“この女が好きですか?” Jiyong smiled nonchalantly at Seungri. Thanks to Seungri’s miniature SMS lessons the night before, the leader figured he had a way out of this. Do you like this woman?

 

Seungri blinked again. He fully understood what Jiyong had just said in his seriously ing basic Japanese, but the implication of the question threw him off completely. However, swiftly adjusting to the leader’s new plan, Seungri’s answer fell from his mouth like a stone, grinning all the while. “いいえ.” No.

 

Jiyong’s grin almost reached his eyes upon hearing this. “行きたい?” Do you want to go?

 

“はい.” Yes. Seungri immediately responded. His voice was calm and measured, almost pleasant. His smile remained fixed in place. But his wide eyes signalled desperation. “今.” Now.

 

“だから早く.” Jiyong couldn’t help but hiss urgently, still smiling just as fiercely as Seungri. Then hurry up.

 

“But how-“ Seungri blurted out, forgoing any further translations out of pure shock at Jiyong’s straightforwardness. That, and it was getting too painful to endure another second of the leader’s ty Japanese.

 

“You know, you two are really good looking guys,” Eunah cut in, saving Seungri just in the nick of time.

 

“Thanks.” Seungri smiled fleetingly, because who didn’t like hearing a compliment? Meanwhile, Jiyong resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Like they didn’t already know that? And that wasn’t even egotistical. That was the media extorting them based on partly music, but mainly aesthetics. Every single freaking day of their lives. They hadn’t gotten hot throughout the years for no reason. As if YG would ever blow money without profit.

 

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” Jiyong mumbled. He didn’t even try to feel flattered, like he usually would if any other female imparted this amazing discovery on him any other day of the week. It was strange, he mused to himself. Now that he felt tied down and off limits, Jiyong found himself practically giving zero s as to how the fairer gender viewed him.

 

“And, you know. Chickens of the same feather stick together. Like, so…we would totally match up well, don’t you think?” Eunah directed her attention solely towards Seungri. It seemed she was finally aware of Jiyong’s current idea of giving all females the cold shoulder, yet appeared blissfully unaware of the incorrect and not to mention incompetent pronoun she’d just produced.

 

Seungri smiled with his mouth shut, his lips getting tighter and tighter by the minute. He wasn’t sure how much more he could stand of this. “Uh. Sure.”

 

The maknae’s phone suddenly buzzed, and he clawed at the device, desperate to get away from the inanely boring conversation. Scrolling through his messages, he found a text from Jiyong of all people. It appeared the leader, too, had given up on Japanese and had resorted to plain texting under the table.

 

How many times do I have to say it? Hurry the up.

 

Seungri stifled a sigh. He didn’t know why Jiyong was lashing out and acting even harsher than usual, but he could guess it was to do with his newfound commitment and therefore, accordingly, restricted freedom.

 

hyooonngg~ plz be patient!! ^3< we need some kind of opening.......dont be meeaaannn!!! TT^TT ps top hyung seems pretty busy up there kkkkkkkk

 

Jiyong didn’t know how, but even under conditions of high irritation and frustration, Seungri still had it in him to write and then consequently send the most ing annoying, exasperating and idiotic text messages in the world, overflowing to the brim with emoticons and aegyo. It was kind of admirable, in a sense. It was also enough to make Jiyong puke. However, instead, he looked towards Seunghyun to see if the text remained true to its word.

 

Surely enough, the eldest seemed to be totally hitting it off with the cool Yoonju, the pair deep in conversation on their common interests. Meanwhile, Versace continued to jump in and pop up in the two’s conversation constantly, physically flailing around to gain any attention. However, she remained as avoided and blanked as a buzzing gnat; a pest that you hope will just get the message and off if you ignore it for long enough.

 

that. I can’t take not even another second of this torture. Let’s get out of here. Play the gay card?

 

Seungri didn’t even blink. He hit back an immediate reply.

 

Yes.

 

He was that desperate.

 

“Seungriyah, why are you all the way over there? Come closer to hyung,” Jiyong cooed, wrapping his arms around Seungri’s shoulders and pulling him closer; consequently away from Eunah. The leader buried his face into the maknae’s milk-white neck, nuzzling his nose down into the crook of Seungri’s collarbone.

 

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Seungri murmured, smiling a slow, faint yet unapologetic smile at the slightly bewildered albeit disbelieving Eunah.

 

“Hyung is tired, Seungriyah,” Jiyong pouted, his voice muffled. “Worn out from last night…” Jiyong trailed off, pulling back so he could fixatedly play with the collar on Seungri’s shirt.

 

“I know, baby. Me too.” Seungri grinned, leaning down to quickly kiss the top of Jiyong’s bowed head. Jiyong couldn’t help but look up and flash a victorious, smug smirk at Eunah.

 

“So…let’s go home…?” Jiyong casually suggested, his gaze slowly lifting upwards to meet Seungri’s.

 

“Uh…Uh…Yeah, um…” Seungri fumbled, losing it and snapping out of his act last second. He didn’t know what it was. He knew Jiyong was just acting and playing along for the sake of getting them out of such a hellish nightmare. The leader was absolutely besotted enough with his girlfriend of the week to not even begin considering any potential female contenders, if that was proof of anything. But something about it all felt extremely creepy and too real, and Seungri mentally struggled to determine which of the two situations were worse; getting with a girl who was potentially even dumber than him, or getting with his hyung.

 

Either one of the two would leave him sobbing and hyperventilating into a paper bag by the end of the night, regardless.

 

Jiyong immediately narrowed his eyes upon Seungri’s less-than-lukewarm response. What the was he doing? ‘Don’t tell me you’re copping out and thinking about getting laid after all, you little ,’ Jiyong glared in warning at Seungri, mentally cursing the maknae all the while.

 

“You’re leaving already?” Eunah pouted. As she blew out her lips and formed one serious duckface, she leaned forward, exposing her cleavage directly in Seungri’s line of vision.

 

“Uh…” Seungri stared, instantaneously transfixed by the deep, round outline of her s bouncing before his very eyes.

 

Jiyong fell back, collapsing against the banquette. Seungri was obviously no help, thanks to certain parts of the human anatomy exclusive to females currently on show. Jiyong was going to have to fight his own battles. And by that, he meant he was going to pull out a cigarette from the crumpled packet in his jacket pocket, light up, and have a nice, long smoke as he waited for it all to get the over with.

 

“Oh my god!” Versace screeched from the other end of the table. Jiyong looked up from his lighter to see the surgery shrew on her feet, pointing at him with a dangerously long acrylic nail. Seunghyun eyed her uneasily, slowly backing away, as if she were about to attack the leader from across the table. Yoonju sighed, shaking her head.

 

“You’ve got cigarettes?! Oh my god! You’ve got cigarettes!” Versace shrieked shrilly, repeating the same phrase over and over. “Oh my god, can I have one?!”

 

“Don’t give her any! She’s meant to be quitting!” Yoonju interjected wearily. Seunghyun looked from girl to girl, confused. Jiyong mentally willed Versace to leave him the hell alone and shut the up already, but it was too late.

 

“Please! Please, give me one! Puh-lea-suh!” Versace zipped over towards Jiyong faster than a Seoul taxi. She fiercely pursed her fish-like lips in some sort of deformed, incredibly disturbing appeal. Jiyong only felt more violated by the second.

 

“Like, don’t do it, Jiyong-ssi. She’s so silly.” Eunah pitched in, adding a giggle before returning her devout attention to Seungri, deep in conversation once more. Jiyong suddenly noticed Seunghyun and Yoonju had already returned to their own conversation, happily chatting away and exchanging numbers now that they no longer had filler-zilla interrupting. Why the weren’t any of them helping him out?! How did they not see that he-that this-was not okay?!

 

“Please, Jiyongie!” Versace whined like a puppy. Jiyong immediately cringed at the impromptu and not to mention inappropriate nickname.

 

“Er. Your friends said no.” Jiyong deadpanned, not missing a beat. He took a drag from his cigarette and accidently-on-purpose blew the smoke in her over-touched face.   

 

“Pleeeeaaassseee!!!!” Versace dared to venture further forward, almost entering Jiyong’s personal bubble. Jiyong shrunk back, staring blankly back at Versace. He didn’t know what the he’d do if she took even half a step closer towards him.

 

“Um…I think we have to get going now…” Seunghyun murmured apologetically to Yoonju. Surprisingly enough, he had actually noticed Jiyong was seconds away from getting by the chick with the seriously freaky face. And it was probably about time they got going, either way. Seunghyun lifted his chin towards Seungri, signalling their leave. Seungri nodded back once, standing up straight away.

 

“Can’t I get your number?” Eunah grinned hopefully at Seungri, tilting her head to the side so each strand of her over-bleached and then over-conditioned hair slithered off her shoulder like snakes.

 

“Well…” Seungri was torn. He nowhere near wanted to ever see this literal stereotypical dumb blonde in his whole entire lifetime. But, then again, he wasn’t sure if his pride would let him leave without forfeiting his number to a single girl at any time during the entire night.

 

“At least a hug?” The girl batted her heavily lined eyelids at the conflicted maknae, lifting her arms and leaning forward in anticipation. Before Seungri could even open his mouth to respond, Jiyong immediately snapped back to the younger’s side and answered for him.

 

“Back the hell off,” Jiyong bit out, raising his arm as a shield before the maknae’s body, blocking any form of contact. “He’s mine.” He snarled viciously, baring his laser-whitened teeth.

 

“Wow,” Eunah burst out laughing. She shielded a smile with her hand, but Jiyong could tell she was pissed off at his intervention, clearly having not bought the completely nauseating boy-on-boy act from earlier. “Touchy much? You’re ing crazy.” She muttered under her breath, her face frozen into a smile similar to that of Seungri and Jiyong just moments before.

 

Meanwhile, it was the complete opposite with the maknae. “Oh my god, Jiyong-hyung! You’re so possessive!” Seungri attempted to sound angry, but a blinding smirk swept across his whole face.

 

“Of course. Where the hell do you think these came from? They’re all from him, you know?” Jiyong flashed his marked neck at Eunah, smirking victoriously. “We’re going home, maknae. You’re mine, and don’t you forget it.” Jiyong growled. He even snapped his teeth for good measure. Seungri looked like he was ready to die. Be it from laughter or embarrassment, Jiyong couldn’t tell. Either way, it didn’t ing matter. They were finally getting the hell out of there.

 

At the other end of the table, the elder Seunghyun seemed to be having twice the trouble of warding off girls, since he wanted one – just not the other. And it wasn’t hard to guess which one.

 

“Give me your number! Give me your number!” Versace bleated, actually reaching out and grabbing towards Seunghyun’s phone. Seunghyun immediately stuffed the device into his pocket, smiling awkwardly.

 

“Er…I…” Seunghyun tried, desperately racking his brain for some excuse. Fortunately, Versace had been so pre-occupied with trying to bum a cigarette from Jiyong earlier, that she hadn’t noticed Seunghyun and Yoonju swap numbers. He and Yoonju had come to some sort of silent understanding not to mention their exchange to the now hysterical Versace, but Seunghyun didn’t know how much more harassment he could take, and was tempted to just blurt out his lack of interest in her.

 

“Come on! It’s just a number! Fun! Don’t be boring!” Versace continued, absolutely relentless. Seunghyun looked down towards the other end of the table to see Jiyong and Seungri staring at him curiously.

 

“Looks like things are getting dangerous. We should get going before anything bad can happen.” Jiyong mumbled, making his way towards Seunghyun. Seungri merely nodded in agreement, following in turn.

 

“Bye! Nice meeting you!” Eunah called out faux-cheerfully behind them, her smile more fake than Versace’s face.

 

“Bye!” Seungri turned around to nod once at her and give a quick wave goodbye. However, the leader didn’t even bother responding, vocally or physically. He simply continued to determinedly stride forward, so he could collect his last group member and consequently get the out.

 

Jiyong and Seungri arrived just as the anxious look on Seunghyun’s face only worsened. “I…I can’t really…” The rapper protested, but Versace simply would not give up.

 

“You! Tell me his number!” She demanded, suddenly noticing the other members. Foreseeing her attack, Jiyong quickly dodged out of the way as it looked like Versace was about to make a grab for his jacket collar. He glared at the girl, now truly pissed off. Jiyong could do with forfeiting his dignity and pride for the evening, but his couture?

 

Not even in a million years.

 

“No.” Jiyong stated flatly. He tugged Seungri behind him, just in case she had any ideas of going after the much less cold maknae instead.

 

“Alright, okay, I’ll give you my number if you just let us go!” Seunghyun had finally snapped, suddenly aware of the fact that she could potentially follow them back home if they didn’t ditch her soon. Jiyong widened his eyes and mouth in shock, communicating his obvious objection to the elder putting the potential stalker on any trail in the slightest.

 

However, Jiyong found himself relaxing half a second later and shutting his mouth as he heard the smarter-than-he-seemed eldest rattling off a list of random numbers. Thankfully, Yoonju also remained silent and did not mention the inconsistency of a different number being handed out to her friend.
 

“Oh my god, I got T.O.P’s number! I’m not giving this to anyone else! It’s all mine!” Versace squealed at a pitch only audible to dolphins. Seunghyun began backing towards the exit, Jiyong and Seungri already halfway down the stairs.

 

“Yeah, really, that’s great, okay, bye!” Seunghyun yelled, before making like Michael Jackson and beating it down the stairs and through the back exit. Unfortunately, the eldest found his lack of time spent in the gym was really proving unhandy, as he heard the tapping of heels on the stairs coming after him, real close.

 

“Wait for me!” Seunghyun heard Versace’s incredibly distinct voice wail.

 

“Jesus ing Christ, this is seriously not okay,” Jiyong hissed under his breath as the trio ducked inside an alleyway between two bars. “The , Seunghyun?! Why’d you have to go and get picked up by a sasaeng?”

 

“Oh my god, Versace! Don’t chase after them!” Eunah’s high-pitched laughter came from inside the club.

 

“Don’t tell me that one’s coming after us, too!” Seungri whimpered.

 

“Yoonju’s so hot, though,” Seunghyun mused, a dreamy, self-satisfied grin taking over his face.

 

“I know. ing stole my kill,” Seungri grumbled. He kicked at the ground, clearly still not over his lack of action for the night.

 

“We’re going to actually get killed if we don’t move our arses, retards!” Jiyong pointed out, having only stopped to re-lace his platform high-tops. “Come on, ing move it!”

 

It was only after they’d paced it through several backstreets and hurled themselves inside a taxi that Seungri decided to bring up a very important point.

 

“How come I’m the only one who hasn’t got any on speed-dial right now?” Seungri whined. “Jiyong-hyung has the star and Seunghyun-hyung has the hot chick from tonight, what the hell?!”

 

Jiyong’s eyes widened in the dark backseat of the taxi, the leader immediately insta-raged. “She’s not a god damn ing-“

 

“It’s what you get for going solo!” Seunghyun boomed, suddenly exploding in laughter. “Karma for abandoning your hyungs, maknae!”

 

Seungri blinked, stunned. “B-B-But, you and Jiyong-hyung are gonna be-“

 

“Exactly! We’re sticking together!” Seunghyun chortled, clearly warming to his idea. “The sub-unit that plays together? Gets laid together. Tough luck, maknae! You’re all alone on this one, literally!” Seunghyun giggled, his face red from laughter and overconsumption of alcohol. Must have been all that earlier champagne, Seungri triumphantly noted. He knew it had been a good idea to skip the booze for once. Well, at least not in such large quantities.

 

“For ’s sakes, we’re not doing a foursome as one of our concepts. Get it together, Seunghyun.” Jiyong groaned, his face looking appropriately disgusted. Seungri wasn’t sure, but it may have been due to Seunghyun’s mention of future ual activities of which apparently included the leader, or quite possibly the taxi breaking sharp turns, accompanied by all the alcohol rolling about in Jiyong’s stomach

 

“Jiyong-hyung?” Seungri uneasily began. “You don’t look so-“

 

It could have also potentially been a combination of all three, as Jiyong leaned over and yawned a technicolour rainbow of champagne and raw fish into Seungri’s lap.