“Kakusei.”

 

Seungri spat out his drink, his faze frozen. “No way.”

 

Jiyong scowled, annoyed. “What,” He asked, glaring daggers at the maknae. If it turned to be that ‘Kakusei’ just so happened to be the very same name as one of Seungri’s own conquests in Japan, Jiyong swore to god he would end everyone right there.

 

“Hyung, are you sure?” Seungri tried to hide his smirk in his bottle of beer, but Jiyong could still see enough of his smile to want to slap it off his face like a fly.

 

“Yes, I am most definitely sure. Why?” Jiyong gritted, getting all the more agitated at the increasing tension.

 

“That means arousal. Literally.” Seungri snickered, and Seunghyun immediately joined him upon hearing this enlightening revelation. The two Seungwhores continued laughing their arses off, barely noticing the deathly look on Jiyong’s face. “Is she a star or something, hyung? I never thought you’d go for that type! Are we gonna see you in some totally awesome movies soon? ‘The Dragon and the Arousal!’ I can’t wait!”

 

“Maybe he’ll win an award for it, too,” Seunghyun couldn’t help but crack. Seungri practically rolled out of his seat laughing.

 

Jiyong was pissed; that surely couldn’t be right. But he was certain that was the name she had given him, and maknae’s Japanese translations were always 100% correct and fail-proof. It was admittedly slightly jarring. But Jiyong was more relieved at the fact that it hadn’t turned out there had been some kind of dating overlap between him and Seungri. Being eskimo brothers with Big Bang’s maknae was definitely not a title anybody wanted to claim. It was awkward and not to mention extremely degrading, to merely think of having potentially gone for somebody on Seungreasy’s level. Jiyong sighed, shaking his head as he eyed the youngest with somewhat pity. He doubted Seungri would be less than pleased with sharing that title, either.

 

“Quiet down, you peasants.” Jiyong yawned, refusing to let the duo get to him. “You’re just bitter because you haven’t got a pre-planned hook up on speed dial who worships your in for when we next promote in Japan.” Jiyong raised his eyebrows at the two Seunghyuns, daring them to challenge him.

 

“Seriously, the Japanese are so ing ,” Jiyong continued languidly. He began to unwind the thick cashmere scarf strangling his neck. “I get why you like them so much, maknae. She took ing chunks out of me,” He gestured to the burgundy-purple marks splotched all over his neck on both sides.

 

Seunghyun couldn’t help but stare, simultaneously disgusted and impressed. “She’s like a lion, huh?”

 

“Tiger in the sack,” Jiyong gloated with a matching grin as he re-wrapped the scarf around his neck. “Zero facades. She acts like I’m the only man left on earth. It’s amazing.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Seungri harrumphed, jealous and bored already.

 

“I’m surprised you’re even telling us about her, Jiyong,” Seunghyun remarked evenly. “I thought you usually left this kind of thing to secret swap with Youngbae about.” The eldest finally put his glass down, but his eyes twinkled in amusement, a sure-fire warning of further mischief to come. “I’m so flattered you finally consider us Seunghyuns worthy enough to be informed of this information-”

 

“Thought I might as well finally rub it in our little maknae’s face about topping him in his speciality with the ladies.” Jiyong smirked, only to be immediately met with a charged gaze from Seungri. The two scowled at each other, a staring competition instantly ensued.

 

“-but you’re probably going to meet someone new next week, let’s not lie.” Seunghyun chuckled knowingly.

 

“Huh?” Jiyong’s head snapped towards the older Seunghyun, the staring competition already over. “What? Oh,” He, too, chuckled upon realising the context of his hyung’s statement. “Yeah, I know, right? So true. But she’s nice to have for now. My catch of the day, you know?” He grinned cheekily.

 

“Whatever,” Seungri sniffed, miffed that he hadn’t scored in, well, forever. In or out of the country. Anywhere. “Don’t tell me you’ve got a girl too, Seunghyun-hyung.” He pouted, seconds away from getting wasted and going home with the next Barbie doll to walk by their table, or at least attempting to.

 

“No,” Seunghyun admitted freely. “But, speaking of girls…” He lowered his voice and directed his gaze towards a trio of women determinedly nearing the members’ table.

 

Jiyong couldn’t help but wince. Club hostesses? Seriously? They were practically es. Take them outside onto the sidewalk and they were no different from street walkers. Nevertheless, the dragon leader found himself eyeing the ladies with an ever critical eye. They were admittedly more Seunghyun’s type; highly attractive, elegant and dressed more classily than any of the other girls in the place. But the face on the one in the middle looked like it had been beyond botched by a surgeon, and she was looking directly at Jiyong!

 

As in all times of extreme crisis and high stress, Jiyong found himself automatically teaming up with Seungri in preparation for whatever storm they were about to brace. He leaned over towards the younger, immediately forgetting their earlier spat and making up for it in ‘Tom and Jerry’ loyalty. “Are we sure Seunghyun’s drunk enough for this?”

 

“I…I don’t know…I never took Seunghyun-hyung to be the type to go for a hooker, no matter how sophisticated and shaved she seems like she’ll be down there.” Seungri mumbled, tugging at his shirt collar in obvious discomfort. 

 

Jiyong frowned in surprise. “You mean you don’t want in on this? I have no problem awkwardly holding out on the third girl if you guys want to score with them. Since I’m taken, technically.” Jiyong shrugged, as though he’d already forgotten, although his neck was aching like hell.

 

“I’m the one used to being paid for pleasure, not the other way round.” Seungri whimpered, grimacing. Jiyong rolled his eyes and smacked the younger on the shoulder, earning an aggravated yelp from the maknae, accompanied by a wounded puppy pout.

 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear that. Just grin and bear it for Seunghyun’s sake. We’re finally watching him get in on the action for once.” Jiyong hissed, elbowing Seungri in the ribs.

 

“Whatever,” Seungri huffed, but then promptly and obediently scooted towards Seunghyun further up the banquette.

 

“Which one do you want, hyung?” The youngest hushedly inquired just as the trio had almost reached their table.

 

“Left,” Seunghyun immediately replied, his piercing eyes never leaving the girl’s face.

 

“Damn it,” Seungri cursed, apparently having inwardly called dibs, despite his earlier denial. “Fine. I’m taking the blonde.”

 

And that left Jiyong with…”!” Jiyong seethed under his breath upon realisation that he’d been automatically paired with the plastic surgery princess gone wrong. However, he’d had to quickly gulp down his confusion and plaster a photo-ready smile on his face as the ladies finally approached the table.

 

Fortunately enough, the girl in question appeared much more intent on getting her talons into Seunghyun. The boldest and therefore apparent leader of the three, she stepped forward and immediately greeted the three Big Bang members.

 

“Hi there,” She cooed, taking her sweet time eyeing up G-Dragon, Seungri and Mr. T.O.P of the Big Bang, now that she was actually all nice and up close to them in-person. “My friends and I noticed you three gentlemen were looking particularly lonely tonight, and thought you could do with some company, since there’s three of you…and…three of us…”

 

‘We can count, thanks.’ Jiyong wanted to bite out, but swiftly thought better of it. All of a sudden, the blonde to the right burst out in peals of laughter. She clutched the arm of filler-zilla, as though she were dying and couldn’t stand.

 

“We’re so sorry!” She gasped dramatically, widening her eyes so much that they looked like they were about to fall out. “We tried to stop her, but, well, she insisted on coming to see you guys! Please forgive us!” She pouted, as though she truly were deeply sorry. But she didn’t look like she had any intentions of leaving anytime soon, and they all knew it.

 

“It’s no problem, ladies,” Seungri chuckled, his little-boy-lost image disappearing like water down the drain, immediately fronting his cool-strong-baby-manly-man façade in its place. Jiyong desperately tried not to spray his drink everywhere.

 

“I’m Eunah,” The blonde giggled and winked at Seungri, clearly having already selected her favourite of the three boys. “That’s Yoonju,” She angled her head towards the cool-headed brunette who seemed to be holding her own, as though greeting top Hallyu stars were nothing more than a daily occurrence. “And this is Versace.” Eunah grinned at her jet-black haired leader who had a face that appeared to have a for silicone, and was currently staring at Seunghyun like it was Christmas morning, and he was her stocking stuffer.

 

Jiyong tried to hold in his laughter. But he just couldn’t help himself, and he ended up snorting into his drink, coughing all over the place. Seungri helpfully clapped him on the back as Jiyong wheezed for air, barely breathing.

 

Versace? As in the designer that is now forever ruined to me from now on thanks to the image of your overly altered face forever seared into my brain because of your stupid name?! Jiyong barely kept himself from yelling out.

 

“Hey. You don’t mind if we sit here, right?” The brunette, Yoonju, finally ventured, speaking for the first time. She fluttered her feathery lashes at Seunghyun, and that was it. Instant game over. Instead of impregnating women with his own gaze, the power rapper found himself under the spell of a siren’s sultry stare for once in his life.

 

It probably helped that he was wasted beyond relief.

 

“Of-Of course not!” Seunghyun exclaimed, stuttering slightly in all his excitement. His face was all flushed, too, Jiyong noted darkly. Things were not going to be pretty the next morning when Seunghyun had woken up and met the aftermath of the previous night, along with a seriously ugly hangover.

 

All three boys shuffled along the seating to make room for their newly acquainted companions at the edge of the table. However, it was in vain as each of the three girls had also appointed their targets of the night, and were intent on sitting next to them respectively. Jiyong tutted under his breath as Yoonju practically flew over the leader’s lap to meet Seunghyun, who sat at the head of the banquette. Eunah, the giggling blonde, subtly slid over Seungri’s lap so she was boxed in with him, also next to Seunghyun. And that meant Jiyong was, yet again, faced all alone with…

 

Making sure to avoid any eye contact from the poorly-named and poorly-faced plastic princess, Jiyong zipped over right to the open seat on the other side of Seungri, leaning in towards him and Eunah, pretending to be intensely immersed in whatever the hell was coming out of her seriously overglossed mouth. However, he couldn’t help but feel a burning sensation searing across his face. Jiyong looked up to see Versace herself glaring menacingly at him across the table.

 

Jiyong sighed. He’d actually been a tad pissed off at Kakusei for marking him last night, especially since she had explicitly stated that it was for “staking ownership” and to “make sure all the girls back off because you’re mine”. And without his permission, at that (although he’d kind of been a bit too drunk to realise what the was going on or what the heavily accented words coming out of were). Jiyong liked to think that he didn’t belong to anyone, nor did he owe them jack. But, as it turned out, Kakusei’s evident possessiveness was becoming ever so useful, and no less than 24 hours later.

 

Incredibly casually, Jiyong found himself reaching up for the scarf yet again. Not bothering to unbind it like earlier in case it sent some kind of seriously mistaken striptease signal to Versace, Jiyong simply tugged the soft fabric from his neck, letting it fall onto his lap. Upon sight of the strawberry-like bruises sprinkled all over the man’s neck, Versace immediately diminished her glare and scampered up the banquette towards Seunghyun, turning tail.

 

Jiyong smirked, satisfied with her expectedly feeble response. He turned towards Seungri, vaguely wondering to himself whether or not it would be mildly entertaining to steal the maknae’s first catch in an incredibly long time, only to see that his youngest member appeared to be having an even worse time than the leader, if that was even possible.

 

“…And, like, there’s a line between y and ty, you know? So, like, the line for y is, like…here. And ty is here. And I’m, like, here.” Eunah gestured with her palms, pointing at an imaginary line somewhat dangerously close to the ‘ty’ line in reference to herself. “Cus, like, I know I’m hot, you know? There’s, like, no denying it. I can’t help it if people hate me for it. Cus, like, I’m y, but, like, I’m so not a . I’m just perfect, you know? And people hate that. It must, like, really for them. I, like, can’t blame them, though. It must be unfair for them, that, like, God made me so hot, and they’re just sad, ugly people.”

 

Jiyong coughed back a laugh, almost letting out a snort. If he was perfectly honest, the girl was like the actual personification of the maknae’s idol image (Jiyong knew that, deep down, that brat wasn’t really all that pompous. Maybe only 99.99% obsessed with himself in actuality). What Jiyong also knew was the fact that it was probably turning Seungri off like hell, his ometer most likely dropping lower and lower with each and every brainless word that left Eunah’s mouth.

 

“Mm. Yeah. .” Seungri smiled tightly, his voice verging on monotonous. Jiyong could just see the words ‘Can’t we talk about something else? Can’t you talk about anything else?!’ flashing through the younger’s head.

 

Eunah pouted, nodding her head vigorously. “I know, right? I’m, like, so glad I’m me. I love being me. So much. I really feel for the ugly people. It must be so bad-“

 

“Do you want to know what’s not bad?” Jiyong jumped in. Seungri looked up at him in a mixture of bewilderment, and then immediate fear. He glared at the leader, silently warning him that no matter how deathly bored he currently was, if Jiyong revealed anything embarrassing, Seungri would too. The next time they were on national television, and the whole world would have the leader’s worst secrets on playback.

 

Jiyong grinned back, his lips in anticipation. He figured he at least owed Seungri to get him in good with this chick even if right now he didn’t feel like getting any, never mind actually ing evolving the conversation topic onto something that wasn’t about the damn girl’s appearance.

 

“Seungri’s Japanese,” Jiyong announced, beaming like a proud mother hen at the bilingual maknae. Seungri blinked, stunned. Meanwhile, Eunah gasped in delight, bringing a hand to her grease-slicked mouth. With the amount of DuWop Lip Venom dripping off her lips, Jiyong wouldn’t be surprised if her hand got glued there.

 

Unfortunately, it didn’t. “You can speak Japanese?” Eunah repeated like a seriously slow parrot. She clapped her hands together like a baby seal, radiating sunlight wattage with her smile at Seungri. Jiyong winced. Her evident lack of any brain cells whatsoever was more painful to withstand than sunburn.

 

“I can, too,” Jiyong interrupted. Seungri frowned so fast he almost went cross-eyed. Just what the was going on? Was Jiyong trying to help him or harm him? Bump him up or bury him alive? If the poor panda ever survived this pandemic, he swore he was going to go through Jiyong’s wardrobe and tear up his favourite pair of Saint Laurent leather pants.

 

“You wanna hear us?” Jiyong suggested. Eunah opened her overly shiny mouth to respond, but Jiyong began conversing with Seungri straight away, albeit in his typical halting, hesitant Japanese.

 

---

 

What happens in Gangnam, stays in Gangnam, es. Let's hope Jiyong doesn't ultimately embarrass himself in his incredibly limited Japanese. I assure you, whatever the he says in the next chapter will be incredibly basic. asbasicaashimayo