They had everything.

From the time they met to the time of their debut, and even long after that, they were always together like peanut butter and jelly. The fans loved the idea of them being inseparable, and Sehun loved it too. They were marked as the “main couple of EXO”, the “cutest couple of EXO”, and they were so real that whoever started liking their band heard “HunHan” first before they heard “Baekyeol”, “Kaisoo”, or “Taoris”. Once, the both of them (once again together the moment EXO reunited) searched up their names separately, and the related searches would pop up with the other’s name. Even Google couldn’t separate them.

2012 passed with Sehun feeling incomplete without EXO-M (without Lu Han), and 2013 came with the good news that EXO would be promoting as a whole. His heart had soared at the news, and in the midst of his joy he had been convinced to dye his hair rainbow.

This is for you, Lu-hyung. Sehun had thought to himself when he sat down on the stylist’s seat and waited anxiously for his turn. By the time he was finished, Sehun had smiled, because this thing on the top of his head was the symbol of their reunion. He would finally be with Lu Han every day and night, and never again would he lie in bed thinking about his beloved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But of course, things didn’t turn out the way he wanted it to. Fate doesn’t do favours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was during their Wolf promotions that Sehun began to realise that he wasn’t Lu Han’s best friend like Lu Han was his. It was that time that he realised that during their parting in 2012, Lu Han had grown much, much closer to the other members of EXO-M while Sehun had spent that time praying he could see Lu Han’s smile. It was during that time that he realised Minseok had wormed himself in Lu Han’s heart and is now a big part of Lu Han’s life.

At first, he was okay with it (he wasn’t actually, but rather he figured he should tolerate it) and during their OT12 promotions, EXO-M and EXO-K began to mix. Kris stayed particularly close to Junmyeon and Chanyeol, Jongdae messed around with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, and Yi Xing began practising his dance moves more with Jongin. Lu Han and Minseok were glued to the hip, so that left him with Tao.

When he saw Tao slither over to him on one particular day off, that was when Sehun realised he was lonely, as lonely as Tao (whom he had secretly called ‘loner’ in his mind). Tao missed Kris terribly and Sehun missed (still misses) Lu Han. They had something in common, and maybe that was why they were attracted to each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tao heals his loneliness and their experiences together are a whole new different level. Sehun loves Tao’s scent, and he finds Tao’s childishness and insecurities inscrutably adorable. He can pick out every single flaw Tao has only because Tao isn’t afraid to show the world who he is. Tao wears his heart on his sleeve for everyone to see, steal or hurt, and Sehun loves that. He loves how Tao shows his weaknesses and reveals his tears, and Sehun admires that. He finds that he loves everything about Tao. However, despite Tao being able to fix the holes in him that Lu Han had created and heal his wounds that Lu Han had inflicted, Sehun still feels incomplete.

There is also no mistaking that whenever Lu Han puts his arms around Minseok, Sehun wants to break something so badly he’s afraid of himself.

He tolerates it for the first few months (and only because Tao distracts him perfectly), but after the start of Growl promotions, he cracks.

“Hyung,” he starts, when Minseok is out shopping with Jongdae and Lu Han’s alone in his room. “We don’t talk anymore.”

Lu Han blinks innocently with those beautiful sparkling eyes, and Sehun misses looking in them.

“Don’t we?” Lu Han asks, and that breaks Sehun’s heart because he had at least expected Lu Han to notice what was happening between them – or lack thereof. He clenches his fists and tries to hide his hurt feelings.

“I … Uh, never mind …” He turns and begins to walk out, pushing back the frustrated tears in his eyes, but a hand grabs his arm and stops him. Sehun twists his head around and sees the smile that he’s fallen in love with for so long.

“Only messing with you.” Despite looking dainty and feminine, Lu Han has enough strength to pull Sehun until they’re sitting facing each other. Sehun feels uncomfortable because Lu Han had looked genuinely clueless earlier, and he sits there saying nothing.

“It’s just that …” Lu Han reaches over and wraps his finger over the cup – Sehun winces, because it’s coffee, a XiuHan thing – before putting it to his lips for a sip. “Sehun, you’re growing, and I thought it was about time you reached towards other people instead of me.”

“But I’m already close with everyone!” Sehun argues, “We’re supposed to be inseparable, hyung, and now you won’t even utter two words to me before rushing off to find Minseok-hyung! You’re forgetting me, and we used to be close friends predebut, remember?” Sehun’s burning. Lu Han chuckles.

“Jealous now, are we?” He takes another sip (and oh, Sehun wants to snatch the cup away so badly). “This is exactly what I mean, Sehunnie. Other members are yearning for your affection, your attention, so you should at least give them a try.” The tone in Lu Han’s voice is enough.

“Fine.” Sehun grits his teeth and gets up, fists still clenched tightly, and he excuses himself hastily. When Lu Han’s sure he’s gone, he lets out a sigh of relief and drains his coffee down into the bin. He doesn’t feel like it anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following months don’t improve. It’s still the same, except Baekhyun’s getting closer to Yi Xing and Kris is gaining a soft spot for Kyungsoo. Chanyeol’s getting more affectionate towards Jongin and Jongdae and Junmyeon have been spending more time together. Sehun gets closer to Tao, and he finds that he’s never met anyone like him before. Tao’s different. Tao’s special.

Then again, so is Lu Han.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun clenches his fists and purses his lips together as he restrains himself. Everyone else is waving to the ocean of fans that are screaming their names in the airport, but Sehun can’t bring himself to look up.

He sees the words ‘XIUHAN’ almost everywhere even though he knows the fans know it’s an inappropriate thing to do, and when he turns to glance at Lu Han, he finds Lu Han’s arm wrapped protectively around Minseok’s shoulders, sees Lu Han pull him closer until their faces are touching. Sehun notices the smile on Lu Han’s face, so wide and genuine, and observes those cheeks flush pink with pride at the fans’ banners.

Sehun looks back down.

 

 

 

 

Kris, the one responsible for surfing the internet to keep track of the fans’ activity, tells everyone of what the fans have been up to.

“Gather around,” he announces on a Saturday night, and all of them snuggle together around the living room on Fan Talk Night. Once again, Minseok and Lu Han are together, and Tao and Sehun are together. Everyone else varies and changes their groups.

“They’re calling Jongdae the troll king, still.” Kris begins his speech. “Baekhyun’s Kkaeb Song is everywhere it’s not even funny…” in which Baekhyun replies with a loud and triumphant “Kkaeb Song~”

“They’re officially putting the label “Kai’s fan” on Chanyeol. Yi Xing’s rising up in terms of popularity and everyone’s calling him the ‘one on drugs’ because of his dreamy face half of the time in Showtime, and they’re calling Kyungsoo ‘Satan’.” Everyone laughs and Kyungsoo looks mockingly murderous.

“Taohun is a rising ship, guys!” Kris shouts, and everyone whoops, Tao and Sehun the ones that are especially loud.

“Junmyeon’s still regarded as the leader that no one listens to…” Junmyeon splutters and everyone roars with laughter.

“What about you, Kris hyung?” Jongdae pipes up mischievously, an evil glint in his eyes, and Kris looks like he’s about to hit him.

“… Uh … They still make fun of me …” He mumbles eventually, and they all laugh once more, then start reliving his moments from Showtime. Chanyeol and Baekhyun start blabbing “It’s not my style,” and act out random scenes of Kris, whereas Junmyeon and Jongdae start playing out the scene with the drinking of water at a restaurant. Jongin whispers something about chicken but the clowns of EXO are too loud so it drowns out his voice, but Kyungsoo pats him in the back and reassures him that he heard.

“Enough!” Kris booms, and after the millionth time of repeating, they all eventually quieten down. “Anyway … Drumroll please …” They all comply, each of them trying to be the loudest. After a while, Kris holds his hand up again and they all stop.

“XIUHAN IS OFFICIALLY MORE POPULAR THAN HUNHAN!” Kris screams, and everyone breaks into an uproar, everyone except Sehun, Lu Han and Minseok. Lu Han lifts up his arm and balls his fist in a victorious gesture while putting his other around Minseok, who’s smiling calmly like the hyung of EXO he is. Everyone except the three of them stand up and start dancing victory dances.

“Many HunHan fans have converted, which is probably the main reason why. Congratulations, Minseok-hyung.” Kris continues, but everyone’s too excited to listen.

“You bet the most popular and longest lasting ship, hyung!” Jongdae yells as he begins to shake Minseok’s shoulders.

“But it’s not fair.” Baekhyun pipes up. “How come Lu Han hyung gets to be in two of the current most popular ships? T T”

“Shut up, Baekhyun.” Junmyeon interrupts. “Baekyeol’s pretty popular too. None of my ships are that popular.”

Immediately Baekhyun feels better, and he leaves to find Chanyeol.

Everyone’s loud that night, because the news has been more interesting, but Sehun is utterly speechless.

Even in the boisterous atmosphere of everyone celebrating and hearing Lu Han’s laugh, Sehun can also hear his heart breaking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe Sehun doesn’t want it to happen. Maybe Sehun hasn’t gotten hold of the fact that Xiuhan is more real than Hunhan is.

Because he wants to make up to Lu Han. He wants them to be together again. On Sehun’s birthday, during the night when the others have decided to watch a family movie after celebrating Sehun’s day, he decides to go upstairs, where he’s sure Lu Han is, and he has two bubble teas in his hand, the classic old move to try and get Lu Han by his side again.

He’s about to knock on the door, but he can’t, because he realises that he has no hands to do so. Instead, he walks a little further, where the windows are, and realises that the windows are mostly covered in curtains – since when did Lu Han do that? Isn’t he scared of the dark while sleeping at night? Sehun sees a hole and he peeks in, trying to get Lu Han to open the door for him.

What he sees before him is something he doesn’t want to see ever again.

Lu Han’s hand is on top of Minseok’s as they sit next to each other on Lu Han’s bed. He never lets anyone sit on his bed. Their hands are touching in a shy manner and they lean towards each other with closed eyes.

Sehun can’t watch anymore.

From that day on, Sehun doesn’t try anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peanut butter and jelly might be delicious, but all trends have to die down, right?

Nowadays everyone pairs peanut butter with such spreads such as Nutella and normal butter, and the trends are beginning to change. It’s a time period where people are trying to try out new things, and eventually peanut butter and jelly are forgotten.

Peanut butter might be becoming more popular with other spreads, but jelly remains by itself. Dull, and unbearably lonely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Years pass, and this is the start of the end for EXO.

A lot of things have changed since then, but his relationship with Tao is still pretty much the same. Sehun’s love for Lu Han is as active as the first time he realised he was in love with his hyung. Friendships have also changed since then, but Xiumin and Lu Han stay together as if they are meant to be.

And Sehun realises with fear in his heart that maybe it is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyung?” Sehun whispers one night when Minseok and Junmyeon are out drinking, Kris and Yi Xing go out for a walk at night, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are messing around in their room, Jongdae and Jongin are playing games, and Kyungsoo and Tao are cooking. Lu Han looks up from a manga he’s reading (a manga that Minseok had recommended, Sehun thinks with resentment in his heart), and gives him the same smile as he did over eight years ago when they first met.

“Oh yeah. We haven’t talked in ages, have we?” Lu Han closes his book and sets it down, then gestures for Sehun to sit opposite him, like that day so many years ago. Sehun complies, and when he sits down, he realises the burden he’s carrying, and weighs the possibility of the increase once he’s through with Lu Han.

Yes, he plans on confessing today.

He opens his mouth, and he sees Lu Han’s eyes on his lips, but before he can speak, the older interrupts him.

“You know, if I can describe what you guys are to me in terms of the everyday objects, Yi Xing would be a star, something I can look forward to each night before I go sleep, something that can comfort me.” Sehun stays quiet, and his heart’s beating so fast because he just realised what he was about to do.

“Kris would be the galaxy to me, mostly because he’s so obsessed with them, but also because he makes me realise that there isn’t all there is to this world. Life is so much bigger than myself, than EXO, and even bigger than the earth.”

Sehun realises that Lu Han’s spoken to him more right now than he has all year, and he’s talking about someone else. His heart aches.

“Jongdae would be the water, because he’s got so many different sides to him. Sometimes he can be gentle and quiet, and kind, but other times he would be a storm, and he would kill you in a moment with that voice of his or with one of his stupid but clever pranks.”

They all mean so much to him. Sehun realises, and he hopes he can be something important too, something dramatic; something big. Like oxygen.

“Tao would be my tears, because every time I see him, just like every time my tears fall out, he’s genuine and true. He can’t fake anything, and he won’t fake anything, just like when I cry – because I can’t fake cry to save my life.”

Sehun smiles a little at that, because it’s true – Tao is so genuine, so unafraid, and even after all these years, that part of him hasn’t changed.

“Jongin would be the stage. Offstage, both of us work our butts off, especially him, and that’s a side no one really sees, because all they focus on is when he’s onstage. And when he’s onstage, he kills it, and he makes sure that everyone who sees that part of him, the part of him that he shows, will remember him.”

By then, Sehun is so interested that he doesn’t realise Lu Han skipping Minseok.

“Junmyeon is like my sweat, and as gross and stupid as it sounds, it’s really important to me. My sweat makes me realise how hard I’ve worked and shows my love for my work. Junmyeon, despite sometimes all of us not appreciating and realising what he is to us, does things for us without a word, and I really respect that. We should appreciate him more.”

Sehun feels guilty, because there were countless times when he had absolutely ignored Junmyeon’s asks for help.

“Kyungsoo is like the earth. He’s quiet and he’s always getting trampled over, outshined by other members, but not without showing you how much you need him as a support, just need him to be there to the whole world how weird EXO really is.”

Sehun remembers the time when fans had called Kyungsoo ‘Satan’.

“Baekhyun’s like my phone. Sociable and fun to be around, sometimes annoyingly talkative, but definitely something I can’t live without.”

Lu Han’s speaking with certainty for all the members, as if he’s memorised all this by heart. And maybe he doesn’t need to, because it’s already stored in his heart.

“Chanyeol’s like the cup to my coffee – ” Sehun winces. “because he supports all of us with his smile and his eagerness to please the fans. Whenever we’re feeling down, he covers it up by smiling that huge smile of his even though he too is feeling sad. We wouldn’t be able to do without him, just like I wouldn’t be able to drink coffee without my cup.”

Sehun’s holding his breath now, because what comes next will either be him or Minseok, but nothing comes. Lu Han just sits there, looking not quite as young as he used to but those eyes still retaining that same spark that pulled Sehun towards him from the very first day.

“What … What about Minseok hyung?” Sehun asks eventually, and his voice trembles as he does so, because he doesn’t know what he’ll do, doesn’t know just what type of answer he can deal with. His heart’s beating so fast in his chest, so hard that he doesn’t know if he will hear the answer.

“Why, he’s my sun, of course.” Lu Han replies automatically, as if that’s as clear as day, and Sehun sinks back in his chair because he knows how Lu Han’s afraid of the dark.

“He’s my sun because he’s all around me most of the time if not all the time. I see him everywhere and it comforts me. He makes me feel at home, and he makes me feel safe. He’s an important part of my life, and I wouldn’t be able to live without him.”

Sehun deflates.

“What about me?” He whispers, and he immediately regrets it because nothing can compare to his description of Minseok. So genuine, so heartfelt that everything else would look like a failure.

And what he gets is even more disappointing than he had predicted.

“…I don’t know.” Lu Han replies, and Sehun feels so neglected, so forgotten, so unimportant that he stands up.

“I’m going to stay here until you come up with an answer.” Sehun demands, and only hours after his challenge, when his anger slows down does he realise how immature he must’ve sounded.

But even hours later, well into midnight, Lu Han’s still there, thinking and not moving a muscle. He should’ve just uttered anything, made up anything, and Sehun would’ve accepted it and left. But Lu Han didn’t. He seems like he’s genuinely into this, genuinely thinking up of just what Sehun is to him.

Sehun can’t bear sitting here, alone with Lu Han in a silent room, anymore.

“I feel like nowadays I’m the only one who’s still hoping for us to go back to the way we were.” Sehun begins blabbing. “These days, I feel like I’m the only one even trying in this relationship. Everything feels so one-sided now, like I’m the only one out of the both of us who still cares, and I want you to get back to me even after all this time. I’ve gotten closer to everyone, seriously, but I still want you. And now I feel like you’re the least closest to me out of all the other members.”

Lu Han stays silent, and he doesn’t move an inch, and Sehun’s wondering if Lu Han heard him at all.

“What happened to us?” Sehun murmurs as he waits, and Lu Han finally lets out a small sigh.

“Things happen. I don’t know. Things happen.” He whispers softly.

They stay like that for a few more whiles, screaming moments that can be drowned out if Sehun could just summon up his courage and pulled Lu Han towards him and confessed. But he doesn’t.

“Flicker …” Lu Han mutters under his breath after a long moment.

“What?”

“I know what you are to me, Sehun.” Lu Han looks up, and those glittering eyes look brighter than ever. “You’re a flicker of light in the dark. A spark.”

Sehun gapes.

“T-T-That’s it? After I’ve waited for so long?” Sehun stands up, and everything about his movements screams hurt.

“Wa – ” Lu Han begins, but Sehun’s not having any of it. He doesn’t want to hear any more disappointing words, and he doesn’t want to stay a moment longer in his horrid room.

“I can’t believe this.” He mumbles, and he walks out, slamming the door behind him, leaving behind harsh, awkward silences that surrounds Lu Han and engulfs him until he can’t breathe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time Sehun arrives at his and Tao’s room, Tao’s sitting there waiting for him. Sehun lets out a huge sigh and prepares to change, but then he feels Tao wraps his arms around his waist.
“Where were you?” He whispers into Sehun’s ear. He sighs in response.
“I was in Lu Han hyung’s room.” At that, Tao lets go of him immediately, and when Sehun turns around he sees hurt in Tao’s expression.
“Again?” There is anger in his tone. Sehun notices his clenched fists. “You said you stopped liking him years ago! Why are you still trying to get his attention?” Sehun opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again.
“I – ”
“Sehun, aren’t I enough?” Tao sounds so hurt, so abandoned, so lonely, and so like the him years ago when he was confronting Lu Han, and got rejected.
Sehun remembers how it felt.
“…I was being silly.” He sighs, and stretches his arms out until Tao falls into them. 
“Is Lu Han hyung still in your eyes after all these years?” Tao whimpers, and he refuses to look up at Sehun, to see what sort of expression Sehun holds in his eyes. “Am I always going to be your option?”
Sehun says nothing, and is glad he doesn’t need to because Tao continues talking.
“EXO is going to disband soon. I just know it. We’re going to go our separate ways, do different jobs, have different dreams, get different families, live different lives…We aren’t going to be one anymore.” When Tao says that, Sehun feels the weight of the truth dawning down on him, and suddenly he feels so reluctant. EXO was a family he had been in for so long. What would he do without it?
“I don’t want to part from anyone, but the least of all you. I know it’s impossible for all of us to continue to live together now that our job isn’t the same anymore … but the two of us can work, right?”
Tao gets up, and looks at him with those unique looking eyes, his expression in them filling with hope.
“What I’m asking, Sehun, is … Will you come live with me?”
Sehun’s staring back, and the moment he looks into Tao’s eyes, he sees their potential future. He sees them attempting to cook together, laughing when they both fail. He sees them reading together, watching movies together, sleeping in the same bed together, going to work together, cleaning the house together … He sees himself in bed next to Tao, watching the latter sleep, smiling because this is the future he had always dreamt of, and Tao is the one he had always wanted …
Then he sees Lu Han. Once again his heart aches, because this time he pictures Lu Han doing the same thing, but not with him. With Minseok.
And he realises he’s been chasing Lu Han for so long, chasing a lost hope, a broken dream, and not once has Lu Han looked back. Tao’s chasing him, but not once has Sehun paid attention. 
It’s about time he does.
“Sure.” He lets out a grin, and he sees Tao’s eyes well up in joyful tears before he hugs Sehun tightly. Sehun feels his feelings for Tao overwhelm more than his thoughts of Lu Han, and he thinks, Maybe living with Tao isn’t going to be so bad after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lu Han looks out the window, looks at the paper in front of him, then at the pen in his hand. Just then, Minseok walks in.
“EXO is disbanding. Can you believe it?” Minseok asks, but Lu Han knows Minseok had anticipated it for months with the way his tone is calm and unsurprised and not with a hint of bitter denial.
“Yeah.” Lu Han replies distantly.
“What are you going to do after this?”
“Maybe go as solo singer. Too old to be a soccer player.” Lu Han jokes, and continues playing with his pen.
“What are you doing?” Minseok comes over and looks curiously at the piece of paper.
“I’m thinking of renting an apartment somewhere, but I’m not sure where yet …”
“Near SM Entertainment?” Minseok shrugs. “Didn’t they ask you to continue the contract with them?” Lu Han continues to twist his pen in thought.
“Why not live with me?” Minseok suggests. “I’m still going to be part of SM, and we can go to work together and pay the rent together.”
“Nah.” Lu Han replies, and puts down his pen. “I gotta learn to stop relying on you, Minnie.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Maknae,” Baekhyun calls once they’re having their last proper dinner together as EXO. The moment is heavy, but at the same time casual, because they want to have their last moments together feeling happy and making the most of it. “What are you going to do after this?”
“Me?” Sehun finishes what’s in his mouth, does a roll of his neck, and replies. “Maybe modelling and some acting. I’m still in SM, so don’t worry kids, you’ll still see me.”
Everyone mock groans, and Sehun’s pouting at their responses, but Lu Han’s nodding quietly to himself as he finishes his last piece of chicken.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun remembers the first time they had met.
“Look, there’s a new trainee!”
“Wow, she’s really pretty.”
“It’s not a she, you idiot, can’t you see his chest? It’s completely flat!”
“But his face …”
“I heard he’s a Chinese trainee.”
“Better go say hi.”
Sehun was shy back then, a small fifteen year old who always hid behind every one else when trainers talked to him, let alone have the guts to speak to a new kid. 
He remembered Lu Han striding in, not a hint of arrogance in the air around him but not a hint of insecurity either. His smile was dazzling, and his sparkling eyes captivated Sehun.
Wow, Sehun had thought, if only I could be his friend.
Right then, Lu Han’s eyes had been scanning the room, and they fell on him.
He smiled.
“Hello. I’m a new trainee. My name is Lu Han.” He spoke perfect Korean, and Sehun wondered if he really was Chinese at all. Sehun had been too timid to say anything, and had instead nodded without a word.
“What’s your name?” Lu Han had asked, and seated himself next to him. “You’re very young.” Maybe Lu Han had known that it was hard for Sehun to make friends, because he continued talking until Sehun felt comfortable. There was also something about his eyes that made Sehun feel less afraid.
And on that day, Sehun made his very first trainee friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lu Han finishes his paperwork, and smiles proudly to himself.
He’s made sure that the apartment he’s renting would be easier for him, but also for Sehun. He’s decided to rent a room high up the building, because although he’s still afraid of heights, he knows Sehun will love the view. He just knows Sehun will be so happy with this apartment. 
Lu Han smiles, because he can almost imagine how he’ll live life with Sehun, and he can picture where everything is. The couch would be over there in the middle of the whole living room, and there’ll be only one couch because they can only afford one, and they could snuggle up close to one another. The TV would be in front of them, and they can watch action movies together.
The kitchen would be near the living room, where Lu Han can try to cook for Sehun and where Sehun would whine for food because he’s hungry and he’s too lazy to cook. On Saturday mornings they’ll be found under their blankets in their bedroom, snuggled close together because it’s a cold winter morning and they have no work. Sehun would be sleeping closer to the windows, because Lu Han’s still too afraid to go near it. Sehun would wrap his arms around Lu Han and block him from the view, because he knows just how afraid Lu Han is.
And there’s just so much more to that. Lu Han can imagine spending the rest of his life with Sehun. Maybe this is a sort of apology for neglecting him for the past few years, but Lu Han’s finally made his choice.
I know you’ve still been chasing me, Hun. Lu Han thinks to himself. I’ve confirmed it that night when you decided to come to me in my room. And I’ve just realised that maybe it’s time I looked back and took your hand. 

It’s time I realised I want to spend my life with you, not Minseok.

Satisfied, he walks out of the apartment and locks it, but voices in his air freeze him on the spot.
“Here! I want this apartment!” Lu Han turns and he sees Sehun. He would’ve smiled widely if Tao weren’t with him.
“Oh. Lu Hyung.” The both of them greet their hyung, and Lu Han does the same.
“Have you already bought this apartment?” Sehun asks. Lu Han decides to summon up his courage and ask and just pretend Tao’s not there.
“Yeah. I was thinking – ”
“Aw. I wanted that apartment.” Sehun sighs and reaches down to hold Tao’s hand. Lu Han freezes just as Tao smiles. “Let’s go find another house to live in.”
“Wait.” Lu Han stops them. “You’re living together?”
Tao and Sehun look back, and they both blush - for different reasons. 
“Yeah.” Tao replies. Lu Han’s heart shatters. 
“Oh…” Lu Han looks back down and clutches his keys so tightly that his knuckles turn white. He feels the sharpness of the keys dig into the palm of his hand but he doesn’t notice the pain because his vision’s spinning, he’s falling, and his heart’s disintegrating. 
“You-You wanted that apartment, right?” Lu Han asks, and Sehun nods dejectedly. Lu Han, even in the midst of his pain, notices Tao squeezing his hand. 
Maybe this is something Lu Han would regret for the rest of his life. Maybe it’s a bad idea that he’s destroying himself by supporting Sehun’s relationship with someone else, but at that time Lu Han’s not thinking of anything but wanting to see a smile on Sehun’s face.
He tosses the keys to Tao, who catches it swiftly with one free hand.
“Since you want it so much, you guys can have it. We’ll have to go through some paperwork though.” He lets out a smile that he hopes isn’t too bitter. Tao’s features light up and he squeals before turning to Sehun.
“This is great! Thanks, hyung, you’re the best!” Immediately he pulls Sehun along, and Lu Han props himself up against a wall as he lets them pass. He wants to cry, but he closes his eyes instead and holds it in, and doesn’t see the look of blatant concern all over Sehun’s expression as he reluctantly lets Tao pull him along.
Maybe this is punishment. Lu Han thinks to himself, and for the first time in his life he doesn’t want to think of the future – what it holds for him, and what it holds for the two maknaes that he’s come to love but for completely different reasons. This is Karma, isn’t it, Sehun?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Lu Han tossed the keys to Tao, Sehun hadn’t been watching anything but Lu Han. He had seen the pain twist beneath his hyung’s seemingly calm composure, and he can see the spark in those eyes flicker violently. Although it was subtle and almost undetectable, to him, it was as obvious as if the light had been switched on and off continuously in a room where he’s trying to read. 
He wants to open his mouth and ask Lu Han what’s wrong, because even after agreeing to Tao, even after trying so hard to get over him, Sehun still loved Lu Han, and still cared for him, and could still read him after all those years of practice.
Before he could, though, clueless Tao had pulled him away, and when he finally turned away, he had been left with a sense of dread and loss, as if he was going to lose something important, something precious; something that would change his life forever.
It bothered Sehun a lot, so much that he couldn’t focus on doing anything for the next few days because of the feeling settling in his stomach. What kept him up at nights for the next week, though, was Lu Han’s expression that matched the dreadful feeling of loss he’d been feeling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today is EXO’s farewell party. Baekhyun and Chanyeol had drunk themselves dry, Jongdae and Jongin have set off somewhere to pull pranks, and Kyungsoo is stuck between a tipsy Junmyeon and Kris. Minseok is helping a crying Yi Xing in a corner and Tao’s off somewhere alone again.
Sehun doesn’t feel like drinking, because he knows he might forget this moment, this last moment of all of them being together. He sees tears on everyone’s faces even though half of them are laughing their heads off, and he wants to cry too but he can’t seem to find the tears.
EXO is long gone for him. He’s cried himself dry for the past few months while the others had and called him a crybaby for doing that. Still, as he looks around, he realises that someone’s missing. 
Sehun walks everywhere all over the dorm, the dorm that he will have to leave the day after today, the dorm that might someday be replaced by a rookie group who would be making fans all over the world drop dead with their gorgeous smiles. He touches the walls as he walks, and finds Lu Han in his room surrounded by cans of beer, drinking by himself.
“What are you doing by yourself?” Sehun sighs as he takes the can out of Lu Han’s hands, who mumbles something and reaches for it. “You’re going to be sick.”
“It’s okay. Once in a while occasion, right?” Lu Han looks up at him with half lidded eyes, and Sehun wants to hold him so badly. He curses himself, because he knows it’s not right feeling like this when he already has Tao.
“It’s not worth getting sick for a week afterwards.” Sehun sighs again and lifts Lu Han up. “C’mon. Let’s take you to bed.”
“I dun wanna go t’bed …” Lu Han slurs, and starts hitting him half heartedly. “Leave m’alone …”
“Shut up, hyung. I don’t want you to puke all over me.” Sehun grunts as he attempts to pull a resisting Lu Han towards his bed. He’s heavier than Sehun thought he would be.
“I won’t see you again after this, will I? I won’t see anyone anymore after this, will I?” Lu Han mumbles, then tears begin to fall out of his eyes. Sehun rolls his eyes as he attempt to put Lu Han on the bed. 
“You will.” Sehun grits his teeth. “All of us are still going to be idols, so we’ll see each other often, right?”

“No …” Lu Han mutters, and continues to resist when Sehun tries to cover him with blankets. “You don’t understand … I’m stoooopid … We won’t see each other again … After this, I won’t see you guys again …”

“Come on, hyung.” Sehun sighs and stops for a while to catch his breath. He sees the way Lu Han’s sprawled out on the bed, and his expression looks so pained, as if he really does believe he knows what he’s saying. “Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean we won’t see each other anymore.” But Lu Han’s not listening anymore, and instead he’s directed his attention at something else, and when he turns back to Sehun, there’s a piece of paper in his hand. He s it towards Sehun and gestures for him to come closer, then places the paper in Sehun’s hands when he’s close enough.

“Read this note after you leave tomorrow, ‘kay?” Lu Han’s voice is husky and dangerously sober, and Sehun shivers at the thought of Lu Han’s delicious lips so close to his ear. He gulps and nods, then turns to look at those glittering eyes that look brighter today, the spark in them holding a sort of awareness that scares Sehun.

“Promise?” Lu Han asks, and childishly holds out his pinky. Sehun forgets all about the gaze that his hyung had given him and links his pinky through Lu Han’s. The moment their thumbs touch, Lu Han pulls Sehun closer with surprising strength on his pinky and their lips crash together.

Sehun’s eyes widen in shock and he’s too speechless to pull away. Or maybe he’s not, because his feelings for Lu Han are still standing strong. Not only that, but he feels as if Lu Han’s trying to tell him something, and the way Lu Han’s kissing him feels so much more real and deep and emotional than all the kisses he’s shared between other people. The way Lu Han kisses him makes him feel as if he’s the only one Lu Han sees, and no one else.

Maybe Sehun feels his broken dream piece together and come true and maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to pull away.

But eventually he realises what he’s doing (and how he might hurt Tao) and he pushes Lu Han away.

“What was that for?” Sehun demands, and he’s so embarrassed and dazed and ashamed (and happy) of himself that he doesn’t notice the hurt on Lu Han’s face flicker for a second before melting into one of framed cheekiness.

“It’s a goodbye kiss.” Lu Han replies lightly, his words laced with that drunken tone again as he looks up at Sehun with wide eyes and an innocent smile. “Hehe.”

Then Sehun explodes.

“So this is your sick game, huh?” Sehun stands up so abruptly that Lu Han flinches in shock. Sehun laughs a bitter laugh, which confuses the other. “You always wanted me to be your loyal dog, didn’t you?” Lu Han whimpers at Sehun’s hurtful gaze.

“That… S’not tr – ”

“You liked the idea of someone following you around, and you loved the idea that there’s always someone who loves you.” Sehun laughs again and Lu Han cowers. “But once you find out that I stopped chasing you, you decide you want to lure me back so I can be your little follower again, am I right?”

Sehun begins to leave, but Lu Han catches him with surprising precision.

“Hunhun …” He whines and tightens his grip on Sehun. “Stay with me. Don’t leave. It’s our last night.” For a moment Sehun stands there, stunned, because he hears something in Lu Han’s voice that stops him. Lu Han’s speaking as if they will never see each other again, as if this is the last chance they will get to talk together.

“Stay. Sleep wif me one rast time …” When Sehun turns, he sees the desire in Lu Han’s eyes. Desire for him. Maybe at that moment, Sehun would’ve complied, would’ve pulled Lu Han to him and forgot about their past mistakes and future responsibilities and present troubles, would’ve thought about nothing and no one else as long as Lu Han’s there with him. Because he loves Lu Han so much, and would sacrifice almost anything for him.

Everything except Tao. Because he loves Tao too.

The anger’s back, but this time, pity is added to his messed up feelings. He sees Lu Han looking so lonely, like a lost puppy that Sehun used to be, and even though he wants to extinguish that loneliness, he knows it’s not his job but Minseok’s.

“Stop toying with my feelings,” Sehun murmurs quietly, and Lu Han finds that this is even more frightening than a shouting Sehun. “I’m sick of being played by you. Go find a new toy.”

With that, he hurries out the door before Lu Han can seduce him again.

“Don’t leave…” If Sehun had stayed one second longer, he would’ve heard the dejected, sorrowful tone in Lu Han’s voice. Tears leak out of Lu Han’s eyes, and even though his brain is fried from the alcohol, he has enough awareness to know what’s happened.

“Don’t go … I lub you, Sehun, why din you stay … to hear that?” Lu Han sobs quietly to himself. “I lub you so buch …I’m an idiot … I’m sorry … I’m so, so sorry …”

Had anyone else been sober enough to listen, they would’ve heard a grown man crying softly because of a lost love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So this is it, huh …” Junmyeon says once everyone’s gathered in the living room for the last time the following evening. Sehun refuses to meet Lu Han’s eyes because otherwise he knows his feelings would come rushing back like a tidal wave and an unwanted memory and the pain would be unbearable. Instead, he loses himself in Tao, his touches, his laughs and his subtle kisses.

 

 

Despite having a huge headache, Lu Han remembers everything from last night. His heart aches, but he knows Sehun must be hurting more.

And that’s why he needs to make up to Sehun. To explain, to apologise, to confess.

Every time he tries to catch Sehun’s eye, however, Sehun looks away. Every time he tries to show public displays of affection towards the maknae, Sehun accepts it with a few words so no one else notices. Lu Han’s so frustrated by the end of the day, and it’s a blow to him every time he gets rejected, but he doesn’t give up.

Still, watching Sehun and Tao link fingers under the table, smile at each other, and share kisses when they think no one’s looking is like a thousand punches in the gut each time he catches them.

And each thousand punches, Lu Han feels his confidence ebb away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We are one! Saranghaja!” The twelve of them say it for the last time, and all of them begin to part ways before they start to cry. Many of them thank the managers and all those who had been there throughout their journey as EXO. The dorm is filled with people.

The stuff he’s packed in his luggage are all his experience as EXO’s maknae Sehun. Even the note Lu Han’s given him yesterday night is there, tucked at the very bottom when Sehun had been furious and had stuffed it there (only because he still has enough feelings for Lu Han not to throw it in the bin or burn it). He had been so angry, so hurt when he realised what Lu Han had done, and now he doesn’t want anything to do with it. Out of the corner of his eye, Sehun sees Minseok and Lu Han hug and once again, he feels that all-too-familiar jealousy eat at him from inside out. When he takes Tao’s hand and smiles at him as they prepare to walk away from their family of five years, Sehun narrowly misses Lu Han searching for him amongst the crowd.

“Sehun!” Lu Han calls once he sees Sehun’s familiar head.

“Lu Han hyung’s calling you …” Tao whispers beside him.

“Ignore.” Sehun replies. Tao looks concerned but also slightly relieved.

“Sehun!” By now, Lu Han’s realised Sehun’s purposely not responding. “Tao! I hope you and Sehun have success throughout your life and can live your life happily. All the best. Keep in touch. I’ll always reply.” In a way, that is Lu Han’s last method of getting Sehun’s attention but also to speak his heart through these rushed words. When Sehun doesn’t respond, doesn’t even act like he heard, Lu Han feels his eyes well up in tears.

And even though he threatens himself not to cry, even though he’s cried over Sehun so many times that his tears should’ve run dry, they come like a fresh, flowing river down his cheeks. And that is the last time he sees Sehun, blurred and unfocused, for more than a decade.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Years later

Sehun’s a successful model for many magazines and companies, and he’s glad there are still some EXO fans around willing to support him.

He had broken up with Tao a few months after they moved in together, mostly because it hasn’t worked out. They had been in too many fights, arguing over silly things like who should sleep on which side of the bed. Despite that, they parted ways and are still friends. Sehun’s kept in touch with everybody occasionally, all except Lu Han. Such that he’s almost forgotten who carries that name.

On a day off, he decides to clean his room for the first time in years. When he comes across his EXO stuff, he smiles widely and begins to feel nostalgic.

As he takes out each object from the bag, he remembers every memory attached, and can even remember what the members had said about the object. He remembers things from his fans, remembers the jokes associated with these things he holds in his hands.

When he empties the bag, he sees a note at the bottom, lying neatly and innocently underneath everything else.

I don’t remember seeing this … Sehun thinks to himself and holds up the piece of paper. When he opens it, he sees a familiar scrawl of handwriting by a person he’s been trying to forget for years.

Lu Han.

He doesn’t feel numbness nor pain upon realising who it was that had written this letter. In fact, his heart is beating so fast that he’s afraid it’ll run off somewhere without him.

He begins to read.

 

“Hun-ah, remember our conversation on what you guys are to me in terms of objects? I was about to explain to you why you were what you were, but you’ve never given me the chance. You’ve never given me the chance to even talk to you, and that’s why I’ve written this.

Minseok may be the sun, but you’re the flicker of light in the dark. It’s not because you’re insignificant. In fact, you totally misunderstood me the other day.

What does light in the dark mean, Sehun? Have you ever thought of that? You know I’m afraid of dark, so what do you think would be the first thing I look for if I’m ever by myself, swallowed up in the darkness that I so fear?

Hope. A mere spark means hope, and that’s what you are. You don’t need to show too much of yourself and you already know people will appreciate you. Or you should. You’re that spark that I’ve always needed but never tried looking for, and I didn’t understand that until that day when you decided to show yourself in front of me, waiting for me to think up of an object that reminds me of you.

You’re not unimportant, because you stand up against the dark and you lead the way for people. You’re the type that everyone realises they need when it’s too late, and I’m sorry for being one of them.

Minseok might be my comfort, my home, but you, Sehun, are my adventure, my thrill. The sun is always there, and it keeps me safe, but I have to risk everything to look for that spark if I decide to walk in a tunnel. It’s a dangerous journey to find you, but once I do, I’ll feel like I’m the safest person in the world.

From being with you, I can learn to appreciate, really live, and have fun. I can get to taste that bit of happiness and I can learn to lose and love.

That’s the thing, Sehun-ah. I love Minseok, I love him so much, but I love you too. You’ve always given me a bit of a journey, and at first I felt so afraid to be with you because I couldn’t look anywhere else without feeling lost. These years with Minseok has made me realise that I can’t be unhappy while being with him, but at the same time I can’t be happy either. In the end, I realised that it’s you that can make me feel, make me laugh, make me cry, and make me cherish. I can imagine living a life without the sun as long as I always have my spark with me.

When did people start complimenting my eyes, I used to wonder? Then I realised. The spark in them was created the moment I set my eyes on you.

Yes, Sehun. You are the spark in my eyes, and without you, I’d be a normal man that no one will remember.

If I stay with Minseok, I don’t have to risk anything because the sun will always shine on everything that I own, and maybe shine light on other things that I may gain. With you, I might have to throw everything away, abandon everything I have in my hands just to capture you and keep you. And I’m willing to do that.

I hope this tells you on who I’ve decided to choose.

 

 

 

 

When Sehun’s finished reading, he realises just what he’s done. He remembers now all the other times Lu Han had tried to show him his feelings, tried to make up, and tried so desperately to talk to him.

“Keep in touch. I’ll always reply.”

And not once has he tried.

I’m such an idiot, Sehun thinks to himself, and he feels furious because he had been so, so stupid.

In the end, it wasn’t Lu Han who had forgotten him, but Sehun that had thrown him away.

Sehun grabs his phone and calls everyone who’s ever known Lu Han, and asks around for Lu Han’s contacts, Lu Han’s address – anything, because his phone number isn’t working.

“How outdated are you?” Jongdae deadpans when Sehun calls him. “None of us has kept in touch with him at all, all except Minseok hyung. The only thing we heard from him is that he went back to China to take over his father’s company.”

“What? I thought he wanted to continue as a singer – ”

“He was, but he changed his mind last minute. It was really weird – even Minseok hyung couldn’t figure out why. Come on, Sehun, why do you think you haven’t seen him at all when you walk through the hallways in the SM building? Did you really think that he’s avoiding you purposely?”

Sehun calls Minseok.

“He doesn’t really want to keep in touch with anyone else …” Minseok apologises. Sehun wants to punch the wall in frustration.

“Why?” Sehun demands. “Why did he change his mind? I thought being a singer was his dream.”

“It still is!” Minseok replies immediately, which momentarily stuns Sehun. “It still is. He’s always complaining about how he watches us all and how he wishes he could be part of it.”

“Then why isn’t he?!”

“I don’t know…” Minseok sighs. “I remember that day he told me though, clear as it was yesterday. He said ‘There are some people who probably don’t want anything to do with me’, and he sounded so dejected when– Sehun? Sehunnie?” The line goes dead.

Sehun had thrown the phone across the room until it smashed into three different pieces. He wants to cry in frustration – It had been him who changed Lu Han’s mind.

It was him that shattered Lu Han’s dreams.

I should’ve listened to him. I should’ve talked to him. He’s never felt more guilty, and he’s never regretted anything more than this.

He had ruined a possible future with Lu Han. He had ruined what they could’ve had, what they could’ve been, what they would’ve been.

And maybe he mightn’t have chosen Lu Han back then, but if he had just talked to Lu Han, things would’ve been different today.

Will you give me another chance? Sehun asks Fate in his mind. Will you let me see Lu Han again? He prays for Fate to listen to him even though he knows he’s done for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun pictures Lu Han here with him, in this very apartment that Lu Han had given to him and Tao all those years ago. He realises what Lu Han had been planning – after all, why would Lu Han choose this apartment if he was scared of heights?

He can imagine forcing Lu Han to cook for him, can imagine them watching action movies together snuggled up in that one couch opposite the TV. He can imagine lying on bed under the covers on a Saturday morning, and he would be the one nearer to the window because Lu Han’s afraid to even go near it, and he can imagine wrapping his arms around Lu Han’s smaller frame, pull him closer to his chest just to protect Lu Han from his fear.

He can imagine them having fights over the silliest things, not talk for days, maybe go to Minseok or Tao just to make the other jealous, then feel bad, then come back, and then make up with a bubble teas and maybe more than just a few kisses. He can imagine hurting Lu Han, making Lu Han cry, and he can imagine making Lu Han feel insecure about their relationship, but he can also picture making Lu Han smile, laugh, and look at him with those sparkling eyes that would shine brighter than a candle in the dark. He can imagine himself loving Lu Han, just as he can imagine Lu Han loving him just as equally.

In a mere second, Sehun had imagined his life with Lu Han instead of the lonely one he had been living in for the last few years.

That was what he had lost. That was what he could’ve had.

And that is what he can never gain back, no matter how much he wishes for time to go back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suddenly the apartment feels strangely large and empty, even though Sehun’s been living by himself for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Years after that

Sehun does up his tie and smooths out his hair, and he’s standing there stiffly, wondering if he looks okay.

It’s just a reunion party, what the hell are you doing? Sehun tries to relax and sighs. You’re the maknae, no one’s going to laugh at you for wearing the wrong thing.

He calls Jongin.

“It’s a casual party, you idiot!” Jongin sighs on the phone, and Sehun sighs too because he’s bought this expensive suit for nothing. He mutters a goodbye and hangs up.

What if Lu Han hyung’s there? Sehun thinks to himself, wonders what he should wear once again, gives up, and calls Kris.

“I don’t know! How am I supposed to know? He might come, he might not. Argh … where are my socks …” Sehun sighs and hangs up.

He decides to screw it and wear casual clothes.

He doesn’t know if he wants Lu Han there or not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Aye!” Jongdae shouts when he sees Sehun enter. There are already a lot of people here, and with the scan of the room, Sehun decides to conclude that most of them are already here. Jongdae pulls Sehun over and Sehun smiles at Baekhyun and Chanyeol, who are chatting about their duo group, then over to Yi Xing and Jongin, who have decided to become solo dancers and are doing successfully. Despite his happiness to see everyone, his heart aches in disappointment because Lu Han’s not here.

He’s going on thirty six, and Lu Han’s going on thirty nine, for God’s sake. He should forget about Lu Han already.

Everyone looks so much older, and most of them have additional wrinkles on their faces. They’re still pretty much the same though. Sehun sees Junmyeon talking with Kris, who he notices has mismatched socks, and he sees Jongdae pulling Kyungsoo around. Sehun talks to Tao for a few moments before he gets stolen by Baekhyun, and the two Beefs start walking off together like the old times. Minseok’s talking to a few of the staff, and he doesn’t look a day over thirty.

Sehun sighs as he stays near the food table, drinking his soda. It’s nice to see everyone here, but in the end it’s not complete without Lu Han.

As if on queue, suddenly the room turns into an uproar and he hears everyone shout loudly as they all gather around the entrance. Sehun stands properly and tries to look over the countless amount of heads, but he fails to see anything.

“LU HAN HYUNG~ YOU CAME!” He hears those words repeated over and over again, and everyone’s so happy to see him because they haven’t spoken to him in ages. Sehun’s heart starts beating faster as he sets his cup down and walks closer.

He hears a voice, but it’s muffled by the bodies of people. He decides later, with impatient disappointment, to stay near the back, because it’s either Lu Han wants to see him or doesn’t, and Sehun’s going to leave it up to Lu Han if he wants to talk to him or not. After all, Sehun had neglected Lu Han for so long he’s not even sure Lu Han wants to look at him anymore.

Sehun decides to go to the bathroom to wait for the noise to die down, and also because his heart’s racing so fast against his chest he doesn’t know if he can handle it just standing there and waiting. Just as he’s washing his hands after having a trip to the toilet, though, he hears the door of the washroom open.

“Hey.” It’s the same voice that makes his heart flutter and ache at the same time every time he hears it. Sehun stops rubbing the soap out of his hands, and feels the water rush along his skin, but he doesn’t realise the iciness of it because suddenly his heart’s beating harder than it should.

Automatically, he looks up, and he sees the same man he’s been in love with for God knows how long. Lu Han looks almost the same if it wasn’t for a few wrinkles around the corners of his eyes and the fact that time ages people. He definitely looks older, but like Minseok, seems like he isn’t a day over thirty.

And once again, Sehun’s reminded of the first time they met, facing each other kind of like this, just like that day twenty years ago.

This time, though, instead of nodding shyly and backing away, Sehun steps forward and stares confidently at the man he’s loved for almost as long before reaching out his hand.

“Hey.” Sehun replies, and he holds Lu Han’s gaze in his own. There’s something different about them. There’s not a hint of a spark in them, and they look strangely lifeless without it, even though he knows Lu Han is anything but.

“I – ” Lu Han starts to speak, and Sehun finds himself staring at those pink lips, but before he can continue, Sehun blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind and the longest feeling he's kept in his heart. 

“It’s good to see you. I’ve missed you.” Sehun wants to slap himself, but what’s done is done. In the end, it was his heart that spoke first and not his pride. It’s also a form of apology, and if Lu Han tried hard enough or still knew Sehun well enough, he would be able to read the expression in Sehun’s eyes, hear I’m sorry between the lines. Sehun stops himself from mentally cursing at himself when he sees Lu Han smile genuinely, as if he caught the meaning of Sehun’s words. Then Sehun starts blinking because suddenly something strange is happening before him.

There’s a subtle flicker in Lu Han’s large brown eyes. Before he knows it, the old Lu Han is back. The spark returns as if it has never disappeared, and this time it’s brighter than ever, shining so brightly that for a moment Sehun thought Lu Han’s crying.

“Me too.” They grab each other’s hands and Sehun pulls Lu Han into a huge hug. Sehun feels his vision blur, and in the midst of his tears, he doesn’t see Lu Han shed a tear.

In the very moment Lu Han’s tear touches his shoulder, Sehun pictures something. Not their past, not what could’ve been their past, (not what he could’ve done in the past) but their future. What they can do with the remaining time of their lives now.

Lu Han pictures it too.

Maybe it’s a late start, and maybe they’ve ended it really badly last time, but this time it’s going to be different. They’re going to start their lives again, this time together. In all these years without each other, they’ve learned to miss, experienced loss, and they’ve learned to appreciate.

It might be a late start, but they will definitely have better results.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey, Hun…” Lu Han whispers one Friday night, when they are lying under the covers in the very same apartment that Lu Han had wanted to live with Sehun in all those years ago, and Sehun turns to him and smiles.

“What?”

“Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen you in so long, but I swear your eyes have gotten brighter …” Sehun laughs and pulls Lu Han close until his forehead is touching Sehun’s chest. His world isn’t bleak nor black and white anymore, and this time the apartment feels strangely like home, the first time he’s felt that way ever since he moved in.

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re my spark too.”

 

 

 

 

the end.

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That's the end of the story. What do you think of it? :'D Please tell me in the comments below. I can take criticism and questions as well :')