I was having nightmares. They punctuated my restless sleep like unneeded exclamation marks in the middle of a sentence. That's when I decided to brew a cup of camomile tea and refind my childhood retreat. This place of solitude was the one spot where I was free of the world and could heal my soul and be alone.

Or so I thought. I climbed the rusted fire escape to the rooftop of an abandoned garden and found I wasn't alone.

"...Jin?" I said very carefully.

He was jogged out of his deep thoughts but nonetheless produced a gentle smile. "I didn't think you came here anymore."

I made my way to the ledge he was sitting on. "I don't. I'm restless this evening, however."

Jin resumes his stare out into the fluorescent landscape. "Yeah, me too."

I bit down on the side of my cheek, not allowing myself to ask how the gang was doing. They could handle themselves. Instead, I sipped my tea, taking the coward's way out and also drinking in the silence.

"How did we wind up here?" Jin wondered softly.

"I'm the last person to ask," I pursed lips. "Now's not the time to be asking such philosophical questions."

Seriously though," His eyes swung back towards me with a heavy heart.

I leaned against the edge, arms along the edge an chin on my hands. "Are you even aware how many what-if's buzz around in my head? What if I had made a different decision? What if I made the wrong choice? What if I hadn't been born at all?"

Jin sighed, still sensing I was avoiding the question. "Don't let Suga hear you say that."

"Yeah, well, sometimes I wonder about him too."

The reticence stretched between us, paper-thin and ready to tear apart. I swallowed the rest of my tea, feeling the pull of slumber at last. "I'm going to fall asleep," I murmured. I was caught between the past and my present. "Take first watch?"

"Don't I always?" Jin agreed, a smile dancing in his remark.

***

"Look at this place, Jin!" I shouted in a revered voice.

"It's stupid," Jin kicked an errant rock.

"No way," I shook my head adamantly, "There's so much life here."

Jin half smirked and poked at the dead vegetation. "Where do you see life?"

"Potential life," I stressed the first word. "You're just being dumb because you got stuck with the girl."

"I can do this by myself," Jin continued to sulk, "It's just a scout out."

"It's not just a scout out. No one's been able to get an eye on the man in months. If we can see him, Mu--Leader is right and then we'll have so much rep because we spotted him first," I argued.

Jin side eyed me, "It doesn't matter so much for you as me."

"It matters even more to me," I pounded my chest to emphasize my point.

We sat there, on that rooftop, us two ten-year olds, firm in our resolution of making this one big discovery. I would run off for food and Jin grudgingly shared his milk with me. Pee breaks were a little bit more difficult and only made Jin angrier. We stayed all of one day and night. Jin took first watch an then never woke me up.

I heard shuffling and was jostled out of sleep. The man we had been looking for was making his getaway along the rooftops, that's why no one had been able to spot him. He had found me, asleep and unaware, posed to grab me and run.

"Rose!" Jin shouted. He jumped into our target's back and strangled the man with his arms.

We were just kids but I woke up enough to trip the man. There was a brief struggle, but as it turned out, the older members of our gang had been looking out for us. The man was apprehended and that day, Jin and I found our place in the hierarchy of our group. With proving our worth, we were sent on brief missions, picking pockets and planting listening devices. That day Jin ditched his attitude towards me at least.

***

I awoke naturally, unlike those years ago. Except somehow Jin had squished himself beside me and donated his arm as my pillow. I looked up at my ex-partner-in-crime. He still had the same pouty lips but his jaw was more defined. My brain paled the What-if game again.

What if I had gone along my sister's path? I would have chosen Jin as my second in command almost immediately. What if we had grown closer because of that? What if--

"You're awake?" Jin groaned, smacking his lips and stretching his arms upwards.

"Thanks for taking first watch," I smiled tiredly.

"Always," Jin sent me an angelic smile in return.

I barely had enough time to get back to my place, clean up and make it to work before Mark yelled at me. Jibum teased me about my messy bun and Jackson liked my too-short skirt but the only man I could think about was Jin, always looking out for me.