Five years have passed since Donghae’s departure, he hasn’t come back yet.

It was inevitable for me to witness nostalgia all over again. I missed Donghae. I missed how he’d call me every morning for a ‘Good Morning’, laugh with me, stroll on the beach, stare at the sky, how our hands intertwined as if it was the pieces of the puzzle that fit perfectly. I couldn’t count how many months or even days more until he would come back.

I’m sure all of you were wondering about what happened between Donghae and me.

Poignant to say or even think about; we broke up.

Yes. “Separate ways” for me, meant nothing more or less than simply breaking up.

I’ve contemplated the whole thought about it. I’d bidden farewell to the past, or is that what I’m trying to feed my mind. There wasn’t a day when I forgot about Donghae. Though we’ve broken up, it doesn’t seem like it at all. It was as if he went to a faraway place, well in truth he did, but nevertheless our souls seemed to be still intertwined; my whole perception on this was simply based on my own personal feelings. I wasn’t aware of how he felt. I just didn’t know, nor did I have a way to find out.

The third month of the year came, Leeteuk and I sat down in a coffee shop, it was drizzling outside though the weather felt a bit warm a while ago. I could smell the strong scent of the coffee beans being ground, its texture so fine that it was close to the grains of soil, I could hear the light drops of rain trickling down the fogged windows, I could hear the murmurs of the people’s conversations. Seoul looked so vivid to me, rather everything right before my eyes was. I sat across Leeteuk, joining him for a cup of coffee on this Saturday afternoon.

He cleared his throat and set down his mug whilst crossing his legs under the chair, his posture projected him to hint a more serious conversation compared to the previous chats we’ve had.

I slouched a bit, holding the mug in both of my hands, taking a sip of the caramel macchiato. I’ve slightly burned the end of my lips a bit because I was used to drinking cold coffee, or what I would call ‘coffee from my fridge’. I pursed my lips and finally set the mug down, looking at Leeteuk who was looking at me as well. My cheeks showed a light shade of pink and he smiled.

“I’ve heard Donghae’s coming back to Seoul.” Leeteuk began, a pang of reminiscence hit my heart as he said Donghae’s name. I haven’t thought of him that much lately, Leeteuk only brought Donghae’s name again which led me to feel uneasy all of a sudden.

“Is that so? It was seldom for me to hear news or updates regarding their return. I guess I was too busy to even bother.” I shrugged and smiled. I was lying. I knew Donghae was coming even before Leeteuk told me just now.

“So, are you coming to their ‘Welcome Back’ party?” Leeteuk asked as he took a sip of his coffee. I thought about his question first. This was one huge dilemma, I was unsure of my decisions to ignore the whole event. It made me more frantic just thinking about it or crossing over the idea once again. My expression dropped, but I soon faked a smile once again.

“I don’t know. I wouldn’t have any business there anyway, I’m sure I’m gonna leave five minutes after setting foot at that place. Donghae and I are no longer together. What’s the point of going?” I said, masking confidence, a tear fell down my cheek and I immediately wiped away.

Leeteuk seemed to be surprised by the sudden outpour of my emotions, but that’s how I really felt at the time and expressing it all out this way let the weight off my shoulders. I looked down, contemplating at the whole situation that caught up my mind.

Leeteuk lift up my chin as he leaned closer, a smile still painted on his lips. I looked at him; I’ve noticed that his eyes had a shade of dark brown and auburn. He looked straight into my eyes, his gaze was calm yet it had a strong twist as if his eyes reflected a message into mine, communicating so silently.

“I’ll accompany you to that event. Stop acting like you don’t care a bit about this; I know you’ve waited long enough to see Donghae again. Don’t waste an opportunity, there’s nothing bad about paying a visit, right? I know it would be still uncomfortable for the both of you to converse, but at least you could do to show him you’re alright. Exchange smiles at least.” Leeteuk said in a low tone, I let his words register in my mind.

I sat silent for a while and Leeteuk continued on what he was saying.

“Just be happy that he has arrived safely. Put on a genuine smile when you get there, not one of the fake smiles that you’ve showed me a while ago.” Leeteuk paused, sat down straight again and drank the remaining coffee in his mug. He then crossed his arms. I guess the bitterness somewhere in my grin was evident.

I sighed. What else can I do? I really do need to stop suppressing what I feel; it only aches bit by bit.

I soon agreed to his idea.

“Good. Well then, you’ll be needing a dress.” He flashed a smile and stood up, I looked at him quizzically. He acted jolly and somewhat excited for a particular reason I was unsure of. Maybe because I’ve up all my stubbornness and finally arranged or agreed to an idea regarding Donghae and I meeting once again.

He held out his hand, I took it and both of us left for Myeongdong.

***

The dress wasn’t really that flashy, it was a simple casual black dress. Simple yet so elegant.

It really didn’t take me too long to get ready, my hair was the usual style, I’ve applied a bit make-up; eyeliner and lip gloss was enough to touch up. Heavy makeup wasn’t really my style. Anyway, I was satisfied with the whole look.

I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. My heart was beating faster than before, a mix of nervousness and excitement. I turned to my right, reading the digital clock on my sidetable reading ‘6:58 pm’. I headed my way to the living room just in time to hear someone knock on the door.

I twisted the door knob and a warm smile welcomed me.

“Hey Leeteuk.” I smiled back and welcomed him inside the living room. He seemed to space out a bit. I chuckled.

“Oh, Hey. You look stunning.” He snapped out and smiled awkwardly. Leeteuk looked really handsome in his suit. His hairstyle was a bit different though, his normal hair was stylishly fixed. He reluctantly entered the living room. He took a seat as I grabbed my purse from my room.

“Ready to go?” I grinned. He smiled as well, whilst tidying his bow tie.

“Yes.” He nodded. He held out his hand, and I took it. The both of us walked to his car, a black SL65 Mercedes Benz AMG. It looked sleek and fascinating. He opened the passenger door for me, I comfortably sat inside, and he took the driver seat of course.

***

The whole drive to the Grand Hyatt, where the party was going to be held at was less than an hour. Let’s say forty-five minutes or so. Trees with tiny light bulbs decorated on them looked so enchanting as the car sped away. Despite being amazed on how the beautiful the city looked at night, I couldn’t stop the feeling of being nervous. But despite the heavy feeling of nervous and the butterflies in my stomach, Seoul at night never failed to captivate me.

I inhaled and exhaled numerous times just to get this edgy feeling off my chest. Neither of us talked during the whole trip. Leeteuk kept his eyes on the road, as I just stared listlessly out the window, being caught up in trivial thoughts. If I did see Donghae there, what would I say? What am I going to do? Am I going to avoid him? I was at battle with myself. I let out an anxious sigh.

“What’s up?” Leeteuk asked calmly, his eyes still glued on the road. I must’ve been too uneasy, even Leeteuk who wasn’t paying attention to anything but the road, fathomed that I was thinking of something or perhaps bothered with perceptions.

I snapped back into reality and looked at him. I spaced out too much, I guess.

“Uhm, Nothing. I was just thinking of something.” I answered coolly, I smiled and looked down.

Leeteuk let out a short laugh. “Something? Or Someone?” He shook his head a bit and smiled. I didn’t answer and laughed awkwardly. My fingers fumbled with the end of my purse’s strap.

“Don’t worry. No need to be apprehensive about this whole event. I’m sure everything’s gonna be alright when we get there. Don’t worry.” He assured. The both of us smiled. Leeteuk was always optimistic, it was as if he had no problems himself, or was that only in the way I’ve always seen it to be.

***

Leeteuk and I were standing infront of the venue. It was a five star hotel and it shot up to the sky. All the pretty lights on every floor was completely enthralling, just by looking at the perfect building, it really took my breath away. My eyes continued to wander up to the luxurious hotel and up to the stars. I was awed.

“Stunning, isn’t it.” Leeteuk smiled at me, he took my hand. I just nodded and looked at his hand intertwined with mine.

Tons of people were inside the venue, all looking classy and fancy in their outfits. Young couples were everywhere and I could feel butterflies in my stomach for there was no one I knew. But Leeteuk still held my hand, and we walked all the way to the reception area. I’ve always been a socially awkward person and I was kind of uncomfortable with the whole atmosphere. Everyone seemed to know each other so well, and there I was, keeping quiet as if I was a kid who was dragged along to this kind of social gathering. Leeteuk stopped by as he saw a guy waving at him.

“Ah,