It's very disgusting, but no one else thinks V is a weird name. Jin pats his head (and ruins his neatly combed hair, thanks) while cooing that overachieving must be tiring for his young mind. Like what. He's just a year younger, so why does he get treated like a baby all the time? He'll go to court to plead his case to Chief Justice Namjoon, but Jin would just send him a cute selfie. Without a shirt. He can't even hope against getting his objections overruled. So much for justice in their court of friendship.

"Worse than a teen girl" Suga describes with mock woe, cackling at his misfortune. Jungkook hits him with the fork, before widening his eyes as if it was all a big accident. No one falls for it, and he's just happy that Jimin's crazed laughing sends him down to the floor. At least he's not the only one suffering anymore.

"Like who sent him here to ruin my life." He grumbles, stabbing the mashed potatoes viciously. Namjoon calmly scoops it into his mouth. That guy is a cheapskate through and through; the only thing he doesn’t stinge on (sadly) is his boyfriend. Jungkook is secretly convinced that one day Jin will fleece him into buying a beautiful and impractical house somewhere where people speak neither Korean or English just because it’s so romantic or some kind of nonsense like that. Jin must have been God’s answer to Namjoon’s straight-laced, no-nonsense attitude.

Maybe V is God’s way of balancing out his (honestly unfairly) blessed life.

"So dramatic. What, disappointed that the school cutie isn't as cute as you wanted?"

"I. What."

He clamps his mouth shut just before sending them at high velocity (not V) towards his friends. Jin takes the napkin to dab the sides of his mouth, and he's not sure what his true intentions are behind the motherly smile- to mock him, make Namjoon angry or to simply be nice. He doubts it's the last option.

"So our baby didn't know that V is totally popular?"

"I have lost my faith in humanity. The world has no taste. "

"That's about right, V is a super cute alien to the girls."

He wants to hurl. Gross. How can anyone even bring themselves to like such a weirdo with completely annoying habits? Not to mention, that guy is totally bad news. He hasn't tripped over nothing since like what, five. And suddenly this guy appears and undoes twelve years of careful behavior. Now he's got to start from scratch. At least one of his friends didn't see him, or he won't be able to live it down.

Scratch that. Namjoon is doing that terrible thing with his eyebrows that make him look creepier than he already is.

Hang on, weren’t these bunch of so-called friends God’s way of evening out his good life?

Damn, he was right all along. V must have been sent by the devil. Exactly. 

“But seriously, V is a pretty nice guy I mean-“

Jimin can’t even complete his line before mashed potato is lands squarely on his shirt and pants. It’s hot, and there are definitely going to be gravy stains on his neatly-pressed uniform. Jumping up, he hastily brushes the food off with the tissues Jin always left next to him while cursing under his breath. Big stain too, looks like a lot of scrubbing to do when he gets home.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry I-“

He holds his hand up, not wanting to hear another word escape those pair of lips again. He can feel his blood pressure rising and it’s taking every ounce of his self control to not blow up at this V or Taehyung or devil incarnate.  Two accidents in a day, that’s the limit. A new record, his mind says glumly. The mashed potato burned even through the scratchy uniform fabric and damn he had planned out his after-school schedule perfectly and now this- person had to go ruin it by forcing him to set aside time to go scrub the stains off the fabric. That’s why he never wants to sit at the side of cafeteria tables, there’s always the odd of some idiot like him running around and hitting trays of food onto people. But of course Taehyung had to make him the last one to lunch and had to be running in the cafeteria and had to bump into his tray of all trays in this cafeteria.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Getting a heart attack out of stupidity is not what he wants written in his death certificate.

“I’m sorry that guy’s an idiot. He just wanted to say hi.” A cheery voice, the same one who hit That Guy (now he thinks he should treat him like the ultimate source of evil, but He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is too wordy for his liking) earlier this morning. Must be That Guy’s best friend, and way too nice for That Guy on all levels. He can feel his anger simmer down a little before saying it’s okay (when it’s not it’s not it’s not do you know detergent causes skin cells to die, smooth hands to wrinkle and he doesn’t want coarse hands when he’s 60 but hand cream is too expensive to overuse).

“I’ll get you a new one.” That Guy says. As if, he wants to snort, but leaves it at that because Hoseok seems Genuinely Apologetic and he doesn’t want to put him in a tough spot. Or seem like a jerkhat. (And not, he repeats, NOT, because That Guy still looks very cute as a kicked puppy.)

“Whoa. You really hate him.” Jimin says the moment the two move off, as Suga finally agrees to swap seats with him from his earlier trauma. If that lazyass decided to be hardworking enough to change seats earlier none of this would have occurred, since That Guy seems to have some complete personal vendetta against him.

“Tell me how he is cute. Just one way. I dare you.” Slumping on the table, Jin ruffles his hair and sends Namjoon to buy ice-cream for poor unhappy little baby. Oh well. At least one good thing came out of it- getting bribed by food.