jongin, putting his arm around Jinpa. - This feeling of being home.

- And you’re a doctor now! - Said Jinpa, smiling brightly.

- That’s right! And a good one! - He laughed out loud.

On the other hand, Kyungsoo was not so happy. He decided to go home, so that they could enjoy this moment together. By the gate, monk Gyatso gave him a little box of cookies.

- Give this to your mother. - He said, gently smiling.

- Thank you for your kindness. - Said Kyungsoo, while bowing.

- Why do you look so sad? Jongin is back. - Asked the monk, worried.

- It’s been 8 years… A lot changes in 8 years…

- Seasons change. But the heart does not.

Kyungsoo said nothing. He gave the old monk an empty stare.

- Jongin is changed. - He said.

- Yes… He’s a man now.

- A man that was gone the moment I needed him the most. I have a disease and I’m sick.

- Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think.

- That advice again… - Kyungsoo sighed. - I think about him all the time. Is he my happiness then? - He laughed. - It’s too late now…

- It’s never too late to walk a new path.

- If I walk a new path now, it’s going to be short…

- Did you know? The only mistakes you can make about your path are not going all the way and not starting. It only takes one step, Kyungsoo. - Said monk Gyatso, while returning back inside.

 

***

 

- Are you here alone?

- Yes sir, my mother is at work. - Replied Kyungsoo.

- What about your father?

- He… I don’t know where he is, my parents are divorced. He left us when I was a little kid… - He said.

- Oh, I see… Is it only you and your mother, then? What about other family members? - Asked the doctor.

- No, it’s just the two of us…

- Alright, then… Well, I have bad news. Are you sure you want to know? Don’t you want to wait for your mother?

- No, please tell me. I don’t want to bother her, she’s working 'til late.

- Okay. You seem like a responsible boy… Listen, you have a disease.

- How bad is it? - Kyungsoo asked, shaking.

- It’s… bad. You have cor pulmonale, also known as pulmonary heart disease. Let me explain it to you… The heart has two pumping chambers. The left ventricle pumps blood throughout the body. The right ventricle pumps blood to the lungs, where it is oxygenated and returned to the left heart for distribution. In normal circumstances, the right heart pumps blood into the lungs without any resistance. However, with certain diseases chronically present, the blood vessels of the lungs are significantly reduced in number and constricted. The right ventricle is no longer able to push blood into the lungs effectively, and the chronic overload eventually causes it to fail.

Kyungsoo was frightened.

- You said you felt shortness of breath, right?

- Well, I love to sing but it’s difficult for me to reach for the high notes because it’s hard to breathe… How did this happen?

- There are several causes, but since you’re still young it’s probably because of bronchopulmonary dysplasia. Anatomic changes in vascularization, that is… Cor pulmonale may lead to congestive heart failure, with worsening of respiration due to pulmonary edema, swelling of the legs due to peripheral edema and painful congestive hepatomegaly.

- What does that even mean? - Asked Kyungsoo, with his eyes full of tears.

- There is a treatment for this… But if the medical therapy fails, you may require a transplant. However, both the heart and lungs needs to be transplanted.

Kyungsoo started to cry compulsively.